


Friends after all

by AngelKurenai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And I have given enough hints with the damn tags already!, Dates, Dreams, F/M, Kissing, Smut, dirty talking (I am not sure), in the backseat of the Impala, two love triangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-05-29 11:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 185,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6372490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelKurenai/pseuds/AngelKurenai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Dean Winchester. Neighbor. Best friend. Single father. And fake boyfriend? You babysit his daughter. You’ve known him for years and you’ve been really close. Everything will be put to test thought when your sisters wedding approaches and he has the briliant idea of pretending to be your boyfriend. Nobody would have ever thought of the result. Certainly not you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You let out a soft sigh as you snuggled more with your blanket, a bowl with pop-corn resting on your lap as you took the TV remote-control in your hand and pressed play for the movie to start playing. Friday night meant movie night for you and that was one of the best things in your basically crappy life. You could not say you hated it but it was not the best either. You had moved into your house a long while ago and you were lucky to have found a job rather quickly. It was not anything special, just working as a waitress at the local restaurant. It was not really big but it had its usual customers coming in almost every day so that meant that it kept working well and you got paid in your time.  
  
Sure the payment was not something to brag about but it managed to help you get by and that was the important. Besides, you liked living in this place. You were actually looking for a way to get away from your old house- sure you loved your parents just like living with them but at some point you could no longer stand them. You wanted to get out of that house and finally live on your own and be independent. It was hard, you were not going to deny it, especially after you failed to get into university- you were obviously just not made for it, although it was hard for your parents to accept that- but finding a job and then a small house of your own was your main priority and you luckily succeeded in it.  
  
Once again it was nothing special but still was yours. You had been saving money for months and with a little help from your parents you finally bought this small house and were happy with yourself. The town you lived in was small yet everything you could have ever asked for. It was great living here actually.  
  
Everything was great in fact and yet... not. It was great that you had a house of your own along with a job to make it by and not depend always on your parents for everything, you were 26 anymore it was time for them to realize that you were no longer their little girl that needed protection all the time as if you were a fragile little doll. Yet at the same time everything was not just that great. You house was cozy, small and more than enough for you to live in- seeing as you lived on your own, yet it was not that great. Sure you would have not wanted anything more that what it already was but at the same time it could have been better. Your job was certainly not the greatest one, although it gave you enough money to make it by, but you could still find a better one that could give you enough money so that you could manage to put a little bit aside. Easier said that done.  
  
And then- then there was the topic you had come to dread to talk about. Thank your parents for that. It was your love life. Or well, more specifically you non-existent love life. You had not had many boyfriends in your life, even in high school just one that lasted long- before he had to go to college of course, but after that just one here and there and for the past four years none. You were ok with it, not very much but still yeah, however your parents - especially your mother - did not seem to be really happy with it. They would not stop pointing it out, in a rather bad way, whenever you would visit them. Every time you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at them as once again they talked about the lack of boyfriend on your side. It was not a matter that bothered you a lot in the beginning, in fact at some points you liked being on your own but with your mother pointing it out along with your age and how your sister that was just two years older than you and getting married soon, you could not help but feel as if it was a bad thing how you did not have a boyfriend yet.  
  
If you were honest with yourself, you actually were not that kind of girl that wanted a relationship just so that she would get married right after a year of being with the guy. You never wanted to rush things. Getting to know the other one was much better and you always wanted to do just that but now- Now that you had your parents bugging you all the time about how you did have someone by your side and how you would eventually not be able to find someone and therefore marry him you could not help but think about it as well. You were not that old- in fact you were just the right age but the way your parents kept saying it only made things worse.  
  
They had come to point where they'd make you believe you'd end up alone. And that is what scared you the most.  
  
Maybe you could have found someone. Maybe you could have done something with somebody all this time you were alone but at the same time you could not help how you compared everybody to-  
  
Your bell ringing snapped you from your trail of thoughts and you let out a groan when you realized you would have to get up and from your rather comfortable position. The bell ringed once again and you rolled your eyes at how persistent the person outside your door was.  
  
"Coming!" you shouted so that they could hear and letting out a small groan you paused the movie and put the bowl on the coffee table nearby. You lifted off the blankets and got up to make your way to the door. You were just about to shout at whoever it was for interrupting you during Friday movie night but once you opened the door your felt the words get caught in your throat and you could only instead say one thing.  
  
"Dean?" you breathed out.  
  
"Hey (Y/n)" he greeted, smiling widely.  
  
You just narrowed your eyes at him "What do you want this time?" you asked, half seriously and half jokingly.  
  
He rolled his eyes "Sheesh woman. Can I not just come here because I want to see my best friend and not have to ask a favor?" he pretended to be offended.  
  
"I guess" you still looked at him with narrowed eyes until you finally loosened up "Just kidding. Come on in Winchester" you smiled widely and he got in.  
  
"So, what can I do for you this time neighbor?" you asked "Oh wait you're not here for a favor so I guess I don't need to do anything. _Right?_ " you raised and eyebrow at him and he smiled innocently.  
  
"Well, you see about that" he started speaking and you could see his own nervousness as he scratched the back of his neck.  
  
You chuckled "Come on spit it Dean. We've been best friends ever since I came here, I won't have a problem" you said trying to ease down his nervousness.  
  
He let out a small sigh of relief "Well, I don't really know if you could uhm- I mean if it is not a problem..." and he trailed off.  
  
"Come on, Dean. Just ask. You know I would do anything for you" you said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder and immediately a smile spread on his lips.  
  
You meant so much more with it than what you let out but at the same time you knew you just couldn't.  
  
"I wanted to ask you if you can babysit Mary for tonight" he breathed out and your own smile immediately fluttered as you realized what that could possibly mean.  
  
Just what it meant every other time when he asked you to do so at night.  
  
You tried to cover it up soon, though, by putting on a fake one; hopping that he would just not realize anything.  
  
That's what you've been practically doing ever since you moved here and met him, if you were actually honest with yourself.  
  
"I'm guessing the dating app worked after all huh?" you asked with a small chuckle and he looked at you in surprise.  
  
"How do you know about that?" he asked and you laughed some more (more sincerely this time) at the look on his face.  
  
"Well, you should know better next time you invite me over to babysit Mary and forget your phone. Open, for that matter" you chuckled and he laughed as well.  
  
"I have to say something though." you spoke again and he looked at you "Impala67? Really?!" you exclaimed, laughing and he just groaned.  
  
"Come on, what's wrong with that!?" he raised his hands in the air.  
  
"Apparently not much since it got you a date for tonight" you shrugged, and this time you were unable to hide the hint of sadness in your voice tone. You were jut lucky that he did not notice anything .  
  
Probably he's really excited for tonight you thought and once again you could not help the pang that you felt in your chest.  
  
Dean and you were friends. Best friends for that matter. Ever since you moved here. He'd helped you through a lot, you owed him a lot in fact. He was the one that helped you find your current job, he welcomed you ever since you moved in this house, his being right next to yours, and was always there to either fix something that was probably broken in your house or most times provide you with food when you had not had time to cook anything. You were always glad you had him by your side.  
  
You became good friends ever since the beginning, having so many things in common really attributed to that. He really could understand you better than anybody else, your parents above all, and you were glad that same went for him. You trusted each other with lots of things so when the time came and he told you he had a 3 months old baby daughter you could not say you were much surprised. Maybe the fact that it was Dean Winchester, insanely handsome and incredibly funny and nice guy, was what made it less surprising. You were sure that most women would do anything to just spend a night with him.  
  
As he had told you Mary's mother was just another one-night-stand, he would go on many you had soon realized, and she just did not want to keep her so she abandoned her outside Dean's house for him to raise her, and so he did. You really could not understand how she could possibly do something like that. Mary was her daughter and she had just so heartlessly given her away, even if it was her father she had left her at, it still was impossible for you to understand how a mother could abandon her own child. Especially considering how much of an amazing person that child was. Even now at the age of three, to almost four, Mary was really smart. She was incredibly lively and full of energy. She'd do anything that came to her mind and with great success for that matter. She would barely sit still for a moment, all the time running and playing around the house until some point she just got tired and fell asleep.  
  
As far as appearance was concerned you really did not have to say much other than an exact replica of Dean just much younger and female. She had big, bright forest-green eyes just like that of her father's immediately managing to capture your heart from the first sight. She had short blond locked, lighter than her father's but yet the same, while they managed to cover her forehead. She did not have freckles, not so obvious at least, but sometimes you had been able to see a couple over her cheeks. She was a lot like her father, you had to admit and she had immediately won your heart over the first time you met her.  
  
From then on you would not top spending time with her whenever you could and when Dean had to be at work and you didn't you would just go over by his house and stay with her, babysitting. Dean had insisted that he gave you money for your time but you just brushed him off and told him that you did all of that because you loved Mary and for no other reason. And it was true. You had gown to love Mary more than you ever thought it could be possible. You had never actually thought of kids before but with a wonderful child as her in your arms you could not help the thought, anyway.  
  
But you had grown to love her, that was for sure. Her bright big eyes had immediately gotten a hold of your heart just like her father's big bright eyes had. You had to hold yourself from letting out a sad sigh every time you remembered it. Yes, you were friends with Dean, best friends actually but even if in the beginning that was the situation for the both of you it soon had surely changed. For you. It was hard to deny at least to yourself how you felt about the older man. Just like it was hard to ignore the slight flutter of your heart when he smiled so brightly at you, or the heat that rose in your cheeks whenever he would compliment you on something. You knew he was just being himself, saying the truth and maybe slightly flirting but all that were only on a friendly level. Yes, because actually Dean Winchester made 'flirting' friendly as well. You didn't know how it could be possible but yet he had proved you wrong when all those times he had made some suggestive comment towards you, looked at you with a definitely not friendly look in his eyes, and even touched you definitely in a not friendly way, and you were still... _**friends**_.  
  
Your heart ached when you even thought of that word. Over all this time you had come to know Dean better than your own self. You had come so close that you didn't even think it was possible and yet... At the same time you were just friends. You felt your heart tighten in your chest at the mere thought of it but you knew it was not something you could change. And you actually did not even want to. You did not want to risk all of these, being this close to Dean and Mary, having their trust and getting to live with them at some points, while it gave you the illusion of you two having a family, just because you had feelings for him. You did not know if he felt the same way, it was hard to pinpoint his exact feelings. That's how it always was with Dean. And you were not going to take the risk of telling him everything just for the possibility of him feeling the same way even in the least bit. No, there was no way in hell you were going to risk all you had with Dean even if it was just being friends and tell him how you felt- how you've been feeling for all this time. Even if it hurt.  
  
Because it did.  
  
It hurt like hell seeing him all the time with other women, or even knowing he was with them, as he occasionally slept at their places, or even hearing him talk to you about his most recent hook-up or how he probably saw himself going out with her again. All the while pretending to be happy. You pretended to be happy for him and you truly tried to feel it as well, because you wanted _him_ to be happy, just like with Mary. But you could not deny it that it hurt. It hurt hearing him talk about them, seeing him with them and above all seeing the smile on his face that should probably make you feel happy but it didn't... because you knew it was not directed at you. You were not the one that made him happy in that way and it felt like a stab to the heart knowing that you'd probably never be able to make him happy in that way.  
  
You tried to stay strong, put on a fake smile on your lips and act as if all of this was not bothering while in reality it was tearing you apart on the inside. It was not very rare for you to cry yourself to sleep and tonight it seemed that you'd be doing just that.  
  
"So?" Dean asked breaking your trail of thoughts and for the first time you were actually glad about it. You blinked several times, mostly trying to push the tears away. You'd have time for that later when he'd be gone and you'd be able to cry as much as you wanted. Now you needed to stay strong and show him that you were alright with it. That you were happy about him and that you were not bothered at all.  
  
"Sure" you said, or basically croaked. You cursed yourself in your mind for showing even the slightest sign of weakness and you took in a breath to try to calm your rapidly beating heart. Every beat felt like an actual stab to it and you did everything you could to not let him know.  
  
"Just uhm wait till I grab a few things. You won't be coming home tonight so I am going to take up the guest room... once again" you ended up mumbling the last part, as you let out a sad sigh.  
  
"Oh no need, you can sleep at my room this time." he said, as you grabbed your keys and phone.  
  
"You sure?" you asked him with a small frown.  
  
"Yeah" he shrugged "'Sides, as you said I won't be coming home tonight" he wiggled his eyebrows with a big grin "So it won't be a problem" he added with a chuckle and you let out one of your own that died out too quickly for your liking. Maybe it was because just once again you did not actually feel it.  
  
You cleared your throat as you saw the small frown on Dean's face and plastered a big smile on your face, trying your hardest to make it believable.  
  
"Ok then, let's go. Don't want you to make your date waiting. You've got a long night ahead of you anyway" you said and you both laughed slightly.  
  
"Damn straight, we do!" he laughed like an excited child.  
  
You got out of your house after you turned off the lights and locked the door. You carried a small blanket with you, your phone and keys. You did not need to change because you were already in your pajamas. Nor did you need anything else because Dean's home felt like that of yours, so it did not make much of a difference.  
  
"You look pretty excited" you smirked slightly at him, or well at least tried to "Let me guess. The lucky lady has lots of _assets_ , doesn't she?" you said, putting emphasis on the word, while raising an eyebrow at Dean.  
  
Dean chuckled deeply and nodded his head "Hell yeah she does!" and he laughed some more.  
  
"Well then you're going to enjoy your night" you said with a chuckle.  
  
He didn't say anything, he just laughed some more as you went by his house and he unlocked the door. No sooner had he opened it that you heard small feet run towards you and soon a pair of little hands wrap around your legs.  
  
"(Y/n)!" little Mary exclaimed and you giggled, for the first time tonight for real , and you looked down at the little girl.  
  
"Hey bug. Guess who you're going to spend the night with?" you told her, ruffling her hair as she giggled some more.  
  
"You?" she asked and you nodded with a bright grin. Again, the first real one for tonight.  
  
"Yay!" she exclaimed and hugged your legs more tight.  
  
You heard Dean chuckle as you bent down and picked the little girl up, resting her on your hip and turning to face him.  
  
"Alright, so there is food in the fridge if you are hungry and CDs near the TV if you want to keep her occupied. You have my number so if anything- and I mean anything happens call me ok? And if you need something don't hesitate to send me a message. Oh and don't forget to lock the door, the extra keys are in the coffee table. And-" Dean started rambling and at some point you've just had enough and cut him off.  
  
"Dean!" you exclaimed and he stopped "We're fine. We will be fine. Just go. Don't worry about us. It's not the first time after all" you couldn't help the slight venom that dripped your tongue when you said the last part.  
  
"You sure?" he asked still worried and you couldn't help the small flutter of your heart when you saw this side of him. Because you knew he meant it.  
  
"Yeah" you said in a low voice, a soft smile on your lips.  
  
"Go Dean. She's probably waiting for you. Go and and do not worry about us. Don't think about us. We'll be fine" you added in the same voice tone and the smile soon turned bittersweet.  
  
Dean hesitated for a while, his eyes narrowed for just a split second and a small frown on his face but he soon covered it up.  
  
"Ok then. See you in the morning?" he asked, a smile forming on his lips and you had a hard time telling if it was true or not.  
  
"See you in the morning" you said with a smile of your own that you could clearly say it was fake but enough to reassure Dean.  
  
"Alright. See you in the morning" he said, leaning in to give Mary a small kiss on the cheek, ruffling slightly her hair as she had tiredly rested her head on the crook of your neck.  
  
"Thanks again (Y/n)" he smiled at you softly and you just nodded your head at him, giving him a half smile that once again did not feel true.  
  
He leaned in and kissed your cheek as well, as you took in a sharp inhale. His face lingered there for a good while, and it seemed as if he did not want to pull away. And he merely looked down at you as your eyes roamed his face. You bit your lips when you felt your face hit up, especially at realizing your close proximity.  
  
"Yeah" he cleared his throat and pulled away "So see you in the morning. Bye and goodnight. Thanks once again, (Y/n)." he added as he took a few steps back until he turned and walked towards his Impala.  
  
You stood there for a good while as you saw him get inside his car and turn it on. He looked at you, as the light from his house illuminated your form and you saw almost a hint of nostalgy in his eyes, as if what he was looking at - you and Mary in your arms - was what he really wanted. Something he really longed for but knew he could not have. You shook your head and stepped back, closing the door after that and after a while you heard the roar of the Impala and Dean drive away.  
  
You let out a shaky breath you didn't know you'd been holding all this time. You let Mary down as she walked to her toys and you rested your back against the door as you watched her continue playing with her dolls  
  
"No problem... _**friend**_ " you said and closed your watery eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

You let out a shaky breath as soon as you closed the door behind you. You shut your eyes as you rested your back against it, hand still on the handle as if you were trying to support yourself from falling to the ground.  
  
"Here we go again" you whispered mostly to yourself as your head was upwards and you were looking at the ceiling.  
  
You took in a deep breath and steadying yourself you averted your eyes and looked down at Mary that had her small back turned to you and was playing with her toys, not having yet realized what was going on.  
  
How much you wished you were like her. Still that young and innocent, not having lived many things in your life and above all not having experienced that feeling called love. Not having had your heart beat like that for a single person only for him (maybe without knowing) to have taken a firm hold of it and having crushed it to the point you thought there would not be anything left there. But there was and there is. For, even in its shattered state, you could still feel that weird beating of it that made you feel sick in your stomach- or maybe it was the butterflies dancing like crazy whenever he looked at you with that bright smile of his that you knew could lighten up a whole room.  
  
Love was truly a magnificent and quite weird feeling that you had yet to comprehend. You had to agree with those that said love could only be felt once and at the face of one. That was true love and sadly you had come to realize it yourself. Indeed it was sad. It was sad because you watched him every time with another woman, sometimes the same, and even if you felt your heart beat once again weirdly in your chest because of the look in his eyes and the butterflies go crazy in your stomach, at the same time your felt your stomach tighten and the weird beating of your heart was at the same time the most painful one. There were moments that you wondered if plunging a dagger in your heart would hurt less than seeing Dean in the arms of another one and you had to admit at least to yourself that the thought of actually doing just that- stabbing yourself or at least hurting yourself in any other way, had crossed your mind quite often.  
  
But you didn't. You knew you had to stay strong and even if it was not for your own self at least for that little creature that had come to actually need you more then her own-  
  
"Mom? Are you coming to play with me?" Mary's soft voice broke your trail of thoughts and only then did you realize she had turned to look at you, having just momentarily stopped her playing.  
  
You shook your head slightly as if trying to shake all the thoughts off and putting on a smile on your face you walked closer towards her "Of course sweetie" you said softly and she smiled brightly up at you as you came to sit down next to her on the carpet.  
  
She handed you one of her dolls as you started playing with her. A small smile was on your lips, barely noticeable but at least it was a true one and it only got bigger when you saw that bright smile of hers spread over her lips. Oh how it reminded you of Dean.  
  
At that moment you felt a pang in your heart. She was so much like him and that actually... hurt. Your movements stopped as you just stared down at her, not that she realized anything, instead she kept playing with her dolls mumbling a few things here and there, making small noises and a few humming sounds but most of the time she would just say things, as if it was her doll talking. Incoherent things but when they came from her they sounded like the most beautiful things you'd ever heard in the word. Well, the most beautiful things other than-  
  
"Mom? Are you ok?" she asked, looking up at you with a small frown that made her look all the more adorable.  
  
"Yes dear. I'm fine" you rubbed the small of her back with you hand and she seemed to be at ease again as she started playing with her dolls.  
  
Silence had follow - sort of - but her words kept being repeated in your mind. Just like every other time.  
  
Mom.  
  
The first time Mary had said that word was not long ago after he had started talking. Maybe it was a few things here and there but it still was among the first things she'd said. The first word being Dad of course and you still smiled at remembering the proud smile on Dean's face and how he had slightly teared up- him denying everything of course but that did not stop you from teasing him. You had practically helped him in raising Mary that was for sure. When you had moved next door she was just a few months old, he mother not having had the dignity or the heart to keep her even for those first months that Mary needed her more than ever. You had been closer to her than you ever thought you'd be, especially when you considered the fact that you were just the neighbor and her babysitter. After a while, though, Dean had stopped using that term, claiming that you were family to the both of them anymore and not just a babysitter.  
  
And it was actually true. You had come really close to the little girl ever since she was a baby, the endless hours you spent with her ever since you came in this town had really helped in that. Dean had work to do, he was the owner of a garage just a few blocks down from your houses, and now that he had to save money for Mary he had decided that he was going to work extra hours or probably find an extra job. As far as you were concerned, well, things were pretty simple in that case. You needed the money as well. You had not found a job immediately, as soon as you moved into town so the money Dean gave you to take care of Mary seemed to be doing a good job in helping you make ends meet. After some time though, just like Dean stopped using the term 'babysitter' so did you stop accepting money from him. He insisted on paying you, that was for sure, because you actually would spent lots of hours taking care of little Mary but you insisted that you no longer coud accept the money. Not when you actually wanted to look after her and spend time with her.  
  
You had grown to love the little kid just as much as you had grown to love her father. That was something that under no circumstances would you confess to, though, but you could openly say that you loved the little girl. You had come so close to her that at some point you thought that if you were to have a kid you wanted it to be a girl and just like Mary.  
  
Mom.  
  
It was a word you were not sure you were going to hear come from a little kid directed towards you- at least so soon, and it certainly was not a word you expected to hear from Mary directed at you but you actually had. You still remember that time as if it was yesterday while in fact it was a long time ago, about tow and a half years that she had uttered that word to you. Luckily for you Dean was not home at that time while you once again were babysi- taking care of Mary for him. She had caught you by surprise, that was the least of things you could say to describe the feeling.  
  
 _You were not feeling well, you clearly remembered that as well. It was not surprising though when you thought of the fact thtat you were with Mary and taking care of her while Dean was at a date. It was just as you had began to realize you felt things for him and just how much it hurt to see him with another woman so you were unable to keep your tears as soon as he had left you with Mary. You had not even tried to hide from her at that time. She was barely one year old so you doubted she'd understand many things, much less tell anything to Dean. But she certainly had caught you by surprise when as she was set next to on the couch- maybe a little farther away, she had cralwed towards you and extended one small hand to touch your wet cheek as if she was trying to wipe out the tears. And it was not the sudden contact that had made you jump, as you had not realized her come close, but the words that had left her lips as she looked at you with a sad face.  
  
"Mama?" that word still echoed in your head as if she had said it just a second ago. She basically had anyway._  
  
You had never thought your head would have snapped to somebody's direction so quickly but yet it had that day- or well, night. You thanked anyone up there that Dean was not there at that moment, not only because of the tears that were streaming down your face but also because of the words that had left Mary's mouth. It had came out as low and a little hesitant, as if she was struggling to say it- no wonder, as it was the first time she said that word but the feeling she had given you was much loud and clear. Just like every other time after that. Your heart was tight and it felt heavy as you thought of Dean with another woman at that moment but with Mary's word it felt to tighten more... in a pleasant way. You had never had that feeling before and at that moment you could understand what your mother meant with what she said about you realizing what being a mother is when you had your own children.  
  
Mary was not your daughter but you had come close to her as if she was just that and hearing her tell you that small little word had you on cloud nine. You remember how you had cried some more back then and how she had repeated that same word again and again, worry evident in her eyes. Even if she could not fully comprehend things she had managed to grasp on the fact that you were not feeling alright and the fact that she showed so much worry and care about you just only made you cry more. Even if it was happy tears.  
  
What you also were lucky about was the fact that she had not said that word when Dean was present. It happened more often than not for you to stay after a night of looking after Mary and take breakfast with him or even sometimes dinner. It seemed as if Mary knew that you did not want Dean to know that she would call you mom- or had even understood you when you told her so, and would never call you that in front of him. You really didn't know that had happened but you were not going to question it. Mary was a really smart kid and you were actually glad about it. As she grew older you had a talk with her about it and as it seemed she once again understood you completely so you both agreed that she could call you mom when Dean was not around.  
  
Mom.  
  
But you were not her mother. And every time that that sweet word left her lips and you felt your heart swell in happiness it immediately was ripped apart. You were not Mary's mother and as much as you wished to be you knew you just couldn't. Not only were you not her biological mother but also you realized as you thought about it that you were actually never going to be even if you wanted to.  
  
For you to be that it would mean something between Dean and you going on but in reality that was not the case despite you wishing with all your heart for it to happen. You and Dean were only friends and even if it hurt like hell to admit it, it was the truth.  
  
Because that's how he could only see you. As his friend, his buddy and occasionally his wing-woman. But never anything more.  
  
Or well, sort of.  
  
You see, the case was not always like this. You and Dean were not always friends, ever since the beginning- ever since you met. Sure, who could be best friends ever since that but no, for a long time it was not a friendship what you and him had and now that you thought about it... you longed again for those moments. You thought back to all that time and you longed for Dean to-  
  
A low grumbling notice broke your trail of thoughts and you blinked several times, looking down at Mary that had a hand over her stomach. The low growl was heard again and you giggled slightly.  
  
"Seems like somebody's hungry" you noted and she giggled slightly as well.  
  
"Yes" she said and smiling widely you picked her up.  
  
"Come on then. Let's see what that amazing cook you have of a father has left for us" you said with a big grin and she nodded her head enthusiastically.  
  
You walked with her in your arms towards the kitchen. You set her on her chair and turned to the fridge to see what Dean had left for the two of you to eat. You had to admit- although not in front of Dean- that he was a great cook and whenever he made dinner for Mary and him and invited you over you always gladly agreed.  
  
You opened the fridge to see that this time he had indeed thought of you and made your favorite food. A smile spread on your lip as you took the bowl/plate with (F/f) and closing the fridge with your foot you turned to show Mary what her father had left for you to eat.  
  
He probably felt like a total asshole for once again asking you to stay with Mary while he was on a date and, well, you could not hide the fact that a small part of you would be pleased if he felt even the least bit of guilt for that. Who would blame you?  
  
You had soon warmed up the food for her and you had both started digging in immediately. Damn, was he an amazing cook.  
  
You glanced up at Mary and let out a soft giggle as you saw she had managed to make a small mess of her own and spatter some of her food on her face. You quickly grabbed a napkin from nearby and leaned in to wipe her cheek and corner of her mouth. She stopped eating momentarily as you wiped her face. She smiled widely up at you and you saw the sparkle in her eyes that made your heart skip a beat. Oh how she reminded you of Dean. She was indeed so much like him, just more young, innocent and, well, female.  
  
She gave you one last smile and started digging in back to her food, once again oh so much reminding you of her father. You were never going to forget that first time you saw Dean eat. Neither that, nor how surprised you were. It was burgers and you remember how it had all began.  
  
You had moved to the town just about two months prior to that. Dean of course was there ever since the beginning to help you adjust and you feel at home. You had come pretty... close that was for sure. He had immediately opened up to you, coming to welcome you to town. The smile on his face was something you could certainly not forget.  
  
Neither that nor how much he... flirted with you.  
  
You always let out a nostalgic sigh whenever you thought back to those times. In the beginning it was flattering, quite funny and certainly cute to see Dean try to desperately to get you to say yes in going out with him. You were pretty sure what would follow after that. It was enjoyable seeing him try to hard when all you did was turn him down. No matter what he did you'd just pretend that you were not interested and turn him down in the most funny of ways. For you at least. You could not deny it was a nice boost of your confidence and self-esteem to see a man like Dean try so hard to gain your attention.  
  
Literally he had tried everything.  
  
 _"I think your dog likes my dog" he had said one time, literally popping out of nowhere, as you were taking your dog for a walk.  
  
"But Dean- you don't have a dog" you had said looking down at the dog you struggled to understand where he had found.  
  
Had he really adopted a dog just so that he would find a chance to talk- or basically hit on you?  
  
"Yeah well, uh you're right. The dog is my brother's. I'm taking care of it for him this week but hey- details!" he had simply shrugged and all you could do was laugh at his attempt to make a talk with you. And instead you had let him joining you in your walk with 'your' dogs._  
  
That's how most weeks went by when you first moved and you could not say that you did not enjoy it.  
  
From Dean obviously asking from his brother to borrow his dog for a week (you may or may not have heard him say it on the phone as said brother had called to know how his dog was) to his power mysteriously going off and him being unable to do much which resulted in him asking from you if he could stay by your place for that night. It was funny and quite cute to see him in those batman signs pajamas for the first time you would confess to that.  
  
But he kept trying that was for sure.  
  
 _"I don’t know how to cook for just one person so I made way too much food. Do you want to come over and help me eat it?" he asked you one time with that shit eating grin that made you weak on the knees._  
  
It was sudden, for sure, but you had agreed immediately. Mary was still really young at that time for normal food so as it seemed it was up to you and Dean to eat the food, although you could not help but think how it would not be a problem for Dean to eat much more than for just one person. But you let it slide at that time.  
  
His clear attempt to get you to spend some time with him was enough for you to agree to his proposal, even if you tried to play it hard.  
  
Play it hard. You scoffed at the mere thought of it.  
  
That's how it has been in the beginning though while now- now things were so much more different. You didn't know what exactly had made him change nor could you phrase it but you certainly knew he had changed. Things had changed.  
  
So many things had changed. That was much sure. Now as you thought back to all that time you realized it as well. And even if it was hard to admit you actually longed to go back to all that time and change so many of the things you said and did. You wanted to go back to that time and change everything so that now you wouldn't be in this place and Dean so far away with another woman.  
  
You couldn't help the nostalgia that sprung up inside you as you thought back to a specific time. To a specific day with Dean, just him and you. Just the two of you. Oh how you longed to be back to _that_ day...  
  
...or more like _night_.


	3. Chapter 3

You longed to that day more than you thought you ever would. You wanted to laugh at the irony. Back then when it had all happened you never thought you'd come to this, wishing for you relive that night, while Dean would be away and you would feel the worst of all feelings crawling up your chest and slowly eating your heart. Jealousy.  
  
Who would have ever thought that after all this time you'd come to this. You wanted to both laugh and cry at the thought of it. The idea of you going insane had crossed your mind but then again that's how being in love was, wasn't it? All of your feelings would be hightened and at the same time mixed up. You'd be unable to tell one from the other apart as you'd be unable to control yourself in front of him.  
  
You let out a sigh as you thought back to that time, a small smile on your lips as it was your first meeting with Dean. You still remembered it with every little detail. Maybe because that night you had been proved wrong as you had first locked eyes with his green orbs. You had been proved wrong to the fact that love at first sight did not exist. Love at first sight did exist. At least for you that night. Alright, you could not tell from that very first day- or more specifically night, let's not forget, that you were in love with Dean but you were sure ever since then, that you had felt that weird beating of your heart that somewhat signaled that he was special to you. And now that you actually thought back to that night, after having had your heart beat weirdly so many times in his presence after that, Dean was not like any other man.  
  
 _-Flashback-_  
  
You cursed under your breath when you struggle to get the car moving. It seemed to be slowing down all the more until you realized you had actually stopped moving. You would have gone outside to check on it but the rain that just seemed to not have an end prevented you from doing so. When the weather forecast had said that there was a storm coming up you had not thought that they actually meant this. It was raining cats and dogs and you doubted you'd be able to go outside your car and not have a good cold or the next few days; while in the meantime you doubted you'd be able to do much.  
  
Something seemed to be wrong with the battery of the car as it made a weird noise and then a small bump before completely shutting off. You tried to turn it on several times but no luck. You huffed loudly as you slammed your hands on the steering well. You tried to look outside the window but despite how hard you tried the pitch black of the night along with the purring rain prevented you from having a clear view of your surroundings.  
  
You tried once again to get the car started by turning the keys but in vain. You slammed your head on the back of your seat and groaned slightly. You looked out of the window to your left and squinted your eyes more, almost pressing your face to the window, as you noticed a small sign of light in the far distance. The constant raining was not helping you in seeing clearly but you still were able to notice it. You bit your lip as you contemplated on getting out and walking towards, you supposed, the house or staying inside your car. Sure there was the option of staying inside and waiting till the rain was over which should be probably the following morning but seeing as the battery was not working you were probably going to freeze to death. The temperature had dropped dangerously and staying here just did not help the situation either.  
  
Sucking in a deep breath and taking the keys off the ignition you threw them inside your bag mustering all the courage you had you opened the car's door. You hesitated for a while as you watched the rain pour non-stop but you knew you had to go. You took in a deep breath and took a big step out of your car and into the rain that in just a mere of seconds had you drenched to the bone. The droplets felt like needles piercing through your skin as they made contact with it. They were so cold that you felt yourself shaking as goosebumps created all over your skin. You hair was completely wet as well, sticking to your face and you cursed under your breath for not having listened to your mother telling you to get a hoodie or even a jacket with you just in case.  
  
You slammed you car's door shut and taking in a shaky breath you hugged your bag close to yourself, your arms folding over your chest as if to keep some warmth within you. You looked in front of you and sucking in a last breath you start walking. Your head was bowed and your eyes cast to the ground, with all this rain it would be impossible for you to look clearly to begin with. You only glanced a couple times to make sure you were going to the right direction and you were actually not wasting your time, while getting drenched like this, for nothing. You trembled and felt yourself get even more wet - if possible - but you continued your way slowly but firmly towards the light that the closer you got to the more sure you were it belonged to a house whose residents were there.  
  
You stood now just a few steps away from the house. You took a look at it and you had to admit it seemed pretty normal which meant that you highly doubted a psychopath would live here. Or any other kind of person that could do you harm for that matter. It was pretty normal in fact and much like the house of your dreams, if you were honest. You had thought that if you finally got a house of your own this is how you wanted it to be. You still contemplated on whether you should walk up to their door and ask for help but then again you had gone this far and gotten this wet just so that you could ask help. If you turned back now it would have been all for nothing.  
  
You sucked in a final breath and pursing your lips you willed your self to get all the courage you needed and walked up the final steps towards the house. You looked at the porch for a few seconds before turning your head and giving a small, barely audible to you because of the rain, knock on it. You waited for a while, not sure if you should knock again because they had not heard you or because they didn't want to open.  
  
Just as you raised your hand to knock again you stopped mid-action as the light on your left turned on, illuminating the place even more "Just a second!" a rough, clearly manly, voice was heard from the other side and you did as told.  
  
You wrapped your arms around your figure, bending your head slightly so that you were looking down. You could not help your trembling form and you bit your lip to keep from trembling as well, the droplets of rain were still rolling from your hair to your face. You stood like that just waiting for a while as you could hear a few sounds coming from inside.  
  
"Yes?" you heard the same rough voice again and your head snapped up in the direction it came from. You looked up and you immediately froze. You felt your heart lip to your throat but you tried to attribute it to the fact that you were wet and cold and not because of the man that now stood in front of you.  
  
His green eyes roamed your face, his mouth hung slighty agape and you could not help yourself from staring just for a few seconds at his lush lips. If you had to describe the expression on his face would be one of wonder and awe but you doubted it, especially considering the state you were in, wet with your clothes sticking to your form, just like your hair with no make up on for that matter. You were just returning home from a small trip that lasted a day, you were not expecting this downpour that would resulted in you meeting an insanely handsome man.  
  
"Uh s-sorry" you said shakily as you realized you'd been staring (he seemed to be doing just the same though) "I uh- I was driving by a-and my car just shut off. Must be something with its battery but I- I'm not really sure. I- I saw that the light of your house was on and I supposed that maybe you could h-help me. C-can I just use your phone to call for someone to come h-help me, mine died hours ago a-and I promise I won't bother you much just-" you said in a trembling, mostly from the cold, voice but he cut you off before you could say more.  
  
"Yes, yes of course. Come in, don't just stand there" he said, moving to the side and motioning for you to get in.  
  
"Th-thanks" you muttered and he closed the door behind you.  
  
"Wait here I'm gonna bring you some towels" he said and before you could protest he was quickly out of sight.  
  
You took a look around you, biting slightly your lip as you waited for him to return. You took in your surroundings and you had to say you were a little surprised to see that it was quite... lovely. They way a woman would have her house-lovely. And that's when the thought entered your mind. Maybe he was married. Maybe he had a girlfriend sleeping upstairs even. You couldn't help the panic that rose inside you as you thought about it. It was weird and you really could not understand how worried- or how much you didn't want that to be true, especially when you had met the man just a few seconds ago. It was so weird, just like the beating of you heart at the moment, and completely unusual of you.  
  
You chewed on your lip as you looked at the place with a small frown as you looked around you. You could admit it but you actually did not want him to be with someone. But what you could admit was that it would be a shame if a man like him was not single. Not unusual for sure. No woman would let him just pass by but it sure as hell would make you sad if he was with someone.  
  
 _Wait what?_  
  
Before your thoughts could drift any further Dean was back with a white fluffy towel in hand.  
  
"Here" he said and you turned to look at him.  
  
"Thanks" you said shyly, taking the towel he was offering you just to dry your hair.  
  
"No problem" he smirked slightly and you felt a small blush creep up your cheeks.  
  
"I'm Dean by the way" he added quickly, extending one hand for you to shake.  
  
"I'm (Y/n)" you smiled, taking his hand "Nice to meet you Dean" you added the last part, shaking his hand mostly, in a low and soft voice. You could not help but test how it sounded coming off your lips and considering the smile that got bigger on his lips he, just like you, liked how it sounded coming from you.  
  
"(Y/n)" he said, biting slightly his lip and you caught yourself enjoying how your name sounded when it came out of his lips more than you should "Nice to meet you" he said just as softly and you felt his thumb rub over your palm and you had not realized you were still holding hands.  
  
When realization down on you you cleared your throat and let go of his hand, as you looked down. You could feel your cheeks burning hot.  
  
Dean cleared his throat as well and spoke up "You can use my phone if you want to but I don't think you will have much luck. With such storm outside it will be impossible for a car to come here. Quickly anyway" he said with a small shrug.  
  
"Really?" you asked and let out a huff of air "Then what am I going to do?" you asked, mostly yourself biting your lip in thought.  
  
"Well uhm-" he seemed to have an idea but was hesitant to phrase it "I could let you crash here for tonight...?" it came out as more of a question and although you probably should not be even thinking about saying yes - the man was still practically a stranger to you - you could not help the thought either.  
  
"I mean, I have a guest room you could use. Not that you could not sleep at you car, I have done that many times with mine but it's practically freezing outside and in this clothes you are most likely to catch a cold. You- you can do whatever you want, though, not forcing you or anything" he said with a nervous laugh as soon as he saw you had your doubts and you had to admit he looked rather cute.  
  
 _'Snap out if (Y/n)'_ you told to yourself.  
  
"I guess I could. But- won't that be a problem? Like, won't... your girlfriend mind?" you asked hesitantly, biting slightly your lip..  
  
"What? Oh no" he chuckled slightly shaking his head and man was his laugh doing something to you "No, uh no girlfriend. I'm single and live on my own" he added with a small shrug and this time you were unable to hide the smile from your face.  
  
"Oh oh. Single. That's... great" you couldn't help but breath out, although it was mostly to yourself. Your lips forming the words before you could comprehend it.  
  
But it was obviously not your lucky day and he just had to have heard it "Great?" he raised an eyebrow and smirked at you.  
  
You felt your eyes slightly and a blush spread on your cheeks as you realized what you'd just said and he heard "Y-yeah I uh- I just- I mean cool, nice. You know. That I- I won't cause a problem or- or s-something" you said more awkwardly and sheepishly than you ever could.  
  
You cursed yourself in your mind for stuttering.  
  
Dean's smile ony got bigger as you saw the realization flash through his eyes, especially as he noticed your blush. He just shrugged and acted casual. He licked his lower lip before speaking "Yeah I guess you're right. So... you're staying?"  
  
"Only if you're not a serial killer" you said with a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood that had become just to heavy for you, and he laughed as well.  
  
"Can't reveal that sorry. Let's just hope I'm not" he chuckled winking at you and you laughed just slightly as well "Ok so I'm just going to grab a few clothes and bring them to you to change, Obviously you can't stay in those" he pointed to your clothes and you looked down at the to see the droplets still falling on the floor.  
  
You looked up at him and gave him a small nod. He was out of sight quickly and just as fast he was back with a pair of long gray pajama pants along with a black Led Zeppelin shirt. You had thanked him quickly and went to the bathroom (after he told you were it was) to change. He patiently waited outside as you took some extra time in there- you could not decide whether to take your bra off or not. It had become completely wet as well and you knew it would be extra uncomfortable to sleep with it tonight but Dean was going to take your clothes and put them somewhere to dry and you just were not that willing to show him your bra... yet.  
  
You had to remind once again yourself to shut up.  
  
You came out of the bathroom and looked at Dean shyly tucking a few strand of semi-wet hair behind your ear. You held all of your wet clothing - minus your bra - in your hands and smiled sheepishly at him as you saw his eyes roam your figure. The look on his face was similar to the one when he first saw you although the feelings seemed to be intensified.  
  
"Wow" he breathed out in a low and rough voice, licking his lips "Never thought somebody could look this good in a crappy old shirt and pants" he let out a small chuckle.  
  
"Thanks" you muttered with a small giggle.  
  
"I think I could get used to this" he said not taking his eyes off you as you handed him your wet clothes.  
  
"Seeing me in crappy old clothes?" you joked with a laugh.  
  
"Seeing you in _**my**_ old crappy clothes" he added almost breathlessly, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  
  
Your eyes slightly widened and you only felt your blush darken. You chewed on your lip but did not say anything. You were literally speechless.  
  
"Yeah" he cleared his throat, slightly shaking his head as he took his eyes off you "Sorry. I uhm- I turned on the fire so if you are cold you an go downstairs while I go put these somewhere to dry."  
  
"Sure" you muttered and quickly made your way downstairs, towards the living room and the close to the fireplace. You really needed the warmth right now- although the one in your cheeks seemed to be more than enough at the moment.  
  
You sat down at the carpet close to it and looked at the flames as silence had surrounded you for a while. Sort of. If we exclude the constant rain and rumbling of thunders.  
  
"So uh..." Dean's voice was heard after a while and you turned your head to look up at him "I didn't know what you really drink or not so I brought you a beer."  
  
"A beer sounds good" you said with a smile and took one from his hand as he offered it to you. He took a seat next to you.  
  
"To thunderstorms?" he asked a proposal and you smiled.  
  
"To thunderstorms" you nodded, clinging bottle with his "And crappy old clothes" you added as you had brought the bottle close to your lips.  
  
He laughed wholeheartedly, throwing his head slightly back, nodding at your words before connecting the bottle to his lips and you could not help but stare slightly at him from the corner of your eye.  
  
"So... nice house" you said a little awkwardly after a few second of silence and staring at the fire.  
  
Dean chuckled slight looking at you "Thanks. Not anything big but it's mine so that's enough" he shrugged "What about you?"  
  
"Me? House? No, no I don't have one. Still living with my parents. Yeah, I know. Should have moved out long time ago I just can't seem to find the right place to move to" you said, taking a small sip of your drink.  
  
"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking" he said.  
  
"No problem. I'm almost 23, in a couple months anyway. You?" you asked back.  
  
"Beat you. I'm 31" he chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink.  
  
"Well, you certainly don't act like it" you said matter-of-factly and he looked at you with a fake hurt expression.  
  
"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?!" he exclaimed, putting a hand on his chest.  
  
"What do you think?" you retorted with a laugh and he just scoffed at you - although playfully - the both of you soon erupting into a feat of laughter.  
  
You had a nice conversation after that for sure. It drifted to many and different topics but you didn't mind in the least bit because every each one of them was really interesting when it was Dean you were talking with. You got to learn a few things about him and you were glad about it- although the most important of all, him being single, you had been informed of from the beginning. He was quite funny and although his jokes could be considered lame - his brother told him so according to him - you found yourself laughing more than plenty of times. He made you have a good time and enjoy yourself and that mattered more than anything to you.  
  
And of course as you talked you couldn't help but notice how he would move just a little closer or putting his hand on top of yours or your shoulder, it lingering there a little bit more than needed. But you certainly did not mind. The blush was always there, just because of that, as well as his suggestive remarks or playful smiles and winks. And you couldn't help but notice how sometimes he would stare at you, until of course you caught his gaze. He was a flirt you had to admit that but despite your obvious attraction to him you were not going to give in just that easily.  
  
And, well, you had to admit that he was not the only one. Not about the flirting but about the staring. Whenever he would not look and just drink or gaze at the fire. It was nearly impossible to keep yourself from staring at him, especially with how the light was making his face look. You loved how the flames of the fire illuminated just the right features of his beautiful face, how the warm glow traced over his forehead, nose and then lips that just seemed all the more kissable as time went by. You even tried at some point to count the freckles over his cheeks and nose but at some point you simply lost count as you felt yourself getting lost in them and how beautiful they looked over his face. You just had to remind yourself to avert your eyes from his face before he caught your eyes.  
  
There was not way he would let you live that down.  
  
And soon the conversation had drifted to...  
  
"I'm just glad that I'm not a bother or causing you any problems" you said with a small shrug.  
  
"You're not a bother at all, (Y/n). Real question is... am I causing you any problems?" he said quite truthfully but you could see a small hint of playfulness there as well.  
  
"What do you mean?" you asked with a perplexed smile.  
  
"Dunno" he shrugged "Like... won't your boyfriend mind when he finds out you spent the night here at my house? I mean sure we are not going to sleep together exactly but still- Hey not that I would mind but yeah..." he trailed of shrugging again. You could see how despite what he was actually letting out he really wanted to know one thing and just would not ask directly.  
  
"No, I don't think he will mind" you said and you saw his smile flutter for just a split second till he replaced it with a more fake one, fact that you had to admit made your heart flutter a little bit "Especially seeing as he doesn't exist" you added with a chuckle.  
  
It took Dean a while to realize what you had actually said and you did notice the small sigh of relief before he laughed.  
  
"Oh wow now _that_ is great!" he exclaimed with a laugh and you giggled slightly and shoved his shoulder.  
  
"Shut up" you grumbled, feeling the heat return to your cheeks.  
  
"Make me" he said in a flirting tone and you literally felt your heart lip to your throat.  
  
"Just kidding" he added more softly, chuckling just slightly "Or well..." he trailed off, letting a small breath.  
  
"Well?" you asked, wanting to know more than anything what he had in mind.  
  
"Maybe not so much. I mean-" he let out a somewhat nervous chuckle "-I think I gotta thank the guy for not existing after all. That would just mean I have a chance... with you" he almost whispered the last part and you couldn't help the small shiver that ran down your spine as he turned his head to look at you and locked eyes with yours.  
  
Silence followed for a few seconds and the only thing you could hear other than the rain as the drum of your heart in your ears. You saw his eyes roam your face until the focused on your lips and before you could comprehend what was happening Dean... Dean had started to lean in. You still were not sure whether you wanted or not to kiss him- no, scratch that. You knew you wanted to kiss him- hell, you knew you wanted to do so much more with this man but you were just not sure if it was right. You had just met him, didn't know much about him and in actual reality you were not the type of girl to go so fast with a guy- even if said guy was freaking perfect from every aspect.  
  
Before you could do much, though, you realized that he had leaned in much- his face now just a few inches away from yours. He subconsciously licked his lips, his eyes not leaving yours, only for a split second did he glance up at your eyes that just that moment were locked on his lips and it seemed to be all he needed to continue and-  
  
A loud rumble of thunder was heard that made you jump slightly but certainly pull away from Dean before he could do anything. You looked out of the window and then glanced at the clock on the wall, you turned to look at Dean.  
  
"I uh- it's better if we just go to sleep. I uh- I don't want to keep you up, it's- it's already too late and yeah" you stuttered out with a nervous chuckle.  
  
You saw him hesitate for a while until he nodded "Yeah" he breathed out "Yeah sure. We uh we better go to sleep. Come, I'll show you to your room for tonight" he said with a smile although you could see it was forced and got up.  
  
You followed him upstairs as he led you to the guest room. He told you that you could knock on his door that was next to yours if you needed anything and- you could not help but notice that one last door at the other side of his. But you didn't say anything. you just bid him goodnight and with a forced smile so did he. You felt kinda sad you had to turn him down like that but you thought that it was probably for the best and that if you got to know him better then later, sure, why not?  
  
 _If only you knew_  
  
The next morning you had woken up pretty later than usual and if it was not for your mother calling you (Dean was kind enough to lend you his phone charger that fit yours as well) to ask if you were alright then you would have probably slept till much later. You had walked out of your room and down the stairs to find your own clothes dry and waiting there for you. You had quickly changed and started searching for Dean who was nowhere to be found in the house. You got out of the house and that's when you noticed him bent over your car and obviously checking for any damages. You couldn't help but stand behind him for just a little while, not making any noise, as you took in the sight in front of you. It was definitely a feast for the eye, you could not deny that. You heard him hum under his breath some song that his obviously liked a lot considering how he was shaking that – you could not deny – pretty ass of his that was sticking in the air. You bit your lip for a second to keep the smile off your lips but in vain. Until of course you felt the blush creep up your cheeks at the thoughts that ran through your mind and cleared your throat to get his attention. He immediately stopped, his humming and small singing and of course his hip-shaking.  
  
You started talking with him and you were glad to see how he was in the mood. You wanted to see him happy and you wanted to see him smile, that was much sure. He even laughed sometimes and you were glad to say he was back to his dorky, funny and certainly flirty self. It was just your good luck, amongst all of the bad things that had happened, that Dean was a mechanic. And it was once again your good luck that just as you made a small talk with him while he was trying to fix it that your eyes caught sight of the the sign in front of the house next to Dean's.  
  
'For Sale' said the white bold words and you couldn't help the smile that spread on your lips as you looked to the, almost identical to Dean's, house.  
  
 _-End of Flashback-_  
  
You smiled, shaking slightly your head at the memory. It seemed like yesterday while in fact it was such a long time ago. You averted your eyes from your empty plate to look at Mary happily finished her own.  
  
"Finished!" she exclaimed happily, throwing her hands in the air and you giggled slightly.  
  
"Good, now go brush your teeth and I'll come help you get ready for bed" you said, getting up from your chair and lifting her from hers, just to set her down.  
  
"Ok mommy" she said with a big smile and you playfully hit het but as she squealed, giggling, and started running towards the stairs and up.  
  
You chuckled slightly, despite the small pang in your chest and watched as she struggled but managed nonetheless to walk up the stairs.  
  
You shook your head slightly as you went to pick up her toys and put them in the box that was there for them. You could not help but look a little bit around you and at the fireplace in front of you, the memories still fresh. Just like the regret you felt for not letting Dean kiss you that night you first met.  
  
"It was for the best" you murmured to yourself, reminding you fo the words you had said that night as sleep took over you in the guest room. But now it was more to try to convince yourself because even if you knew it you had a hard time believing it anymore.  
  
~~~  
  
"Ready bug?" you asked as you walked inside Mary's room - the door you had stared at that night.  
  
"Yep" she said happily as she walked in her lovely, slightly bigger, pink pjs towards her bed.  
  
You tucked her under the covers and she looked up at you with bright green eyes. You turned her nightstand lamp on and then looked at her "Do you want me to tell you a story this time?" you asked and she slightly shook her head.  
  
"No, no I'm ok. Just... can you check about the monsters mommy?" she asked, her voice laced with a little fear and you nodded at her.  
  
"Of course lovebug" you pinched her nose.  
  
"Alright so as I see nothing here" you said checking under her bead.  
  
She pointed to the closet and you got up and took a look there as well "Nope, nothing here either. Seems like Monsters, Inc. is not working tonight" you said playfully.  
  
She giggled "But mommy, Monsters, Inc. are good guys! They make kids laugh, they don't scare them anymore"  
  
"Oh dear, I made such a mistake. Oh my!" you said putting a hand over you chest "How did I not realize that. Maybe it's been so long since I last saw that movie and I just need to rewatch it so that I can remember everything." you walked back to her.  
  
"Oooh can we? Can we?" she asked excited.  
  
"Absolutely. First thing in the morning" you told her with a big smile.  
  
"Yay" she said happily.  
  
"Ok time to sleep now" you leaned down and kissed her forehead "Goodnight Mary" you whispered.  
  
"Goodnight mommy" she said with a small yawn and closed her eyes.  
  
The smile fluttered from your face and you let out a tired sigh that was not because you were exhausted physically but most of all emotionally.  
  
You closed the light and the door behind you, leaving it open just slightly.  
  
You were about to make your way to the guest room just like every night but then remembered Dean's words and went to his room, it would be better just in case Mary needed you during the night. It was the first time you were here so you did not have to gawk this time.  
  
You made your way to Dean's bed and plopped down. You covered yourself with the blankets and just for tonight let yourself not worry so much. You glanced at the photo on his nightstand, one of him Mary and you on her first birthday and a bittersweet smile spread on your lips.  
  
"At least... he has a photo of me" you mumbled to yourself.  
  
You swallowed the lump in your throat and closed your eyes as you felt the tears come up. Sleep did not take much to overcome you as a single tear managed to escape.  
  
~Next Morning~  
  
The warm rays of the sun ran over your face effectively pulling you out of your sleep. You blink several times trying to adjust them to how bright the light was. You closed them again soon as you buried your face more into the pillow and you just couldn't help but take in a deep inhale, breathing in Dean's smell that was just imprinted there.  
  
It was more intense than last night as if he was just right there with you but you tried to brush the thought of and-  
  
Impossible.  
  
Your eyes snapped open when you heard a soft groan and an arm that was around your waist tighten its grip on you and press you closer to whoever was in the bed with you.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean’s smell was more intense this morning than last and it felt as if he was there with you but you tried to brush the thought of. It was just you and your wishful thinking. You closed your eyes as you took in a deep inhale and smelt his scent even through the pillow. You buried your face more into it and the blankets as a small smile spread on your lips.  
  
At least you could imagine that he was there with you, holding you in his arms and loving you just as much as you did.  
  
You scoffed.  
  
Yes, certainly that could only happen in your imagination and never in real-  
  
Your eyes snapped open as you heard a groan right from behind you and an arm that only now you realized that was wrapped around your waist only tighten its grip on you, pressing your back to a strong chest.  
  
Your eyes widened and your breath hitched on your throat. You thought of immediately turning around to see who the person was. You were afraid that the movement was probably going to wake them up so you just opted for turning slowly but steadily. And so you did.  
  
The person let out another groan of protest as you made the first movement and felt them bury their head at the crook of your neck. His face. You were sure it was a man anymore, considering the small scruff that tickled your neck. But that didn’t stop you anyway.  
  
You started moving again and despite the small occasional groans you had now fully turned so that you could face the intruder… only for your eyes to widen more and your heart do that weird beating of its whenever you faced this man. Thisman that now was in bed with you, his arms wrapped protectively around you, his face resting at the crook of your neck close to your chest with his breath creating goosebumps over your whole body, his legs were tangled with yours as youwere pressed firmly into his chest.  
  
This man whose name was Dean Winchester and you had deep feelings for but would never say it out loud.  
  
“Dean…?” you breathed out as your wide eyes roamed his face.  
  
Was this a dream? Yes, it had to be a dream.  
  
He gave no response to his name, nor a small groan. You didn’t say anything further either as you just opted for looking at him a little more. Truth be told you had never seen him so peaceful ever before. He was constantly worrying about everything and everyone, you and Mary on top of that list along with how he was going to make it by. How to save money for Mary and all that stuff a single parent had to worry about. At moments it felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and it honestly broke you to see him like that.  
  
But now that was not the case. He seemed so free of every worry, so peaceful that you did not want to wake him up. Well, you did not want to wake him up for another reason as well but that was only selfish- who could blame you though? You had never been in this situation with him before and it certainly felt good to be in his arms like this, enjoying the warmth of his body and the soft tickling sensation of his breath fanning over your neck as well as the sense of comfort and safety his arms around you brought.  
  
A small smile graced your lips as you looked at his face and you could barely keep yourself from extending one hand and tracing the outline of it, just like the sun was now was washing over it with its rays. The freckles over his cheekbones and nose seemed even more adorable at the moment as they shone from the light and you could hardly keep a giggle at the thought. Dean looked not only more peaceful but much more young and innocent than he did when he was awake or under a different light.  
  
Just like all beautiful things, though, your peaceful gazing had to stop as the light that now fully shown over Dean’s face made him groan which only meant he was waking up. He mumbled some incoherent things under his breath and only buried his face more into your neck as if he was trying to protect his face from the light.  
  
You could not keep a giggle that escaped your lips as his slight scuff rubbed over your neck and you cursed yourself under your breath because that was what seemed to catch his attention. His eyes fluttered open and after he blinked several times he looked up at you. It was hard to not smile at how adorable he looked, especially with those messy hair.  
  
“Morning” you mumbled softly.  
  
He blinked a couple more times, looking around him as if he was somewhat lost until he realized that his feet were entangled with yours and his arms wrapped around your waist- in other words you were cuddling.  
  
“Oh. Oh. Sorry, yeah morning” he said with a nervous laugh as he pulled away from you “Goodmorning” he repeated as he proceeded to stretch out in the bed.  
  
“Seems like you found my bed comfortable enough huh?” he said with a smirk  
  
“Seems like you found me comfortable enough huh?” you retorted before you could even comprehend what had left your mouth.  
  
To your luck, though, Dean only laughed out loudly and then nodded his head “Very much so. But… sorry for the uhposition, I tend to do that with everything that is in a bed with me so yeah” he ended with a soft chuckle.  
  
“You mean cuddle?” you emphasized the word, raising an eyebrow at him and you could swear you saw a faint blush on his cheeks.  
  
“Yeah, well- I mean, I- shut up” he ended up grumbling and you had a hard time keeping your laughter. The corners of Dean’s mouth lifted to a smile as well.  
  
“Oh my gosh I never got you to be such a cuddler Winchester” you said unable to keep yourself from laughing.  
  
“Shut up” he grumbled, trying to look offended but the smile on his lips gave it all away “Hey-!” he shoved your shoulder as you could not stop laughing at him “You say a word about this to anyone and be sure I am going to make you pay for it” he said quite threateningly.  
  
You opened your mouth to speak but before you could utter a word another voice cut you off.  
  
“Daddy!” Mary’s voice was heard and you only saw the door open before you heard small and quick footsteps come towards you and then only saw Mary jump on top of Dean.  
  
He let out a small huff as she jumped on him but smiled even more widely nonetheless as he took hold of her and lifted her in the air “Morning princess” he said and kissed her cheek.  
  
“Slept well?” he added and Mary with a big smile nodded her head.  
  
“Yes, yes I did” she said happily “The monsters did not come for me”  
  
“The monsters?” he asked a little bit over-dramatically “But of course they didn’t honey, daddy fought them away for you! I would never let them harm you!” he told her and she let out a giggle.  
  
“Really daddy? You fought them away?” she asked, her eyes widening in awe and you had to keep yourself from giggling.  
  
“Yes of course! Didn’t you know? I used to fight the monsters ever since I was young for uncle Sammy as well-” he said and a smile spread on Mary’s lips at the mention of her uncles name “And then he learned to fight them on his own so that he did not need me and so will you.” he said setting her down so that she was sitting between the two of you.  
  
“Does (Y/n) know how to fight the monsters away?” she asked looking up at you for a second.  
  
“Yes of course! Who do you think is always there to patch daddy up?” he told her with a smile and you giggled as he winked up at you.  
  
“Patch you up? Like when I fall and hurt my knee and she cleaned it and put a plaster with bees on?” she asked and Dean nodded immediately.  
  
“Exactly”  
  
“Then I want to learn to fight monsters too!” she exclaimed happily throwing her hands in the air.  
  
“We’ll have time for that. You’ll see when you get older how you will easily scare them off on your own” he said, picking her up and setting her on his lap.  
  
“Or considering how beautiful you’ll be, have them fall for you” you said shrugged and Dean looked at you with narrowed eyes, a small scoff leaving his lips making only a big smile spread on yours.  
  
The talk was no longer about the ‘monsters’.  
  
“What? Do you really think that moment is never going to come?” you raised an eyebrow as a scowl set on Dean’s face “I’m sorry to tell you Dean but it will. No matter how much you try to deny it there will be a day when Mary will bring you to meet her first boyfriend and then there will be a day she gets married, leaves the house gets a family of her own, children and a husband and-”  
  
“No” he grumbled like little child, effectively cutting you off “I was with her from her first steps, her first words, her first birthday. The first time she scrubbed her knee while still trying to learn how to walk. Where was her boyfriend then, huh?”  
  
You couldn’t help but notice the way he almost growled the word and you could not stifle a giggle “Probably taking his first steps as well, if he hadn’t already” you said simply with a small smile, shrugging your shoulders.  
  
“No” a small pout was on Dean’s lips “She’s my baby. My little girl.” he said hugging her closely to him, pressing her small head against his puffed cheek as he clearly pouted now.  
  
You could not keep yourself but chuckle at him “Dean, I’m sorry to break it to you but- not for much longer.” you said matter-of-factly.  
  
“No” he said like a little stubborn child “Shut up” he grumbled and turned to look at Mary as he bounced her on one knee.  
  
“Whatever” you shrugged, raising your hands slightly in surrender.  
  
“Daddy?” Mary’s voice broke the almost silence that had surrounded you for a few second and both you and Dean looked at her “Are you going to stay home today?”  
  
Dean hummed, nodding his head as he let go of her and moved so that she was sitting between you and him “And…” she started speaking again, taking hold of your hand and playing with your fingers “Can (Y/n) stay with us today?” she asked and looked up between the two of you with big eyes filled with hope.  
  
“If she wants to” Dean shrugged looking at you and so did Mary.  
  
You only smiled down at her “Sure why not” you said and her smile got ten times bigger as she jumped up and down on the bed happily.  
  
“Yay!” she exclaimed happily and neither you nor Dean could keep yourself from laughing just slightly.  
  
“Yay yay! We will watch movie a-and eat pop-corn and then watch some more movies a-and we can play with my dolls or-or my army men! Yes! And then then we can sleep together or- no, you and daddy are going to sleep together right?” she had stopped jumping and was now only sitting down as she looked between the two of you.  
  
“We- Where did that come from Mary?” Dean asked her back instead.  
  
“Well, you two slept together last night right? Isn’t that what couples do right?” she said ever so innocently and you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel a pang in your chest at her words.  
  
“Well uh-” Dean breathed out a little shakily, as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, just glancing at you once"Sometimes friends do sleep in the same bed together as well, honey. Like- like siblings. And (Y/n) and I are best friends so that does not mean anything" he tried to explain the best he could.  
  
“Oh” she mouthed a little sadly as if she was actually disappointed and you had to keep yourself from showing yourdisappointment and hurt as well.  
  
“But that means she can sleep with you tonight so there is no problem” he said, seemingly trying to cheer her up.  
  
“But why did you sleep together last night if you are only friends?” she asked, as if she had not heard him the second time.  
  
“Because-” Dean licked his lips, glancing at you for a second “Because daddy was really tired last night and so was (Y/n) who had immediately fallen asleep. I did not want to wake her up and she seemed really comfortable, that’s why”  
  
“Oh ok then” she seemed to be satisfied with his answer.  
  
“Date didn’t go that well?” you said raising an eyebrow at him and only then he looked at you.  
  
“Date went awful” she shook his head “The chick was desperate I’m telling you”  
  
“And were not her assets enough for just one night?” you asked again.  
  
“No, definitely no with that personality. I could hardly make a proper conversation with her turning the conversation into something dirty or even grabbing my-” he stopped himself before he could finished and glanced at Mary for a second “-my buddy, you know” he made hand motions.  
  
“Oh that desperate” you said with a chuckle and you could not help a sigh of relief either “So nothing happened?”  
  
“Nothing at all and trust me it was for the best. I don’t want a woman for just one night this time” he answered.  
  
“Daddy, uncle Castiel with you last night?” Mary asked ever so innocently.  
  
He was not her uncle but at this age that’s how she called all of Dean’s friends she knew.  
  
“How did you think that Mary?” he asked her back.  
  
“You call him buddy very often” she shrugged with her small shoulders.  
  
“Uh yeah yeah” he said before snorting a little “I think I should introduce him to the chick, just to see his expression when she grabbed his buddy” he said slightly snickering until you both laughed out loudly.  
  
“Come on, leave poor Castiel on his own. He just does not have the experience you do with women, there is no reason totease him about it” you said, laughing just slightly.  
  
“Well, he needs to get that experience. That’s what I’m for!” he said matter-of-factly and you only shook your head at him.  
  
“What experience?” Mary’s childlike voice asked again and you turned to look at her “Nothing sweetie, nothing” you said ruffling her hair.  
  
“Ok. Daddy will you make me pancakes?” she asked looking up at him with hopeful eyes.  
  
Dean let out a small groan and opened his mouth to protest but you cut him off “Oh come on Dean, I want some as well” you said and looked at him with puppy eyes as well.  
  
“But-” he started but could not say more.  
  
“Pleeeeease” you begged him some more.  
  
“Pretty pleeeease” Mary said in the same voice tone.  
  
“Pretty pretty pretty pleeeease” you added.  
  
Dean looked between you and Mary and you could see in his eyes how he was bout to agree. He let out a groan and a smile immediately spread on your lips as you both knew he had lost the battle.  
  
“You two are going to be the death of me” he grumble, running a hand over his face “Fine fine, I will.” he said letting out a defeated sigh.  
  
“Yay!” both you and Mary exclaimed and a smile spread on Dean’s lips.  
  
“But-” he raised a finger “-You are going to make me your awesome eggs with bacon-” he said and you nodded your head immediately “-and you-” he pointed a finger at Mary “-are going to give your daddy a big kiss and up to help (Y/n) with those awesome eggs” he said and tapped his finger on his cheek.  
  
You and Mary both let out a giggle. You at how much of an adorable dork he could be for his daughter and she at how great of a father he actually was. She leaned in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek that made a huge smile spread on Dean’s lips. He pecked her forehead as well and ruffled slightly her hair before he spoke.  
  
“Alright, you go and I will be down in a few minutes. Need to get a quick shower” he said and as you gave him a nod.  
  
“Come on bug, let’s go” you said tickling slightly her belly.  
  
You picked Mary up and put her over your shoulder you ran out of the room as her giggles could be heard throughout the entire house.  
  
Dean let out a soft chuckle of his own as he watched you leave and let out a content sigh for the first time in a long. He got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.  
  
It was going to be a long day for the both of you and, he had a feeling, not so good or easy.


	5. Chapter 5

“Alright Mary so you can watch some TV while I prepare breakfast for your daddy ok? I will call you when it’s ready” you said, setting her down and ruffling slightly her hair before turning to the fridge and taking all the things you needed out of it.

“(Y/n)” Mary’s soft voice made you turn your head so that you could glance at her.

“You still here” you noted raising an eyebrow “What is it bug?” you asked turning back to look at the frying pan, taking two eggs in your hands.

“Do you… like daddy?” it was a simple question and surely shouldn’t have made your eyes widen, especially with Mary being the one to ask you.

“Where-” you swallowed thickly “Where did that come from sweetie?”

She looked down at her hand and shrugged her small shoulders before looking up at you again “I don’t know. You were sleeping together” she only said.

You let out a small and sad sigh and walked towards her, kneeling in her level “Yes, sweetie. But as your daddy said he just did not want to wake me up that’s all. Besides… your daddy and I are just friends.”

Mary nodded her head, seemingly understanding what you were telling to her, but you could see how she was thinkingsomething else as well “But… you want to be more than friends right? I mean, wouldn’t it be great if you, daddy and I were a big family?” she smiled slightly up at you.

You bit your lip, feeling your heart tighten painfully in your chest. You let out a shaky sigh and spoke to her “It would be great Mary but we can’t. Daddy and I are just friends, sweetie, nothing more. Now please…” your voice had dropped really low, hoarse with tears that had not been spilled yet “…go watch some TV while I prepare breakfast, ok? Oh and Mary… don’t mention this again, not to your father at least. Alright?”

She nodded her head at your words, a small frown set on her face “Ok” she muttered, extending her hands towards you and hugging you for a few seconds “I’m sorry I made you sad mommy” she whispered and just for the sake of it you put a smile on your face, although you’d be lying if you said it was true.

You pulled away from her and looked at her with a big smile “No, sweetheart you didn’t. Don’t worry about it. Go watch TV now and I’ll make some bacon as well” you told her, rubbing her back softly and winking at her in the end.

She smiled happily as well. She nodded her head and ran towards th living room.

You looked at the direction she left and with a sigh the smile immediately fluttered from your lips. You shook your head and running a hand through your hair you got up and went back to preparing Dean’s breakfast.

You bit your lip as you prepared the eggs. You felt particularly down, especially after what Mary had told you, so glancing at the small Radio by the window you couldn’t help as you extended one hand and turned it on. Fortunately for you your favorite band was playing and a small smile graced your lips when you heard your favorite song on.

You turned the volume up higher so that it was impossible for you to hear anything else but the music. You smiled softly and let out a sigh, the weight on your shoulders seemingly lifting just slightly as you let yourself get lost in the song. You started moving slightly your hips and hummed the lyrics softly.

By the point you had finished Dean’s eggs and started with yours you had started fully singing and slighty dancing. It was amazing how just one song could lift your spirits so easily and manage to make some of your worries fade away. A small, though true, smile was on your lips as you shook your hips. You got finished with the bacon and took hold of the pan. You turned the stove off and while still shaking your hips you were about to turn and put the bacon on Dean’s plate- only to have your heart lip to your throat and a surprised squeak leave your lips.

“Holy fuck!” you exclaimed, putting a hand over your chest.

You extended one hand and turned the radio off and spoke “How- how long have you been standing there?” you asked in a low voice, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks.

Dean leaning against the door-frame with crossed arms shrugged his shoulders “Long enough” he said with that shit-eating grin of his that made you weak on the knees.

“And you didn’t think of giving me a warning? Thought a heart attack would be better?” you glared at him as much as you could in between being embarrassed and trying to hide your blush from him. Turning to put the now empty pan on the skin seemed like a good idea.

“You kidding me? And stop you? Hell no! Didn’t know you those dance moves in you (Y/n) and woman that shake of hips? Were did you learn that huh?!” he asked you with a big grin and small laugh and you felt the blush in your cheeks get ten times darker.

“Shut up” you grumbled, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Oh I will, just to eat this perfect piece of heaven you’ve put on my plate-” he said grabbing a piece of bacon that still was a little hot “-but you’re not off the hook yet. I’m going to go back to teasing shortly afterwards” he said wiggling hiseyebrows at you and you glared at him.

“Yes, _after_ you’ve made the pancakes you promised” you pointed out, reminding him and mostly trying to change thesubject.

“Oh yeah right” he said and still chewing on that piece of bacon he made his way towards the counter and starting taking things so that he could make the pancakes he had promised both you and Mary.

“Hey were did you put the flour?” he asked after a while of almost-silence while searching through the cupboards.

You turned and looked up at the open cupboards as well “Uh I think… here, here” you said as you both spotted the flour behind the cookie jar.

You reached up to take it but he seemed to have the same thought as he reached for it as well and if your blush had subsided a little from before it now only returned back to your cheeks as your hands touched and you felt a shot of electricity run through you. Dean’s head immediately snapped to your direction and you were absolutely sure he had felt the same way as you. His green eyes were almost wide, and it certainly was not just because you reached for the same thing on the shelf at the same time. You saw a sparkle in his eyes that certainly was not because of the light shining through the orange curtains and on his face.

“I- Yeah” he cleared his throat, immediately turning his head up to the cupboard and taking hold of the flour, quickly turning his back to you and you were actually glad about it because he could not see your blush.

“Yeah” you breathed out shakily and looked down at your hand, the tingling sensation still there.

You bit your lip as you could literally feel the awkwardness crawling towards you but luckily the silence was broken by Mary’s voice, who had just walked in.

“Mhhm bacon!” she said happily as she seemingly had smelled of the bacon.

A smile immediately spread on both your’s and Dean’s face. If it was one thing, among all the others, that proved that Mary was Dean’s daughter was her love bacon, and sometimes eggs, in the morning and of course warm pie straight out of the oven every evening.

“Yep and it’s just for you! So hurry up and it before it gets cold” you said and helped her up to her chair, rubbing slightly her belly as she let out a happy giggle.

“Really? All for me?” she asked excited.

“Hey not all!” Dean didn’t miss a beat to protest.

You glared at him although playfully “Don’t worry Mr. greedy, I’ll make some more for you later”

“You better” he mumbled and you rolled your eyes at him.

Mary let out a giggle, putting her hands in front of her mouth “Daddy’s greedy!” she said obviously just liking the sound of the word and you couldn’t help a giggle as well.

“Very much so!” you nodded your head.

Dean glared at you playfully “Are you trying to turn my own child against me?” he raised an eyebrow and you shrugged innocently.

“Me? What? Nooo! Of course not!” you scoffed, trying to pretend innocent and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Sure sure.” he said, placing a plate with a pancake in front of you and proceeding to do the other one.

Comfortable silence fell between the three of you as you all fell into your comfortable routine. Dean making and serving you pancakes while you ate and at the same time wiped Mary’s mouth that always managed to make a mess with her food. It seemed all so natural and in place. So much that it felt like you did this all your life, like you belonged here, like you were actually a family. Dean once even kissed your forehead as he passed by to place the other pan in the sink and then sat next to you and you had to hide your blush once again.

Mary would not stop giggling as you and her kept exchanging looks that had to do with Dean and how he had stuffed his mouth with food. He was hungry that was for sure. You puffed your own cheeks imitating him in front of Mary and he had not realized a single thing yet. Mary let out another giggle and you winked at her. You glanced at Dean for a second to see him still stuffing his mouth with food and you neared your pointer towards his puffed cheek. You moved it forth and back, still not touching his cheek, and made an exploding noise with your mouth; hand motions included; and this time Mary’s giggles just could not stop. You grinned at her expression as she put her tiny hands in front of her mouth, trying to stifleher laughter but it was impossible.

“Ok what is the matter with you-?” Dean suddenly asked, turning his head and thus touching your finger.

You and Mary both erupted into a feat of laughter that echoed through the entire house and he only looked at you with a perplexed look. He shook his head and went back to eating.

“Women” he mumbled with a shake of his head.

And then silence fell again, save for the small snickers of either you and Mary when Dean was not looking at you suspiciously from th corner of his eye, mumbling some things to himself, shaking his head and going back to eating.

You had all soon finished breakfast, Mary watching TV, you washing the dishes and Dean just coming back from having gone to take the mail.

The door closed behind him with a thud and he walked towards you as he looked through the different letters. He let out a frustrated sigh and shook slightly his head.

“Bills?” you asked, drying your hands.

“That’s what it always is” he said, letting out another sigh.

“You know Dean… I have some money aside and if you wanted-” you started but were cut off by Dean before you could say much.

“No” he said firmly, lips pursed “Forget it, ok? I should be the one to give you money for always taking care of Mary” he raised one hand that soon fell.

“You know I don’t see it as a job. I love her and I look after her because I care. But Dean if you need help then-” you started but he cut you off again.

“I will ask for yours. I know. But at the moment I don’t need help and I certainly don’t want to take money from you that, I know, need it.” he said with a gentle smile.

“Ok” you let out a defeated sigh and shrugged yours shoulders.

“Oh here by the way” he said handing you a few letters as well.

“You took my mail as well?” you asked.

“Nope, seems that mailman put your mail in my box… again” the corners of his mouth lifted into a smirk as he said the last word and a groan immediately left your lips as soon as you saw that he had a hug grin on his face.

“Shut up” you grumbled, looking down at your letter mostly to avoid his gaze “It happened just once, will you just forget it?”

Dean laughed and raised his hands innocently for a second “Hey, not exactly only once.” he turned and took a small package that he had set on the table and handed it to you “It doesn’t happen to be red this time huh?” he smirked at you, raising an eyebrow leaning in closer to you to see as you opened it.

“Dean!” you exclaimed, feeling the redness in your cheeks get darker “I told you, it was just Caroline trying to tease me! When will you believe me?!”

“To believe what exactly? That she sent you a beautiful set of white lingerie because, as you’ve said, she wanted to tease you for not having found a boyfriend yet?” he asked and you nodded frantically that only made him roll his eyes playfully “Like hell! Come on, there is no shame in it (Y/n). I just never thought you’d be the kind of chick to wear thon-” he started but you cut him off.

“Dean!” you shrieked and he laughed at your wide eyes and bright red cheeks.

“What? To be honest it was pretty hot! Especially getting to think of you in lace” he smirked and nodded his head at his own words.

“Shut up” you grumbled, shoving his shoulders that only made him laugh more; especially at how red your face was.

“Why did you even open it in the beginning?” you asked in addition.

He shrugged “I thought it was about me, didn’t notice your name on top. But well, when I saw what it actually was… yeah” he made hand motions as the rest was obvious.

“Yeah I guess lingerie is not your thing”

“What? No, no. They just were not my size that’s all!” he said, half-seriously and half-jokingly and a smile formed on your lips as you snickered a few times.

“But really- you didn’t let me see how they were on you” he said as innocently and teasingly as he could.

You groaned loudly “You’re never going to let me hear the end of it, are you? I just hate you” you grumbled and started looking through your own mail.

“Yeah yeah I love you too” he said with a chuckle.

It was hard to ignore the small flutter of your heart as soon as the words left his mouth. You knew that he did not mean it the way you did but it coming from Dean Winchester who had only once said ‘I love you’ to a woman, his mother, was more than enough for you. Even if it was just friendly, or teasing, coming from the lips of Dean Winchester and towards you meant something, even if it was not entirely what you wanted it to be.

You skipped through the few letters you had, your mind mostly on Dean and what he had just said until your eyes caught sight of the words on the next letter and your eyes only widened.

A gasp left your mouth that now hang open and Dean immediately noticed.

“What? What is it? (Y/n)… is everything alright?” he asked in a worried voice but got no response.

You could not utter a word after this.


	6. Chapter 6

“(Y/n)? (Y/n) are you alright? What is it?” Dean asked, worry lacing his voice.

You did not respond to him as you started ripping the envelope apart to get to the main letter. You still found it impossible to believe so you needed to see it with your own eyes to make sure. And sure as hell, once you open the envelope there it was. In your hands. Right in front of your eyes.

“(Y/n)? What’s that?” Dean asked with a deep frown, coming closer to you and trying to look at the letter in your hands.

“It’s-” you swallowed looking up at him “-an invitation. To my sister’s wedding.” you said, unable to hide your shock.

“Oh.” Dean only nodded his head “So?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

You rolled your eyes at him “My sister is getting married Dean!” you said trying to put emphasis on all of your words but Dean just seemed not to get it.

“Yeah, I very much realized that. I can’t understand what your problem is. Shouldn’t you be happy about it?” he asked simply.

“Yes, yes and I am.” you let out a sigh “I am happy about her. It was not something I didn’t expect either. They were together for really long and had been talking about it for months, it’s just… It’s just I never expected it to happen so  _soon_.”

“Well, I really can’t see what’s so bad about that” he shrugged but you only shook your head, opening the invitation to see the beautiful letters with the date and place next to a photo of your sister and her future husband.

“Wow that’s her? Man she’s hot! Do you think she’ll be interested in having some fun before the wedding or- ow!” Dean started saying as he looked at the photo only to stop and exclaim, rubbing his shoulder as you had hit him rather hard.

“What was that for?” he asked, looking at you now.

“That’s my sister.” you hissed, glaring up at him and trying not show the jealousy that was rising up inside you “And she’s getting married. So shut it.” you ended up growling and looked down at the invitation.

“Oh fuck” you breathed out in a whisper as soon as your eyes scanned the date.

“What?” Dean asked worried again.

“It- It’s taking place this Sunday” you breathed out in horror.

“So?” Dean asked, not grasping what you were saying in the least bit.

“What ‘so’ Dean?! Today is Saturday! The wedding is tomorrow! Oh fuck fuck fuck!” you ran a hand through your hair, pacing around and in circles.

“How the heck did I miss this letter! I check my mail everyday! No wait- Damn it of course I missed it! It was in _your_ box! Not mine. Fuck it Winchester why don’t you check your mail more often?!” you almost shouted at him.

“Whoa hey! Don’t point a finger on me now! It was not my fault that stupid guy keeps putting your mail in my box as well!” he raised his hands in surrender.

“I know I know. Sorry. Oh damn the wedding’s tomorrow and I don’t- Fuck fuck fuck!” you started panicking again.

“Whoa whoa whoa hey (Y/n), calm down. Calm down!” he grabbed you by your shoulders and effectively made you stop.

“Take a deep breath” you did as he told you “And now, speak. More calm. That’s not the reason why you’re panicking, is it?”

You looked down at your feet sheepishly and shook your head a 'no’.

“Then what is it?” he asked in a low and rough voice. He was calm and managed to make you feel that way as well.

“Well, it sort of is. It’s just- I didn’t expect it to happen so soon and it caught me off guard.” you sighed, taking a seat on a nearby chair, him doing the same right opposite you “I knew it was going to happen sometime I just am not prepared. My whole family is going to be there, Dean. Everybody. And they will all be looking at my sister and be talking about how beautiful she is and how lucky she was to find a guy like Ian, her future husband. And then-then they will be looking at me, and- and they will be whispering among themselves how I am still… alone” you ended up whispering in a rough voice, biting your lip to keep the tears in.

Dean did not say anything, he just put a hand on top of yours rubbing his thumb over your palm. You looked up at him and smiled just slightly before speaking “About two years ago my cousin got married and I went there. I was so happy about her but soon I just wanted to crawl under a hole and die there. Lots of my relatives kept talking about my cousin and how much of a beautiful bride she was but I- I could hear them also talking about me and how I was all alone. I didn’t think it would bother me so much but when they spoke directly to me I just- it was impossible to take it Dean. The way they would look at me when, after asking me with whom I was there, I said I was alone and how I did not have a boyfriend was…” you let out a shaky breath, shaking your head slightly.

“But it’s not that it bothers me so much.” you continued “It didn’t bother me then and it doesn’t bother me now. I am not with somebody by choice Dean and I am ok with it. But I really don’t know how I will be able to take it this time, especially since it is my sister’s birthday.” you let out a sigh, shaking your head “I can already picture the look on my mother’s face when I tell her that I am there on my own or that I don’t have a boyfriend at all”

“Doesn’t she already know that?” he asked softly.

You shook your head “I haven’t talked to her for a while, so she has no news of me for a couple months”

“But… you knew that this moment was going to come sooner or later, right?” he asked in the same voice tone and you nodded your head.

You sighed, nodding your head “Yeah, yeah I did. I was just, you know, praying that it would be later” you let out a humorless laugh “And- it’s- seeing that invitation made realization down on me in the hard way. I’m happy for my sister it’s just- I don’t think I will be able to take my parents’ comments about being still single even for a day. They’ve always been proud of her and literally bragging about how she had found such a great guy and then- then they would immediately start with me. Talking about how I had still not found someone or asking when would I do so and all that.And- I won’t deny it, I was hoping that by the time my sister had her wedding I would be there with somebody- just for once to not have to deal with what they’d have to say but I just guess I will have to once again put up with it.”

You let out a big sigh and took your hand away from him, immediately starting to miss the warmth and comfort it brought to you. You got up from your sit and made your way to the living room where Mary sat on the carpet watching intensely at the TV screen. A smile immediately spread on your lips as you saw her hold the teddy bear you’d brought on her first birthday as a gift, her green eyes shining with wonder as she looked at the TV. You leaned against the door frame, the smile still on your lips although it soon fluttered as you thought of everything that could possibly happen this weekend. You would have to, after all, be there by tonight evening for sure.

Let the torture last more.

The smile completely fell from your face and you couldn’t help but frown at the thoughts that ran through your mind. All of the things that you’d have to do, help in preparations, and get ready for yourself.

“(Y/n)?” a soft voice and small hand placed on your leg made you snap out of your thoughts as you looked down at Mary. A small, rather adorable, frown was set on her face as she looked up at you.

“Are you ok?” her childlike voice asked, ever so caring.

“Yeah bug, don’t worry” you put on a smile on your face, ruffling her hair. She seemed to instantly believe you as her face brightened up “Go, watch TV now” you urged and with a big smile and nod she left.

“Are you?” Dean’s rough voice made you turn your head to look at him next to you.

“I will. When this weekend is over.” you said letting out a sigh.

You put on a smile, though, and looked up at Dean, trying to seem hopeful “It’s better if I get done and over with it soon anyway.” you shrugged slightly “It’s not as if my mother will ever stop complaining about the lack of boyfriend. I was hoping that if she saw me at the wedding with somebody she would worry and bother me less but I guess there is no way of avoiding that.”

“Well… what if there is?” Dean said hesitantly and a frown set on your face.

“Wh-what?” you stuttered out.

“I’m just-” he shrugged “-saying that, you know, if you’d like to- that you could probably avoid all that… stuff. The nagging and talking and whispers and remarks and yeah” he said making hand motions, trying to act as indifferent as possible. You could not help but notice how he was concerned about you, your heart fluttering at that sight, and probably had even something in mind.

“If I want το? Of course I do. You have no idea how much. But… how?” you asked.

“Well… there is only one way right?”

“Yeah, showing up at the wedding with a boyfriend. Small problem there cause I kinda don’t have one” you said matter-of-factly.

“But- But what if you actually did huh?” he asked reluctantly.

“Dean wh- what are you trying to say?” you said, feeling your heart pick up its rate.

“I’m trying to say that-” he licked his lips, clearing his throat and gaining a little more courage “Look, (Y/n). What I am trying to say is that if you show up at the wedding with a boyfriend then your parents will stop complaining. Yes of course you don’t have one-” he added quickly, raising his hands to stop you as you had opened your mouth to protest “-but- but what if you did? Just for the wedding?” he asked tentatively.

“Like, a fake boyfriend?” you asked and he nodded slowly “I- I-” you blinked several times as you tried to take in the idea “I guess” you breathed out “I guess it could work. But- But who? I don’t think I know somebody that could be good enough and I don’t have that time to-” you abruptly stopped talking as Dean cleared his throat, clearly fake and looking quite offended, and that’s when realization down on you.

“Oh. _Oh_ … Really?” you breathed out in disbelief.

“Well- I mean- I guess I could…?” it came out as more of a question, he cleared his throat before speaking up again “We are friends after all, right? And what are friends for? Look, you’ve actually helped me through a lot of hard situations, whether it be with Mary or whatever other crap I was going through at that time and it’s only right that I do the same. I wanna help you, (Y/n). You need my help and I’m going to give it to you” he shrugged slightly.

“B-but- that’s just, you know, too much to ask from you Dean” you breathed out, voice barely above a whisper.

“No, no it’s not (Y/n). Look, I’m not going to force you or anything. This is your decision to make after all but- I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I’m not good with this crap and you know it but- we are friends after all” he gave you a half smile and you noticed a small blush creep up his cheeks.

“I know Dean” you let out a small sigh, a soft smile on your lips “But-” you fidgeted nervously with your hands “-you know, you will have to pretend to be… my _boyfriend_. For a whole weekend at that.” your voice was in almost a whisper.

“Well, I don’t think it would be that hard. Maybe awful but- ow!” he ended up exclaiming as you punched him in the shoulder. But a smile was on his face as he clearly teased you which only made you chuckle softly as well.

“But… it’s not something easy and with my parents and almost whole family there it just-” you let out a big sigh “I can’t ask you to do something like that for me, Dean. It’s just… too much” you said biting your lip hard.

“No, (Y/n). It’s not. I offered to help you. You take care of Mary almost in a daily basis for lots of hours without even taking the smallest amount of money for it, you even offered to help me with paying the bills. It’s the least I can do for you. 'Sides I don’t think it will be that bad. We could even enjoy it, right?” he asked raising an eyebrow “At leasτ you would, for once. It’s you sister’s wedding after all, you should enjoy it and not have to deal once again with your parents” he added with a small shrug.

“Are you- are you sure?” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. You felt a small blush of your own spread on your cheeks as you thought of the possibility of spending almost an entire weekend with Dean while pretending to be a couple. Sure, it was just pretending but you even now felt that weird beating of your heart as you thought of how close you’d be with Dean. You didn’t know if you’d be able to control yourself or the reactions of your own self.

“Only if you want to” he gave you a small shrug.

You let out a sigh, still contemplating if you should say yes or no. If you declined you knew you’d have to put up with your parents once again and the weekend would turn into the worst of your life but if you said yes- if you said yes, then who would assure you that the weekend would go by without you spilling anything to him or at least him realizing how you felt about him? And if he did then… what would happen between the two of you? Dean surely did not have feelings for you. What would happen to your friendship? You were afraid that you were just going to lose him forever, along with Mary. And that thought alone scared you to no end.

“Sure” you breathed out before you could realize it. Maybe it was that part of you that wanted this to happen even if it was not true. That part of you that wanted to know how this felt- how having Dean as your boyfriend was even if it was for a weekend and not real.

“Great then! I’ll go pack up a few things since we’ll stay there for a while and you better do the same!” he said a little bittoo enthusiased about it and of course you frowned.

“Whoa wait wait wait!” you put your hands in front of him to stop him from making a move, seeing as he was ready to walk upstairs “If you and I are both gone for the weekend who will take care of Mary?” you asked glancing for a second at Mary that had her head turned to you as soon as she heard her name.

“Oh I know my mom won’t have a problem taking of her. We can drop her off at her house on the way” he said with a shrug.

“Grandma Mary?” Mary’s voice was heard from behind Dean, who moved to the side so that you could both look at her.

“Yes.” Dean said with a smile, bending down to be the same eye level with her “How does it sound to you going atgrandma and grandpa for the weekend? Do you want to?”

“Yes yes yes!” she smiled widely, jumping up and down and clapping her hands “I love grandma and grandpa!”

Dean chuckled ruffling her hair and getting up to look at you “Problem solved. Anything else?”

“N-no. I guess” you rubbed on your arm nervously.

“Hey come on cheer up! I know the idea of having me as a boyfriend even for a weekend may be bad but-” he started saying jokingly, trying to cheer you up but you cut him off.

“Bad? Only bad? That is a nightmare coming true! How will I be able to survive this weekend is impossible to comprehend!” you said a little over-dramatically and he faked hurt.

“Ouch!” he put a hand over his heart “That hurt!”

You both soon erupted into a feat of laughter and you finally found yourself relaxing for a moment and the weight lifting off your shoulders just a little bit.

“But- you never really know” he said after the laughter had died down “You might actually enjoy it” he grinned widely and wiggled his eyebrows at you.

 _Definitely_ you thought.

You scoffed and turned your head on the other side, mostly trying to avoid eye contact with him. You did not want him to realize anything after all.

“You’d wish” you said with a roll of your eyes.

“Whatever” he brushed you off “I’m gonna go pack some things up. You better do the same. The sooner we start the better”

“I wouldn’t really say that” you said with a small sigh.

He gave you a half smile, trying to reassure you. He put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it softly before making his way upstairs quickly, to his room obviously.

You let out a long sigh and closed your eyes, leaning your head against the door-frame.

You felt a pair of small hands on your leg and opened your eyes to look down at Mary looking up at you with a small frown. You smiled at the visible concern on her face and ruffled her hair slightly.

“At least you are going to enjoy this weekend” you said with a sigh, your thumb rubbing over her cheek.

“Aren’t you mommy?” she asked, having caught on what you had murmured.

You let out a sigh and pursed your lips “I don’t know, bug. I don’t know”.

You shook your head and smiled at her “Anyway, we better get you ready for your weekend at grandma’s. Come on, let’s give you a small shower.” you said and bent slightly down, extending your hands but she moved away.

“No” she said with a small pout “I wanna watch the show” she said taking a few steps back.

You chuckled slightly “You will watch the show later, don’t worry. Now come on. It’s just a small shower” you said, moving towards her but she only backed away.

“No” she said with a small shake of her head.

“Mary” you put your hands on your hips and looked at her with a smirk “Come on. It’s just a shower.”

“No” she shook her head but you saw a small smile form on her lips.

“Mary” you said her name in a warning though playful tone, your smile getting bigger.

“No” she insisted.

You took a sudden step forward, hands extended to catch her, but right as she was just a few inches away, she walked under you and quickly away from you.

You gasped in a shock but a smile formed on your lips again “Mary!” you exclaimed and she giggled, putting her hands in front of her mouth.

“Mary come on, it’s just a shower!” you tried to reason with her.

She stubbornly shook her head, the smile still on her lips, and immediately turned and run out of the living room and away from you. Her small bare footsteps were heard as she ran, and you shook your head with a laugh.

“Mary come here now!” you said while laughing. You ran after her, chasing her around the kitchen as her childlike giggles could be heard all around the house.

You chuckled as you ran after her, around the table and chairs. You had almost caught her but she slipped from your grip as she crawled down under the chairs and then table. You bent down and looked at her.

“Mary come on now!” you exclaimed with a big smile.

“No!” she exclaimed and then laughed.

You shook your head with a grin as you bent more down and tried to crawl under the table. Just as you had almost made it and were about to extend your hand to catch her she quickly slipped away from you and from under the table. She was quickly on her feet and running away from you, her small height helped her in getting up but certainly not you. It took you a while to crawl off from under the table but as soon as you managed that, you were quickly making your way towards the living room.

You walked slowly and as silently as possible towards the direction Mary had left and back inside the living room. You looked around you, a small frown on your face as you tried to spot her. You looked under the coffee table but she was not there, you thought she might have left and you were ready to do so until you heard movement. You looked at the curtains, thinking you had seen them move, until you spotted a pair of small bare feet extrude from under the curtains. You saw it move slightly and a smirk formed on your lips.

“Hm I wonder where Mary is” you said the smile not leaving your face “Well, maybe she left. I would better go upstairs and there for her” you said, turning your back to where Mary was hiding and making your way out of the living room. Slowly but surely, just so that Mary could realize it. You heard a small giggle come from her and you chuckled a little as well. You peeked over your shoulder as you were 'leaving’ the living room and saw her how she was peeking through the curtains at you. You went around the corner and made your way quickly towards the other small door that was connectedto the living room. You saw Mary giggle as she left the curtains and slowly made her way towards the way you had left from. She stood in the doorway for a while as she looked from side to side.

You tiptoed your way towards her, snickering slightly and-

“Got ya!” you exclaimed and grabbed her by her sides, and Mary let out a surprised yelp as you lifted her in the air.

“No!” she said through giggles.

“Too late. There is no escaping now” you giggled and she let out a loud squeal as you set her down and starting tickling her sides.

“N-no!” she squeaked through giggles as you attacked her sides. Your fingers skipped through her sides and then small belly that only made her laugh more. You laughed along with her as you nuzzled your face at the small crook of her neck, fact that only earned a new feat of laughter from the little girl. You chuckled as she wiggled in your arms, trying to push you away but clearly failing. Her small feet and arms in the air as her whole body shook with laughter. You laughed along with her, stopping only for a second to look at the wide smile on her face, her green eyes shining brightly.

“S-Stop please!” she said through giggles and you shook your head still laughing.

“Not unless you say you give up!” you said and she stubbornly shook her head, the smile still on her lips.

“No!” she insisted and you shrugged.

“You asked for it!” you laughed and continued attaching her sides as she squirmed in your arms.

You both giggled and laughed, Mary’s squeals could be heard all around the place and soon another chuckle was heard. Not yours or Mary’s.

You instantly stopped and looked up to see Dean leaning against the door-frame with a wide smile on his face, a hand in front of his mouth as he tried to stifle his laughter “I heard the noises from upstairs and came to look what was going on. I didn’t know you were under attack” he said with a snicker.

He had probably been standing there for a long while, considering the smile on his face. But you could not complain. You had never seen him like this. His eyes shone in a way you had never seen before. As if- as if what stood before him was something he’d always wished for. Something he longed for but coud not have. A family.

You shook your head at the stupid or mostly hopeful thoughts.

You rolled your eyes at him, a small blush on your cheeks but a smile on your face nonetheless “Shut up. I was just trying to get Mary to have a bath but she, being your daughter, stubbornly denied to” you playfully glared at him.

Dean shrugged “What can I say” he chuckled “Come on, it’s no problem. She’s fine. I can get her ready, you just go pack some things up. We’ll get going soon. I called my mother and she said she’s got no problem.”

“Oh alright then” you got up, helping Mary do the same. Dean took her in his arms and turned to look at you again.

“Be ready in a hour and a half. The ride to your parents’ house is long so we better get started soon” he told you and you gave him a reluctant nod.

All this time you had managed to forget all of it, but now as you were ready to pack some things up for your sister’s wedding and actually visit your parents after such a long time you didn’t know if you actually should. Doubts had started crawling up your chest, mostly at the thought of spending an entire weekend with your parents. You had not seen them for a good while so and you had actually gotten used to not having to deal with their constant nagging but you really did not know what you were going to do now.

Especially now that you’d have to pretend that Dean was your boyfriend.

~~~

You had managed to pack a couple things up quickly. You noticed you didn’t have a suitable dress for the wedding but you could deal with it when you arrived there. Maybe you’d go by the mall to find one. You didn’t care much.

“Here, let me help you” Dean said taking your small laguage from your hands, after you locked the door behind you and made your way to his car.

You’d always loved the Impala, not to mention riding shot gun when Dean took you and Mary on some small trip.

You got inside and looked back at Mary who smiled at you, holding the teddy you had gifted her. You smiled at her as well, and then turned to look in front of you.

Dean came in and slammed the door behind him, turning the ignition on as the car roared to life.

“Ready?” he asked looking at you, one hand on the wheel.

“Ready” you breathed out.

 _Here we go_ you thought.


	7. Chapter 7

You watched as the scenery passed by in a blur of greens and occasionally yellows and oranges. Be it any other occasion you would feel calm and it would only manage to make you relax even more. Especially with Dean being the one sitting next to you. You’d occasionally glance at him and you could really not help a small smile from being on your lips. It wasn’t often that you got to see that genuine bright smile on his face with all the worries he had and actually seeing it meant a lot to you. He looked so carefree, as if he had no worries in the world, and at the same time so young. You would have loved to know him when he was younger so much. But even now you could not complain. He had the heart of a five-year-old.

When he caught your eyes on him he’d turn his head to look at you and the smile would immediately turn into a smirk as he threw you a wink. The only thing you did was roll your eyes at him and turn your head the other way so that he would not notice the blush or smile that was on your lips. He would chuckle at you, extending one hand over your shoulders and making you lean in so that he would place a kiss on the side of your head.

“Eyes on road Winchester” you’d say, taking off his hand over your shoulders and making him focus on the road more than you.

Although, truth be told, you didn’t want it. You loved it when he showed you all this attention, it made you feel special and for a moment you forgot that you were only friends. It was sad but it was the truth. Even if the gesture was just a simple way for him to show to you how he felt, you knew it was strictly friendly. It was how Dean acted, you should just get used to it. You actually would not help the butterflies that danced like crazy in your stomach but you only tried to push the feelings away. Dean and you were only friends. He saw you as only a friend but nothing more. You just should not let your feelings get in the way.

Dean would just shake his head at you, mumbling something under his breath and turning the volume of the music higher. AC/DC was blasting through the speakers and you caught yourself letting a small giggle as he played drums on the steering wheel.

‘Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole’ he had told you the first time you had gotten into his car and rode with him. He did pick the music. Always. Unless of course Mary was in the car. Just a small 'please’ from her in combination with puppy eyes that, as Dean had told you, were the outcome of her time with her uncle, Dean’s brother, Sam and Dean would go all mushy and do whatever she wanted. And in that case was her picking the music. Just like this time. Yes, she was the one that had picked AC/DC. Not him. Well, the first time that was a surprise but what could you do? She was the daughter of the one and only Dean Winchester. You could not expect less.

As soon as you were sure Dean was not looking at you though, all attention on playing drums and singing with the company of Mary in the backseat (although she mostly mumbled what she thought the lyrics said), you went back to sneaking glances at him. You felt a warm feeling spread all over you, and it was not attributed to the sun that shone over the car as you rode. No it certainly was not that. You felt your heart beat in that weird way of its, inside your chest and you instantly knew what it was. You allowed yourself to smile as you looked between Dean and Mary as they both oh so happily jammed to the classic rock music, a rather proud smile on Dean’s face that made you feel even more warm on the inside.

All of this brought back memories of when you three would ride to some trip either on the woods or by the beach a little further away. These exact smiles would be every time on their faces. Sometimes you played hard to get, that you were not in the mood for a trip but truth was that you looked forwards to them every second weekend. The unexpected ones where just as much welcomed as Dean would just come over, ring your bell and tell you that he and Mary were going to a theme park that had opened nearby and needed more company. Sometimes you wanted him to plead a little for you but just after a few seconds you would give in. Because truth be told it just made you feel as if you were a family. A happy one at that, a loving one that went on trips to spend some more time together.

Pure happiness was the only word that came to your mind as you remembered all those times. The smiles and giggles of Mary when you went to that circus once, or her wide eyes when you visited a zoo and she looked at the tigers in wonder claiming she wanted to get one as a pet- you really did not want to get started with Dean’s reaction because she actually did mean it and would not stop asking him to. You had been laughing for the rest of the ride back home. And then of course was one of your favorites. The weekend spent at the small cabin in the woods. It was one Dean had rented from a friend of his just for the two of you. It was around winter and that along with the snow outside, hot cocoa and eatingmarshmallows by the fireplace as you were wrapped in blankets was one of the best things. That oh and of course the stories Dean would tell you of his adventures with his younger brother. You remember how Mary had fallen asleep after a while in your arms and after you put her to sleep you and Dean stayed up for the rest of the night, talking about everything and everyone. It almost reminded you of that first night you met him. Almost.

You were brought out of your daydreaming as you felt the Impala come to a halt. You blinked several times, panic almost rising in your chest that you had already arrived at your home. However you felt yourself letting out a small sigh of reliefas you noticed that it was the house of Dean’s parents as he was just about to drop Mary to her grandparents.

“Wait I’ll come to help you” you said, getting out of the car just as Dean did. You unbacked Mary from her seat and took her in your arms, closing the door of the car behind you. You fixed a little her hair and she smiled at you as you kissed her cheek.

“Alright-” Dean said slamming the car truck shut, quickly coming to your side; big pink bag with Mary’s things in hand.

“I’ll just go drop her at mom, you can wait here or-” he took Mary in his arms “-hey, if you want to you can come. Mom would love to finally meet you” a smile covered his lips at the idea of you meeting her.

“Wait- finally? You mean you- you have talked to her about me?” you breathed out in disbelief.

Sure Dean had told you a lot of things about his mother, even his father and brother. You knew a lot about him so that meant about his family and friends as well, some of whom you had met on your own. But you had never imagined he had actually talked about you to them. His mother above all. It made your heart beat in that weird way of its and warmth spread through your entire body as you could hardly fight a smile. There was a small spark of hope inside you that said that this could mean a lot.

“Hells yeah! She practically knows everything about you! She’s even been bugging me to get you to her so that she’d finally get to meet you!” he said with a wide smile.

“Whow Dean I- I don’t know” you muttered.

“Come on, just to say hi. We are not going to stay for long anyway, we need to leave asap for your place” he tried to convince you.

But the thought of meeting his mother alone scared the hell out of you. It just made this all too formal and at the same time… real. And you knew you were not. You were only friends with Dean and although meeting his mother meant nothing about that you just could not help the feeling so instead-

“No, Dean. Probably another time. If I come she may want us to stay a little and we do need to get at my home as fast as possible” you never thought would come the day you said you wanted to get to your home as soon as possible instead of spending time with Dean’s mother who happened to be the sweetest person in the world, as far as you had heard.

He sighed a little sadly “I guess you’re right. Alright then, wait here and I’ll be back quickly”

You nodded your head at him “Ok. Bye bug. See you in a few days, love you” you said to Mary, kissing her cheek and she let a small giggle.

Dean chuckled and turned to make his way to his parents’ house. Mary looked at you over her father’s shoulder, waving her small hand as you did the same with her.

You leaned against the Impala, hugging your jacket close to yourself and letting out a small sigh. You watched as Dean walked up the few stairs and rang the doorbell. He waited a little and after a few seconds the door swung open and a woman, his mother, stepped out of it. She had the brightest smile you had ever seen and you could now finally tell whom Dean had inherited his from. She had long blonde hair that matched that of Mary’s and you could actually spot a lot of similarities. No wonder seeing at how Dean looked so much like her. You watched them chat a little as she took Mary’s bag and gave her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek. Little Mary smiled widely at her and as she said something to her with a small smirk you saw how excitement washed over her face and she immediately ran away from Dean’s hands and inside the house.

'Come on! Not even a goodbye kiss to daddy?!’ you could faintly hear Dean say as he obviously shouted after at her.

You saw him shake his head and ran his fingers through his hair. Mary chuckled as well and you saw them talk a little more, not being able to hear any of the things they said. You saw her ruffle his short hair a little as she laughed at him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Dean made a rather grossed out face, wiping his cheek oh so dramatically. She shook her head at him as she said something more. You saw Dean speak back and look at you as he motioned with his hand. Your back immediately straightened as you felt yourself tense up when Mary’s eyes fell on you. You bit your lower lip as you saw her eyes study you, but a wide smile spread on her lips as she waved happily at you. You didn’t really know what to do, so you just waved back at her. You could not help but get a little bashful.

You let a small breath you didn’t know you’d been holding when she turned to look at Dean. You saw he speak with him, occasionally glancing at you which made you still be a little tense. You saw Dean roll his eyes. He said a few things to her as she did. They hugged and once they pulled away, she pecked his cheek. He smiled at her anyway, obviously saying goodbye and waving at her. She turned to look at you, waving in goodbye and you did the same.

“You ready?” Dean’s voice made you turn your head away from his mother.

“Yeah” you nodded your head and made your way to your seat as did Dean.

You both got in but you could not help but look at her as she stood for a little while at the door smiling at you. Only when she got inside, did you turn to look at Dean. You saw him be a little grumpy and frowned at his behavior.

“What did you say?” you could not help but ask.

“Oh nothing, just chatted up a little bit. Asked how long I’d be gone and where were we going and such” he shrugged.

“Did you tell her about…?” you trailed off.

“No, no. Too long story after all” he shook his head.

“But you did talk about me, didn’t you?” you asked hesitantly.

“Uh yeah yeah, she was pretty happy to put a face to the name. She said to tell you hi, by the way, and-” he unexpectedly leaned in and pecked your cheek “-to give you a kiss” he winked at you with a cheeky grin that got wider as he saw you blush. You could hardly contain your eyes from widening as well.

“Oh” was really the only thing you could say.

“Yep” Dean said speeding away “Also, said you look pretty and smart”

“Oh. Oh, that is really sweet of her to-” you could not finish your sentence as Dean added.

“Which also explains why you are not with me” he concluded and you really felt your eyes widen.

You clapped a hand over your mouth and Dean turned to look at you “Come on, go ahead. I won’t blame you” he said and you did.

You did burst into laughter as Dean only pursed his lips, shaking his head.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” you breathed out in between laughing, you almost kicked your feet a hand drapped over your mouth and another over your stomach that had began to hurt from all the laughing.

“Yeah yeah funny. Very funny” Dean rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Oh gosh! Your own mother said this? Man stop the car! I need to go back to congratulate her!” you said laughing hard.

“Ha ha very funny (Y/n), yeah. You and her would really be best friends now that I think about it” he grumbled.

“Aw come on Dean. It’s just-” you snickered “-it’s funny cause it’s true” and you burst into laughter and Dean rolled his eyes at you oh so dramatically.

A loud groan left his lips “Fucking great” he grumbled to himself as he pressed his foot more on the petal, speeding up to your house.

~*~

Your laughter could hardly be contained during the ride and you could clearly see Dean trying to keep himself from laughing as well. It actually brought back some memories and he started telling you different stories that only made you laugh more. Dean chuckled to himself as well, shaking his head but what you loved more was how his eyes shone so brightly. They had a spark in them that made your heart beat in that weird way that you had long ago gotten used to.

Your laughter was cut short, though, the second you noticed your house in the distance all the more approach. You dreaded the second you would step out of the car and go there. It was almost evening so you knew that only meant that you would have dinner with them and not just go, say hi and then go to bed. The nightmares would come before that, you were sure. A completely uncomfortable feeling creeped up your throat and you shifted in your seat. It was not just because of the fear of what your parents would say this time but what you were going to do this time. Not only had you been used every time to listening to them talk non-stop about your love life like they owned it but also had managed to put up with it. While now- well, now that was not going to be the case. Now you should get used to something completely different. And that was pretending to be in a relationship with Dean.

While that could not be hard on its own. The fact that you actually had feelings for the man and did not want to let anything slip in fear or ruining your friendship made everything seem impossible to manage. How were you going to let him be so close to you – because he’d have to – touch you, be affectionate and sweet, compliment you, show he loves you and in general act like a boyfriend to you – all of the things you’d wanted for so long – without letting anyone realize anything? But above all, how were you going to do all that to him without letting it show how you really felt, especially to Dean?

As you thought of that, the option of showing up all alone seemed all the more tempting. But you just did not have any more time.

As if out of reflex your hand snapped to his side and took hold of his, giving him a squeeze as if to comfort yourself.

Dean turned his head to look at you with worry in his eyes, the car slowing down “I’m taking it that’s you house huh?” he asked and you turned to look at him. You gave him a small nod.

“If you want to, we can stay a little while here till you’re ready” he offered.

“Can we not go there at all?” you asked hopefully.

He chuckled softly, giving you hand a squeeze “Don’t think so princess” he said in a low voice.

You nodded your head, swallowing “I thought so. Well, better get over with this as soon as possible” you said the last part mostly to yourself.

“Hey” Dean squeezed your hand to make you look at him “I’m not that bad of a fake boyfriend, you know” he let a small chuckle as if to lighten the mood.

“I hope so” you let a breathless laugh and only looked at him.

Dean did not say anything, only looked back at you. His eyes roamed your face as if he was searching for something, a small frown on his face as he still held your hand without noticing it and rubbing his thumb over your palm.

“It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok, I promise I won’t mess up” he whispered.

You smiled faintly “I know you won’t Dean. I believe in you… it’s me that I am not so sure about” you ended up whispering, looking down at you feet.

Before Dean could say anything more – and he was about to – you cleared your throat and straightened your back, taking in a deep breath.

“Come on. Let’s do this” you said determined and Dean nodded his head at you.

A little while after Dean had parked the car and had your luggage in hand you both stood at your doorstep, your hand hovering over the doorbell. Dean looked at you with a frown.

“If you want more time-” but he did not complete his sentence as you shook your head.

“No, no I’m fine. The sooner we get over with this the better” you said taking in a deep breath and ringing the bell.

He did not seem to believe any of the things you said, though, as he took hold of your hand and gave it a squeeze making you turn your head to look at him.

“You’ll do great. I know” he comforted you, leaning in to place a soft kiss on your forehead. You had to keep your eyes from widening but it was near impossible. Just like it was impossible to keep the blush away from your cheeks as his face lingered so close to yours. You almost go lost staring into his green eyes that just looked as if they stared deep in your soul, like he could read you. They looked so bright and warm as light shone over them, his freckles even seemed like little stars. Some sparkling and some not as the warm orange light was being casted over you.

Your staring unfortunately had been cut short as you heard footstep nearing the door and soon enough it had swungopen, making you and Dean both straighten your backs and pull away in a second.

“(Y/n)?”


	8. Chapter 8

“(Y/n)?”

You felt your breath hitch on your throat as soon as you locked eyes with-

“Hey mom” you breathed out with a small smile. Not matter what, it felt great to see her again. You had missed her actually.

“Oh my God” she breathed out, clasping a hand over her mouth as you could see tears welling up in her eyes “Sweetheart!” she exclaimed and in just a second she had you enveloped in her arms.

You could not help but let a small giggle as she practically crashed you in her arms, hugging you like she had not seen you for years. It was not entirely a lie.

“Oh dear” she breathed out overly emotional as she pulled away “Look at you, look at how you have changed. Oh dear, you have lost weight. Why? Don’t you eat well? (Y/n) I’ve told you so many times you should-” of course she started her usual rambling so you cut her off before she could continue.

“Mom!” you exclaimed, effectively stopping her “I’m fine, relax. And no I have not lost any weight. Don’t worry I eat all my food. I know how to take care of myself” you could hardly keep yourself from rolling your eyes at her.

“Mhm” she hummed in agreement as she looked at you up and down- and that was exactly what you had not missed with her. The judging look on her face as she looked at you even when she said nothing.

“I can see that you are taking care of yourself… but no so much of your clothing. Darling-” she sighed oh-so-dissapprovingly “What is this? Hm?”

For a second you even looked down at yourself. It was nothing out of the usual. A pair of high-waisted faded blue jeans, an AC/DC shirt and a green flannel you had borrowed from Dean long ago, along with a pair of military boots. You were pretty satisfied with how you looked but you should have thought about it again considering you were not going to just another trip with Dean but actually visiting your parents. Your dad of course had no problem with that but your mother always judged your style and seeing you dressed in anything but a dress or at least jeans paired with high heels to make it look a little more girly was no exception for sure.

“Mom don’t start again please” this time you visibly rolled your eyes at her.

“But sweetheart you-” she started but suddenly stop and it took you a little while to realize why that was it.

“Oh. _Oh_.” she said “And who might this handsome man be?” a sly (you could definitely say) smile spread on her lips.

“Uh name is Dean Winchester, m'am. Nice to meet you” Dean said politely, extending one hand for her to shake.

“Why pleasure to meet you Dean” she smiled warmly “I’m taking it that you are not the taxi driver that was kind enough to carry her luggage till here, though, huh?” she asked and Dean chuckled slightly.

“No I-” he started but did not continue as he turned to look at you as if asking if he should say it or not.

“Uhm” you started speaking again, and even if you were tentative you took hold of his hand and straightened your back to look her straight in the eyes “Dean’s my boyfriend mom.” it felt so weird to say that whole sentence at once. But if you could admit, the good kind of weird that made you just a little happy on the inside. However you had to remind yourself that this was not really. Sadly.

“Oh. Oh!… _Really?_ ” the astonishment in her voice was hard to hide as she looked up and down at Dean.

You rolled your eyes “Yes mom” you said exasperated.

_Great! She didn’t even believe you were capable of having a boyfriend like Dean! Bloody thank you!_

“Uh yes. (Y/n) told me about her sister’s wedding and we thought it would be a great idea if I escorted her to this and maybe stayed here with her- that is if it is alright with you I mean?” he asked and you had to try very hard to hide how shocked you were at how much of a gentleman he sounded like. He really could be the ideal boyfriend if he wanted to.

“Oh my, yes yes of course! Of course you can! The more the merrier! Please come in-” she stepped aside to let you both in “-and leave the luggage here, no need to tire yourself more Dean!” she said his name like a little excited school girl and you really fought the urge to roll your eyes. Once again.

“Thank you m'am” Dean said once again very politely and your mother let out a giggle.

“Oh Dean no need for such formalities! You can call me just (y/m/n)!” she smiled brightly at him and Dean chuckled slightly.

“As you wish m'am- I mean (y/m/n)” he said and she chuckled.

“Wait- just wait a second for me to tell everybody! Oh your father will be so happy to meet Dean!” she could hardly keep herself from squealing and in an instant she was gone, leaving you and Dean for a second alone.

“M'am? Really?” you raised an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Shut up. I had to sell this a little” he defended “Make it believable. That I am the best you could ever get” he shrugged.

 _‘I don’t doubt in the least bit’_ you thought to yourself, biting slightly your lip.

Silence followed for a little while between the two of you as you only looked down at yourself, slightly fidgeting with Dean’s flannel that you wore.

“For the record-” Dean’s low and rough voice got your attention “-I think you look great in these clothes” a small smile was on his lips as he spoke truthfully.

You could not help but look at him in awe and with adoration. You practically felt your heart swell inside your chest as you looked back down sheepishly.

“Thanks” you murmured, tucking a few strands of stray hair behind your ear.

“No problem” he said in an equally low voice “It’s the truth”

You bit your lip at his words, trying to keep your smile from getting bigger. You opened your mouth to say something but someone else beat you at it before you even could utter a word.

“Peanuts?” your father’s voice and the sound of footstep made your head snap up to his direction.

“Dad” you smiled widely.

“Sweet lord of pie, is that really you?!” you could not help but let a giggle at his words. Oh yes, you had almost forgotten that.

“In flesh and bone” you chuckled, striding towards him as he did the same.

“Look how much you’ve changed!” he exclaimed with a deep chuckle as his arms wrapped around you and yours around him.

“Oh dad I’ve missed you” you mumbled in his chest as he hugged you tightly.

“I missed you too peanuts” he mumbled through your hair “Well look at that, still wearing ugly ass t-shirts huh?”

“Dad” you rolled your eyes groaning.

He chuckled “Just kidding. You know I always encouraged you to be what you want to. Besides-” he leaned more so to whisper to you “-You look way better in this than those freaking pink dresses your mom made you wear! God knows where she found those- ow!” he ended up exclaiming as your mother hit him in the back of his head.

“I heard you mister! And those dresses looked way better on her than what she’s wearing now!” she reprimanded him and your father rolled his eyes.

“Well she’s a grown ass woman so she can do whatever the hell she wants to! And as long as she is happy with her rock T-shirts then so be it!” he retorted and you chuckled slightly as your mother mumbled something under her breath, crossing her hand over her chest.

“Just as long as you don’t start with those eating contests again” she muttered and you and your father chuckled.

“Oh but we will! Big Tony created some new dishes and he has a new barbecue sauce for our burgers that you will love! He said that the second you step foot into town he expects you to be there to try it! I know Jeremy will be there too just in case you want company to the wedd-” he did not have time to complete this sentence as your mother laughed andcoughed awkwardly, on purpose to cut him off.

“Uh honey, I don’t think there is need for that anymore” she patted his back softly.

“Wha-” he was about to ask but as soon as his eyes fell on Dean standing next to the door his back immediatelystraightened and a somewhat serious look was on face. Pretty much matching that of Dean’s- which surprised you because just a few seconds ago he was the exact opposite. At least before the mention of Jeremy’s name and- Oh.

The spark of hope was felt within you and your heart beat in that weird way again.

“Uh yeah” you cleared your throat, putting a hand on your father’s shoulder at seeing the hard look on his face “Dad I would like you to meet Dean” you moved to Dean’s side a hand on his shoulder “My boyfriend” you breathed out, glancing at Dean for a second. You had to admit he looked pretty scared.

“Dean, this is my father (y/f/n)” you motioned to your father, saying in a soft voice as if to reassure him everything would be ok. Even if you doubted it yourself.

Dean smiled politely although your father kept a straight face.

“Pleasure to meet you sir. (Y/n) had told me a lot about you” he said extending one hand for him to shake.

“Funny. Can’t say the same thing about you. She never actually mentioned you before” he said full of sarcasm that reminded you so much of Dean himself. You could literally picture him in your father’s place when Mary would bring her first boyfriend in a couple years.

“Uh yeah- she- well she-” Dean did not really know what to say and you could not blame him.

He didn’t have to say anything though, thanks to your mother “(Y/f/n)!” she scolded “Don’t scare the poor guy already! He is here for Hope’s wedding as well! He will escort (Y/n).” she added the last part with a big smile.

“Oh is that so?” you had to keep yourself from shuddering at how intimidating your father looked at that second and how much more the tone in his voice made him be.

Your father raised an eyebrow but did not say much. Instead he took the final steps closer to Dean that did not back away but only straightened his posture and looked at your father fully in the eyes. Dean’s hand had slightly fallen, especially at your father’s words at him but he still tried to act cool. Your father extended his hand and gripped Dean’s that was extended and shook it. Almost a little sharply which surprised Dean of course, making his eyes widen for a second as if in fear, as well as yours.

A few seconds passed as your father looked at Dean in the eyes, his narrowed as if he was studying him. You didn’t know you’d been holding your breath until you felt a sigh of relief leave your lips at the sight of a small satisfied smile breaking on your father’s face.

“You got a firm grip there, young man. You better keep. I can tell you will go far” he nodded his head in approval and a small ( _and_ awkward) smile broke on Dean’s face as he let a shaky sigh.

“Thank you sir” he said with a small chuckle and that adorable smile of his that had you, and your mother smiling as well, acting like little girls.

“Call me just (y/f/n). No need for formalities” your father chuckled, shaking firmly Dean’s hand.

“You’re part of the family now boy” he patted him on the shoulder and Dean nodded his head.

“Thank you. It is a honor”

“Nonsense. The second you actually realize what you’ve gotten yourself into you will want to ran as far away as possible” he chuckled and Dean himself let out a small chuckle.

“I don’t think so” he shook his head with a smile, turning his head to look at you as he put a hand on your back “I would never change her for anything else in the world” the adoration you saw in his eyes made your knees go weak and you had never wished more for it before to be real. Your heart literally hammered inside your chest to the point that it hurt. It was a pleasant pain though and you could surely get used to it. Although, you reminded yourself, you weren’t going to. Because as soon as the weekend was over you’d go back to just being friends.

Maybe it was better that way, now that you thought about it. This was an even worse torture.

“You better!” your father said slightly in a warning tone, pointing a finger at him and Dean turned to look at him chuckling.

“You have my promise sir” Dean said.

“Just as long as you promise me to not call me sir as well. It makes me feel old- And no, not a word about that!” he quickly added, pointing a finger at you as you were ready to speak. You huffed rolling your eyes.

“And I had a good one” you pouted fakely and saw from the corner of your eye Dean roll his eyes at you.

“It’s alright (y/f/n). My dad is the same. You are as old as you feel.” Dean shrugged.

Your father smiled even more at him. He seemed to like him even more and that in only five minutes of knowing him. Who would have thought. Especially when you could clearly see how he was just being himself.

“Well come on then! Don’t stand here! Hope will be really happy to see you (Y/n)!” he said as you all made your way to the living room.

“She’s here? But it’s her last night as a single woman. Shouldn’t she be out with the girls and having a bachelor party or something? Hell, even for drinks” you asked surprised.

“(Y/n)!” your mother scolded “What did you take your sister for? She is resting before her big day!” your mother said proudly. She always had a soft spot for her and went along with her better than you. She was the perfect daughter, just the way your mother wanted her to be. And you could be, but you never really did what she told you. Which of course made you bond more with your father.

“Of course” you muttered as your parents walked in front of you and Dean “Cause I forgot what a tight ass she always was” you rolled your eyes. It wasn’t that you didn’t go along with her. Hell no, she actually could understand you better than anybody else. You had an amazing relationship. It was just that she was very different from you.

“Oh my gosh!” her voice immediately caught your attention and a smile spread on her lips “(Y/n)!” she squealed and in just a matter of seconds a pair of hands were wrapped around you as you both laughed out loudly.

“Well good to see you too Hope” you chuckled at her.

“Oh dear, you- you are fine right? No scratches or wounds or anything?” she asked so fast you could barely comprehend as she looked over you.

“Wh-what? Hope what are you talking about?” you let a breathless chuckle.

“We- we thought that since you had not appeared a few days ago that we sent the invitation that something had happened to you. You did not call for a while not showed any signs so we actually got worried”

“Oh” you chuckled “No I’m fine. Sorry about that by the way. And sorry for coming so late. But I had not seen the invitation till this morning”

“But you always were one to check your mail often” she frowned.

“Yeah though Dean on the other hand” you shook your head, wanting to glare at him but at the same time being grateful a little because the less you had to pretend the better.

“Dean?” she asked. Of course she didn’t know. “Who is Dean- oh. Hey” she said with a small smile as soon as she noticed the green-eyed man standing there.

Dean chuckled “That must be me. Sorry by the way, for being the reason she was late. I know I should check my mail more often but these days- well blame your sister for not letting me have a mind 'bout anything else but her” he added with a chuckle.

“No, no it’s… fine” your sister said with an awkward giggle “So you two are… together?” you knew all too well that smile on her face.

“Yep, I know it is hard swallow. It is hard for me to believe even after so long of a time. What can I say, I am one hell of a lucky man” Dean chuckled, wrapping an arm around your waist and even leaning in to kiss your forehead.

“Oh no, no it’s not that. It’s just that (Y/n)… has never really brought a guy in such a long time. But no, that’s not a bad thing at all. Of course” she chuckled awkwardly.

“Alright, so how about we stop talking about me and my love life, embarrassing me to no end in front of Dean, and just hop into the table? It’s about dinner time” you said a little exasperated and actually scared of what more they were going to say in front of him, or well mostly Hope.

You mother chuckled “You’re right darling. Come on everybody, dinner is already served. I will just add another set of plates. Dean I hope you like pie” she said turning to look at Dean whose head perked up at the word.

“Pie? Hells yeah!” he said with a grin as if it was Christmas day “What flavor?”

“Ah well, see (y/f/n) always loves having some pie in the house every hour of the day just to eat some here and there. Even during night. So I make a couple different ones at a day. Of course you can have any of them or all if you want to” she said warmly and Dean’s eyes literally sparkled with happiness.

“Well what are we waiting for then?! Come on people! There is pie waiting for us!” he could hardly keep his excitement as he only let his true feelings take over.

Your father smiled widely “You and I boy will go along very well!”

You shook your head at them as you all started to make your way to the kitchen. Though you and Hope decided to walk on the back.

She put a hand on yours and you turned to look at her as she had a huge smile on her face, making a small smirk appear on your lips “Hot damn!” she breathed out and you giggled along with her like two school girls. Just like the old times.

“He is, isn’t he?” you said in a low voice so that nobody would hear you.

“Hells yeah!” Hope breathed out “You really got yourself a good deal huh (Y/n)?” you both giggled as you shrugged with a smile.

“Not that he didn’t, though. Make him know that he is the most lucky man on Earth for you to choose him!”

You giggled, nodding your head as she chuckled; hugging you tightly “That’s my sister! That’s how we (y/l/n)s do it!” she exclaimed a little too loudly in her enthusiasm.

You both stopped your small party as your parents and Dean turned to look at you with a raised eyebrow “Er”

“Yeah” you both cleared your throats, pulling away and straightening your clothes “Let’s go now” you said curtly and although your parents shared a look, they shook their heads and just continued on their way to the kitchen table that was filled with goods.

You had a long dinner ahead of you and lots of talk to be done.


	9. Chapter 9

Dinner with your parents went by well. As much of a surprise as that seemed to be when you realized it, it actually was true. The best thing was that they did not embarrass you all that much- your mother above all. Sometimes she was on the verge of saying some story about when you were a little kid and all the crazy things you did but you cut her off before she could say a single thing. After all you did not want to give Dean all the more information for him to hold against you.

But aside that, what was a pleasant surprise was how well your father and Dean went along. It was to be expected when as you looked at them interact you realized how your father seemed to be only an older version of his. Their mutual love for classic rock, cars and above all pie seemed to be what made them bond. It was a pleasant surprise seeing as your father rarely liked a guy this much, especially when said guy was with you. He would always find something wrong to not like on your previous boyfriends while with Dean he seemed to grately approve. He had never liked a guy as much as he seemed to like Dean, not even Hope’s fiance whom the entire family liked to brag was a catch.

It made a smile spread on your lips and your heart soar in your chest at the sight of them laughing and chatting whilegrately enjoying the pie your mother had made.

“Really? Winchester is your father? John Winchester? That old dog! How is he?” your father asked full of surprise, a wide smile on his face.

Who would have ever thought that he and Dean’s father were best buds in high school.

“Well he’s pretty well. Just trying to hold himself sometimes” Dean chuckled.

“Uh well aren’t we all”

“Certainly you dear” your mother told your father and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m not that old” he grumbled a little like a stubborn child as you all laughed a little at him.

Dean was quick to say something to make him feel better, just what he needed to and you just could not keep your smile off your lips.

Your felt your heart swell inside your chest as you watched them be so close almost acting as if father and son. You loved how your father even treated him as that, like he belonged in the family.

 _‘But he doesn’t.’_ you’d think bitterly to yourself.

Because it was true. Because Dean was not your boyfriend. Sure he pretended to be that in front of your parents, and they actually did like him for who he was – he was no pretending in that, it just came easily – but the truth was different. So much different than that. Dean was not your boyfriend. He was never going to be. He was your friend- _only_ your friend that was helping you out in this, without having any feelings for you like you did for him.

“Peanuts?” the stupid nickname your father used for you, the one you’d grown to love, brought you out of your thoughts.

“Huh what?” your looked all around you.

“Are you ok?”

You took a second look around you to see all of them looking at you with worry in their eyes, and the second your eyes locked with Dean’s you found yourself unable to look anywhere else. The true worry he had on his face, shown by the frown, made your heart flatter inside your chest. Making you believe for almost a second that this was real.

 _'It is not’_ you had to remind to yourself multiple times.

“Babe?” the word that left his lips made you want to cry from both happiness and emotional pain because you knew he was never going to say this word to you and mean it.

“Uh yeah, yeah I’m fine. Don’t worry. Just got a little carried away thinking” you smiled curtly, your eyes snapping away from Dean. You did not dare to look at him.

Why look at something you wish to have more than anything in your life but never can?

“Of course she is but she won’t be if you keep calling her that” Hope told your father “She’s not a little girl anymore dad”

“To me she is, alright? And will always be” he almost pouted “Which also reminds me-” a smile broke on his face “-you didn’t tell me how you two met”

“Oh yes, a little bit information would be really welcomed! Tell us Dean, how did you win over her heart? Our little (Y/n) is not an easy one” your mother added.

Dean laughed fully as he unexpectedly put a hand on top of yours “Well trust me, I know that first hand” he nodded his head and you could not help but let a small giggle as well. You did play hard to get from the very first moment.

“But-” a small sigh left his lips as a more soft smile was on his lips “-I really don’t know what to say about winning her over. Hell, it is is still impossible for me to believe. I guess I just-” he swallowed the lump in his throat turning his head to look at you fully in the eyes, an emotion there that you had never seen before in him, along with the seriousness “I am pretty damn lucky” his thumb subconsciously rubbing over your palm.

“I remember-” he let a small chuckle turning to look at your parents and sister “I still remember how we met. How could I ever forget that. She came right out of nowhere. It was raining so heavily I doubted there was a single person outside yet there she was, standing at my porch wet to the bone. It was-” he let out a breathy laugh “-it was the cutest sight I have ever seen in my life to be honest.” he gave your hand a small squeeze as you looked down.

You tried to swallow down the lump that had formed in your throat at his words.

“She was shaking a little, her hair sticking to her face but despite everything and despite the darkness I was able to see her eyes and-” he stopped himself for a second “-Damn, for a second I thought I was dreaming. They were just so… bright and, she’ll certainly tease me about this later, as if sparkling. So beautiful I could not believe it” he chuckled a little and you could not help a laugh. As you could not help the blush that rose in your cheeks.

You could feel your heart beat so fast and hard in your chest that it almost made you feel as if you could not breathe. You were biting your lip so hard you thought you would draw blood as your face felt as if it was on fire.

“Her car had broken down and I offered her shelter for the night- not- not that I took advantage of it, sir, don’t worry! Didn’t take advantage of her at all!” he was fast to add the last part at seeing the look on your father’s face.

You almost let a small giggle at how Dean said it. It was quiet adorable.

“More like I took advantage of his kindness” you said in a barely audible whisper and Dean turned to look at you as you looked at him.

He chuckled “But was able to help her more than that because she found the house she wanted right next to mine. So I gained the cutest neighbor of all at that… A-and of course the most amazing girlfriend a little while later.” he hurried to add the last part.

“How romantic!” Hope said with a wide smile.

The smile flattered from your lips as of course realization downed on you once again. Neighbor. Babysitter. Friend. But never anything more. That was the reality and even if you could avoid it as much as you wanted these days, even if you could pretend you and Dean were together- that he truly felt the same way for you and that you did not have to hurt while hiding your feelings for him – the reality was entirely different. He wasn’t and he was never going to be yours. Because he simply did not feel the same way as you. You could of course pretend but… that’s just what you did every single time of your day and night as you watched Dean drive away to yet another woman waiting for him.

You pulled your hand away from his grasp, clearing your throat and of course looking away from Dean. You wanted to avoid eye-contact with him for as long as you could. It was not his fault of course, and you could never blame him. But it was just looking him in his eyes, looking at him, tha reminded you of all the things you longed to have with him- **a family above all** – and at the same time all of the things you could never have. **Him above all.**

~*~

“Sorry” you said with an apologetic smile to Dean, dropping your clothes in your luggage as you were now in your pjs. Dean as well.

_Let’s not talk about how it felt changing with him in the same room because you did not have a bathroom of your own._

“About?”

“…Everything” you breathed out in the end and he chuckled.

“Oh no need to. What are friends for?” he shrugged with a smile.

“Certainly not to put up with overly protective fathers like mine” you huffed.

He chuckled “Oh but it’s fine, I get him. You’re his little daughter and he wants to protect you, no harm done”

Of course it was true that your father wanted to protect you but glaring at Dean when your mother suggested you both take your room was not necessary at all. You had freaked out a little in the beginning for the most important reason of all. You had only one bed which you would be sharing with Dean. When your father had asked him if that was how you and him slept- clearly meaning much more to it – and Dean was lost in his stuttering at the glare on your father’s face (as he tried to say that he had not touched you in any way – partially true) you just had to step in. It was not as if it was the truth anyway. But your father did not know that so it was just as expected for a talk to follow.

You really wanted to crawl under a hole and die of embarrassment, even if Dean was not really your boyfriend. Who knows what your father had told him.

“Of course you would” you rolled your eyes with a smile “I really can’t wait for Mary to bring her first boyfriend over”

“What? Hey!” he was on alert “One; you and I don’t have that kind of relationship so your father doesn’t actually have to worry-”

 _'Of course’_ you thought bitterly.

“And two; that day is going to take lots of time ok? So stop talking about it” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

You shook your head “You’re such a baby sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah look who’s talking.” he smirked “Nice room by the way, _peanuts_!” he retorted.

You felt heat rise in your cheeks “Shut up! I am not responsible for that stupid nickname, ok? And the room is… an old one. I haven’t been here ever since I was a teen” you pouted, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Oh I can see that. Just have one question- Fifty Shades of Grey, really? I never took you to be one for that (Y/n/n)” a smug grin spread on his lips as your eyes widened.

“Those are not mine! They belong to a friend. She brought them over one day but forgot them.” you took the books away from him throwing them next to the big pile of others you had- the shelves were long ago full.

“Yeah right. Years ago.”

“Dean” you groaned and he rolled his eyes.

“Say I let that slip. You’re clear, for now peanuts. I will have my eyes open for anything else, so you better watch” he smirked at you and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever you say. I think we have other more important matters at hand… How are we gonna sleep? There is only one bed”

Dean looked at your bed standing in the middle of the room. It was big enough for the both of you but you just did not want to let it show how you were so much in need of him tonight.

He shrugged “We could share” came so simply from him that you had to keep yourself from looking stunned.

“What?”

“We could share. I mean it’s big enough for the both of us, so I don’t see a problem. That is if you don’t mind sharing, right?”

“I- I-” how you could you respond to this?

“I guess” you breathed out hesitantly.

“Come on!” a big grin spread on his lips “I’m not that bad in bed sharing, I swear! Sides, don’t you love your boyfriend? You know this is hurting me!” he pretended hurt.

“You’re such a drama queen” you rolled your eyes with a chuckle.

“Yes, yes I am. But only for you. Now come here!” and without a warning he strode to your side and picked you up. A loud squeal left your lips and you could not help the giggles as he carried you to your bed.

“Dean put me down!” you shrieked and he chuckled.

“As you wish” he shrugged and in a second he let you fall off his arms and onto the bed.

You squeaked, closing your eyes for a second but when you opened them you only glared at him “Jerkass” you grumbled and he chuckled.

“Aw honey, you’re so sweet when you want to” he said as he made his way to the other side of the bed and ploppedhimself down.

You rolled your eyes, hitting him on the shoulder as he chuckled.

You shook your head “I don’t even know why I decided to let you help me in this” you mumbled as you both got comfortable under the covers. Well, there was still a little space between you so that was good. Right?

“Obviously because I am adorable!” he green cheekily and you shook your head with a laugh.

“Add modest to that as well”

“Ditto!” he winked chuckling “Oh by the way- I am warning you. Don’t get scared if during the night you feel someting-”

“Dean!” you shrieked with wide eyes, cutting him off for a second.

He rolled his eyes “Not that you dirty mind!” you let a small sigh of relief “I’m just saying that- you know I kinda have this tendency of moving a lot when I sleep and if I have something close I always kinda scoot closer to it and you know my arms a-and my legs, I can’t control them and as if anybody can when they’re sleeping-” he chuckled nervously and you cut him off before he could stutter more.

“Are you trying to tell me you like to cuddle a lot?” you raise done eyebrow.

“Pff no! I just… like to scoot close and snuggle a lot with whatever- ok fine! Fine! But if you dare tell anybody I will-” hedidn’t complete his threat as you could barely hold your laughter.

“Oh my gosh!” you panted as you laughed hard, harder than before in the car “I never thought I’d live to see the day to hear Dean Winchester is a major cuddler! Oh gosh!” your stomach hurt from all the laughter.

“Yeah yeah very funny” he rolled his eyes at you.

“Oh dear. Sorry Dean it’s just-” you snickered “-you’re always so macho a-and I never thought you- you liked to cuddle!” and you burst into a feat of laughter again.

“Hey now!” he protested “I did not laugh at your face about anything today, peanuts!”

Your laughter was cut short as you glared at him- playfully anyway.

“Fine” you sighed “Sorry. Happy?”

“Very much” he grinned cheekily “No come here” he said in a much softer voice and in an instant wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing yo close to him. And the little safety space that there was between you was gone.

Your heart leaped to your throat “D-Dean what are you doing?” you whispered.

“What does it look like smartypants?” he asked back “Cuddling. We’ll end up like this in the morning anyway so might as well” he shrugged as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

Of course it was simple for him. He was not in freaking love with you.

“Besides, it’s pretty cold. I gotta keep you warm. Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”

“Yeah but… you’re not my boyfriend” you whispered.

“Details” he mumbled, tightening his grip on your waist pressing you flush to him.

You bit your lower lip for a second “Alright. But-” a small smirk played on your lips “I will warn you that my feet are cold most of the time”

“Oh it’s fine I don’t- HOLY FUCK!” he all-but-exclaimed as soon as your feet touched his.

“No, no no!” he repeated trying to push you away now as you laughed with him “No cuddling! Hells no!”

“Aww come on Dean, but you said it! Now I really wanna cuddle and so do my feet!” you pouted as you tried to wiggle your way closer to him.

“No, fucking no! Forget it!” he exclaimed, pushing you away any way he could and you could barely keep your laughter.

“But Deaaaan!” you said trying to keep your giggles as you could hear Dean himself chuckle.

“No no hells no! I will never cuddle again I swear! Just keep those freaking icebergs away from me!” he exclaimed and you giggled loudly.

“You’re overreacting! Come here!” you wrapped your arms and legs around him as he whined a little but as soon as he looked at you he burst into laughter as well.

“I’m gonna get you back for this, you know it right?” he fake glared at you and you giggled at him.

“Sure Winchester!” you giggled winking at him and he shook his head, his arms moving around your waist as he cuddled again.

Silence fell between you as you both let small breaths, trying to relax from your previous laughing. A giggle occasionally leaving your lips. A small smile was on both your faces and you could swear the look on Dean’s face was almost one of bliss. You had never seen him this way. Never. It seemed as if he had no worries, as if he finally had what he had been longing for for so long. A small frown played for a second on his face and you wondered what he was really thinking at that second

“Thank you Dean” you whispered, not realizing how close your faces really were “For everything”

“No problem, seetheart” his voice was really low and incredibly husky.

Without you really expecting it, he leaned closer and pressed his lips to your forehead in a soft kiss. You closed your eyes for a second, enjoying it more than you should. An almost shaky sigh leaving your lips.

You breathed heavily as he pulled away, your eyes opening as you looked at each other. You stared at each other for a good while, silence the only thing surrounding you. You had not realized your proximity until now. If you dared make a move you knew your lips would touch and the mere thought made a blush rise up on your cheeks. Especially when you saw Dean’s eyes avert down to yours for a second. You cleared your throat before anything could happen and pulled slightly away from him, although he still had a firm grip on your waist.

_**When had his hand moved under your shirt and started rubbing circles on your hip?** _

“Goodnight Dean” you whispered, looking down.

“Goodnight sweetheart” he barely uttered as he watched you.

_He watched you close your eyes and even if you hesitated you rested your head on his chest. Dean subconsciously tightened his hold on your waist. He felt a need to bring you as close as possible to him. It was not because of the warmth of your body – certainly not with those freaking cold feet – but it was something else. Something more. The warmth he felt inside his chest brought by you that made him hold you as close as possible to him. Never wanting to let go of you._

_He rested his head on top of yours, the frown still remaining on his face at the weird feeling inside his chest. He had never felt this way before. Never with you. Never actually thought he would to this extent at least. He could not deny that he had seen the signs before – many times before – but always wanted to ignore it. You were only friends and you were surely not interested in him that way._

_But Dean felt it. As he held you close in his arms he did feel it for real. More than any other time. The warmth spreading inside him in the most pleasant way and…_

… _ **his heart beating in a weird way**_


	10. Chapter 10

You were pulled out of your peaceful sleep as light was casted over your face. You frowned, groaning slightly. You backed slightly, snuggling to the chest that was pressed firmly against your back. You let a content sigh, enjoying the warmth it offered you. The warmth Dean’s body offered you.

A small smile tucked at the thought and it only got bigger when in his sleep Dean let a small groan and scooted closer to you, tightening his hold on your waist. His face was buried at the crook of your neck and his warm breath fanning over it, made pleasant shivers run down your spine. Your eyes slowly opened, your vision slightly blurry as sleep still laced your eyes. You slowly turned, careful so as not to wake Dean.

Your eyes were half open but it was just enough for you to be able to take his features in. A peaceful expression was on his face and you bit your lip as you ran a hand up his chest and then cupped his face. Your thumb rubbed softly over his cheek. You saw a small smile form as a soft sigh left his lips.

You heard him mumble some incoherent things under his breath but it was one in particular that you heard crystal clear and made your eyes widen for a second and your heart leap to your throat.

“(Y/n)…” he sighed.

You felt your heart swell inside your chest at the peace you felt at being like this with him. It was something you longedfor for so long and then… your heart shuttered into a million pieces as you realized that none of this was real. Dean may be so close to you but that was just in his sleep, he did not control any of it, he just liked to cuddle. It made your stomach turn into a knot as you thought of him doing just this with every woman he slept. But you were not one of them because you knew he just did not have feelings for you.

A sound caught your attention and it sounded too much like a hushed whisper that made you look up. You blinked several times to get the sleep out of your eyes that immediately widened. You gasped and immediately took your hand away from Dean as your body stiffened and you tried to pull slightly away. Not that Dean let you. He groaned in protest, tightening his grip on your and grumbling something you didn’t catch.

“Mom? What the hell?!” you whisper-hissed, looking at her in disbelief.

“No you wake them up- oh darling, hey” she had started whispering at your father but immediately stopped when she heard and saw you.

“Alright, this is my sign. I’m out.” your father said a little panicked and immediately exited your room.

“Mom” you groaned “Mind explaining what the hell is going on?” you hissed.

“Oh” she laughed awkwardly “Sorry darling we just wanted to wake you up but couldn’t decide who should do it and you just looked so great together, cuddling and being all couply that-” she giggled slightly and only then you realized that they had probably seen everything.

“Mom!” you could not keep yourself from shouting and as a result waking Dean.

“What? Huh What?! I’m up, I swear I am up!” he started rambling, shooting up and raising his hands in the air in surrender, his eyes half opened and half closed.

Your mother giggled at his behavior and you glared at him as you rubbed your head which he’d hit as he got up so suddenly.

“What is going on?” he mumbled in a rough and laced with sleep voice as he rubbed his eyes, running then a hand through his hair. If you could you would have ‘aw'ed at how adorable he looked.

“Sorry Dean, I just needed to wake you up. We have some preparations to make, the wedding is in the afternoon and we must all hurry” she said with a small apologetic smile.

“Oh. It’s fine, don’t worry. We’ll get up right now” Dean smiled, nodding his head.

You decided to glare at him instead of your mother.

“Thank you dear! I have a few things I need you to get me so if it wouldn’t be a problem-”

“None at all” Dean smiled widely and so did your mother.

“Great, I’ll leave you to change. But don’t try doing anything else, we don’t have time for that” she winked at you two and giggled.

Your eyes widened but Dean chuckled “I’ll try not to, but it is all up to your daughter” he winked at you, throwing an arm around your shoulders and pressing a kiss on your cheek that made you blush.

Your mother laughed “I’ll be waiting in the kitchen. Also better not try anything because you know that the walls are pretty thin. Unless you have forgotten _(Y/n)_ ” your mother said at you with a smirk and you felt the blush on your cheeks get darker.

You had forgotten that last night.

“Mom” you groaned and laughing she exited the room.

“I can’t believe we still have a full day with them” you groaned running a hand down your face.

Dean shrugged “They’re fun” he said and immediately plopped himself on top of you, making you both lay down.

You let a huff and glared at him “Dean what are you doing?!” you hissed “We must get up. Now.”

“Yeah yeah” he brushed you off, hugging your waist and and burying his face at the crook of your neck “Just five more minutes he mumbled, snuggling closer to you.

“Dean” you sighed.

“Sshh” he hushed you and as expected you didn’t say anything. You did not know he could do this to you every time.

“You smell so good” he whispered “And you’ve got such a soft skin” he seemed to be talking more to himself, not meaning for you to listen but you did and you immediately felt your heart race pick up.

And then immediately stop when you felt Dean’s lips being pressed to your neck in a soft kiss.

Your eyes widened and a gasp left your lips, mostly at the intimacy of the kiss. And it was then that realization downed on him and his eyes snapped open. He pulled away, looking down at you with wide eyes.

“I uh- ah-” he stuttered and then cleared his throat “Yeah we should really get going” he managed to say in a hoarse voice and quickly got up from you and almost seemed to run as he grabbed some clothes from his duffel bag, clearly not wanting you to notice the blush that had started to creep up his neck and cheeks. But you definitely took notice – who would have not at how red he actually was at that second, or how his eyes were wide.

'What the hell did just happened?!’ You thought to yourself as you watched him with wide eyes.

… remembering that weird beating of your heart that matched his the moment you were pressed together.

~*~

“I can’t believe she’s making us go grocery shopping today” you groaned as you slammed the door of the Impala shut.

“Hey don’t take your anger out on Baby!” Dean exclaimed and you rolled your eyes at him.

“I’m sorry! Sorry! I just can’t believe it! First they come and wake us up that way and now- agh!” you let out a frustrated groan.

“Yeah but hey at least it was a good thing that we did share in the end. I don’t wanna think how they would react if they saw you on the bed and me on the floor” Dean shrugged as the scenery passed by you.

“I guess” you mumbled, fidgeting with your hands as you remember what else your mother saw this morning.

You sighed “I’m sorry for making you go through this, Dean” you looked down at your hands.

“No it’s fine, don’t think about it. I’m having fun anyway” he shrugged and you smiled faintly.

“By the way, what dress are you gonna wear? Didn’t see one on your luggage”

Your eyes widened as realization downed on you “Shit” you breathed out.

“Shit? Oh I’m guessing that’s not something good. You did get a dress with you, right?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Well I- I kinda- Actually-” you stuttered “Oh shut up! As if you got a suit!”

“Ah I actually did!” he pointed out and you looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Well then we better hurry a little. I think I know a shop, family friend, that might have something good enough for me. She’s just a few blocks away from the grocery shop and close to big Tony’s so we will get to go there too.” you mostly tried to reassure yourself.

“Well we better hurry then cause I think you will be more late than the bride herself” he said and pressed his foot on the petal, the car speeding up a little.

Within seconds and thanks to Dean’s fast driving you were at the market. You were even more thankful for that because the silence that had fallen between you was just too much for you to handle. Neither you nor Dean would say a word about what had happened this morning. You did notice him sneaking glances at you sometimes, as if he really wanted to say something but every time decided against it. Shaking his head and looking away from you as he was biting his lip.

He once opened his mouth to speak and you really wanted him to say something but when you thought about it, you really were not willing to let him suspect anything or start question your friendship. And, above all, you didn’t want to let your hopes get up. You decided to ignore every small sign, from the cuddles to the kiss to the hugs and of course him mumbling your name in his sleep. You just cut him off before he could say more, before he put the pieces of your heart back together… because you knew that the next time he was going to break it into a thousand more.

 _'Why don’t you put some music huh?’_ you had said and just as soon as he had opened his mouth he closed it again.

 _'Sure’_ he had said and smiled, although you could see it was forced – you had become an expert in fake smiles after all this time – but you decided to just not think about it. Drowning yourself in the music as you watched the city you had grown up in flash by.

~*~

A wide smile spread on your lips as you took in the sight of the small shops and some houses, some changes of courseevident but mainly all the same.

“Well if it hasn’t been a while” you murmured to yourself as Dean came by your side.

“It has. But I’m taking you like most this part of the town. Any fun memories you wanna share?” he nudged you and you laughed.

“I don’t think you’d be happy to listen”

“Try me”

“Well-” you looked around you “See that little house on the far corner, the one with the brown roof? Well, I can proudly say that I got my first kiss there from the school’s most popular guy. See that coffee shop there? That’s where he took me on our first date and I actually spilled coffee all over him because I was nervous-” you both laughed.

“Doesn’t surprise me” he said and you glared at him playfully.

“Well see that tiny shop next to it? They have the best pie in the town. I would go there almost every week, when mom did not make pie. At some point they got sick of seeing me that left me the pie with a note next to the door before I could even enter.” you shook your head “And that right there is Big Tony’s shop. He has the best freaking burgers you will ever taste in your life, trust me. Even better than mine”

“No way, yours rock!”

“Well I learned my tricks from him. That’s where dad and I would have an eating contest and when mom and Hope could not find us at the house they knew instantly that we were there. We certainly must go for you to try them out.” you said proudly.

“Hm and what about blue house right there? Don’t you have any fun memories there?”

A sly smile spread on your lips “Well those are certainly fun memories.” you bit your lip nodding your head.

“Oh dear no stop. I don’t wanna hear more” Dean made a face.

“Oh but you will! I have to put up with this every night! So you’re gonna listen! So Steve was the sweetest guy I had ever met. He was hella handsome with a fucking perfect body. I swear every girl said he was blessed to have that body and after a while I realized he was not blessed just because of that” you started saying as fast as you so that he could hear as much as possible.

“Damn no, no please” he made fake gagging noises, putting his hands over his ears to not hear you.

“Oh no you will, you will hear!” you exclaimed with a giggle, pulling his hands away from his ears and at the same time kept him from walking away “So he said he liked me for a lot of time and so did I. We started dating and didn’t take long for us to get to it. He lived there actually and when his parents were gone we-”

“No, enough please!” he said ever-so-dramatically “I can’t hear more” he made a face.

“Oh but you will, I have to put up with this almost every night” you glared at him a little.

“Yeah but it is not a torture to you to hear it” he said and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from saying what you really wanted. That it actually was worse than torture hearing him talk about all those women like it was nothing to you.

“Yeah you’re right” you mumbled, averting your eyes from him.

Dean for the first time realized the emotion that flashed through your eyes. He wondered if that was actually how it was every time he talked about some woman. He could not pinpoint it nor describe it. Just like he could not describe how he himself felt at watching that emotion flash through your eyes even for a second. He felt his heart tighten uncomfortably, almost painfully inside his chest, and he immediately found the need to stop this. He needed to say something else, to lighten the mood and take away anything that was… hurting you. And in this case it was what he was saying. _**How had he never noticed?**_

As he opened his mouth to speak he was cut off by another voice. A male voice.

“(Y/n)? Holy hell is that really you?”

“Jeremy?” you breathed out and a wide smile spread on your face at looking him walk across the road towards you.

_Dean felt his heart once again beat in a weird way inside his chest just like last night… only to feel it shutter when you pushed him away and ran straight into the spread arms of said Jeremy guy._

“Oh my gosh” you laughed hugging him tightly “Look at you, look at how much you’ve changed!” you breathed out when you pulled slightly away.

“And oh my gosh, you certainly build some muscle” you said squeezing his arm as he chuckled.

“Well I gotta say you’ve changed a lot as well (Y/n/n). You’re hotter than I remember you” he winked at you and you giggled.

“Oh Jer” you chuckled, leaning in to kiss his cheek “You never stop huh?”

“Well you know me” he shrugged with a grin “Besides you are to blame and you know it”

You opened your mouth to speak but were cut off before you could say anything as Dean piped in, pushing you away fromJeremy’s hands as he wrapped an arm around your waist – rather possessively.

“Ah that’s what I tell her every night and she just won’t believe me” he said with a smirk and a wink at you as you only stared at him with wide eyes. Not being able to understand what he was doing, or what had gotten into him all of a sudden.

“Uuhh…” Jeremy did not know what to say.

“Oh yeah, Dean Winchester by the way” Dean extended one hand towards him to shake “Her boyfriend” he said it with a smug smile and a nod of his head at his words.

“Nice to meet you Dean- ow” he huffed a little as you could clearly see Dean squeeze his hand a little too much.

“Nice grip there” a tight smile was on Dean’s lips.

“Uh honey, I think that’s enough” you tried to tug Dean’s hand away. You shot him a sharp glare.

“Oh. Oh. I- I didn’t know (Y/n) had a boyfriend” Jeremy said awkwardly.

“Yeah well it’s been a while since you last saw her, you’ve been missing out on a lot buddy”

“Well I am happy for you two then” Jeremy said once again with an awkward smile.

“So am I. Trust me” Dean grinned cheekily and before you could realize it you jumped as Dean gave your ass a slap that could clearly be heard.

“Oh well you certainly are lucky. (Y/n)’s one of the best girls you could ever find” Jeremy said with a small smile.

“Oh I know that already bud. I’m one hell of a lucky man. She certainly proves that every night let me tell you” a deep laugh left Dean’s lips as Jeremy chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh” Jeremy only muttered.

“Yeah, but it’s not as if I can even keep my hands off her if you get me” Dean grinned widely.

“I think I do” he chuckled “But you are here for Hope’s wedding right?”

“Yeah” you spoke before Dean could and you shot him a glare “We are”

“I was expecting you to so that we could go together but you obviously are not alone” he ended with an awkward chuckle as Dean literally glared daggers at him.

“Yeah too bad she ain’t available anymore.” he all-but-growled the words “You’ll have to find another date for tonight cause this babe is only mine” and he tightened the grip on your waist, pressing you flush to him.

Jeremy chuckled “Possesive much huh?”

“Oh but she likes it, if you get me. She may look all innocent but trust me she is far from it” he wiggled his eyebrows and Jeremy this time laughed more freely.

“Oh I _do_ know that” he grinned and the smile immediately fluttered from Dean’s face as a dead serious expression appeared on his face. He seemed on the point of reaping his throat off at that second. Or worse.

So you stepped up “So uh Jeremy don’t you have work today or what?”

“Oh no no, I just saw you and thought of coming to say hi. Good you reminded me, I should get going. But I will see you tonight, right?”

“Of course” you nodded with a smile.

“Ok so uh bye for- for now” he looked as if he wanted to hug you but decided against it as he saw the glare on Dean’s face.

“Uh yeah. Nice to meet you Dean, I’ll see you tonight” he said politely at Dean who only nodded and smiled at him with a clearly fake smile.

“Sure”

As soon as Jeremy was away and out of eyesight you roughly pushed Dean’s hand off you and turned to glare at him “What the hell was that?”

“What?” he asked innocently.

“That! You being all touchy and feely! Not to mention you practically scared my best friend to death!”

“Correction. _**I**_ am your best friend” he pointed out.

“Oh really? Because it didn’t seem like that to me just a few seconds ago” you hissed.

“Hey we said that I am going to be your boyfriend for the entire weekend and that’s what I am doing. I had to make it believable ok?” he shrugged.

“In front of Jeremy?” you growled.

“Hey couldn’t take any risks now could we?”

You really wanted to retort, to just say anything but nothing came to your mind. Truth be told was that he was just doing what you had agreed even if it was a little over the top. And if you were quiet honest, you actually liked all the close proximity and touches. Not that you were going to admit it. Ever.

“Whatever” you growled.

You huffed taking the list your mother had given you as you looked over at the things she wanted you to buy “Alright then-” you spoke handing Dean the list “-since you decided to be a nice and loving boyfriend today take the list and go buy all the things my mom asked. While I go by the shop with the dresses and hope to find something good enough.”

“What? Hey but I wanted to be there to help in the dress” he pouted.

“Yeah as if” you scoffed “It’s not as if we have much time anyway” you checked your phone.

“Mom wants me to be there to help with Hope’s preparations as well”

“Hey we wouldn’t have missed time if you didn’t decide to be all touchy feely with the old bud Jeremy” he practically growled his name.

“Whatever you say” you rolled your eyes “Just go and I will try to hurry. When you’re done wait by the Impala, and don’t you dare come looking for me. I don’t want to have to put up with the neighbors knowing about you as well”

“And why not? I’m not that terrible boyfriend, admit it”

You bit the inside of your cheek to not speak. Even if you would never admit it, so far he was doing amazing and he wasn’t really pretending. He was being himself and he practically had your family worshiping him and you were sure that the more of your relatives that were going to meet him tonight would absolutely love him. You did after all.

“Yeah whatever. Just go now, and see you in about an hour”

“Fine” he grumbled as you parted ways.

~*~

It had taken you much longer than you both expected.You had luckily found a dress good enough and where thankful you did not let Dean come with you because the questions of the family friend that owned the shop was too much for you to handle on your own. She had always been nosy and you knew that if you had Dean there with you things would be ten times worse. Getting over with it as soon as possible on your own seemed ideal.

Not soon, though. Because it took both you and Dean much longer to get done with shopping and therefore get back home quiet late, much to your mother’s dismay.

You saw your parents running around – or mostly your mother as well as some hair stylists and make up artists. All of course in a rush to prepare Hope for her big day. It was scary as they all panicked over the slightest detail or even searching for something that might have been right in front of their eyes but were too panicked to notice. It was a mess of pinks, whites and some baby blues. The colors that Hope had chosen for the wedding.

But what scared you the most was not all this rush that surely made you feel a little panicked as well but it was the fact that you spotted your aunts as you made your way up to your room that just so happened to be next to Hope’s.

“Well look at you! If that is not our sweet (Y/n) having grown up!” Aunt Maggie, your mother’s younger sister said with her oh-so-familiar smile.

“Why yes! Look at her, she’s almost a woman- save for the clothes anyway” and aunt Katherine said in a way that reminded you just of your mother, what could you expect from her twin sister.

“Aunt Maggie, Katherine. How are you? It’s been a while” you put on a fake smile that they immediately believed. Years at pretending to be happy when Dean was out with other women had made you a pro at hiding your feelings.

Speaking of the devil.

“Hey baby have you seen- oh! Hey” he immediately stopped as soon as he looked up and noticed that you were not with your mother as he expected but with someone else.

“Why hello there” aunt Maggie smiled.

“And who must you be? Although it is not hard to guess” a small smirk was on aunt Katherine’s lips.

“Uh” Dean hesitated but cleared his throat and straightened his back “Dean Winchester, pleasure to meet you ladies. I am… (Y/n)’s boyfriend” he smiled politely.

“(Y/n)’s boyfriend? Well isn’t that a pleasant surprise! We thought she was probably going to show up alone again. It’s about time our little girl found someone because well, she’s not so little anymore” aunt Maggie said and they both laughed.

You sighed, looking down at your hands. Even now that you had Dean with you they wouldn’t stop criticizing.

The smile fell from Dean’s face as soon as he heard what she said and clenched his jaw. His arm moved around your waist immediately as he held you tightly “Well yes” he snapped, clearly trying to hold himself from doing anything worse. He withheld his anger for your sake.

The both stopped laughing immediately and looked at him.

“She ain’t alone. Not now not ever again. She has me and she can be sure she always will.” he tightened his hold “To make sure she doesn’t have to put up with-” he stopped himself, because he knew that if he continued some pretty nasty words would come out of his mouth “-not so nice comments” he forced a smile.

“And-” he spoke up again “-although I doubt you will care, I think she looks fucking hot in these clothes and I am hellaproud my girl wears a led zeppelin shirt than some weak ass dress she doesn’t want to. That’s her and screw anybody thathas a different opinion. Now if you will excuse us-” he tried to keep himself from growling. He smiled although everybody that saw him could tell it was fake and while holding you by your waist he dragged you with him inside your room where he slammed your door on your aunts’ shocked faces.

“Fuck” he growled under his breath, running a hand down his face. You only stood there and watched him with wide eyes, your heart hammering inside your chest.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at you “I ruined everything didn’t I? Who knows what the fuck they’re saying right now.” he looked at you with sorry in his eyes.

You did not say anything but only looked at him with a blank face.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n) come on say something! Don’t look at me like that, please. I know I freaking messed everything up but I just couldn’t stand to hear them talk like that about you and-” he immediately stopped when he heard you…

“Are you laughing?”

“Did you- did you see their faces when you- when you cursed in front of them? Oh- oh my gosh! Priceless!” you breathed out in between laughing, as you held your stomach.

“You’re not mad?” he smiled slightly.

“Hells no!” you still could not keep your laughter and he chuckled along with you.

“Well they did deserve it- that and more”

“Hells yeah, but it’s better this way. As long as I got to see that look on their face and somebody to finally speak up to them then sure as hell I am fine with it” you wiped out some tears from your previous feat.

“So… you really are ok with it? I mean, come on, I practically did the exact opposite of what I was supposed to” he said, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Yes you did, but no. No I’m not bad. Because you defended me Dean and that is more important than anything else.”

He shook his head “I didn’t do anything. You know I would stand up to anybody for you” he smiled softly “I would do anything for you”

You looked at him with an awe-struck smile on your face. You could see the sincerity in his eyes but above all you could see every other emotion on his face that made your heart beat in a weird way again. You could see how he wanted to protect you, to be there for you, to stand for you, to be the one you leaned to when you needed comfort, to be the one you choose to curl up in his arms when life got too hard to handle, to be the one always there for you… to be the one to hold you, kiss you… love you.

“I know” you breathed out and in an instead strode to him and closed the remaining distance separating you.

_For good._


	11. Chapter 11

You smiled softly at him and without hesitating you strode to his side and closed the remaining distance between you forgood by crashing into his arms and hugging him as tightly as possible.

He let a small chuckle but did not hesitate to wrap his arms around you, hugging you as close as possible to him. He buried his face in your hair as you buried yours in his chest. He rubbed your head as he took in a deep inhale.

“What would I do without you?” you whispered, looking up at him as you pulled away.

“Dunno” he shrugged, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek “But I don’t wanna think how it would be if _I_ didn’t have you” he rubbed his thumb over your cheek and you looked at him with a sheepish smile.

“You’re such a softy at heart, Winchester” you teased him with a giggle.

He chuckled “Only for you” he leaned in and pressed a kiss on your forehead “Now come on, let’s get over with these chick flicks. We need to get ready for the wedding.”

You chuckled, shaking your head “Fine. Only if you promise you are not going to curse at my aunts… without me being there to listen” a sly smirk spread on both your faces.

“Deal” he winked, kissing your cheek “Now let’s get ready!”

It was hard for Dean to take his suit, or at last his shirt and pants, to go change in the bathroom with all those people walking around the house. But luckily nobody noticed him so at least he managed to get changed in peace. Just like you did without having to blush fifty shades of red in case he saw anything. You had gotten into your dress and were looking at yourself in the mirror; fixing your make up. Just some final touches to an almost natural make up. You never were one for fancy things. You fixed your lipstick a deep red matt, nothing too fancy but still looked amazing. Your hair was done in soft waves and let down.

You looked down at your dress and fixed it as you put on your black high heels. It was not anything fancy, simple but good enough just like you wanted it to be. It was a long black mix of mostly black with dark purple maxi dress with a deep v-line neck that reached to your stomach. The back matched the front, leaving your back almost fully exposed. A thin layer of cloth was wrapped around your high waist, where the deep v-neck stopped, and it was just then that the dress becameflowy. It was a little too much for a wedding, exposing more than it should and certainly more than you would want Dean to see. But it was either this or a long bright pink dress full of jewels and you really did not want to pop so much. It was almost loose-fitting and that’s what you liked the most.

It did have a slit on the side that actually was not that much obvious with all the flowing fabric. It luckily gave you the change to fix your stockings as you rested your foot on the bed. You tried to get it as high as possible, the fact that it was so thin did not help. You got it to reach your middle thigh where you attached the black laced top with the suspender. You looked over at it, running your hands down your leg to fix it better. Hope was not going to hear the end of it for making you wear these but you actually did not want to complain for now. It made you feel good with yourself actually. So you didn’t really find a harm in it. Although you knew that her motives was for something to happen between you and Dean tonight.

You shook your head for a second, running your hands up to your thigh and fixing it as much as possible, not wanting any of the lacy part on the top show off or even the suspender. And just as you were doing that-

_The door burst open and Dean walked in._

You stopped dead in your tracks as you turned to look at him, not really realizing how you were that made him look at you the way he did.

“Oh. Oh. Sorry- sorry I- I didn’t know you- I didn’t mean to interrupt- I thought you we-were ready” he stuttered, a blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. His eyes were wide and you could see how he struggled to keep his eyes on your face but they always drifted somewhere else, be it the exposed part of your chest, your form or your leg- Why your leg?

_Oh._

“Oh. Oh! Sorry” you said in a hurry, pulling your leg down and covering it with your dress, trying to cover as much as possible.

You looked back up at him and you could swear you saw for a second his eyes being glued somewhere else other than your face and him lick his lips.

“No, I-” he swallowed hard “I’m sorry. I should have knocked” his voice was much lower and huskier than you had ever heard it.

“It’s fine” you whispered.

“So- that’s the dress you got?” a small smirk was on his face.

“Yeah” you looked down at it “You like it?”

“Hell yeah” he breathed out, his eyes holding an emotion you had never seen before. As if he was looking at you full of awe “You look stunning” he breathed out and you bit your lip, smiling. Unaware of the effect you had on him at that second.

_Dean felt all air being knocked out of his lungs but the most disturbing was not that. He could attribute all of the things he felt to the dress and how few it covered- or mostly how much it let show and what he was actually seeing on you at that moment for the first time._

_It was his weird beating heart that rang a bell to him._

“Thanks” you whispered.

“Hey” you said again, taking hold of your long necklace “Mind helping me a little with this?”

“Sure” he said in a rough voice.

You gave him the necklace and turned around, moving your hair out of the way for him to work. You felt him come closer, his chest almost pressed to your back, and you could feel his warm breath fanning over your neck. It sent shivers run down your spine and almost make you shudder. He threw the necklace over your neck as he proceeded to clasp it. It took him some time and he rested hid hands on your back as if to steady them- you could feel them shake for a little while.

“Ok” he whispered, his hands not leaving your shoulders though but instead traveled lower down to your back. His fingers tracing over the bones of your back as if he wanted to memorize them. It made goosebumps form all over your skin and, staying where you were, you just turned your head to look up at him. His eyes moved from down your back where he looked up to meet yours. He looked down at you, his lips parted as he breathed deeply. His eyes were almost half closed as he looked down at you and his heavy breathing match yours.

You could for a second swear that you felt as you were pressed to him, his hands had moved on your hips holding you tightly, his heartbeat. And it was the fact that it reminded you so much of the one you’ve had many times before and that very second. That weird beating of your heart.

You cleared your throat and blinked several times, turned your head away and taking a step away from him. Already missing the warmth of his body.

“So-” you cleared your throat “-you’re ready?”

“Uh yeah, yeah” he smiled slightly, fixing his tie.

 _Damn_ was the only thing you could think about. Only now did you notice the suit he was wearing and how good it actually looked on him. You had never seen him in a suit but now that you did, hell, you could just as happily get used to the sight.

You only stood there for a second, looking at each other but before any of you could say something a knock was heard on the door.

“(Y/n), honey” your mother’s head peeked through the door, a wide smile on her face “It is time. We must get going”

“Oh alright, has everybody already left?” you asked.

“Uhm yes and your dad is having the car ready. Aunt Maggie and Katherine will come with us. You will ride with Dean and we will all be after Hope’s car”

“Ok then. We better get going too.” you said taking your small black bag.

“Sure” Dean nodded his head.

“Hope wants to see you for a second though” your mother said and you nodded.

“Ok. Dean you go and I’ll be there with you in a little while” you put a hand on his shoulder.

“Ok babe. I’ll wait by the car” and he kissed your cheek and your eyes widened for a second.

“Y-Yeah” you blinked several time as he grinned softly at you, removing the hand he had put for a second on your waist.

Your mother giggled slightly and threw you a wink before following after Dean. And in the silence that had followed you only stared with wide eyes at the way Dean had left.

Thinking _‘What the hell was that?’_

~*~

“You’re perfectly fine, you don’t need to be so nervous” you let a small chuckle as you entered your sister’s room.

“Easier said than done” she breathed out a chuckle as she fidgeted with her hands in front of her gown.

“I know, but this is the day you’ve been dreaming for ever since you were young. You can’t let the nerves ruin it” you put a hand on her shoulder.

She chuckled “Yeah I’d like to see what you will do when your time with Dean comes” she retorted and the smile flattered for a second from your lips.

“Yeah” you chuckled fakely “That is going to take a long time, though”

She laughed shaking her head “I doubt it”

You looked at her with a frown.

She looked at you and smiled putting a hand over yours “With the way that man looks at you-” she shook her head “I see it coming pretty soon”

“I- I don’t think so” you muttered.

“Oh but I do. (Y/n) trust me, I am not kidding here. I have never seen someone look at somebody else with all that… love and adoration. You mean a lot to him, more than you probably realize it. Hell, maybe more than he knows himself” she chuckled “But he does. Even if none of you can see it”

“You’re exaggerating Hope” you mumbled shaking your head.

Truth was that you did not want to let her words get to you. You did not want to believe them because you knew it would only mean more heartbreak.

“No, no I’m not” she insisted “Tell me, how did he look at you when he saw you with this dress? Hm?” he smirked.

“Uh h-he- w-well he did-” you stuttered not really knowing what to say as images flashed through your mind. Images of the look on Dean’s face. Certainly one you had never seen before.

“Let me guess. He looked at you as if you were some kind of godness? The most beautiful woman he has ever seen? Eyes wide and mouth open, stuttering maybe? I bet his voice even was lower and deeper than usual and he even licked his lips, maybe looking like he wanted to slam you against a wall and-” she giggled, the smirk on her lips getting bigger as she saw the look on your face. The look of realization downing on you.

“Well, did he?” she asked again.

“He… did” you breathed out in a barely audible voice, your eyes roaming the entire room almost wide.

She giggled “Told you so!” she winked “Oh gosh perfect! Just promise that you will let me help you with the preparations ok? And when the first kid comes I will be its godmother!”

“Whoa whoa hold on there. The fact that he looked at me the way he did, does not mean we are going to be all happy family in a month!”

She scoffed rolling her eyes “Did you not hear any of the things I said? Everything is possible and I am telling you!” she exclaimed.

You rolled your eyes “Yes I heard you Hope, but that does not mean anything”

“It does not mean anything? Are you kidding me?!” she laughed, taking hold of your shoulders to make you look at her “ _ **He’s in love with you (Y/n), wake up!**_ ” she exclaimed.

You wanted to tell her that no he wasn’t, that she was exaggerating and if she knew the truth she wouldn’t be saying this. That you and Dean were only friends and he did not have feelings for you. But at the same time, there was a small part of you that could not help but believe what she was saying. That maybe, by some miracle, Dean did feel the same way as you and he was in love with you as well and wanted you-

'No’ you thought to yourself, shaking your head when she was not looking 'Stop it. He does’t feel the same way. He is only a friend. All of this is only part of the act. He doesn’t feel the same way. Nor will he ever…’

“Yeah, yeah I guess you’re right” you mumbled just to keep her from insisting and giving you more hope than she should.

“Of course I am! And you will soon see it for yourself. _Mind my words!_ ” she pointed a finger.

“Shall we get going now? Don’t want your future husband to wait more. Dean is waiting at the car as well.”

She giggled “Alright let’s not let the men of our lives wait any longer. Let’s go!”

~*~

The ride to the church was quiet but oddly peaceful. Neither you nor Dean said anything as he drove on the front, Hope’s car behind and your father’s car just behind. Soft music could be heard as Dean hummed to the lyrics. He’d occasionally glance at you but did not say anything, only would smile. You on the other hand did not say anything, too occupied with the thought of how he rushed to open the door for you when you got in the car. But it was not just the gesture – or the wink and smirk he sent your way as you got in. It was Hope’s words that could not stop ringing through your ear.

You did not want to believe her. You did not want her words to get to you. But that griddy part of yourself that wanted-that needed Dean so much just took over and made your heart beat in a weird way as the spark of hope within you started to turn into a flame.

You had arrived at the church pretty soon and much to your surprise Dean got out of the car and rushed to your side to open the door before you could, a hand extended for you to take. You only let a giggle as he grinned at you.

Hope did not arrive much later as you all clapped at her coming out of the car. A wide smile was on her face as your dad escorted her to Ian waiting at the altar. You and Dean stood by the side as you smiled widely at your sister’s happiness and you saw Dean himself grin next to you. You all soon took your seats and you watched with a smile, almost tearing up as they exchanges vows. Dean placed a hand on top of yours, giving you a soft smile and squeeze as you did the same. And he held it for the entire rest of the ceremony.

So here you were now, the ceremony was over and you were all at the restaurant where they had planned the party after the wedding to take place. Looking as they newlyweds were having their first dance.

“They’re all staring” Dean mumbled close to your ear so that you could hear.

You tried to keep yourself from shuddering.

“Of course they are” you replied.

“No, no I don’t mean your sister and her husband” Dean spoke back and then only did you take a look around you to see indeed most of the guests from your family staring at… you and Dean.

You frowned “Of course they would. Were probably expecting me to show up alone” you scoffed.

“Yeah but you didn’t. Why can’t they just quit it?” he growled.

You laughed humorlessly “You don’t really know my family Dean that’s why you’re saying this”

“Well, if they all are like aunt Maggie and Katherine then I sure as hell am not willing to meet them” he shook his head.

“Too bad you’ll have to” you whispered as you saw your aunt and uncle approach you.

“(Y/n)!” your uncle Robert, your father’s brother, said with a wide smile “What a pleasant surprise!”

“Hello uncle Rob, aunt Sara” you smiled politely at them.

“Hello sweetheart” she gave you a small hug “It is such a pleasant surprise to see you here! We thought you wouldn’t come”

“And miss my sister’s wedding? Of course not!”

“Well it certainly a pleasant surprise to see you have someone by your side this time, hello!” she said, turning to Dean and smiling at him widely.

“Uh hello ma'am” Dean smiled politely, shaking her hand and doing the same with your uncle who had more of a glare on his face.

“Uhm uncle Robert, aunt Sara this is Dean. Dean Winchester. My boyfriend” you forced a smile.

“Oh really?” it was not your aunt Sara but aunt Jess that piped in. You had not even realized when she had come by your side.

“Shame” she mumbled and you could help but raise your eyebrows in astonishment.

“We didn’t know you had one. Hope didn’t say anything” and your cousin Faith came by Dean’s side.

You had to keep yourself from growling at her as she eyed Dean up and down- literally undressing him with her eyes. You just opted to glare at her as she made eyes at him, Dean only decided to ignore her.

“Uh, yeah she didn’t know it either” you mumbled.

“Is it because it’s not something important or…?” a small hopeful smirk spread on your cousin’s face.

“No. Not at all” Dean spoke firmly this time “(Y/n) and I are taking this seriously. Or at least I am. For sure” he wrapped an arm around your waist “We just did not have the chance till now” he shrugged.

“Oh” you saw how almost all of three women’s smile flattered and you tried to keep yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Really? Well that’s great for you guys. You better take good care of our little girl, Dean. She’s not the easiest but certainly is worth a lot!” aunt Caroline came closer and spoke up. She was the only one that did not treat you like you were the black sheep of the family. She always was caring and loving, never judging you and kind of always encouraging you to do what you felt like.

Dean chuckled, tightening his grip on you “Trust me, I know that already. I would have never thought of myself being with anybody else but her.” he turned his head to look at you as you looked up at him “She means everything to me” he whispered and you smiled up at him.

“How sweet. I can feel the love!” she said with a wide smile.

“Tell us something more about yourself Dean” Faith said with a big smile and this time you did roll your eyes.

Dean turned to look at her and chuckled a little embarrassed “Something about myself? Wow feels like I’m getting an interview all of a sudden. I don’t know” he laughed “I’m not really good with these stuff” he shrugged, not wanting to say anything that would maybe embarrass you.

_**If only he knew how proud you actually were of him.** _

“Dean’s a mechanic” you said with a wide smile, putting a hand on his chest and looking at him with a smile for a second “One of the best I know, let me tell you! The way he works with cars is unbelievable! I swear he can do wonders with those hands of his! He even put his car back together from pieces! And it’s not just that! Whenever something’s broken on the house he’ll just have it fixed in seconds! He once built me an entire bookcase from scratch!”

He laughed, looking down at his feet shyly “It was nothing” he mumbled sheepishly.

You scoffed “As if. But what surprised me more than his skills in crafting was his skills in music. Guy stole my heart by singing Eye of the tiger!” you laughed shaking your head.

It was the truth.

Dean chuckled as well and gave your waist a squeeze “I really don’t know what to say. It just surprises me how I got this lucky to have a woman like her in my life” he ended up saying in a soft voice.

“I have low standards,what can I say?” you shrugged and everybody laughed.

Dean pretended to glare at you but a smile broke on his face anyway. He shook his head and kissed your forehead.

“So, are you going to be staying long here Dean? Cause I have a car that would need repair, if you’re willing” Faith spoke up with a smirk. You could literally see the glint in her eyes that meant so much more than she let out, just because you were there and so where some of your relatives.

“Uh I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it” Dean said with an awkward smile, clearly not comfortable with the way she was looking at him.

While you- Well you were on the verge of snapping at her.

“Depends” you spoke “Might not actually. We wanna spend time together, you know. He can hardly keep his hands away. Not that I can” you shrugged, and at the same time glared at her.

“Aw really? But I was hoping we could get to know Dean a little more” she batted her eyelashes at Dean.

“I do. And I think that’s enough I believe” all humor was gone from your voice “Besides, don’t you have homework to think about?” you raised an eyebrow and her smile fell when she looked at you.

“Now if you will excuse us-” you smiled at them with a clearly fake smile and taking hold of Dean’s arm you lead him away from all of them.

“Phew” Dean breathed out, eyes wide “You really were not kidding when you said your family was nuts”

“For the first time I am glad about mine!” he shook his head, breathing out.

You wanted to laugh but it did not come with how pissed and maybe jealous you were. Alright you were jealous but nobody could blame you. Dean was supposed to be your boyfriend for these days no matter what.

“You tell me” you grumbled.

“I don’t wanna think how they acted when you appeared on your own at such events” he grumbled shaking his head.

“Yeah you really don’t want to.” you shook you head, letting out a sigh.

He sighed as well. He looked around him for a second, biting just slightly his lip until he extended one hand in front of you “Dance with me” he smiled.

“Huh?”

“Dance with me. We are here to have fun. This time you must have fun. It’s your sister’s wedding and we didn’t come here to have to put up with your stupid relatives once again. Dance with me” he grinned and for a second you only stared at him with a stunned expression.

A smile broke on your face as you breathed out a laugh, taking his extended hand “Show me what you got Winchester” you smirked at him.

“Oh sweetheart, you would be in for a surprise if I did” he winked and you could not help but laugh out loudly as youthrew your arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around you.

More couples, your parents included, started joining in and the dancing area was soon full. It was a somewhat quick song and everybody dancing as if they were young again. The sight of your parents doing the same made you laugh. Not as much as Dean did though. When he said he had it in him he was not kidding. You laughed with your heart as Dean spoon you around, the dress swirling, still holding your hand and bring you back again and had you wrapped in his arms in seconds. Without warning he grinned at you mischievously and bend down and in a matter of seconds swept you of your feet, holding you bridal style and spinning you around. A loud squeal left your lips and you could hear your parents, your sister and her husband laughing at the two of you. He held you in his arms as he had you in the air, slowly letting you slide down him. His hands touching areas you had only dreamed about. You admitted guilty, yes, but the feeling was just the same as you had dreamt so many times. And hell, you did enjoy it. A grin was spread on his face as you finally slid down and were eye level with him, his hand staying under the split on your cress and on your skin for longer than it should. He hugged you close to him as you had your arms wrapped around his neck and he bend you down, your face almost inches apart and none of you could keep the smiles of your faces. He lifted you, spinning you around and holding your hands in a crossed way over you. You giggled as Dean pressed himself close to you, his face close to yours from behind. He held you from behind and hummed the song in your ear, his hands still holding yours.

You had completely forgotten all your relatives looking at Dean all the time, or the way some of your young relative girls looked at him. You were sure if they had them to their one his suit would not be in one piece. Not that you would have been able to hold yourself if Dean was not your friend. But you had your reasons.. You actually were in love with the man, even if he was your friend. It was true that jealousy would creep up your throat as you looked at them but Dean’s presence so close to you made you forget about everything completely.

You were almost out of breath. Not only because of the dancing but the laughing as well. You let out and took in deep breaths as you tried to soothe down your rapidly beating heart. Your stomach almost hurt from all the laughing.

“I’m never going to doubt your skills again” you said breathlessly and Dean hugged you more tightly as you both swayed to the music.

He chuckled deeply his chest rumbling “You bet” he kissed the side of your head.

You let out a content sigh as you closed your eyes for a second, resting your head on Dean’s side as he had you enveloped in his arms. The song had started to turn into a much slower one and you and Dean swayed softly to it. His hips moved insync with yours as you were pressed together.

“Thank you Dean” you whispered and he hummed “For everything” you had your eyes closed as you got lost in the moment and Dean’s arms holding you close to him, not letting you go like there was no tomorrow.

“No problem princess” he whispered, kissing the side of your head and lowering his head to bury his face at the crook of your neck.

“That’s what I am here for” he added and you knew very well that he was talking about him making you forget about your relatives and what they thought about you and him. He was set on making you enjoy this no matter what. And he did a hell of a good job at it.

You smiled and your eyes slowly opened as Dean started to pull slightly away. Still holding your hands he made you turn and moved them around his neck, pressing you again close to him. Your arms were wrapped around his neck as his made their way on your waist. You let a small gasp as he held your hips tight and pressed. You looked up at him with a soft smile. Even if you were wearing high heels he was still taller than you. His deep green eyes looked into yours and you could feel yourself running out of breath as he took it away with the look on his eyes. They were roaming your face as if he tried to take in every little detail and memorize it. There were moments that when he looked deeply in your eyes you thought that he was reading your soul and inner thoughts. He tightened his grip on your waist and you let a small gasp as you were pressed to him.

“Did I tell you perfect you look in this dress?” he whispered and you bit your lip, smiling.

“Yeah” you chuckled “Yeah you actually did”

“Well… you do look freaking amazing” he breathed out and you chuckled.

“Could say the same thing about you” you teased and he rolled his eyes.

“Jee thanks”

You giggled “Just kidding. You look amazing in this suit.”

He smiled widely at you but did not say something. You tightened your hold around his neck and he did the same as you brought yourselves closer to each other. You hesitated but rested your head on the crook of his neck and closed your eyes softly, a smile on your lips.

He let a small content sigh and rested his head on top of yours. You felt a tingling sensation as his fingers brushed over the exposed skin of your back. You both moved slowly to the music. It was soft and could almost lull you to sleep, especially with Dean holding you so closely to himself.

Your eyes slowly opened though when you heard a different sound other than the music. You and Dean stopped dancing and you looked around you at the guests clicking with their knives on their glasses with whine or on the plates. Making arhythmic sound. You frowned at what was heard. The situation was not something you had not seen before in a wedding.

“Kiss! Kiss!” somebody in the crowd shouted.

You turned to look at your sister with her husband as they kissed. Everybody cheered but the clicking sounds kept on going as you slowly realized that they did not mean only for the newlyweds to kiss. You saw couple after couple sharing a kiss. Everybody, even your parents. Every couple except for you and Dean.

Your head snapped to Dean’s direction, your eyes almost wide when you felt him tug at you slightly. You swallowed hard as you looked up at him.

“Come on” he whispered in a low rough voice.

“Dean” you breathed out in a barely audible voice.

“Come on. Everybody’s kissing. All the couples”

“Yeah but we-”you swallowed, glancing around you “We are not a couple”

He shrugged “For today we are. Besides, we have to sell this, don’t we?” his voice was incredibly low and rough “We have to make them believe it. And knowing your relatives just a little bit, they will be skeptical if they don’t see us kiss.”

“I-”you felt as if you could not breath “I don’t want to force you into-”

“You’re not forcing me into anything”he whispered, shaking his head.

“If you want this too, anyway.”He brought one hand up to cup your cheek. You looked at him with almost wide eyes, your cheeks burning hot now.

“I- ye-yeah, I guess”you breathed out shakily “But you-”

“I volunteered for this. Besides-”he licked his lower lip, his face now inches away from yours “-I won’t mind”

You only stared at him with your mouth agape.

“Unless you take me for such a terrible kisser”he added teasingly with a small smirk.

“No”you breathed out shaking your head barely “No”

“Good”he leaned in closer, his lips millimetres away from yours “Good” he whispered and with a final look up in your eyes he looked down at your lips and pressed his to yours.

Your eyes widened for a second as you felt all air being knocked out of your lungs. You were frozen for a second but once you realized what was actually happening your eyes fluttered shut as you let a small breath through your nose. You relaxed for a second and without realizing it your hands moved up and cupped his face. You could feel the small scruff over your fingertips and it made you take in a shaky breath through your nose. Your chest felt as if it was going to burst open. Your lips after a while started to move along with his. It felt almost magical. All you had been dreaming about for so long was finally happening. You didn’t even care that it was not real. Your mind was blank and you could not think about anything else but his lips over yours. His calloused hands held your face as his thumb rubbed over your cheek. Your lips moved against his. They were rough and at the same time soft. They tasted a little like champagne, probably he’d managed to have a drink already.

You were almost tempted to move your tongue and lick his lower lip, just as much as you were tempted to enter it. You wanted more than anything to get to taste more of his. But you had to remind yourself that this was just pretending, at least for him. That this was not real and you didn’t want him to suspect the least. You could not risk it, no matter if all your senses were screaming the exact opposite at you. Your lips moved in perfect sync in a slow and certainly the sweetest kiss you’d ever had.

Before you could get carried away though you decided to start pulling away. It was at that second that you felt Dean lick your lower lip but you decided not to pay attention to it. It seemed as if Dean did not want to pull away - truth was you didn’t either - but frowning a little you both started to pull away. When your lips parted you started to open your eyes to look at him. You felt your entire face burn and your lips as well, no wonder they would be pink.

Dean had his lips parted as he was breathing in heavily, as well as you.

And it was then, in the dark and light of the restaurant as looked at his green eyes that were so close to you that you could see every little detail that realization downed on you.

_You had kissed Dean Winchester **for real.**_


	12. Chapter 12

You felt yourself letting out a shaky sigh for what seemed like the millionth time that night. You tried to not think much of it but the thought had not stopped running through your mind. The feeling had not stopped being present on your lips. It felt as if you still had Dean’s lips on yours, kissing you just as passionately as before. Truth was that you had caught yourself more than plenty of times thinking how it would be to feel Dean’s lips not only on yours but everywhere on your body. You shuddered at the mere thought.

And Dean’s looks, oh gosh those were not helping at all. You could not really understand what had gotten into him, but then again he had been acting weirdly the entire weekend so what was different now? Well the way he was looking at you and the feeling he had in his eyes made you shiver but not from the cold. Oh not at all. If anything with the look in his eyes you were feeling your body temperature rise up all the more. You shifted once again uncomfortably on your chair. Dean had you all hot and bothered the entire night and he did not seem willing to stop even in the least bit. He just kept it on.

Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he looked so damn irresistible in his suit. Whatever the reason, you knew you were going to need a really cold shower later.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n) honey?” your mother’s voice caught your attention and you looked up at her instantly.

“Huh? What?”

“Are you alright darling? Aunt Cassie asked you a question” the frown was evident on her face.

You looked between her and your aunt “Oh. Oh sorry, I’m sorry. I got distracted for a second” you smiled apologetically at her and she smiled as well.

“It’s alright dear. I just asked if you and Dean have been together for long, that’s all” she said.

You opened and closed your mouth several times, not really knowing what to say. After that kiss you’ve been at a loss for words all the time.

“Uhm not very long actually but-” Dean spoke up and you could have not been more thankful for that or the hand around your waist that supported you “-Even for this little amount of time she’s managed to make me the happiest man alive. I am the luckiest one to have her” he turned his head to look down at you and smiled as you did the same.

“How sweet. Well I wish the best for you two” she gave you one final smile and turned around to go talk with somebody else.

“Are you alright?” Dean’s rough voice whispered to you and you shook your head.

“No, can we go sit?” you looked up at him and he nodded his head with a deep frown.

“Sure”

He helped you go to your table and sit down on your chairs. His hand stayed on your back where he rubbed soothing circles although it was anything but that. You felt yourself shuddering and the feeling at the pit of your stomach grow even more. A feeling you knew all too well what it was, and if Dean kept being so close and touching you like that it was not going to get better.

“(Y/n)?” it was your sister’s voice that was seating right next to Dean, you all were at the same table as the closest to the bride and groom “Are you ok?” she was frowning.

You smiled faintly “I’m fine, Hope. Don’t worry about me”

She smiled at you as well before turning to Dean “I’m not going to accuse you Winchester but I trust you to make her feel better” she pointed a finger at him and Dean laughed out loudly, and just as if it was contagious you found yourself laughing. Instantly you felt your chest feel a little lighter, as if there was not a weight on your shoulders anymore.

Seeing Dean like this made you so happy yourself. He looked so carefree, so happy and so at peace that you felt peace within yourself as well. But mostly you tried to forget the kiss. You knew after all that you should not think anything of it because it just was not real, no matter how much it felt like it- It was not. End of story. Dean was just pretending but as much as that hurt you could at least live this a little, right?

He winked at her “You have my promise on that one Hope” a smirk was on his face as his hand moved from holding yours to your thigh over your dress where he patted slighty. He turned his head to look at you, the smirk a little softer “I won’t rest until I make sure all of her worries have faded away” his voice was lower and definitely rougher as he looked at you deeply in the eyes. His hand before you realized it, as it rubbed comfortingly your thigh was under the dress – thanks to the slit – and now in contact with your skin.

Your eyes widened for a second and you felt a deep blush creep up your cheeks as he did not remove it. His thumb only rubbing circles over your thin black lacy stocking, playing even with the suspender. You felt your face grow hotter by the second at the small smirk on his face, and literally felt spark when his thumb moved under the stocking to touch your sensitive skin. He was toying with you there was no other explanation. You felt yourself shudder at his intense gaze, noplayfulness in it. He was dead serious, and just like him you were breathing heavily. He gave your thigh a squeeze and you literally felt your heart jump to your throat. You bit slightly at your lower lip as he held your gaze with his.

But it was another sound that caught both of yours attention. Your head snapped away from him and you looked around you to see everybody clicking with their knives on their glasses with whine or on the plates. Repeating the same situation as a while before when you and Dean were dancing. Everybody was looking at the couple as they expected them to kiss. You felt your breath get caught in your throat as you dreaded the moment.

Your head snapped back to Dean who at that second looked at you as well “Seems like they’re doing this on purpose for us” he smirked slightly chuckling and you felt your blush get darker.

“D-Dean” you breathed out in a stutter as he leaned in closer, you could not move.

“Sshh” he whispered, his lips barely inches away from yours “We gotta make this believable, don’t we?” he smiled for a split second before going back to his previous expression. His mouth was slightly open just like was yours. You felt his warm breath fan over your face, making your blush even darker.

Your eyes were half closed and so were his. His hand left your thigh – you could not deny at least to yourself that you already missed his touch – and came up to cup your cheek. His thumb rubbed over it and you caught yourself letting out a trembling breath.

“A-alright” you whispered in a barely audible voice and he smiled faintly.

He nodded his head and in just a split second, before you could even realize it his lips crashed to yours. Pretty much like before you felt all air being knocked out of your lungs. You could never be able to describe how Dean’s lips kissing you felt but at the same time it did not matter. All it mattered was how great it felt and how much you would love to do it again. And again. And again.

The kiss in the beginning was sweet and slow. His lips moved in perfect sync with yours just like before. They were soft and at the same time rough and it made you smile through the kiss. Both his hands were now cupping your face, pressing your lips as much as possible to his. Your hands had instinctively moved to his chest and around his neck. It felt amazing. It truly felt amazing and you were not willing to pull away this time. You didn’t know what it was. Maybe your mind had stopped functioning altogether and you could not control your actions but you only pressed yourself closer to him. Just like he did.

You did not know when it happened, your mind was too hazy to even comprehend what was happening- you could not focus on anything else but his lips on yours but soon you did come to realize what was happening. The kiss became more intense and passionate. His lips moved roughly against yours and you felt his teeth grazing against your lips. You let a small groan unintentionally but it only seemed to fuel him more because he kissed you even harder, to the point you thought he would leave a bruise. You both got lost in a world of your own. You felt his tongue lick over your lower lip and without thinking it a second time you opened your mouth to give him access. You weren’t even comprehending what was happening.

But yet, it was happening. You and Dean were kissing for real. His hot tongue was in your mouth as he kissed you. It battled with yours but you knew you had no chance in winning this fight, nor now nor ever. Not with how weak he had you feeling. You felt a smirk form on his lips when you let out a moan. You felt yourself shudder as his lips moved roughly against yours. Your hear hammered in your chest and your lungs felt like they were on fire. You had been ignoring the need for air for way too long now so, even if you did not want to, you had to push him away.

Dean protested for a little, an almost small whine left his lips. But understanding, he pulled away as well. You opened your eyes just like he did and you were very sure that what you were seeing would e the look on your face as well. Face flushed, lips kiss swollen and red, maybe yours with more smeared red lipstick than his, the both of you breathing heavily but above all- pupils blown to the point you doubted he or you had an iris. You tried to calm down your wildly beating heart and above all ignore the feeling you had. Your entire body felt as if it was on fire and you had a hard time sitting comfortably on your chair.

You cleared your throat and averted your eyes from his for a second “I hope that was believable enough” you mumbled, trying to brush off some of the lipstick; although you didn’t know right where it had gotten smudged.

“Here” Dean said in a low and rough voice, extending his hand towards you. His thumb worked on your lower and upper lip. Though even at this you could not help but let out a shaky breath. Dean’s eyes immediately snapped to yours as did yours lock with his. His movement slowly died down, but his thumb did stay on your lips, his other fingers under your chin.

You cleared your throat once again, averting your eyes from his and pulling slightly away “Ok?” you asked and he nodded his head.

“Yeah”

You looked back up at him and – of course – at his lips and noticed some red lipstick there too “You’ve got some-” you stopped your hand mid-movement in the air as you realized you were about to do the same he had done. And quiet fairlythat was not a good decision because you knew that even touching his lips with your fingers would be too much and you would just probably end up grabbing his face and kissing him again.

“Here” you said, taking a napkin and handing it to him. You tried to ignore how he held it- more like held your hand with the napkin for longer that needed, until you finally pulled your hand away.

“Thanks” he said in a rough voice, bringing the napkin to his lips and brushing off the red lipstick there. You tried so freaking hard to look away from his lips and what he was doing but…

…how could you ever really?

He had you for good and there was no denying it.

~*~

“We must get going Hope” you said to your sister with a smile and she pouted for a second.

“So early?”

You smiled sympathetically “It’s not all that early Hope, but we are kinda of really tired” you took hold of her hands “Besides we must leave very early in the morning so we barely have three hours of sleep. It’s a long drive and Dean needs some rest”

“Dean. Of course” a sly grin spread on her lips and you frowned.

“Hope…?”

“You sly dog!” she laughed at you, hitting your shoulder playfully “You don’t need to come up with excuses if you want to jump him!”

Your eyes widened “Hope!” you exclaimed, feeling a blush rise up on your cheeks “It’s not like that”

“Oh sure whatever you say” she rolled her eyes at you “Come on (Y/n)! It’s me you’re talking to! No need to lie! I understand, really! I would barely be able to keep my hands to myself with someone like him!” she winked at you with a giggle “I am really having a hard time doing so now with Ian” she shrugged, glancing behind her at her husband.

She giggled turning to look at you “No worries (Y/n/n), just make sure you don’t let him take a breath” she winked at you and you felt your face get warmer.

“Hope, enough. We are not going to-” you stopped yourself, shaking your head “Nevermind, forget it. You are not going to get it through your head no matter what”

She scoffed rolling her eyes “Oh sure, whatever you say. But don’t come running to me when pregnancy knocks on your door”

“Hope!” you exclaimed and she giggled.

“Yeah whatever. But don’t blame me if he can’t keep his hands of you when he sees you in those-”

“Hope!” your face was bright red “Stop, please!”

She giggled, winking at you but did not say anything. You saw her eyes move to behind you and you did not have to turn as you felt a hand on your waist.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

“Fine” you spoke first “Everything’s fine” you glared at Hope that was grinning at you and Dean.

“Are you sure?” he asked with a small chuckle.

“Absolutely” Hope spoke this time with a sly grin and Dean chuckled some more.

“Well, (Y/n) told you we must get going right?”

“Yeah, she did”

“We’re really sorry. We know it’s early but… we’ve got a long ride ahead of us and yeah”

“Oh I know, I know. No need to apologize” she smirked slyly at him and he let a small chuckle.

You only prayed he had not understood what she meant.

“It was great seeing you and having you here even for so little” she opened her arms and hugged you “Hope to see you soon (Y/n/n)” she smiled at you.

“And it was great meeting you Dean” she hugged Dean as well “Hope to see you soon again and you better take good care of my little sister, ok mister?” she narrowed her eyes at him and pointed a finger.

Dean nodded his head seriously “Yes ma'am!” he saluted and they both laughed “Trust me I would never dream of letting something happen to her” he looked at you with a soft smile, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face. You only felt that weird beat of your heart. How could this man make you feel such an extent of love for him so easily?

“I know” Hope smiled warmly “I know. And I really trust you” Dean turned to smile at her, his arms around your waist as you looked down at your feet shyly.

“Well-” she sighed “I better not keep holding you back. It was really great having you here.”

“It was great seeing you again too, Hope. Wish you and Ian the best” you smiled at her.

“We will come back for sure again” Dean grinned at her and she nodded with a smile.

“I will look forward to it. Bye (Y/n), bye Dean. And… have fun!” she winked at Dean and you instantly felt your eyes go wide.

You glared at her as you felt your face burn hot. Dean on the other hand chuckled, giving your waist a squeeze and what he said did make your eyes go wide “We sure will!” he winked at her and kissed your cheek.

She giggled, waving at him as he did the same.

~*~

Both you and Dean walked in silence as you made your way to the Impala. You’d occasionally glance at him but would quickly avert your eyes in fear of him noticing. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, not sure if you should speak or not. You had so many questions but should you really phrase them? Should you really speak your mind?

You placed your hand on the handle but before you could open the car’s door you felt a hand on your hip and another placed on top of yours, stopping you.

“Did a hell of a job back there” Dean’s rough voice whispered to you from behind.

You swallowed thickly, feeling your body temperature rise “Had to make it believable. You said it yourself” you replied weakly.

“True. True” he buried his face in your hair “You almost got me there for a second too” he muttered and you felt your heart jump to your throat. His hand that was holding yours trailed up your bare arm and up to your shoulder where he brushed your hair out of the way so that he could bury his face at th crook of your neck. His warm breath fanning over your skin along with his hands on your hip and shoulder made shivers run down your spine.

“What do you mea-” you started asking in a low voice but a gasp left your lips as your eyes widened visibly. Dean had gripped on your shoulder and hip and pressed your body to his.

“D-Dean wh-what’s th-” you had a hard time breathing, much less speaking.

“What do you think” Dean let a small growl, rubbing himself on you and you literally felt your knees go weak.

“D-Dean” you were panting.

This could not be happening. No, you had to be dreaming. This was not real. Dean could not be feeling this way for you… Yet here you were.

“Do you have any idea- any _fucking_ idea-” his voice was low and rougher than usual “How damn gorgeous you look in this dress?” his compliment made you blush even more but not for the reason it would have any other way. Oh certainly not.

“Dean” you could only say his name.

“Sshh don’t interrupt me. I’ve ben holding this for so damn long I can’t take it anymore” he gave your hip a squeeze and you tried to swallow a moan as he pressed his hot lips to your neck in a small kiss “Do you have any idea how hard it was? It’s been the fucking hardest weekend of my damn life.” he let a small growl.

“You-” he let out a breath that made you shiver “-You’ve been teasing me for so damn long-” he let a small chuckle “-Without even fucking knowing it”

“Dean, I-” a lump formed on your throat as you closed your eyes, leaning back to him.

“Ever since I met you’ve been such a temptation. I’ve been holding it back for so long because I was scared of ruining our friendship” he chuckled “Talking about cliché. Having you so close and yet unable to have you. But damn I cannot hold it anymore. And you are fucking responsible for it. You-” he breathed out, trailing his lips without kissing up your neck, goosebumps creating all over there.

“You been so close, there all over me. I could do everything I wanted yet… I couldn’t.” he was saying breathlessly “And tonight- damn it. Do you have any freaking idea how damn amazing kisser you are? You had my motor going in an instant like nobody else ever before.”

“But as if that was not enough-” he kept going and you really had to support yourself on him to keep your knees from giving away, probably not the best choice with his hard on pressing right on your behind, fact that made him growl a little “-You went and wore… this. As if the damn black and lace lingery were not enough you- you chose this dress.”

“You really are asking for it, aren’t you?” he growled the words to your ear. His hand moved from your shoulder down and he squeezed your bre-

You gasped, eyes snapping wide “D-Dean!” you tried to say but it came out weakly.

“Such a fucking turn on” he growled once more, his hand trailing down to rest on your hip as well.

“I- I didn’t know you- you could feel this way” you panted as he rubbed himself on you.

“That hard to believe?” he suddenly spoon you around and pressed you against the Impala with his body. The smirk fell from his lips as he had a more serious expression on. His one hand moved up to rush a few strands of hair out of your face and it moved to cup your flushed cheek.

“Then how about you let me show you?” he whispered and the air got caught in your throat.

You blinked several times. You tried to shift because of the uncomfortable feeling between your legs but he gave you a warning look to not move further because you were seriously not helping in his situation.

You opened your mouth “Do you… want to?” you whispered back in a question and a small smirk formed on his lips. Clearly realizing how you wanted him just as much as he did.

He ended up grinning – more like a predator – as he leaned in closer, pressing himself even more to you to the point you had to bite your lip to keep any sound in.

“Don’t you feel it sweetheart?” he growled, rubbing himself on your thigh and you shut your eyes tightly.

“Dean” you felt yourself letting a small whimper.

“Yes _baby_?” he asked innocently.

And at this you let a growl of your own. You glared at him as he merely grinned and without a warning you grabbed his face and crashed your lips to his. You smirked when you heard him let out a gasp, having caught him by surprise but despite everything he did not hesitate to kiss back. Of course.

His hands gripped your hips tighter, so tight you knew there was going to be a bruise left there the next morning. He kissed your lips roughly as his hands moved down to your thigh where he gripped tightly and lifted them so that your legswere wrapped around his waist and you were pretty thankful because your knees felt as if they were going to give away any given second. Your arms were around his neck, our fingers threading with his short hair. You let out a moan when Dean pressed himself to you and so did he.

You felt Dean fidget a little and let a groan of frustration. You giggled slightly and pushed him away. You pulled your feet down. You pushed him even more away and he looked at you with a deep frown, mouth hanging agape as he was breathing in an out roughly.

You opened the back door of the Impala which he had been sturggling to. You turned to him and smirked as he rolled his eyes.

“Smartass”

You giggled at him, taking his hand you leaned in and pecked his lips. You winked at him and even if he wanted to play mad he did crack a smile. He opened the door even more for you to enter. You turned and where about to do so. You only stopped for a split second to roll your eyes as you felt Dean slap your ass but shaking your head you proceeded and got it. Dean soon did the same. You turned so that you were facing him and slowly leaned down so that you were laying on the backseat. He closed the door behind him.

“Wait” Dean whispered, taking of his suit and folding it to place it behind your head as a makeshift pillow “Don’t want ya to hit your head somewhere”

You smiled softly but it soon turned into a smirk “Why? Are you going to shake me that hard?”

A sly grin formed on his lips as he looked down at you “Oh baby girl, I am gonna rock your world” his words went straight to your core and before you could even react he had leaned down and crashed his lips to yours.

A small squeal left your lips soon followed by a giggle as he chuckled as well. He attacked your lips with small kisses and bites. His lips trailed from your to your cheek and with butterfly kisses all over your neck and under your jaw. You giggled slightly as his hands by your sides tickled you softly. His hands eventually rested on your hips where he held you firmly. His one hand took hold of your leg and brought it up and around his waist, making your body curve into his. His lips didn’t miss a chance to sneak up to yours and kiss you again.

You let out a small and content sigh, your hands went around Dean’s neck and you tried to bring him as close to you as possible. Dean only did the same as well, his hands that were on your waist tightened their grip and pressed you even closer to him - if possible - making you let out a small groan. The kiss was not as much sweet and slow as before. Something had stirred inside you for good and had you craving for more, making it impossible to stop yourself.

Dean fidgeted with his tie and letting a small giggle you pulled away to help him.

“No, no I got this. I got this” he protested and you laughed even more at him. But he did have it and although it took him a little while he got rid of it. His shirt soon followed and he was left in only his suit pants. You felt your breath hitch on your throat and biting your lip you extended one hand and ran it down his chest and abdomen. You took a good few minutes to admire his well-built body, running your fingers over his chest down to his abdomen till the waistband of his pants.

“Like what you see?” he asked in a teasing voice and you looked up at him, your face holding no teasing look in it.

“Very much so” you whispered, bringing one hand up to cup his cheek and his smile turned into a soft one.

His one hand cupped your cheek as well and he leaned down again to press his lips to yours in a soft kiss. You instantly melted into the kiss but let a small groan of protest when he pulled away from you. Not that his lips left you though. He trailed down with kisses to your neck and then the exposed part of your chest. You bit your lip as you tried to suppress a moan. Your face was burning hot.

His lips licked and kissed there, shivers running down your spine as his hot tongue teased your sensitive skin. When he heard you whimper slightly he instantly looked up at you “Dean, please” you said in a soft voice and he smiled.

“Yes baby, yes” he breathed out and his hands moved up your arms. He took hold of your dress and slowly slid it down your arms. His hands all the while touching you as he took it off completely and threw it at the front seats, not really watching where because his eyes could not leave you. His hands came to rest on your hips and you instantly crossed your arms over your chest, feeling your entire face heat up.

“No, hey no” he whispered, his hands moving to take hold of yours.

You were not going to deny that standing in front of Dean like that made you nervous and even more self-conscious than you already were. But the way- the way he was looking at you as if you were the most divine being he had ever seen made goosebumps form all over your skin. The intensity in his eyes was impossible to describe but adoration was so much obvious. It made you feel as if you were the most beautiful woman on the Earth.

“No shying away now, beautiful. What did I previously say? You’re gorgeous” the sincerity in his eyes made your heart swell.

“You said that when I had the dress” you teased him a little.

“I did?” he raised and eyebrow, leaning down and closer to you “My bad. Should have made it clear how you look likegodness without it” he said and you giggled at him, finally letting your arms fall by your sides.

He hovered over you for a little while, his eyes roaming your form keeping your hands to your sides and you saw him lick his lower lip, letting a small groan of his own. And without a warning he dived in an started kissing and licking all the way from your neck to your chest. He stayed a little more there, kissing and licking between your breasts, his teeth occasionally grazing over the sensitive flesh there just like before, although now there was no dress covering you. Your upper part was completely exposed while the only thing you were wearing was the black lace panties and stockings with suspenders Hope had made you wear. Nothing else.  
  
“Dean” you whined “Please” the heat between your legs was too much to bear, especially with his rough hands now caressing your almost naked body. Your legs had moved to wrap around his waist as you rubbed yourself on him, desperately needing some friction.  
  
This time he didn’t continue your torment even more. Instead he started more licking than kissing all the way down to your stomach, his hot tongue toying with your skin as it danced across it. You clenched you fists, your nails almost digging into Dean’s back that you were sure some pretty nasty marks were going to be left the following day, while Dean just kept licking and kissing at your hips now, his teeth occasionally giving you small bites.  
  
He pulled slightly away as he looked down at you and let a small growl “Hmm black lace. Such a bad girl. I might have to punish you” he smirked at you, licking his lips.

“Dean” you swallowed “Please, I- I can’t-”

“Don’t know princess” he crawled back on top of you so that he was looking you fully in the eyes, a small smirk formed on his lips “I like the way you beg” he grinned and your eyes went wide as he went back down to your stomach and hips. He kissed a little, his teeth leaving small bites as his hands ran down your thigh and leg and right back up where he gave your thigh a squeeze. He smirked as he looked up at you, your eyes closed and head thrown back.

He smirked even more as he toyed a little with the strap of the suspender and the lacy top part of your stocking. He rubbed his thumb over your thigh. In an instant though he tugged at the stocking and roughly pushed it down, almost reaping it apart. He chuckled a little as you let out a surprised squeak, but taking firm hold of your leg he ran his hand down and completely removed the one stocking. He brought his face closer to the inner part of your thigh, looking up at you for a second with a smirk as you watched him with wide eyes and just like that he started kissing and licking there. You let out a trembling breath as Dean’s lips worked on your thigh. His hot tongue worked on your sensitive skin and it literally made you feel as if you were on fire.

“De-Dean” you whimpered and he grinned more.

“Not yet princess. Not yet” he said and you squirmed further in your seat.

His hand moved to your other thigh. His face following suit as he places his lips to it in a soft kiss. His fingers unclaspedthe suspender and as his teeth grazed over your skin, he bit down on the stocking and with it still in his teeth his face moved down to take it off of you. Once it was completely off, he looked up at you with a smirk and his lips trailed up your leg. And repeated what he had done before, although this time he did go a little less gentle. He bit and sucked and you knew that there were going to be some pretty big bruises left there to go along with the ones on your neck and hips. You moaned loudly as he showed no mercy.

“Dean please” you groaned and he grinned widely at you.

“Right away baby girl” he said and you let out a sigh of relief although it came out shakily. Mostly as he stopped teasing you.

His head quickly came up so that his lips could meet yours, kissing you hungrily. Teeth grazing with each other’s as he occasionally bit and licked at your own lips. You were pretty much sure you they were going to be swollen and red after this kind of kiss. They moved to your neck and your hands clenched, however you had nothing to grab to so your nails dig at the skin of his back. You panted as you felt the hot skin of his chest being pressed to yours.

His fingers played with the material of your panties but as you roughly pressed and rubbed yourself on him he quickly understood that you were not in for more games. He groaned as you even licked and sucked on his neck.

“You’ve been teasing me all night” he growled as his fingers dug at the skin of your hips “I’ve been dying to see what was under that dress” he took full hold of your panties and roughly pushed them down to leave you fully exposed to him. The cold air hit you and you shivered.

“Now I know what’s not” he grinned down at you with lustful eyes and you let out a shaky breath.

“I’m gonna keep these” he put the panties inside his pocket “Just so I have more access. The ride is gonna be a long one after all” he grinned down at you.

“Dean” you whispered and he immediately understood, a soft smile taking place instead of a smirk.

He started working on his pants and of course he was fast on getting rid of every piece of clothing he had on. Every single one and he was now left completely naked on top of you. You tried not to stare although that was nearly impossible. You swallowed thickly at how big he was, not that you had not imagined. He put two fingers under your chin and lifted your head so that you were looking at him. He was frowning and you smiled at him reassuringly.

“It’s alright, I’m fine”

“Are you sure? If it’s too much I-”

“No!” you cut him off “No I want you. I need you”

He smiled warmly, leaning down “So do I baby. I need to feel you, to be one with you. To have you all to me”

“So do I Dean. I’ve been hoping for this for so long”

“I am all yours baby. Only yours now and forever” he whispered, leaning in to press his lips to yours in a soft kiss.

He pulled just slightly away to adjust. He wrapped your legs around his waist, a feeling forming at the pit of your stomach, as he gently started to ease himself into you making a momentarily sharp intake of breath cross your lips. You bit your lower as a small breath left your lips. You looked up at him to give him a small smile and with a small nod he moved. And again. And again.

You shivered with excitement. A soft groan escaping your lips while he pushed inside you deeper, then he stopped once he was fully in wanting you to adjust. He slowly started to move his hips back and forth, moving in and out of you slowly yet pleasurably. Your nails dug into his back, and you bit your lips hard to keep yourself from letting out a loud moan.  
  
It did slip your lips though as you found yourself unable to hold it anymore as Dean thrust into you harder. You threw your head back, your fingers scratching down the skin of Dean’s back. For a little while his pace was fast as he moved inside you but he soon resumed into a slow and steady pace, making it feel so good that it was impossible to keep yourself from screaming his name. It felt as if your bodies were moving in sync, desperate and needy groans falling from your lips as he slammed into you over and over. It was so tender and caring, it was impossible to explain. Both of you were breathing hard as you moved together, pushing, pulling, thrusting.

Dean griped your hips a little rougher and picked up his pace in thrusting, gradually speeding. You moaned his name, your finger gripping tightly at his hair. The way you moaned his name made a wide smirk appear on his face, making him grip your hips roughly slamming himself inside you with each thrust. He groaned having beads of sweat roll down his forehead. You arched your back practically screaming with pleasure, feeling his skin smack against yours roughly.

“Dean” you panted, almost about to scream “I- I’m about to-” a moan kept you from finished your sentence.  
  
“M-Me too” he said just as breathlessly, his face buried at the crook of your neck, as your arms were wrapped around his neck.  
  
“P-Please I- I need-” yet another loud moan prevented you from completing your sentence.  
  
“Yes, baby, yes. All for you. All yours” he panted, feeling (just like you) himself come.  
  
“Damn you feel so good” he groaned, mostly talking to himself as he pushed himself more into you.  
  
“Dean- Dean I- I lo-” you wanted to say more, you wanted to finish that one sentence but with a final hard thrust you felt yourself reach your climax and instead a scream, mix of moan as well, left your lips; Dean doing the exact same. He was patient with you now, going on more soft, leading you and teaching you how pleasurable it could be. How it would be every time from now on. He was more than gentle, even when his climax was close, he kept his thrusts careful and easy, burying himself deep inside you, gasping as he came.  
  
Your eyes opened (not having realized when you had shut them tightly closed) and it felt as if you could see stars. You panted, taking in deep breaths, just as Dean did the same. He slid out of you and you let out a small breath at that. He was panting heavily just like you. He was on top of you as he searched for something under the seats, until he finally found it.

He took the blankets and pulled them on top of you as you both tried to get comfortable in the backseat. You just ended up being a tangled mess of limps, but you didn’t mind in the least bit. On the contrary you enjoyed it grately as the warmth his body provided you with.

You smiled tiredly up at him and he did the same. He leaned down to kiss your forehead as a blissful look was on both your faces. You closed your eyes for a second, resting your head on his bare chest. But your eyes soon snapped open as you heard the words that left his mouth,

“I love you” he whispered.

You looked up at him with wide eyes, unable to believe that it was really happening

“I do, I really love you. It took me a while to realize but I do” he looked at you fully in the eyes and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

This was really happening. You could not believe it but here he was. Saying what you’ve dreamed about for so long. For real.

He – Dean Winchester, your neighbor, father of the girl you loved as your own daughter, best friend and crush for so many years – was saying that he felt the same way about you. That he loved you. For real.

“I love you too Dean” you whispered and pressed your lips to his in a kiss that only fueled more.

Needless to say the windows got pretty foggy, unable for anyone to see. And the backseat would definitely need cleaning the next morning. While you and Dean, well, the two of you had lots of talking to do. But you were hopeful that everything would be great from now on.


	13. Chapter 13

A smile was on your lips even when the bright sun shone over our face. You scrunched up your nose in annoyance and let a small groan but of course the smile did not flutter. The feeling of bliss did not flutter. You slowly brought a hand over your face, rubbing your eyes groggily another groan leaving your lips. You slowly started opening them, and after blinking several times your blurry vision became more clear. And despite the light blinding you a little, you could now see crystal clear…

…The empty side of your bed.

You let out a small sigh as you snuggled even more with your blankets and the spare pillow, wishing it was Dean. But it was not and you knew it. Just like you knew it all was… _a dream **.**_

But for some odd reason it didn’t bother you that much. It didn’t bother you that after your sister’s wedding Dean had not slammed you against the Impala and then later made love to you till the very early morning. It didn’t bother you that all of those touches, all of those kisses, all of those whispered ‘I love you’s had not happened. Because the very first kiss had happened and it was all that mattered. Sure it was not entirely romantic, and you did not want to let your hopes get up but it still had happened.

You touched your lips, closing your eyes and trying to hold yourself from giggling like some schoolgirl. It had been just like you had imagined all this time and just like you had dreamt so many times. So yes, of course this dream was not a first one but it certainly was a first that you didn’t feel that disappointed to wake up. Maybe it had to do with the fact that you had spent the weekend with Dean so close to you – _only_ you, no other woman there for him – that made everything different. It felt wonderful having him care so much about you, and only you.

But the best of all were those small moments of jealousy he went through. Yes jealousy and you could clearly see it, just like Hope did at some point. Other than his first meeting with Jeremy, when he saw him again at the wedding the possessive touches and snarky remarks at him could not be contained. You were really perplexed in the beginning but when Hope pointed it out to you you could certainly not believe it. But it was the truth.

After the dance – and kiss let’s not forget – things were actually a little awkward between you. At least on your part. And Dean was certainly not helping with those looks and lingering touches. But of course other than that nothing had happened and after another slow dance and some more chatting with your relatives – you tried to ignore how your aunt Mildred kept looking at him, but at the same time you could not blame her – you both made your way back home so that you could get your luggages, change quickly, and then were back on the road so that he could get Mary from her grandparents and off to your places. At some point you knew you had fallen asleep, not long before you had reached home. As it seemed Dean was kind enough to carry you till your bed without waking you up in the meanwhile – you tried to ignore the weird beating of your heart as you thought of him carrying you bridal style in those strong arms.

 _'Acting like a schoolgirl! Snap out of it (Y/n)!’_ you scolded yourself in your mind.

With yet another shake of your head and a groan you swang the blankets off you and immediately sat up. You rubbed your head stretching afterwards. You swang your feet off the bed to the cold floor. You glanced at the clock on your nightstand and sighed again. It was 5:30 pm which meant you had slept many hours.

Brushing it off you got up from your bed and made your way to your bathroom for your usual morning – sort of – routine. All the while trying desperately to not think of the dream or how you felt. You only wished none of the sounds you made in the dream came out in reality while sleeping in the car because that would have been a hell of an awkward situation. But how could you have ever been able to help it? With those touches and kisses and the way he made you feel it would have certainly been impossible.

And it felt so real that at a point you really thought you felt his thumb rubbing over your cheek. In the hazy state of your dream you had even seen it, while you were driving the Impala and you were seating shotgun as in reality. Yes your hopes got up again but you tried to brush it off as just another fragment of your imagination. Yes, that was it you were sure.

Then… why did your heart beat in that weird again?

~*~

AC/DC could be heard from a few blocks down as you made your way to Dean’s garage. You shook your head laughing.

“That man”

You hugged your jacket closer to yourself at the slight chill. Well, it wasn’t such a nice idea to wear a dress after all but better than just leave it inside the closet right? After getting a quick shower and making sure you looked presentable enough you ate a little and seeing as you had nothing to do you decided to go visit him at his garage. After all the fact that he didn’t answer the door and would never leave Mary alone meant that – just like most times when babysitter-you were not available – she was there with him as well.

“Dean?” you peeked through the door but could really not see him. The music was of course blasting through the speakers.

“Dean?” you asked again, although you were sure he would be here. You passed the many cars he had there for service and walked in further deeper.

His voice could be heard just faintly over the music and following that you ended up finding him… bent over a car.

Damn. He was really challenging you for sure.

You did not make a sound – not that you could even if you wanted to – as you stood frozen for a second in your place. Well, at least you could not deny to yourself that it was a view you enjoyed grately. It even brough back memories of that first morning of knowing Dean when he was fixing your car. And just like back then he was still shaking that pretty ass of his in a way that said 'I dare you’. Oh it was certainly daring you.

You bit your lip, maybe enjoying the mini-show more than you should. The way he was shaking his hips had you in a trance and you felt your face heat up dangerously at the thoughts that ran through your mind at that moment. But damn, how could somebody not wonder what more he could do with those hips of his?

No. You were certainly not thinking about a strip-tease. Absolutely not!

Yeah.

His rough voice singing over to the music all the more added to it and you could feel your heart thudding inside your chest. Yes, he was challenging you for sure.

You would have said something to get his attention – not that you really wanted, let’s be honest here – but even as you could not make a sound, you actually didn’t have to as-

“(Y/n)!” Mary’s happy voice exclaimed as she ran from behind you and hugged you close to her. You immediately turned and picked her up.

“Hey bug” you kissed her cheek.

“Hey” Dean’s rough voice made you turn to look at him as you set Mary back down.

“Hey” you smiled a little shyly at him.

Here we go again.

“How long have you been standing there?” a smirk was on his lips that reminded you a lot of the Dean you knew when you first moved in.

You rolled your eyes “Don’t flatter yourself Winchester”

“Oh I’m not” he grinned widely, swaying his way towards you “You are actually. But hey I didn’t say I don’t mind it” he winked and you felt your eyes widen for a second.

“Besides-” he continued “-If you’d want a private show” he grinned cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows and you really felt your face burn hot.

“Dean!” you shrieked and he laughed out loudly.

“I hate you” you grumbled which just made him laugh more.

“But in my defence- I called you numerous times and you didn’t reply at all” you crossed your arms over your chest and he raised his hands in surrender.

“Sorry. Sorry” he turned the volume of the music considerably down.

“So to what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked and you went to seat next to him.

You shrugged “Dunno. I thought I would swing by since I had nothing to do”

“Well by all means” he grinned “Did you sleep enough?”

“Yeah, yeah I did. Why did you let me sleep this much though?”

“You deserved it” he brushed it off as nothing.

“Yeah but you had to drive all night and now take care of Mary. You should have woken me up, Dean”

He shook his head “It’s fine. Besides I had to get finished with this car. All that matters is if you had fun. You did right?”

You smiled warmly at him “I did, Dean. Thanks to you. I honestly never imagined I wouldn’t have to put up with thosecriticizing looks from my family for once”

Dean let out a breathless chuckle “Well, I now know what you mean. Sheesh what’s up with you people huh? And to think I believed you were the crazy one”

You rolled your eyes, hitting his shoulder playfully “Whatever. But yes, yes it is true. I am not the most crazy one in my family” you laughed.

He did the same “You tell me!”

And you laughed more “Oh I see. Aunt Mildred gave you some pretty good nightmares huh?”

He rolled his eyes “Shut up. No!”

“Oh are you so sure? Cause just so you know, I actually heard what she said” you smirked and his eyes widened for a second “Too bad you didn’t let her hand ride up a little more” you burst into laughter and he let a small sigh of relief.

He put on a smile and shook his head “Oh please. I only didn’t let her cause I had to keep facades up. Wouldn’t want them saying your boyfriend is a cheater”

“Oh is that really why?” you laughed mockingly at him and he fake-glared at you.

“Ha-ha very funny. But how do you know (Y/n)? Might have actually let something happen, she sure as hell got the same genes as you, crazypants” he smirked and you became serious for a second, looking him dead serious in the eyes until you finally snickered and burst into laughter.

And he did the same. Mostly glad that you didn’t hear a single thing she said later to him when you were too occupied talking with Hope.

“ _I can tell when someone’s pinning for someone else. And by the looks of it- whoa boy you are in deep for good!” she had winked at him and Dean clearly remembers trying to keep his eyes from widening._

“ _W-what are you talking about?” he had laughed nervously._

“ _What I mean is that even if I am hella jealous of my niece, I definitely am just as happy to see she finally found a man worth it. I didn’t know there are still men that can look at a woman with that much love” she had laughed and Dean had felt that weird beating of his heart._

_His mind felt hazy for a few seconds and he could literally hear his heart drumming in his ears, all the blood had rushed in his face. He didn’t know if he should deny it or not- technically he was pretending to be your boyfriend. But most importantly he didn’t know if he **wanted** to deny it or not. Did he even feel like denying it?_

_Mildred had laughed at his red face “Oh no need to be like that. Probably you haven’t even realized it yourself, but you will eventually. And you know, even if it doesn’t work out – which I highly doubt- you know where to find me” she had winked at him and Dean had managed to breath out a laugh._

“ _I don’t know, Mildred. I don’t know” he had sighed, deciding it would be better if he should let some of his build up feeling out._

“ _But your heart does. Follow your heart, Dean. You do that, all the rest just figures itself out.”_

“I would really love to see that!” your voice and laughter broke his trail of thoughts.

He found himself laughing and smiling just at watching you this happy. It was contagious. And just like that Dean felt his heart beat in that weird way again.

He shook his head “You’re really lucky you had me there though”

A softer smile was on his face “Yes” you sighed softly “Yes I really was- hell I really am the luckiest woman alive to have met you” you looked him fully in the eyes and Dean’s smile flattered for a second.

“I really have no idea what I’d do without you. I have no words to thank you Dean for- for being who you are.” you blushed slightly as you fidgeted with your hands.

Dean without realizing it placed a hand on top of yours and your head instantly snapped back up at him as he smiled slightly “There is no need to thank me (Y/n). If anything, I should be the one thanking you a thousand times” he muttered and you only gazed into his eyes.

Your heart beat in a weird way.

Dean wondered for a second if you did feel the same spark of electricity running through your hand just like with him. He couldn’t help but momentarily think about how warm your hands were and how good it actually felt to hold them. Almost like two missing puzzle pieces finding each other, meant to do just that. Hold each other.

It felt so damn good it was almost… wrong. Dean wanted to shake the thoughts and feelings off. You were best friends, heshouldn’t be feeling this kind of bliss with you. Not in this way. He had to fight it. Why? He had no other good reason other than the fact that you were friends and there was a high possibility that he was going to ruin everything between you. And quiet honestly he could not afford (emotionally) to lose you. No, the thought alone scared him.

He knew what his heart was saying -oh hell he did, because his entire body and mind was screaming just that to him- but he… did the exact opposite.

He pulled his hand away from yours and put on a flirty - though fake - smirk on his face “Hey no chick flick moments ok?”

You rolled your eyes “You’re such a jerk” you muttered, crossing your arms over your chest with shake of your head.

He chuckled, winking at you playfully turning his back to you for a second as if to work a little more on the car- truth was he only wanted to avoid looking into your eyes. He knew you’d be able to tell everything he felt. His smile immediately fell.

“Hey by the way-” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah?” you asked, as you sat little Mary in your lap.

He knew he had still time to change his mind, to not utter those words. To take a completely different direction and tell you all of his feelings and probably hope for the best. But he didn’t.

“Are you free tonight?” he glanced at you.

Your back straightened for a second and you raised an eyebrow “Uuh yeah…?” it came out as more of a question and you mentally kicked yourself for it.

“Oh great because I was thinking, I mean if you want to, to like-” he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Yeah…?” you pressed him a little, feeling your heart soar just a little.

He had decided to push away, and there was only one way he - Dean Winchester - knew how to do that.

“I was wondering if you could babysit Mary tonight, cause I have a date”

And you instantly felt it drop and shatter into a thousand pieces.

“Oh.” your eyes were casted down and here came the fake smiles again.

“Sure, no problem at all”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah. What are friends for after all?” you smiled weakly and he nodded his head.

“Great!” he said with a smile and he turned back to the car.

The smile fluttered from his lips at the pang inside his chest. But he tried to ignore it just like every time. He shook his head. He knew he was doing the right thing… or maybe he hoped so. Yes, forgetting while downing shot after shot and get drunk till he could not remember his own name or at least till he could see any woman as if it was you.

_**He had done that many times before.** _

“Great…” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

~*~

You let out a sigh as you rested your head against Mary’s bedroom’s door. Only one question kept running through your mind at the moment.

How had you gotten into this situation _again_?

You really felt like banging your head repeatedly against the door but you actually didn’t, only not to wake the little girl up. At least she had not been questioning your silence or absence of concentration. You played a little with her and her dolls, fed her and made her have a bath. You tucked her to bed a little later and by the moment you were half into your story she had fallen asleep. With a final kiss on the little angel’s forehead you left her room to find some silence.

Not that it was the best decision. Everything kept bringing the thought of Dean up. Especially Mary – she was so much like him and when she called you 'mom’ the ache I your heart got even worse. It only reminded you of what you could never have. You felt like screaming and cursing at yourself for being so foolish, for even for a second letting your feelings get the better of you and actually believe there was something between the two of you.

“Fucking stupid” you cursed at yourself as you decided to gather Mary’s toys from the floor.

You stood there for a second, staring at the fireplace- only to shake your head violently and let a small growl under your breath. You were only angry at yourself. You shook your head as you placed the toys away, only to stop at hearing-

A giggle?

Certainly not that of Mary’s considering: 1) she was sleeping, 2) it sounded way too far from her innocent childlike giggle.

Your head snapped to the doorway were, for the first time, you couldn’t believe what you were seeing.No, not because Dean this time had a (y/h/c) haired chick all over him, but just because he had a chick actually all over him… here. In front of you.

Your eyes widened and you tried to mask the look of hurt on your face. He had his lips locked to hers and you could see how they were both stumbling their way in, all the while fidgeting with each other’s cloths in need of getting them off. You actually felt like throwing up.

But you had to stay calm. Just for the sake of it. You cleared your throat but they didn’t hear you. You cleared your throat again but nothing.

“Dean” you said through gritted teeth but nothing.

You let a small growl under your breath “Dean!” - who said you’d be able to hide your jealousy though?

“Oh. Oh! (Y/n) hey- uhm hey! Sorry, sorry” he stammered as he pushed the woman away slightly “Sorry we got a little-” he chuckled awkwardly “-carried away”

“Yeah I can clearly see it” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Who is this babe?” the woman asked in an obnoxious voice and you visibly rolled your eyes at her.

“Uuh she- she’s- well, (Y/n) is- wait here a second” he pushed her away and strode to your side to pull you away from her earshot.

“Why don’t you tell her who I am huh Dean?” you hissed and he sighed, running a hand down his face.

“Look (Y/n) I’m sorry-”

“Oh really, are you?!” you exclaimed and he sighed in guilt again.

“Yes, ok? Yes I am!” he tried to keep himself from shouting, but he ended up sighing again “It is not as if I am fuckingdoing this on purpose and you know it”

“I don’t know a single thing anymore” you grumbled “What the hell is wrong with you, Winchester?”

“(Y/n)…” he sighed again.

“No don’t ’(Y/n)’ me now. What do you think you’re doing?”

“I know very well what I am doing, you just need to relax a little ok? I don’t even get it. Why are you so pissed off about it all of a sudden?”

“All of a- All of a sudden?!” you let out a frustrated groan “Are you kidding me!?”

“No” he crossed his arms over his chest with a deep frown “No I’m not. Why are you so bothered by this huh?”

Your eyes widened for a second but you tried your best to not let anything show – you were certainly not going to tell him the truth which was also pretty much the fact that you were completely and utterly jealous.

“Mary”

“What Mary?”

“Your daughter Mary, unless you’ve forgotten” you said sassily.

“I know who Mary is, I just don’t get what she has to do with this”

“Are you serious? What more reason do you fucking need other than the fact that she is sleeping in a room just a few feet away from yours?!”

“We’ll… try to keep it low” he shrugged and you were about to let out a frustrated scream.

Instead you took a deep breath and tried to keep your jealousy and anger at bay- In vain.

“I high doubt it. The woman seems unable to keep it low” you glared at her from behind Dean. You rolled your eyes at her as she picked around on the things “And will you just tell her to stop doing that, I just cleaned this place”

“Sheesh relax, ok? Everything is gonna be fine. I don’t see what problem you have- and don’t you dare say it’s only about Mary. You’re acting like a jealous girlfriend all of a sudden and-” he immediately stopped himself as his eyes went wide for a second and you felt all your blood rush to your cheeks.

You cleared your throat and avoided eye-contact with him.

“(Y/n)-” he whispered in a low hoarse voice but you stopped him before he could say more. You definitely did not want your feelings being discovered to just another one-night-stand that would be gone in the morning.

“You know what-!” you took your bag and swung it over your shoulder “I don’t care. You do whatever the hell you want to, but if Mary wakes up then I am not going to be here. You will have to find a way out of it” you growled and his eyes were still wide.

“Have a good fucking night” you growled, pushing her out of the way as you exited the house.

You wouldn’t stand another second in there and above all watching her all over Dean, kissing him and touching him and-Agh! You let out a frustrated scream as you slammed your house’s door shut. You didn’t even bother making your way upstairs to your room. Seeing as it was straight opposite Dean’s room, with your windows very close, you knew you’d not have any sleep at all. More like, only tears as you tried to sleep but couldn’t because of her moans and all the things they did and-

No. You shook your head, even as a tear rolled. You brushed it furiously away and layed down on the couch. A few tears did roll but it was still better than all the many you knew you’d shed if you slept in your room. Thinking about him being with other women was hard but actually hearing him and maybe seeing him- oh that was far worse. And it had happened once.

~*~

You were woken up by someone knocking on your door. You groaned loudly and even if you did not want to you threw the blankets off of you and got up. The knocking kept on going for a little while but you took your sweet time rubbing your eyes to get the sleep out of them. You straightened your hair and got completely up from the couch. You dragged your way to the door but once you opened it you felt your posture straighten and a glare set on your face.

“Good morning?” Dean grinned awkwardly but you kept th glare on, not saying a thing.

“Ok” he nodded his head “Then- 'Hey yeah, thanks (Y/n) I am feeling great. What about you?’ - 'Oh I don’t know, I just thought I would drop by and bring some pie as a make-up gift?’ - 'No I know it was a dick move and was actually hoping you could forgive me this way…?'”

You sighed, rolling your eyes “Come in” you grumbled, letting him step inside.

“So that means you forgive me?” he asked with a hopeful smile and you rolled your eyes.

“Considering the look on your face, and judging by the smile, you did have lots of fun last night without waking Mary up. Am I right?” you both made your way to the kitchen where you prepared to cut the pie.

“Sorta”

You raised an eyebrow at him an he continued.

“I told her to leave a little later after you were gone. You were right, (Y/n). I shouldn’t have brought her by, I guess”

“You guess?”

“Fine, fine! I shouldn’t have brought her by- period. Happy now?”

“Very much so” a grin broke on your face, mostly at the fact that nothing had happened between you. Not that he could know that or that you were going to let him know either.

A grin spread on his lips as well and he chuckled “Of course you would. Hey, by the way I had an idea”

“Mhm?”

“Before you serve us both a delicious piece of pie, how about we go get Mary and make this a movie day huh?”

“Movie day hm? It’s been a long time since we had one.” you mumbled to yourself, knife in hand as you were about to serve him some pie “Who are you and what did you do to my friend?” you narrowed your eyes at him, pointing your knife at him and he raised his hands in surrender.

“Whoa hey easy with that one! Knowing your clumsiness, you pointing a knife at me equals to no good” you rolled your eyes and lowered the knife.

“But really now, what do you think?” he smiled.

“I’m thinking sure!” you grinned “But how about we go by your place, I really love nothing more than throwing pop corn at you by the fireplace”

He laughed “Sure thing then. Come one grab your keys, and don’t forget to take the pie with you”

“Didn’t you just bring it to me?”

He shrugged “You know me” he grinned cheekily as he got up from his seat.

You rolled your eyes “Of course”

“No hey!” you suddenly exclaimed as Dean grabbed one plate with a piece of pie and walked out of your kitchen, and obviously your house.

“Dean!” you exclaimed, walking fast after him. He really couldn’t wait for a freaking second.

But you really could not help a smile anyway. Oh hell you knew you had a joker grin on your lips the entire time at thinking that Dean had not slept with the chick last night. And then there was that small greedy part of you that thought that he had all that because of you- or mostly, _for_ you.

“Ah Dean wait!” you shouted after him as you tried to lock the door as quickly as possible. You groaned under your breath and cursed at him.

“You know when you said you’d gladly have me over for dinner I didn’t expect you to literally wait for me here with a slice of pie in your hand” a deep, though less deeper than Dean’s, voice was heard as you made your way to Dean’s house.

You were actually lucky you had not changed clothes last night, or else it would have been impossible to catch up with him if you’d have to change from your pjs.

“Oh shut up, moose and come give your brother a hug” Dean sounded very excited as he laughed wholeheartedly.

“Aw but you’re not wearing your 'I wuv hugz’ T-shirt today” the man chuckled but still did hug Dean.

You frowned for a second as you saw the scene in front of you, deciding to walk a little more slow to not interrupt something.

“Hey not a word about that one, ok?” Dean pointed a finger at him “It just happened once”

“Yeah, right. _Once_ ” the man rolled his eyes.

“Oh shut it! And what are you doing here already?”

“Oh well if you want me to I can leave and come back in the evening”

Dean his his shoulder “I don’t mean that. I am actually mad at you that you haven’t come in so long, but I didn’t expect you this early today”

The man shrugged “Dunno, I decided to drive directly here instead of going by home first. Hope you don’t mind”

“What are you talking about? You know my place is yours as well. Mary will be hella happy to see her uncle after all this time!” Dean grinned at him and the man himself smiled a – you could definitely admit – cute smile.

His dimples showed and you found yourself biting your lower lip. Even if you had not heard all of it you actually did not care much. Every word seemed to just fly by over your head as you stared at him from afar. Tall, very tall, even more than Dean. Long brown shady hair that looked so soft you could easily run your fingers through for hours, and big hazel eyes adorned his face. Although you were not sure about their color, especially as the sun shone over him.

“I surely am really happy to see her as well! It’s been really long, I think I’m going to probably take a break or something”

“You sure as hell need it man”

“I had to keep going and you know it. Things are not the same without you but… oh” Sam instantly stopped himself as his eyes locked with yours as you stood behind Dean.

“Sorry” you mumbled as you took a few steps closer to them “I-I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys”

“No, no it’s fine” it was the man that spoke instead of Dean.

“Yeah (Y/n), come here. I think it’s high time you met the man whose diapers I’ve been changing ever since I remember myself” Dean said with a grin and you giggled slightly- mostly at the face said man shoot at him. It was a mix of a glare with something else you coul not point your finger on.

“Sammy, my little brohter” he said full of pride and you smiled at that.

“Sam, this is (Y/n) the hottest neighbor you’ll ever find” Dean said with a smirk and you glared at him, although you could not help a smile at the compliment.

“And _my_ neighbor as well” he added.

You extended your hand and shook Sam’s that was already extended, a small smile on your lips as he smiled widely at you. It was almost contagious.

“Nice to finally meet you Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you”

He shook your hand, his warmth making you feel a little tingly. He nodded his head with a grin “It is great to meet you as well (Y/n)”

_**And a heart beat in a weird way.** _


	14. Chapter 14

“I’ve heard lots of things about you as well” Sam added with a small grin and you pretended horror for a second.

“Oh gosh I hope not. Who knows what this moron told you”

“Hey this moron can actually hear you ok?” Dean piped in.

Sam chuckled “No it’s all good, you don’t have to worry”

“I’m glad at least”

“But, well, it’s not all that much which means I could still use a few information” a sly – though shy you could definitely say – smile was on his lips and you tried to keep yourself from gushing at him.

“You can stay as long as you want to find them out then” you smiled up at him and his grin got even bigger, adding all the more to his adorableness. Those dimples were definitely going to be your weak spot.

_Wait what?_

You cleared your throat, averting your eyes from him for a second “Well I think we better get inside. Need to set this pie somewhere and I bet you are tired and hungry”

“Just a little bit” Sam smile politely and you couldn’t but do the exact same.

“Then fear not, even if I don’t like to brag about myself I can assure you that my cooking skills will leave you satisfied- or at least I hope so” you added with a laugh and he chuckled as well.

“Oh trust me, anything compared to Dean’s food is one out of heaven!”

You let a giggle at his words a you opened the door that was already half open and both you and Sam entered inside…

…leaving a dumbfounded Dean right behind you.

“Wait- what the hell did just happen?!”

~*~

Dean had had enough. Seriously, more than enough. The reason? Well- He better not get started with that.

Maybe mostly because it was a feeling he should not have, much less to this extent. He had been feeling very weird lately, after the wedding, but this- this could only be a proof to what he thought and he didn’t want it under no circumstances. Dean could not be-

“No!” your exclaim broke Dean from his trail of thoughts. He looked up a little surprised only to find himself resuming on his previous sulking state. This was certainly not the way he had imagined it would be. Not at all.

“S-Sam no!” your laughing made Sam laugh as well.

“Come on just a small experiment!” Sam tried to convince you, his glass with white wine hanging over your plate as you tried to push him away.

“No uncle Sammy!” Mary exclaimed, hiding her face behind her tiny hands though still managed to steal small sneak peeks.

“Traitor!” Sam gave her a playful glare and she giggled at him.

Yes she loved uncle Sammy more than anyone else. To the point that, like this time, she would not stop hugging him for entire hour after he appeared in front of her.

“Come on (Y/n) just a little! They use wine in food cooking you know!”

“Oh I know but I certainly don’t trust you Winchester on how much of that you will throw on my food. Besides- not like that!” you tried to push his hand away.

“Fine fine!” Sam sighed with a roll of his eyes as you tried to stifle a giggle.

“But I still want a little bit of that!” he exclaimed and before you could react he had managed to snatch a piece of your chicken.

Your mouth fell agape “You just didn’t!”

“Oh oh I actually did, and it certainly is amazing!” he said through a mouth full and you pretended to glare at him.

Mary’s giggles were heard “Uncle Sammy’s acting like daddy!”

“You tell me!” you exclaimed, shaking your head.

Both brothers shot you a look but you just shrugged.

“Must be in the genes I don’t know” Sam chuckled and you did the same.

“You really have no idea how many times your brother has done that! Every time I had him over or vice versa I ended up always being hungry because he had eaten my food!”

He laughed “I luckily didn’t have that much of a problem. When we used to travel together he’d rarely snatch my food. Seeing as I always wanted a salad or something he said it was always rabbit food” he shrugged and you laughed.

“It’s as if I can hear him!”

“Oh trust me you wouldn’t! Or like when he complained about the lack of coffee” he shook his head with a laugh and you giggled along with him. Mary even did the same although she probably didn’t get much.

While Dean- Well Dean was the only one left in his previous state. Sulking and maybe a little glaring. There was only one question running through his mind.

How had you all ended up in this situation?

In the beginning it had started to confuse him but he hadn’t paid much attention to it. You and Sam were getting along very well but it was something he had expected from the very beginning because he knew how much your personalities were alike. So of course a few laughs, jokes and teasing remarks or motions wouldn’t hurt in the beginning. But then of course it didn’t stop- much to Dean’s dismay.

You were getting along, yes. But it was too much for Dean’s liking.

First it was making late breakfast for all along with the help of Mary – those lingering touches were something Dean tried to ignore. Then came eating which was pretty similar to now. You and Sam talking and laughing as Sam recounted a childhood story Dean had forgotten to tell you and of course embarrassing him in front of you, fact that made you laugh more and Dean feel even more uncomfortable. He felt completely out of place. He had barely uttered a few words.

He knew he shouldn’t mind. He knew he should be happy you were getting so well along with his brother. What bad was there in making friends?

Unless of course it was not just making friends. Oh damn, that thought had Dean clenching and unclenching his fists, and shifting in his seat nonstop. What if it was something more?

And then after breakfast was done came talking. And by talking it was not you, Dean and Sam. It was only you and Sam. Well of course Dean could have said something but he was too busy clenching his jaw that he didn’t care. And of course let’s not forget trying to not pay attention to all those lingering touches and smiles.

And worst of all was that… he knew when his little brother flirted. It was not like the way he did, it was almost completely opposite from the way Dean did but he knew that it worked. All of the time. On every single girl. And he feared you were not going to be an exception. Sam always went smooth, to the point you wouldn’t realize he was flirting at all. Small hints and compliments here and there. Subtle smiles and looks that could make you blush – and they did, Dean noticed – by just being himself. Sweet, kind Sam that was literally the perfect… boyfriend.

The perfect boyfriend. The thought alone made Dean want to get up from his seat and do something. Anything. Scream, shout, punch, kick… who knew. He just felt so many feelings built up inside him that… it started to confuse him. Why would he have those feelings in the first place? You and Dean were only friends. You were single and you had every right to do anything you wanted. Even if that meant find the perfect boyfriend in Sam. And how could you not? Dean had already started seeing it happen. This- this was going to be the beginning. All those smiles, hands gestures, touching or even the ones that seemed to be the most innocent… certainly were not. At least from his brother’s side and Dean knew it. He could see it the entire time he and you talked.

“ _Oh my gosh, you’re kidding right?! Dean told me you were smart but- you got accepted in Standford?!” you had said, looking at him with wide eyes._

_Sam had chuckled and looked down sheepishly. He never made a big deal out of it. He had shrugged innocently “It’s nothing special”_

“ _Are you freaking kidding me?!” you had exclaimed, shaking your head “Sam you were in Standford!”_

“ _Yeah but still didn’t make much of a difference in my life. I did manage to finish, even if I took a small break for a little while when Dean needed me for something, but it’s kinda the same.”_

“ _Wow you really are serious. Sam do you even begin to realize how much that means! You really are… amazing” you had breathed out and he had only smiled at you a shy smile, his dimples showing._

“ _It doesn’t matter that much”_

“ _Of course it does! You- you can help people, save innocent ones and end those- those monsters that are on the rogue”_

“ _That’s what I am hoping for” he had sighed._

“ _You will do it Sam, I know” you had smiled softly, placing a hand on top of his that had made Sam instantly smile back again._

And that was just one moment of how much you admired Sam. Kind, sweet, successful, simple at the same time, perfect above all, Sam. Dean had never felt this before, he was actually happy when Sam got in Standford and did what he loved. He was a smart one and deserved it. But at that moment, at that moment Dean could feel a really unpleasant feeling rising up inside of him.

Especially at the thought of how it was when you got really close with Sam, more so than normal.

“ _So… sweet, funny, kind, a lawyer. Is there anything else I need to know about you Mr Winchester?” you had raised an eyebrow at him, maybe having had a little too much wine._

“ _Only if you want to” he had shrugged making you smile broadly and Dean could see the bright red dusting your cheeks._

“ _Oh as much as I’d love to say yes I think I will have to stop you right there because I fear you’ll be irresistible then” you had chuckled and so had Sam- not Dean. Oh not at all._

_He had seen a blush rise up on his brother’s cheeks as well “Well, then what am I waiting for? I need to keep going!”_

_You had both errupted into a feat of laughter. Your laughter died off soon and you let a small sigh, looking at the glass of wine in your hands “I know I will definitely have to keep you away from my parents, though. You’re too much of a good catch.”_

“ _I am what?” Sam’s smile had turned into a grin as soon as the words had left your mouth while Dean’s face turned into one of almost complete horror._

“ _Wh-what?! I- I didn’t say anything” your eyes had been wide and a deep blush on your cheeks._

“ _But- you- you just said-”_

“ _No! No I didn’t say anything. I- I didn’t.”_

“ _But-”_

“ _No. And- you know what? I better stop drinking and go check on that damn chicken.” you had set your glass of wine on the coffee table and rushed straight out of the living room and to the kitchen._

_Mary’s giggles had been heard at that moment and if Sam’s smile could get any bigger it would have at what the little girl had said “(Y/n)’s blushing!”_

_Because sure as hell you were._

And it was not the only time. Dean had noticed, even when you had began to sober up a little more and you and Sam – shocker – talked more about our mutual interests, and they were a lot – because you both were nerds at heart, he had seen how you acted. He could not say if it was straight forward flirting, he hadn’t seen you flirt as hard as it seemed to believe because he knew you for so long. But whatever it was he could see it working.

He knew he shouldn’t be bothered but he was. You and Sam had started to come so close, bonding way faster than you and Dean had. And as much as he hated to admit it the feeling grew stronger. It grew stronger when he saw your proximity, or how your hand lingered on top of his or vice versa. It grew stronger when he saw you laugh at something Sam had said, a small pang in his chest when he remembered it was not like that with him all the time. It grew stronger when he caught Sam’s eyes linger on you a little more than necessary when you were not looking, as you were preparing dinner for example. It grew when he saw how engrossed you got in what he said, how much attention you paid to him and how much you wanted to listen. How much you focused on him, and only him.

It grew. The feeling grew. And Dean could no longer deny it… His jealousy grew.

Dean tried to keep his eyes from widening at the realization. Was he really jealous of his own little brother?

His eyes fell on you and Sam sitting right opposite him. You were laughing and acting all… couple-y that it only made the feeling stir right back. Yeah, he was completely jealous.

“S-Sam no stop!” your laughter, accompanied by Mary’s giggles at the sight of you two, were the only thing heard. Deanhad been keeping silent the entire dinner- hell the entire day as it seemed.

“But why? All I want is-”

“Sam!”

“Uncle Sammy is being silly!” Mary’s laughter were heard along with yours.

“He certainly is! Come on Sam! Dean tell him something!” you exclaimed, glancing at him for a second but then of course not taking your eyes off Sam.

And that was enough.

With a final glare he stomped his foot, slammed the knife and fork on the plate which made a loud sound. He pushed the chair roughly back, to the point it almost fell; which luckily managed to get your attention even for a split second. Both you and Sam looked up at him with a frown, the smiles fluttering. With a final glare, and an almost growl leaving his lips, Dean turned around and walked away all-but-fuming.

Sam let out a sigh “I’ll go-”

“No, Sam. It’s better if I go” you stopped him before he could get up.

He frowned at you and you shrugged slightly, smiling sheepishly at him “We’re pretty close”

“Oh. _Oh_. Like…?”

“N-no not like that but-” you swallowed, looking down at your hands for a second “We’re just… friends but- but really close. It’s hard to explain I guess” you smiled sheepishly.

Sam forced a smile on his lips “Oh. Alright then… I understand”

You nodded your head at him with a smile. You placed a hand on top of his and he smiled just a little more. You got up and left, ruffling Mary’s hair in the meanwhile and she let a small giggle.

“I understand” Sam breathed out with a bittersweet smile.

~*~

“What the hell?!” you hissed as soon as you entered the kitchen.

Dean was leaning against the kitchen counter, a beer already in his hands.

“Oh good at least you realized I was gone” he said full of sarcasm.

“Dean, enough” you looked at him completely serious “What the hell was all of that?”

“You’re asking me what’s all of that?!” he raised his eyebrows “I think it’s yourself you should be asking better!”

“What- what is that supposed to mean?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Oh so you now don’t get it huh? Fine then fine! Better go to Sammy and forget that I am here just like you did the entire day!” he tried to keep himself from roaring.

“What?” you breathed out in a barely audible voice “That’s- that’s all it is about?!”

He shot you a sharp glare “Is it not enough? All day you’d been all giggly and laughing, and touching and talking with and only to Sam! It’s as if I wasn’t there and even if I shot myself right there you wouldn’t realize it!”

You rolled your eyes “You’re exaggerating Dean” you crossed your arms over your chest “Sam and I were just-”

“Talking non-stop about any kind of bullshit you can think about and completely ignoring me!” he snapped at you and you were actually taken aback for a second.

You blinked several times “Dean I don’t understand… why are you making such a big fuss about it?”

“You think I shouldn’t?! If I hadn’t done something you would have still kept going”

“Dean you know it’s not like that. We got a little carried away but-”

“But what? You suddenly realized I exist too?!”

“Dean” you sighed, actually feeling a little bad.

Dean was right. You had gotten a little carried away with Sam and how much you two had in common that it was surprising. It felt amazing talking to him and you truly believed you found a great friend in him. Because, well, no matter how perfect he was from every aspect there was no way you could feel anything for him… like you felt for Dean.

“Save me the crap (Y/n)” he took a large sip of his beer “You two had all but been ignoring me for the entire day. It’s as if I even wasn’t there for you two. No matter what I said you’d just brush it off and go back to your talking and- and you now deny it and tell me I’m wrong. But I’m not! I- I called you over and just- just because Sam was here you- you got too-”

“You’re right- you’re right Dean!” you exclaimed, effectively cutting him off.

“What?”

“I said you’re right” you sighed, looking down at your feet. He was completely right.

He scoffed “Good thing you realized it at least” and he took another sip of his beer.

“I know Dean, and I’m sorry. I just got a little carried away”

“A little? You call that a little? It’s been as if I didn’t exist at all! You- you were all gushing at Sam, and saying how smart he is, a-and funny, and nice, and sweet and handsome a-and you’d been flirting- And if I wasn’t there at all you’d have ended up doing who knows what on my couch- MY couch! Gah I don’t even want to imagine it” he made a face “And ‘Oh you really went to Standford!’ and 'Oh Sam you’re amazing’ and all that bullshit. And of course he’s a catch, isn’t he (Y/n)? The perfect boyfriend. Sorry I was the only option at the time you needed a fake one!”

“Whoa whoa wait a second there, just wait a second. What are you talking about? Hell what’s even gotten into you all of a sudden?! You know very well that me saying yes to you to be my boyfriend was not because I had no other option ok?!” you exclaimed .

You took a deep breath to calm down yourself “You know very well that I… would _never_ chose anyone else over you. Never.” you looked up at him, and his face softened for a little. His eyes looking intensely into yours that for a moment you averted them, just as he did.

“But… I really don’t get it. Why does this all matter to you? Why does it… bother you? What if I actually did something with Sam? You and I are only friends a-and you know that I’m no whore to hurt your brother’s feelings. So why are you acting like that?”

“I’m- I’m not- What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he tried to avoid eye contact at any cost now, shifting on his weight uncomfortably.

“You know very well what it’s supposed to mean, Dean. Just look me in the eyes and tell me- why are you acting like this?”

You couldn’t help the small spark of hope inside your chest.

“Dean” you repeated his name, feeling that weird beat of your heart as he finally dared to look up at you fully in the eyes. Face completely serious.

There was no hiding now.

“Are you… jealous?”


	15. Chapter 15

“Dean” your voice was soft and careful “Please. Answer me.”

He didn’t dare break eye-contact with you and you as well wouldn’t dare breath. You’ve been holding your breath, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest and your lungs hurt but you needed an answer. You really wanted to hear that answer. That small greedy part of yours just wouldn’t rest. It only made the small spark become bigger and bigger to the point it had turned into a full fire.

You wanted to hear the answer and at the same time not. Because you actually didn’t want it to. The look on Dean’s eyes, one as if he’d just been caught on the act and combined with shock and realization (at his own feelings?), was very well enough. You didn’t want to let your hopes get up but despite how carried away you’d gotten with Sam you still did notice those glares Dean sent his way.

You wanted to keep your feelings at bay but it was impossible.

“Are you… jealous?”

Dean swallowed hard. He both wanted and not to admit it. Mostly because it would be like admitting that, and far more important things and feelings, to himself.

“Wh-what?” he laughed breathlessly, feeling a small blush creep up on his cheeks - and Dean Winchester was not one to blush at anything – so he tried to avoid eye-contact.

“How did you even think about that?”

Instead of feeling your heart drop you felt it flutter. It was not his words but his reaction that _**gave**_ you the answer you wanted and needed to desperately to make you realize you were not indifferent to him. That maybe just maybe there _still_ was a chance.

“Dunno” you tried to keep your smile off your lips “Maybe it’s because you’re overreacting?” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I’m not- I’m not overreacting!” he exclaimed.

“Of course you’re not. You are just acting like an overly jealous boyfriend all of a sudden even if you aren’t one. Dean…” you sighed “Come on just tell me the truth. Why is this bothering you so much?”

“It’s- It’s not bothering me!” his voice was slightly high pitched and you had a hard time keeping yourself from laughing “The hell are you talking about!? It’s not bothering me at all!” he scoffed “Pf as if it matters to me what you and Sam do. I was just a little pissed of you paid no attention to me that’s all! But me- jealous? Yeah like hell!” he laughed, shaking his head as if to brush you off and crossing his arms over his chest. He tried to seem as cool as possible but didn’t succeed.

“But… why does it look like that to me?” you raised an eyebrow at him, smirking.

“Wh-what?” he squeaked – yes Dean Winchester squeaked – “You- you don’t know what you’re talking about (Y/n), no. Definitely not. Like-” he laughed nervously “Like why the hell would I be jealous huh? We- we are only friends right?” he dared look at you, only wanting to catch a reaction but, suppressing the smirk, you tried to play it cool. You unlike Dean succeeding.

“Yeah” you shrugged, as if it was nothing “Yeah you’re right. We are only friends after all”

“Yeah” Dean said back, and you could see him clench his jaw as well as hands. The flash of hurt was hard to miss.

It made you feel both happy and guilty. Happy at how this was finally happening, at how you were getting a chance again, and guilty for obviously lying to him and making him feel sad.

“Oh well-” you looked away from him for a second, playing it casually “-But be it as that, there is not really a reason for you to be- sorry, to _not_ be jealous. I don’t see Sam that way”

“…Really?” he asked in a voice so low you would have barely heard. But you did.

You looked back at him and all teasing tone was gone. You smiled faintly at him, deciding it was better than hurting him “Yeah” you whispered.

“He’s a nice guy and all but- no, no I can’t see him that way.” you shook your head, your smile getting a little bigger at the wide smile that broke on Dean’s face. You did notice a small sigh of relief leave his lips as well.

“Well- what can I say? I am just a friend but I think you’re right. I mean, not to make Sammy look like the worst choice possible but it’s better off this way. You wouldn’t really make it to a week to be honest”

You tried to keep yourself from giggling at how relieved and happy he looked “Yeah yeah you’re right I guess” you shrugged.

“Damn straight! When am I not, after all? Come on now, let’s not leave Sammy alone.” he strode to you and threw and arm over your shoulders and this time you did giggle. His grin was wide as it could ever be. All cheerfulness right back on and grumpy mood completely gone.

“Sure”

He winked at you “Yeah and in the meanwhile I will be the one to find you a right guy- though I doubt there is anyone that good enough.”

“Good enough to compete with you I’d say” you shrugged and he raised an interested eyebrow at you.

“Damn straight yes!” he exclaimed, holding you even more close to himself “I am the best choice out there. So I guess you’re stuck with me”

“Don’t mind it in the least bit” you smiled up at him and he chuckled, kissing your forehead as you both headed back to the living room.

Well, that was certainly an interesting turn of events.

~*~

Or the rest of the week for that matter.

It was Sam’s company, getting to know him more and talk about things that greatly interested you, but not Dean so much, was a pleasant break from your routine. And not just that.

First he’d come at the place you worked at, catching just the moment your break started so you both ate dinner together. Making a small talk with Sam made it look like it was 5 minutes instead of half an hour as usual. But you loved it to no end.

A flash of how Dean had done that once as well had come.

“ _Very well then- Mr. Winchester” you had tried to fight off a smile “Would you like something else?”_

“ _A smile wouldn’t be bad” he had replied cheekily._

“ _Sorry, we’re kinda out of stock on that” you had retorted and you still remember that deep warm chuckle of his. It still made your heart swell inside your chest like nothing else._

“ _Very well then I could use uhm- your number and the time to a date?” he had smirked, looking up at you._

_You had shaken your head, laughing at how cheesy he was being._

“ _Well sorry again, but you gotta pay something extra for that” you had shrugged._

“ _Oh princess you can have all my money if it is for even an evening with you”_

“ _I am afraid you will have to offer much more than that”_

“ _Who said I already aren’t?” he had grinned cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows at you._

_And of course it had not been hard for you to guess what he meant._

Yes that was at the beginning of your friendship when he’d flirt shamelessly with you. You did regret how you had denied him all along.

But that was just a flash of a memory. Sam had quickly managed to grasp your attention, and as if by magic make you enjoy your time at your work. Not only during your break but during the entire time he was there, those quick comments or faces and reactions he made to things, made you giggle to no end. You were lucky you hadn’t dropped anyone’s order yet.

And quiet honestly everything got ten times better when Dean himself came. He still couldn’t help the small glares when you and Sam were too close but this time you were less - just a little bit - entranced by Sam to not pay attention to Dean. He seemed very pleased to see you care about him as well. You had to keep yourself from giggling at seeing how he and Sam interacted actually. Other than the smug face on Dean’s face when he proved to be right or the need to have yourattention it was all those stories you had heard from Dean but had actually a lot more detail in them that they had skipped. Like that one he had gotten hit on by a guy once and had lost it and stuttered and blushed. Oh you certainly were going to use that against him.

You found yourself getting lost at hearing their stories, it was even more interesting now with Sam pointing out details and more information Dean didn’t tell you about some things. Like how he was the one to always lose on rock paper scissors game. Yes you were definitely going to use that one against him too. And well, about the story of him lower his pants and shouting ‘pudding’ was one you were going to point out every second on Dean.

The idea of making a pudding for dessert the very same night was so very tempting.

And then he was so kind as to invite you over to the motel he was staying - even if Dean insisted he stayed with him at his place - so that you could talk a little and he’d lend you that one book he’d been talking to you about. Of course it wasn’t just a few minutes. Hours had passed by - Sam had the ability to make you forget what the meaning of time was - and you had found yourself returning at the very late hours of the night. Of course he had insisted to be the ne to escort you home, who knew what could happen at such time of the night, but you had insisted there was no problem. He was just as tired as you were and obviously needed the rest.

Unknown to you was that Dean had stayed, as most times, till very late at night and seen you return in the very morning. He knew you’d be at Sam’s place, you had mentioned it casually during a visit to his garage. As per usual he had tried to brush it off as nothing - even if in the beginning his eyes had widened.

“So what… like you two are going to go out on a date or something?” he had casually asked as he fixed a car but you had seen how interested he was in hearing the answer.

“Dunno” you had shrugged, fighting off a smile “… Maybe?”

“Really?!” his head had perked up so fast like something out of a cartoon and a small snicker had left your lips.

“Nah” you had shaken your head and seen him visibly relax “We’ll just stay a few hours at his place, drink or eat something and talk about that book he wanted to give me. That’s all”

He had scoffed, turning his head the other way “Nerds” but it was just a way for him to hide how relieved he was that nothing was going to happen between you and Sam.

Oh you so were enjoying that one!

And you were enjoying even more how he tried to not seem like he’d been accusing you of anything but tried to casually mention he had seen you come back late at night. You wanted to tease him, yes, but he seemed to serious and scaredabout something going on between you two that you thought it was best if you didn’t let him think more than what had actually happened. You and Sam talking till very late at night. And only that.

It was so funny how jumpy he was at everything that had to do with you and Sam. And at the same time hard to believeseeing as you and Sam didn’t see each other that way.

_**Or so you thought.** _

~*~

“You’re so evil” Sam laughed, shaking his head.

“Shut up! I am not evil! I just happen to be in the mood for a dessert” you shrugged, putting the plate inside the fridge.

“Yeah…for pudding!” he pointed out and you giggled at that.

“…Fine. I may be a little evil” you had smiled innocently and he had chuckled more.

“Gosh I can’t wait to see Dean’s face when he comes back!” he was holding his stomach from the laughter and so were you.

“Can I have some now?” Mary’s small voice was heard and you both turned to look at her.

Dean had decided he needed to work on a last car but he had taken a little longer than needed so you as usual had taken up on your job of babysitting his daughter. It was a job you had grown to love so you had no problem, especially as Dean wanted you to do so because he was working and not being out with yet another woman.

Now that you thought about it… he hadn’t gone out with a chick ever since you’d come back from the wedding. Minus of course that first one but nothing had happened with her either.

Sam had decided to come over and even if he didn’t expect to find you there he thought it was a very pleasant surprise. You had both decided to make dinner together - you enjoyed cooking with him just much as talking. You had ended up fooling around, Mary even more helping to that. She and Sam went along very well, she obviously loved her uncle very much and you didn’t have a hard time believing that-

_Wait what?_

You shook your head at the thought. No your mind was just playing games on you. You loved Dean. You. Loved. Dean.

But then- seeing them laugh to each other, Mary’s giggles fill the room as Sam picked her up and spoon her around in the air. The smile on her face matched that of yours. Wide as it could be. Maybe Sam’s one was contagious, you couldn’t tell for sure but that swell of your heart was a very welcomed feeling at the moment. And better not get started when the tickling began. You were just lucky not to be in Mary’s place.

_**And then a flash of Sam on top of you tickling your sides as you squirmed benith him, laughing to tears, and him having that broad smile on his lips again, his dimples showing, run through your mind. And your heart skipped a beat.** _

Your eyes widen at the almost crazy thought and even more crazy feeling. You couldn’t be thinking just that and even worse feeling just that… could you?

“I think it wouldn’t be a problem. Huh (Y/n)?” Sam turned to ask you, the same small smile on his lips.

“Wha- huh?” you blinked, looking up at him. You’d gotten too engrossed in your thoughts.

He chuckled “Mary asked for some pudding. Can she have some or are you so keen on offering it complete to Dean?”

“Uh no, no I think it will be better if a big piece is missing as well” you grinned widely and he made a face.

“Ouch! You are evil after all”

You laughed out loudly “Hells yeah I am!”

“Ok then-” he picked up Mary who let a loud squeal as he placed her on top of his shoulders “-we will wait for you in the living room!”

“Hey don’t play the movie without me there!”

“Don’t worry we won't” he winked at you.

Mary giggled loudly on top of his shoulders “Uncle Sammy’s a moose!” she said as she hugged his head, laughing.

“You tell me!” you scoffed and he shot you a, what you had learned Dean called, bitch face.

You instead giggled at him, shaking your head as he and Mary left the kitchen. You took a few moments to yourself, wondering if you should really think about what had happened these past days or not. Should you really think about your feelings? Should you really think about any of it? You knew the more you dag into it the more you were going to discover and at the moment… you didn’t want the situation to become even more complicated than it already was.

Besides… your so deep feelings for Dean were something you didn’t have to question even in the least bit. You loved him. You always had and you knew it. You knew you always would no matter what.

You decided to shake your head and thoughts along with it. Sam was a very dear friend you were sure of that, those crazy thoughts were just that. Crazy. Weren’t gonna happen neither now nor ever because you simply… were head over heels in love with Dean, his brother Dean.

An awed smile spread on your lips as you walked into the living room. The scene in front of you reminded you a lot of when you had once found both Dean and Mary asleep on the couch, her on top of his chest when she was still very young. This time it was a little different because both her and Sam were wide awake but the sight was equally heart swelling as well.

Sam was sitting on the floor, Mary on top of the couch. He was resting his back there as Mary had her hands in his hair and was braiding them. A wide smile on both their faces, Sam more listening as she talked to him about who knows what.

“Uncle Sammy-” she suddenly asked.

“Hmm?” he hummed, glancing at her from the corner of his eyes.

“How come your hair is so long? Daddy’s hair are really short and I can’t braid them” a small pout was on her lips.

Sam chuckled, and you let a soft laugh as well “Well some guys have longer hair than others sweetie. I for example have longer hair than your daddy, even if he insists non-stop that I cut it”

“No!” she exclaimed “I like your long hair uncle Sammy! They are so beautiful, and soft and I can braid them whenever I want!”

“Thanks kiddo! You must be the only person to think that.” he chuckled and this time you laughed audibly as well.

The both noticed you standing there and as soon as Sam’s eyes fell on you he smiled widely- more so than before.

“Eep! Pudding!”Mary exclaimed, quickly getting off the couch and running towards you as you walked closer to her.

“Here you go bug! Sit down first though” you handed her her small plate.

“Thank you (Y/n)!” she took the plate and came to sit down on the floor next to the coffee table, her baby spoon in her hands as she happily ate her food.

You came to sit next to Sam who was on the couch now. You giggled as you saw even more french braids on his hair and he chuckled as well, running his finger through his hair to remove them.

“Yeah the perks of having long hair” he chuckled.

You shrugged, not taking your eyes off him “For the record I like your long hair too”

Your words immediately made him stop midmovement. The smile turned from playful to soft and in one of almost disbelief. He looked at you in the eyes and he ended up smiling sheepishly.

“Thanks” and you could swear you saw a small hint of red spread on his cheeks.

You shrugged casually “It’s the truth”

He had chuckled, looking down shyly “Not many think so”

“Are you kidding me?! Sam- there is not a single thing I can see on you and say that I don’t like. Even your height-” you giggled slightly as he chuckled “-You know it can come in handy many times”

“I suppose” he shrugged, looking at you through his eyelashes.

You only smiled at him, not taking your eyes off him just like he did. You hadn’t even noticed your close proximity but it didn’t seem to matter at all. The stray strands of hair on his face were so tempting to tuck away that… you just couldn’t help it.

Your hand seemed to reach out on its own and you brushed them away. Both you and Sam froze at the moment, your eyes almost widening. You couldn’t believe what you were doing. The air had started to get thicker around you and the temperature rise in a… so comfortable way it surprised you.

But it all still was awkward as hell, much less the proximity so you spoke to break the silence… and staring.

“So-” you cleared your throat, feeling your own cheeks heat up “-should we put that movie to play or what?”

“Yeah yeah I think you’re right” he smiled a little awkwardly as well, doing as said. You noticed him glance at you occasionally and of course shyly but you only bit your lower lip and tried to keep yourself from smiling. Even when he made a move he’d apologize, fearing he was bothering you. Not to mention how careful and reluctant he was to make a move anyway.

After Mary was done with her dessert she came to sit next to you, resting her small head on your lap as you all watched the movie together. Sam had in the meanwhile thrown a blanket big enough all over the three of you. Maybe during the third or fourth movie you started to feel your eyelids get even more heavy. Sam didn’t seem much fased- probably used in staying up till late with very few hours of sleep. But of course as usual was too kind to point out how you started to lean in more close to him. Closer and closer.

By the end you had your head resting on his chest. Sam either didn’t want to point it out or wasn’t actually bother by it at all, but either way let you be. His one arm had in the meanwhile come to rest around your shoulders and you would be lying if you said that the warmth it offered wasn’t a very welcomed and pleasant one. It made you smile, and sigh in content as you snuggled closer to him, your limbs had gotten entangled in the meanwhile and with Mary resting and by now sleeping next and almost on top of you. When the movie was over Sam shut it off completely and tried to get up from the couch. He was tired as well but wanted to give you and Mary more space. But you even in your sleep wouldn’t let him. You had your one arm resting on his chest in the beginning but later had wrapped around him and held him as close as possible to you.

Sam would too be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the state he had found himself in. Even if he shouldn’t. Even if it was completely wrong- oh so completely wrong from him to think, to want, to feel…

…Sam let out a small sigh of defeat – defeat from his own feelings, and closing his eyes and swallowing thickly, he stayed in his place and snuggled closer to you as well. He looked down at you for a second before closing his eyes again for good and going to sleep.

Wrong, yes it was. So very wrong. Because even if Sam didn’t have any real proof on how you felt, he let his own feelings take over. Let his own selfish wants take over. Ignoring his mind, for the first time in so long, he let his heart take over. Wrong, so very wrong. It was and he knew it. But he allowed himself to have this small piece of heaven in his arms. You.

_And that was exactly the state Dean found you in the moment he walked in, a little later._


	16. Chapter 16

_**And that was exactly the state Dean found you in the moment he walked in, a little later.** _

He felt his heart drop. It felt like a stab to the chest. You and Sam were snuggling close to each other, his head resting on top of yours like you were some couple. A smile was on both your faces even if you were sleeping which actually made Dean’s heart ache even more. That was certainly not how friends would be- Dean could say it for sure. Even if you were friends, for now, Dean felt as if he could see it flash in front of his eyes. Both of you realizing that you had so many things in common that the possibility of a relationship sounded great. And then both of you wanting to try going out on a date and then another one and another one, and the first kiss would come, and then your first time together and- Dean felt as if he couldn’t breath.

The thoughts clouded his vision.

Glancing at Mary he could now imagine how much of a great family you would have. You, a kid or two and Sam. No Dean. Never Dean in that place. He could see the smile on your face as Sam proposed you. The wedding. The kids. Everything.

And as that Dean struggled to breath. He struggled to see through his blurry vision and even as that made his way out of the living room and straight to the kitchen. He supported his weight on the kitchen counter. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing. In and out. In and out.

In vain. The image flashed through his eyes and he found himself clenched his teeth and fists. He wanted to punch something, break even. The amount of anger – and other feelings made him all the more angry. He shouldn’t be feeling this way.

 _‘Why?’_ he questioned himself just like he’d been doing for the past week.

Seeing you so close to Sam and in that way made an unknown feeling rise up inside him. A feeling he just knew he shouldn’t have. Why? Because you simply were friends. And only that.

He should be happy for both you and Sam to finally find someone you went so well along with but that deep feeling of… jealousy inside him prevented him from being happy even in the least bit. He wanted to say it so that at least he could believe it but he knew he would be lying majorly. No he wasn’t happy, he was never going to be happy at that. No matter how much he forced himself to say it in his head so that he believed it. He needed to believe it.

He knew Sam was an amazing guy and he really deserved someone like you. Hell you were the best he could ever come around. He really had no other word to describe you other than perfect. In his eyes at least. And he knew that you really deserved someone as good as Sam, handsome, fun, kind, sweet, successful, not a drunk and all around perfect. He knew you deserved someone just like him- him and not Dean for sure.

But why did that hurt him so much more than he ever thought it would?

These feelings, they were just getting even worse as time passed by. First he’d feel that bugging feeling inside him that just itched him to do something when a guy was around you but he only wanted to attribute it to the fact that he saw you like his little sister that he needed to protect from all those assholes- let’s ignore the fact that he had shamelessly flirted with you when you first moved in next door.

But now things were different. So much more different than Dean would have ever expected. After the wedding he knew he started seeing you differently but now he could see it for sure. It was crystal clear that Dean’s feelings for you were much more than friendly. You meant more than just a friend to him, much more than any other woman ever would and certainly much more than he ever thought was possible. He never thought he would get to feel this way for someone. Yet here he was.

And he knew it was so very wrong. Because you were not what he – deep down – wished you were. You were only his friend, neighbor, babysitter but only that. Nothing more. Never anything more.

And as that Dean realized what the feeling was. He was not just jealous. Hell you had told him that you didn’t see Sam that way and (despite how that evil part of him wanted to convince him that something was or could go on between you and Sam – blame the sight in the living room) were not going to anyway. Dean wanted to convince himself that nothing was going to happen between you and Sam – gosh he sounded like such an awful brother at that moment – but even if that didn’t happen he knew, it was inevitable, that you’d find someone else.

And that scared Dean to no end.

Yes, he Dean Winchester was scared. Truly for the first time in his life he was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of not having you in his life anymore. He hadn’t thought about it in the past, almost to the point of taking your presence by his side for granted, but now with Sam the thought had entered his mind and so had the feeling entered his heart. Dean Winchester was utterly scared.

Scared of the feeling that would come as well when the moment would come and you – maybe it would be with Sam – would make a family of your own and… leave him. You would no longer be his buddy. You would no longer be the shoulder he leaned on when he needed someone. You no longer would be there to smile and brighten up even his worst days. You no longer would be his rock, his friend, his partner in crime… his everything.

You would have someone else by your side – the thought of Sam seeming like the most possible – and not Dean. Dean would become just a friend you once had or, hell that was worse, the brother of your fiance… husband later and uncle of your kids much later.

Dean struggled to breath as the thought entered his mind. And to think it had not started fully yet. No first date or first kiss yet. He didn’t want to imagine how he’d be when that moment came.

He clenched his jaw, his eyes shut tightly as he involuntarily kicked a chair. He breathed in and out deeply, all of his feelings mashing up into anger.

“Dean?” came a groggy question.

Dean’s head snapped to Sam’s direction. He hadn’t expected him to wake up. He tried to sooth down himself. Sam wasn’t the one to blame after all.

“Sorry. Did I wake you up?” his voice was rough.

“Uh no, no it’s ok. It’s better actually, I was taking up a lot of space there” Sam chuckled, smoothing down his hair.

“Yeah. I saw that very well.” Dean couldn’t help the venom from dripping his voice and surely Sam noticed.

“Uh is everything ok man? You- you don’t seem really well lately actually” he asked… although quiet honestly he knew the answer very well.

Sam could read his brother like an open book. He knew what he felt even if Dean himself didn’t. Or at least tried to ignore.

“Yeah everything’s-” Dean stopped himself, looking at Sam in the eyes “No. No actually not so much” he clenched his jaw.

“Oh” Sam breathed “And… what’s troubling you? Do you want to talk about it or…?”

“I- Yeah I do. Sam, I gotta ask you something but I don’t want you to ask back or- or change the subject. Just- just a clear answer.”

“Dean, what is it?”

“What-” Dean swallowed “-What is going on between you and (Y/n), and don’t you lie to me Samuel cause I can see right through you and you know it.” he said firmly.

“I- I don’t know what do you expect me to say Dean. (Y/n) and I- we are just friends, I thought it was very much obvious.”

“No. No Sam. Her and _**I**_ are friends. You- you and her are-”  
  


“Are you so sure about that?” Sam’s question caught Dean off guard.

“What- what do you mean?” Dean struggled to keep his cool.

“Exactly what I am asking, and I don’t want you to change the subject either. Just answer my question, it’s a simple one” Sam shrugged “Are you sure you and (Y/n) are only friends?”

“I- I don’t know what answer you expect Sam but it’s obvious. (Y/n) and I are friends. Just friends.”

“Really?” Sam raised an eyebrow, he knew very well the answer Dean still wouldn’t give him.

“Yes, yes really! I don’t know what you expect me to tell you Sam!”

“Well…” Sam shrugged slightly “How about your _true_ feelings for her hm?”

“M-my… what?” Dean breathed out and Sam smiled just slightly.

“Dean come on, I’m not blind. I’ve known you my entire life, I’d like to think I know when you are trying to avoid a subject”

“I’m not- I’m not trying to avoid any subject, Sam. I gave you your answer, though I don’t know how honest you are being with me.”

“And what about how honest _you_ are being Dean?” Sam asked softly and once again Dean tried to avoid eye-contact.

“What?!” his voice raised an octave “I am being completely honest with you-”

“And again I am asking- _**are you sure**_?” Sam insisted, cutting him off.

“What- yes of course I am sure! What the hell’s gotten into you!?”

Sam sighed at his brother’s obvious denial “You still don’t get it” Sam shook his head, arms crossed over his chest.

“Oh no, no. I do get it. Very well at that. You are asking all these questions because you want to make sure she is single, that nothing’s going on between her and I. Sam… you have feelings for her.” it was more of a statement that a question.

“That is not the point here” Sam shook his head… but still avoiding eye contact with Dean.

“Yes, yes it is. This is why you are asking me all of this, aren’t you?”

“No, Dean no. This has nothing to do with me and (y/n)- Her and I are only friends, I’ve told you so!”

“…But you would want to be more” again it was a statement.

Sam shook his head, sighing “It doesn’t matter” he muttered and Dean’s eyes widened for a second.

_**Denial was a trait of theirs but so was being awful liars to each other.** _

“Yes, yes it does! You _have feelings_ for-”

“I don’t Dean!” Sam exclaimed, cutting him off “I don’t.” he breathed out “But you- _**you do! You have feelings for her!**_  And I don’t see why you keep denying it!”

Sam exclamation certainly Dean off guard. His eyes widened and his back straightened as if he’d been caught on act. The thought had flashed through his mind so many times but it was so much different hearing someone say it out loud.

“I don’t-” a lump formed on his throat.

_**Realization hit him harder that a tone of bricks as it downed on him.** _

Sam smiled sympathetically “Dean it’s absolutely fine. It’s not as if anything is going on between her and I. You have a chance.” Sam encouraged his brother, placing his hands on his shoulders “Take it now before it’s too late. You deserve this Dean. You deserve a chance in happiness.”

Dean stared Sam directly in the eyes, trying even these few last minutes to see an emotion through his eyes. Searching desperately for a sign. _And there it was._

There was the sign that confirmed all of Dean’s suspicions. It was both surprising and sad at how similar they were. _**Both denying their feelings for the other to be happy**_. But despite what Sam said Dean just didn’t believe he deserved it- that he deserved that happiness with you. Sam on the other hand did. And so did you and the only way you’d have it was…

…if Dean did what he thought he should have done from the beginning. What was best for everybody.

He laughed – of course it was fake – at Sam and shook hs head “You man- why don’t ya try writing a book or something huh? You imagination certainly is out of this world. Hey- say you and I are the main characters but we don’t live in this world. We live in one full of monsters that we hunt. Yeah, it could be a best seller for sure!” using his sarcasm and makingeverything a joke was the only way he knew to cope with this. And hide away his true feelings.

He needed to build up his defences once again.

“Wh-what?” Sam blinked, he shook his head “Dean what are you talking abo-”

“I am saying that you are seeing things that are not real dude!” he pushed him away, moving to the fridge to get a a beer out.

It was only his way to make sure Sam didn’t look him in the eyes.

“What do you mean?” Sam’s voice was low and tentative.

“What I mean is that, Sammy, (Y/n) and I are only friends. Period. There is nor will ever be something between us. I mean-” he laughed – again it was so fake - “Could you imagine that? Dude it would be practically incest to me. Not youthough- which also means you go right ahead and make a move”

“I-” Sam shook his head, pursing his lips at the nonsense his brother was saying “Dean I don’t need to make a move. I won’t make a move because you will-”

“Man enough. I know you want to see me with a nice girl and all that crap- but (Y/n)? She is like a sister to me I am telling ya. I imagine myself with her the way you mean and nah” **gosh he was lying majorly** “She is an amazing girl but not for me for sure. Like never.” he forced a laugh.

_Forced it because he knew he’d **sob** if he actually repeated what he had just said._

“You don’t… You don’t mean that, do you?” Sam didn’t want to believe him but he looked so honest.

**Yes Dean could be an actor as well if he wanted to.**

Dean laughed again “Sam I told ya, her and I are only friends. It’s the only way I can see her like and if you want, keep denying your feelings for her, but you can do anything you want. You got my blessings.” and he took another sip from his beer, not being able to keep the smirk up for any longer.

“Yeah I don’t think- she and I are only friends Dean” Sam still had the deep frown on his face.

Part of him didn’t believe his brother in the least bit.

**And he’d have every right not to.**

Dean laughed, shaking his head “Ah Sammy you’ve always been a terrible liar!” he patted him on the shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked in a whisper.

“Bed. I’m beat. Night Sammy!” his voice held all cheerfulness but if Sam could turn to look at Dean at that moment, as their backs faced each other’s, he’d see the look on his face that was so much the opposite.

“Yeah, goodnight” Sam said back in a low voice.

“Yeah” Dean breathed out to himself, even the small fake smile fell from his lips.

He tried to convince himself that this choice was the best one for everyone. That he was doing the right thing and that in the end everyone was going to be happy. Well, minus him that is.

Because seeing the woman he loved – yes there was no denying it anymore – in another man’s arms was going to tear him apart on the inside.

But he had to pull away. He had to step back and deny everything he felt for the sake of your and hopefully - or not? - his brother’s happiness. And he was going to make sure that happened the only way he knew. Pretend that he didn’t feel a single thing and… push you away.

The only way he, Dean Winchester, knew he could.

Sam’s head hang low as he shook, running a hand trough his hair. He didn’t know if he should believe his brother or not. Maybe time would tell after all. He was not going to let those words affect him in any way for the time being.

_Even if they hurt like daggers being plunged in your chest as you leaned against the wall and heard every single word they exchanged. A hand covering your mouth as you tried to support yourself on the wall, desperately trying to keep in the sobs. Your eyes were shut tightly and you clenched your teeth to keep your tears in. In vain._

~*~

But things got no better. If anything it got only worse.

Just when you thought the tears and pain was over here it came again. Just when you thought you wouldn’t have to cry yourself to sleep anymore, here came the tears again. And it was not during just nights but during daytime as well. He was cold towards you, in a way that actually didn’t indicate that. He was his usual self but before the wedding and far less… warm and open to you.

He still was, because he trusted you but it was in a friendly way. Only friendly. You were only his friend anymore. His buddy whom he asked on how he’d get a woman he had met the other times at a bar. At points it got so much for you to handle that you were so grateful for Sam being there at the right time to interrupt you. At least his smiles and small jokes managed to make you smile a little.

He managed to help you get your mind off things and above all he didn’t get to ask you what you were thinking when you zoned out or what bothered you all that time. And worst of all when he visited you unexpectedly once and found you all puffy and with red eyes that he didn’t insist on it. He was so subtle about everything and understood that you finally had someone to hold onto as things started to get bad.

It didn’t help that you had heard what Dean had said that night as well. Every time you looked at him it felt as if you could hear him again, another stab in the heart being felt every time, and when he’d casually throw an arm over your shoulder like he’d do with his best friend (you had began to loath the word) it hurt ten times worse.

_If only you knew how much worse it hurt him having to put that cheeky fake smile on his face and throw and arm over your shoulders pretending… Pretending that he didn’t want to wrap his arms entirely around you and hold you in his arms and never let you go. To kiss you and cherish you and gosh he wished to wipe out the pain out of your eyes. Because even if you smiled at him he could still see the pain lacing your **once** sparkling eyes. But he had to fight this, he had to fight the urge, he had to fight his feelings for you. He needed to distance himself from you… **for you**._

But just as Sam made you smile a little there was Dean with his 'jokes’ and moves on you and innuendos that made that spark inside you rise into a fire. You didn’t want it by no means and you wanted to curse at yourself for still feeling so much for him. Despite how obvious he made it look that he didn’t see you as nothing more but a friend.

You were a friend. He saw you as only a friend. He was never going to feel a single thing for you.

Those were things you kept repeating to yourself, hoping at least that some part of you would start believing them and by some miracle start to feel less for him. Yeah impossible.

Just when you thought you had done some progress, you thought you had started seeing some hope there for you, you were back to the start. And honestly you were too tired to go through this again. You were tired of trying and hoping only to have your wishes crashed just like your heart.

You were done trying. You gave up. There was no chance in you and Dean anymore. None at all.


	17. Chapter 17

You had lost count what night it was that you were taking care of Mary, not because Dean was in his garage, but because he was with a woman. Yes he was back to that again. Of course he would be.

Just when you thought that it was over, there he came one evening and asked you to babysit Mary because he had a date. And then the night after that. And the night after that. And the night after that. And the night after that.

And here you were for the- you had lost count of the nights and dates of course.

Pretty much just like you had lost count of the tears you’d shed. You were only glad that just like every night Mary was an amazing kid and didn’t put you trough much trouble. Watched some TV, played with her dolls, ate her dinner, brushed her teeth and you got her ready for bed and that was it. You were left to your own to cry because the man you loved saw you as only a friend and was spending the night with another woman.

If only you had any more tears to shed. You were dry.

You laughed bitterly at yourself “Bloody great” your voice was hoarse.

You flipped through channels not really paying attention on what was on. Your mind was on Dean, as much as you hated to admit it. Wondering what he could be doing.

And now you really wished you didn’t.

A giggle caught your attention and immediately you felt your breath hitch on your throat. 

 _No_.

“Dean!” there it was again.

You closed your eyes, praying that you weren’t going to cry now in front of… them.

You got up from the couch and slowly, dreading to, you walked out of the living room to the small hall to see just your biggest fear in front of your eyes. But instead of feeling sad – oh your heart was beyond broken already – you felt anger built up within you. He didn’t so much have the mind to think that this was wrong on so many levels.

“Ah Dean” came a very pleased moan from the woman as Dean’s lips were attached to her neck, pinning her to the wall.

You felt your chest tighten and a lump formed in your throat. But you willed yourself to be strong.

You cleared your throat loudly enough to get their attention, and fortunately you did. Dean pulled away from her – although she definitely didn’t. Her hands were all over him and you could already see a few red spots here and there on his neck and jaw.

“Huh? Sorry but- who is that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Her voice sounded like the most annoying thing ever.

“Uh she- she’s a friend and- I’ll explain later. (Y/n) what are you doing up at this time?” he looked at you with an almostaccusing look.

Oh you were so done with him. Done.

“Me? You are asking why _I_ am awake at this time while you- you go and bring- _this_ home!” you had no words to describe the woman.

“Hey look pretty girl I actually have a name ok? And if you are so bothered by this and you are fee to go. Can’t help it that your man likes me more”

“He’s not my man” you growled, looking her dead in the eyes.

“(Y/n)” Dean placed a hand on your shoulder but you sharply shook it off.

“Don’t touch me!” you glared at him. You were beyond pissed. Not only he made you go through so much pain the entire week but also now made you go through- this!

“You- You have lost your mind!” you pointed a finger at him “What the hell is wrong with you Dean?! What the fucking hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“(Y/n) there’s nothing wrong with-”

“No there is nothing wrong with sleeping with a different woman every night and if you want to it can be even more than one, but you- you are not freaking allowed to do this now and here!” you were fighting off the tears at this point.

“(Y/n) please calm down, you know we were going to keep it low” his voice was rough and he tried to sooth you down. He placed a hand on top of yours but you of course snatched it before he could touch you for good.

You didn’t look him in the eyes as you breathed in and out heavily “Were you really? You know that’s not my problem Dean!”

“Then what is it huh? Tell me what your fucking problem is!” Dean looked at you completely serious, the woman almost forgotten.

_**Truth was he needed an answer to that very much.** _

You took a deep breath, your glare unfading “My fucking problem is that you have a little daughter sleeping right upstairs that could wake up any moment and come face to face with- with the slut you decided to bring home this time.” you spat.

Both Dean’s and the woman’s eyes widened visibly.

“Daughter?” he voice rang and Dean turned to face her “You have a daughter?!” disbelief laced her features.

“Oh so he didn’t tell you? Huh that’s a surprise. Maybe you should have thought about it when you asked her to come over. Would be kinda hard to explain it later but you’re all for the hook up, aren’t you?” you shot Dean a look and then looked back at the woman “Yes” you said “Yes he does. And as a matter of fact I am the babysitter that he was not so kind to inform he would come over with a new toy for the night” you gave her a tight,fake smile.

“(Y/n)!” Dean roared and you looked at him.

“What? Were you not planning on telling her at all? Thought you could keep it a secret forever? It’s kinda hard you know” you said sarcastically,crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Wait- wait a second. Are you married too? Is this a way to cheat on your wife, get her back for something?” the woman’s voice raised.

Dean rolled his eyes for a second “No. No it’s not- I am not married. I just have a kid that’s all. I’m a single father”

“And you weren’t planning on telling me? You know all I was looking for was a casual hook up no responsibilities or anything” she shook her head.

“I wasn’t going to ask-”

“You know what-” she cut him off “-I liked you a lot and I know it would have been an amazing night for both of us but I think I should better get going. You have my number?”

“No” Dean frowned deeply.

“Good, that’s even better. Sorry Dean, I know it would have been fun but I’m not one for responsibilities. Besides-” she glanced at you with a raised eyebrow “-I can see what those ’ _reasons’_ you were talking about are and, you want my advice? Better be honest to those reasons about your real feelings instead of going after chicks at bars.”

You were more confused but you saw realization flash through Dean’s eyes, mostly widening. But before he could speak she waved at him.

“Bye Dean and we better not do this again” she all-but-ran out of the house.

You tried to keep yourself from snickering but the furious look on Dean’s face prevented you from doing so. And when he turned to look at you the subtle smile was wiped entirely out of your lips.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he all-but-shouted.

“Me? What the hell is wrong with you Dean?! Bring another woman over-”

“You know very well it’s not about the woman! She wasn’t the first I’ve ever brought over!”

“Yes, of course! When Mary was a baby and couldn’t even walk! She’s grown up Dean! Who knew what would happen if by some chance she woke up and walked in on you two?!”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes “As if.”

You narrowed your eyes “What’s that supposed to mean? Dean- Hey! Hey! Look at me!” you grabbed his arm to make him turn to look at you “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“It’s supposed to mean that- that was not your problem and you fucking know it! You only wanted to get rid of her because- because you couldn’t fucking get that I wanted to sleep with her instead of-”

“Of?” you asked, taking a step forward.

Dean’s eyes were wide as he had just been caught in the act “Doesn’t matter.” he murmured, shaking his head.

“No.” you said firmly “No it does. Say it. I want to hear you say it.” you dared him, eyes glistening with tears.

“It doesn’t matter (Y/n). You’d never get it. You would never be able to. Your head is so high up you have no idea what anyone can be going through.” he grumbled shaking your head and your eyes at that moment widened.

“What did you just say? Dean Winchester what did you just fucking say?!”

“I said that all you care about are your tiny little problems but are unable to see that people have their own troubles as well. The Earth doesn’t revolve around you in case you didn’t know!” he spat and at that moment you felt your lower lip tremble.

You never thought there would be this moment when Dean, your best friend and man that meant so much to you, would say something like this.

“You can’t really be saying this. You can’t really believe this.” you whispered.

Dean of all the people knew what you went through. How much you had suffered, and that without knowing how you were dying on the inside every time you watched him with another woman. And you never were a selfish one. You never put your own problems, no matter how big they were, before his. You always struggled to help him as much as you could with his problems. You always put him and his problems before yourself. No matter the situation and Dean knew it.

He may have not been aware of your real problems that concerned him but he knew that your life had not been the easiest one, and it still wasn’t. And despite everything you always stood by his side. Put him and Mary first and he had actually thanked you on that many times. He really couldn’t be saying this.

Not Dean. Not him.

Dean looked up in your eyes. You saw regret flash through his eyes for a moment but he soon masked it up by clenching his jaw.

“Dean” you said calmly, taking a step closer to him “What’s going on? We weren’t like this. What- what happened?” you whispered as you felt your tears threaten even more to spill.

“(Y/n)…” he started but when he looked you in the eyes he saw regret there. He wanted to say something, so bad, but… he didn’t.

“(Y/n) I am sorry but- I think that maybe it would be for the best if- if you didn’t come over this often here.” he didn’t dare look you in the eyes.

Your heart dropped.

“What- what do you mean?” you breathed out.

“I mean that- that I think you should stop spending so much time here, with Mary, babysitting her. Maybe some time-”

“Dean!” you yelled “What the hell are you talking about?!” a pure look of horror was on your face.

“It’s for th best-”

“To keep me away from her?! When you know how much she means to me as well?!” tears had started to run down your cheeks by now and you were not willing to stop them either.

“You are getting too close a-and-”

“And what?! You don’t want me to?! You want her to be close to one of the whores you bring over? You- you are not the Dean I know. What the hell has happened to you?! You want so much your freedom that it feels as if I am restricting you? You want so much to get wasted ever night in alcohol and women that you are willing to pull me and Mary apart?!”

Him wanting you away from Mary hurt you much more than anything else.

“Yes! Is that what you want to hear?! Yes yes yes! Fucking happy now?! I only want the best for my child ok?!”

“And you think pushing me away is going to be the best for her?!” you shrieked “You have lost your mind! I don’t recognize you anymore!” you shook your head, looking at him in disbelief.

“Yes. Yes I may have but it’s my freaking problem! Not yours!”

“Yeah because I am _**nothing**_ to you.” venom dripped your voice.

Dean looked at you with his mouth hanging agape. He closed it and clenched his fists by his sides “Exactly.” he said and an inaudible gasp left your lips. Your eyes were wide and your heart ached inside your chest like never before.

“And that’s why I think you shouldn’t come over anytime soon. Or ever again for that matter.” he was literally forcing the words out of his lips.

**He was void on the inside as he spoke. He willed himself to not feel anything because if he did… he knew he’d break into tears just like you.**

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you only stared at him. This was worse than any other nightmare you’ve ever had.

The grave silence was broken by a small sniffle and an even small voice asking “Why are you shouting at _mommy_?”

Mary came into view, holding her favorite teddy bear close to herself. Her eyes were slightly red as she was staring up at Dean.

“Don’t-” she sniffled “Don’t shout at _mommy_ -” her lower lip trembled as she softly cried.

Dean’s eyes as wide as they could ever get. It had already began and he hadn’t noticed it. His heart hammered inside his chest as he looked from Mary, that was now hugging your waist - eyes still pleading at Dean, to you. Your face was stainedwith tears but you didn’t say or do a single thing. You just stared back at him, looking so numb as ever.

“What?” he breathed out in disbelief.

“Please don’t shout at mom, daddy.” Mary cried, hugging your waist even more.

“She- she is not your mother Mary.” Dean breathed out, his lower lip trembling as he looked at his daughter. Mostly atsaying the words.

Mary shook her head stubbornly, tightening her hold on your waist “Don’t shout at mom.” she repeated, closing shut her eyes.

Dean’s eyes shot to you but before he could open his mouth to speak you beat him at it “You asked for this and I am in no place to deny. I have no right to, you said it yourself.” and you then looked down at Mary.

“Sorry bug.” you smiled sadly at her and even if she protested you unhooked her arms from around you and slowly pushed her away.

“No. No!” she cried even more.

You shook your head, furiously wiping your tears “No Mary no. Stay here.”

You took your bag and jacket, quickly putting on your shoes.

“No, no!” Mary’s cries were the only thing that could be heard. She ran to take hold of your hand but Dean stopped her before she could get any closer to you.

“No, mom! **Mom!** ” she cried and yelled at you. You felt your heart hurt so much to the point you thought somebody would have stabbed you.

Sobs escaped your lips, shaking your entire body but you refused to let yourself break down in front of them- well _him_ mostly.

“Mom!” her cries broke your heart and you clenched your fists.

It was like something out of a nightmare. Being here and ready to exit the house not knowing if you were going to come here ever again. Dean having said those things was yet another stab in the heart.

“M-mommy” her tiny voice trembled in the silence and as you grabbed the door handle you turned your head to look at her.

You saw her in Dean’s arms, him holding her tightly there as she looked at you with red eyes. You looked from her to Dean to see a look of almost… regret.

 _‘No’_ you tried to convince yourself _‘No he didn’t regret a single thing’_

You clenched your jaw and tried to look at him just as coldly as you could. Though pretty much failed to. There was only pain written all over your face. **Pain because the man you loved broke your heart in every way possible.**

You saw how his lower lip trembled slightly, maybe even pain on his face. His eyes were almost… watery? Was he on the verge of tears? It was not only hurt but… _**broken**_.

You shook your head, not wanting to look more. He had said what he wanted to and if that was it then he would have to deal with the consequences either he wanted it or not.

_**If only you knew how much he hated himself for doing this to you and his daughter.** _

“Goodbye Dean” you forced and opening the door you left the house as fast possible. Making sure to slam it right behind you.

The cold night air hit your face but you willed yourself to not look back even for a second. You felt your heart hurt so much inside your chest. You wanted to forget everything that had happened tonight and maybe the only way to do so was to get drunk. As drunk as possible. And if you ended up a some guy’s place the next morning you would not regret a single thing. If that’s how he wanted to play it then so be it.

If you even ended up dead because of the alcohol? Sounded much better to you because then you wouldn’t have to wake up to feeling guilty for what _he_ had done.

You clenched your jaw, brushing your tears away furiously. Mostly angry at yourself at how much this still hurt you.

You shook your head furiously and walked across the road not even noticing what was going on around you in the state you were in. You didn’t look around you, only down.

_But what happened next made your eyes widen and your heart stop beating for a second… if not for good whatsoever._


	18. Chapter 18

You clenched your jaw, brushing your tears away furiously. Mostly angry at yourself at how much this still hurt you.

You shook your head furiously and walked across the road not even noticing what was going on around you in the state you were in. You didn’t look around you, only down.

_But what happened next made your eyes widen._

Your eyes widened and your heart jumped to your throat, your hand instinctively went to your chest.

“(Y/n)?” in the almost darkness, almost silence and above all through your blurry vision you had not noticed that somebody was there.

“Oh my gosh.” you breathed out, your heart was beating rapidly inside your chest.

“Sam” you blinked, turning to look at him.

“What are you doing here?” he approached you and you avoided eye-contact.

“Nothing I was just… heading out to somewhere” you shrugged, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Are you alright?” he asked, immediately sensing you were not ok.

“Yeah yeah I am fine, don’t-”

“(Y/n)” he said for the first time completely serious and stern. You couldn’t help but look up at him.

“Oh God.” he breathed out, eyes going wide “What- (Y/n) what happened?” his serious face turned into a really worried one.

“It’s… nothing major.” you mumbled, looking down.

“Are you kidding me?! Your eyes are red! You have been crying, a lot and don’t deny it!” he took hold of your shoulders, squeezing firmly and making you look up at him.

“You shouldn’t worry yourself with my problems Sam.” your lower lip trembled, more tears threatening to spill any given moment.

“But I want to. (Y/n) please don’t go through this, whatever it is, on your own.” he looked at you with those puppy eyes that you couldn’t deny a single thing.

“It is not your problems to deal with Sam.” you couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“As long as something is bothering you then yes it is my problem.” he gave your shoulders a squeeze, his voice stern and completely honest.

“I-” your voice shook and you couldn’t even breath properly to complete your sentence. You ran a hand down your face, taking a shaky sigh and trying to put on a brave face for his sake. He hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve worrying so much.

“Hey Sam-” your voice was hoarse, but you put on a smile as you looked up at him “-I don’t know where you were heading, though I have an idea but-” you glanced behind you for a second at Dean’s house, your fake smile falling instantly, and then back at him”But if- if you really mean it then, would it be a bother to join me for a drink?” you still were unsure if he was going to agree.

“Are you even asking ?Of course I will. I am not going to let you in this situation, or until you’ve spilled everything.” he tried to offer you a reassuring smile as he rubbed on your arm comfortingly.

“I am not so sure about that.” the corners of your lips lifted into a small smile as your eyes casted down.

“Oh trust me, if there is one thing we Winchesters are famous about amongst everything else it’s our stubborness” he said matter-of-factly and at that your smile – even small – fluttered for a second.

HEe of course took immediately notice of it so he cleared his throat and let his hands drop. He tried to put on a smile “So should we get going? You’re gonna need me to drag you half-drunk from there.”

You chuckled slightly, letting a small sigh in th end “I actually really hope that.”

~*~

“Thank you.” Sam smiled at the waitress as politely as he could at her oh-so-obvious flirty smile at him.

“No problem handsome.” she winked at him, leaning forwards to give you both your drinks and making sure she showed as much cleavage as possible.

And even if you really had no reason to, you straight forward glared at her.

“Yeah thank you.” you took your beer and small plate with few chips “And when you bring the next round make sure to bring some dignity with you too.” you shot her a fake smile and her smile immediately fluttered, being replaced by a very annoyed look.

“Unless of course you’re out of stock.” you added and she tried to keep herself from snapping back.

Actually she would have snapped back if it wasn’t for Sam speaking “Uh yeah yeah we’re good for now, thank you.” he smiled politely but mostly trying to hide his amused grin.

“Sure” she almost hissed at him, turning around and al-but-storming off.

You glared at her, taking a sip of your drink. You grumbled under your breath “Bitch”

You caught sound of a deep chuckled next to you and you turned your head to look at Sam that had a wide grin on his face.

“What?” you frowned at him.

“Nothing it’s- it’s nothing.” he shook his head, obviously very much enjoying the scene.

“No. No it’s clearly something. What?”

“No (Y/n), really it’s nothing” he shook his head still laughing. He took a sip of his beer.

“Sam” you groaned, rolling your eyes “Tell me!”

“It’s just-” he took in a breath, looking at you fully in the eyes – the proximity of your chair not helping much, but you were glad that at least you were siting – he chuckled more, shaking slightly his head “You’re really cute when you’re jealous.” he shrugged slightly, smiling sheepishly at you.

Your eyes widened for a second at the realization. You had acted like a jealous girlfriend, which by the way you were not because you and Sam were only friends. It felt as if you’d just been caught in the act. You felt a blush rise on your cheeks so you turned your head away, not looking at him.

“Shut up” you grumbled embarrassed, taking a sip of your beer.

He chuckled some more and you tried to fight off a smile. His own smile felt contagious, especially as he was being so shy and cute about it. You wanted to be embarrassed but seeing his dimples as he smiled to himself you just couldn’t help it.

He let a small sigh in the end, taking a sip of his beer and then looking at it, his smile immediately falling “I’m sorry."he whispered, looking at your equally serious expression.

"About what?”

“About- I mean-” he sighed in frustration “You have your problems, big ones I am guessing, and I am here just- I don’t know what I’m doing.” he shook his head running a frustrated hand through his hair.

You couldn’t help but feel your heart swell just a little bit inside your chest “No Sam.” you breathed out with a shake of your head, placing a hand on top of his “Anything- anything that can take my mind off what had happened is very much welcomed. Even if it is being super embarrassed.”

“At least…” he spoke up in a low voice, a barely visible smile on his lips “…you’re better with red cheeks than red eyes” he shrugged and you looked at him. You smile fell.

“Sam” you whispered, understanding immediately what he was trying to do now.

“I’m- I’m not going to pressure you (Y/n) you know it but- I am not going to hide the fact that I am worried sick because of it” he looked at you with big honest eyes and you managed to smile for a second.

“It’s… something I would rather not talk about now Sam” you avoided eye-contact.

“It’s ok, I understand. We can do whatever you want till you feel ready. We could talk or- or I could keep silent if you want me to.”

“No.” you shook your head “No, I- I don’t want silence. It’s nice talking to you Sam.”

He chuckled slightly “You must be the only to think that. Dean keeps saying I am such a nerd when I talk, well most of the time actually.”

“Dean has no idea what he’s talking about.” you couldn’t help the venom in your voice and Sam frowned for a second. He luckily let it slip through and did not question your expression at the mere mention of his brother’s name.

“I suppose he just doesn’t get it much.” he shrugged, careful to see your expression again “But despite everything, I think Ishould be grateful to him. After all meeting you was one of the best thing that happened when I came here.” he smiled truthfully and so did you.

“I can certainly say the same Sam.” you looked at him, smiling. It was not much, but it as 100% real.

Getting your mind off the events and above all feelings was what you most needed and Sam, you were sure, would be able to make you feel better even in the slightest.

Drink after drink you and Sam both loosened up more. You had started from one topic and soon drifted and drifted, ending up talking about anything that could come to your minds. It was a welcomed distraction nonetheless, to the point you couldn’t call it much as that. You actually enjoyed talking with him, just like every time, and even if your mind was a little hazy because of the beers you still were fully aware of what was happening. And what you were saying.

After getting to talk so much with Sam you had started feeling a sort of comfort with him that you rarely had with people. The only one other than him and your sister was- yeah, Dean. But no longer, so you were more than happy to have himhear. And the only you could think of making him realize how appreciated he was, was trusting him with your troubles just like he trusted you with some things.

“I was babysitting Mary.” you spoke in a low voice after a pretty long pause.

Sam immediately had his full attention back on you, a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Everything was fine until Dean uh- he came over… with a woman.”

His eyes immediately widened “What? Wh-what the hell was he thinking?!”

You laughed bitterly “That’s what I told him too. Seems like he hadn’t even informed her he had a kid.” you played with your glass of whiskey “Well she found out and of course left. I- I couldn’t stand it so of course I shouted at Dean that he was doing a terrible mistake but he- he didn’t seem to care a-and well one thing led to another and we- we ended up fighting. Bad.”

“(Y/n), I’m sorry. I know- I know Dean can be a huge idiot sometimes-” he placed a hand on top of your shoulder “-I can talk to him and get him to realize he was wrong at shouting and above all bring her over when you-”

“He asked me to never visit him again and stay away from Mary.” you breathed out, hurting to even say it out loud. You shut your eyes for a second, downing your whiskey even if it burned down your throat.

“What?” Sam gasped, his eyes going wide. He had not been here for more than a month but he had seen the bond you and Mary had and he was sure Dean must have known about it. He must have known how much you meant to each other, so he couldn’t be doing this to you. Yet here he was.

“He forbid me from seeing her again.” you repeated, clenching your fist to keep yourself from crying.

“Has he lost his mind?! What the hell was he thinking?! When I see him I’m gonna have a serious talk with-” Sam could barely keep his voice down at how angry he was.

“You’re not going to talk to him, Sam. Please.” you placed a hand on top of his arm that was tense.

“No, no I am! (Y/n) I am not going to let this just go by! He- he can’t forbid you to see her! She means so much to you! (Y/n) for the love of- That girl is like a daughter to you! You have been like a mother to her all this time! Loved her and cared for her as if she is your own daughter! You- you cannot allow this- You must not-” the anger at his brother was so obvious from his rambling and you knew that if they talked a sight would probably occur at that moment.

“Sam. No.” your voice was still low even if he had visibly raised his “Please. ” it cracked and at that Sam looked down at you, his face softening immediately.

“(Y/n)” he spoke full of sadness “You can’t really be saying this. Mary means so much to you!”

“She does Sam but- but Dean is her father. He knows what is best for her.” you mumbled, mostly looking down.

“Yes usually yes but he now can’t freaking see how _you_ are the best for her! And somebody needs to tell that idiot the truth.”

“He does know it… he just refuses to see it.” you said mostly to yourself. You shook your head looking up at him “Sam please I don’t want you and him fighting because of me. If- if that’s what he wants then so be it.”

“Oh (Y/n)” Sam breathed out, his one hand moving to cup your cheek “But you- you are hurting because of it. How can you just let this go?”

“I’m not really letting it go. It’s just that- I am just hurting too much to be able to do anything to stop it.” you shrugged without any real energy, tears had welled up in your eyes and you could see Sam’s own hurt look.

“I- I-” you looked down at your shaking hands “-I’m unabe to o anything more Sam, because I am tired. I am so tired of hurting. There is so much as I can take and right now- I have far surpassed my limit.” you swallowed the lump in your throat “I thought- I thought it was time to catch a break but that won’t happen and no matter- no matter how much I love Mary, how much she means to me, I have no energy or will in me anymore Sam. I cant- I can’t fight anymore only to know I will end up hurting twice as before.”

“Sam” you whimpered looking up at him for a second “What did I do wrong? Who have I wronged to be going through all-all of this? I always-” you sniffled, brushing away a few tears “I always tried to do the right thing, put my own problems aside and di the best for others. Am I- Am I not allowed to be happy for once? Don’t I deserve this? Am I such a terrible person to deserve-”

“No.” he cut you off firmly “No don’t you dare say this. (Y/n) you- gosh no you don’t deserve any of it. Not you.” hewhispered, taking your hands in his.

“(Y/n) I…” he didn’t really know what to say, his lower lip trembling as tears had welled up in his eyes too. Instead he shook his head and in a second he had wrapped his arms around you, your face buried in his chest and he hugged you as tightly as he could; his eyes shut tightly to keep himself from crying.

“I really wish I could do something.” his voice sounded just as broken and he too was fighting back the sobs.

You had your eyes shut tightly. You were biting your lower lip but you failed to keep your tears from rolling and staining Sam’s shirt. Sobs left your lips, rocking your entire body.

“Don’t let me go” you whispered and he nodded his head, tightening his grip on you just like you did “Please” you pleaded.

And he promised it to both of you “Never”

~*~

“Sam” you sighed, looking up at him “You know you shouldn’t have.”

“What do you mean?”

“Of course! Because you’ve done so many things for me tonight that we both have no idea what to mention first!” you breathed out and he smiled sheepishly.

“You know you shouldn’t have escorted me to my house. I am a grown woman, I can take care of myself.”

“I know” he shrugged “Trust me I am most sure you can. But it’s not bad letting someone else take care of you once in a while too you know. Besides… you of all people deserve it.” he said with a half smile and you let a small one rest on your lips.

“Yeah but you’re not just someone. And these past days you’ve done so much for me that I don’t know how I will ever be able to repay you. Especially after tonight.” you sighed, resting your back on the door trim.

He shook his head “You don’t have to feel thankful to me (Y/n). I wanted to and that’s why I am helping you. And tonight-” he sighed “There was no way I would just let you go like this.”

“I am not all that drunk though.” you smiled widely up at him and he chuckled.

“Are you so sure about that? Cause to me it doesn’t seem much like that.” he smirked at you. He loved to see you smile, and tonight he knew that each and every smile meant much more.

“Huh?” you pouted thinking to yourself. You ended up rolling your eyes “Pff shut up Winchester. I know when I am drunkjust like I know that two plus to equals to four!”

He laughed “Great then! Next time I’ll give you a cookie for getting it right.”

“Hey not making fun of cookies alright Mr?!” you pointed a finger at him an he laughed even more.

“Sorry never again!” he raised his hands in fake surrender.

“But just so you know I am not all that drunk.” you shrugged, wrapping your arms around you from the cold “I didn’t have all that many drinks- which I have to thank you about by the way.”

He sighed rolling his eyes “Will you just stop thanking me? I did all I did only because I wanted to (Y/n), that’s what you don’t understand.”

“So you take care of sad chicks at bars?”

“You’re not just a chick. And you are certainly not just sad because of the heck of it.” he said seriously and you smiled sadly.

“I suppose.” you shrugged, looking down in thought -and hurt quiet honestly- “But you know- I still feel the need to thank you.”

“Gosh please just stop!” he said a little over-dramatically and you laughed softly at him.

“Why don’t ya make me moose?” you teased and unexpectedly he laughed even more.

Sure your drunk flirting was not something you were proud about. It was just you making a fool of yourself.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any cuter.” he looked at you with a wide smile, almost talking to himself.

But you still caught it, and in your drunken state, you looked down sheepishly and said “Look who’s talking.”

“What?” he breathed out, obviously having caught it.

“Nothing, never mind. I’m not completely drunk but some alcohol is still talking.” you shook your head, feeling your cheeks turn red.

“No. No you said something… You- (Y/n) you think I’m cute?” he raised an eyebrow, a small smirk on his lips.

“…No?” it was so fake you wanted to kick yourself for it.

He laughed “(Y/n)…”

“Sam” you said just as seriously, trying not to let anything show.

“You just said you think I am cute.”

You scoffed “Pfff no!… Unless you’re smiling, or laughing, or talking about your childhood, or talking about your job, or reading, or doing anything else with that huge body of yours that should be awkward but is actually insanely attractive and oh my gosh what the hell am I saying this out loud?!” you clapped your hands over your mouth, feeling your face burn hot.

He was clearly trying to hide his smile but failing majorly at it “…Really?” he breathed shyly.

“No! Of course not! Because you are incredibly hot when you wear those tight gray shirts as well!- Fuck what the hell am I saying?!” you groaned under your breath, shutting your eyes tightly and trying to hide your face behind your jacket.

“I told you coming with me was a terrible idea.” you grumbled, looking down at your feet.

“I don’t think so, to be honest.” he chuckled.

“It’s easy for you to talk moose. Ain’t the one that drunk spilled everything. Gosh I so hope I don’t remember a single thing tomorrow.” you breathed out.

“…I actually hope the opposite” he admitted in a whisper and you instantly looked up at him.

“Wh-what?”

Gosh you were acting like such a schoolgirl. Never going to drink with Sam again.

“I- I kinda-” he looked down as he shuffled with his feet “I mean, I don’t think it’s that bad that, you know, you saying this.” he shrugged softly, hands shoved in his jeans pockets.

“What?” it seemed to be only thing you could say.

“I mean-” a smile broke on his lips “-You’re really adorable when you ramble and blush like this. Spilling your real thoughts about me is a bonus. A big one at that.”

“Sam!” you exclaimed, hiding your face behind your hands again.

“Not cool!” you stomped your foot looking away from him and crossing your arms over you chest.

“Sorry, sorry. But if you want to make us even- I actually think you’re really cute when you smile, or laugh, or talk or do pretty much everything else.” he said with a shy smile of his own.

You couldn’t help the bittersweet smile off your face “Where have you been all my life.” you sighed sadly, closing your eyes.

“In the wrong place as it seems.” he smiled sadly just as well.

“Thank you Sam. Really. And I am not just saying this for what you’ve done. It’s something far more. It’s for what you’ve offered me in an emotional level.” you rested a hand on his arm.

“On that one I think we already are even then.” he said softly.

You looked up at him sheepishly “I’m very glad then. And… how about I make us even on this one too? Say, how does it sound to you me cooking you breakfast tomorrow?”

He chuckled “You think you will be awake by that time?”

“Right. That’s right. Ok then how about late breakfast? At 11:30?”

“You’re not… asking me on a date, are you (Y/n)?” he raised an eyebrow at you, smirking and you smacked his arm.

“Shut up” you grumbled “I’m not going to remember most of this in the morning either way so you better not point it out!”

“You mean I should not point how cute you are when you try to flirt drunk?” he asked and you all-but-glared at him.

“I am flirting only because I am drunk! Like hell would I have the guts to utter a word in front of you sober.” you rolled your eyes.

“I never thought I’d say this but I am glad you got drunk.”

You laughed along with him.

“You’re still the cutest drunk I’ve seen.” he shrugged and you bit your lower lip.

“So… are you up for tomorrow?”

“Most definitely.” he smiled “And I’ll try not to embarrass you too much.”

“Sheesh thank you” you scoffed but you both chuckled nonetheless.

You both let a soft sigh and a more serious expression took over “But Sam-” you spoke up “-I- I can’t promise I will be at my best though. I want you to know. It won’t be like now that I am so drunk. I just-” you sighed softly, looking him in the eyes “-I just can’t face an entire day on my own. I’m- I’m scared.” your voice was so low you doubted he’d hear you.

“It’s ok. I understand. I wouldn’t expect anything more.” he said with a small smile, taking your hand in his.

“I just- you have a unique way of alleviating my pain in a way that-”

“(Y/n)” he gave your hand a squeeze “You don’t have to justify yourself. I understand. I- I can talk to Dean too.”

“No, no Sam please. And when you see him don’t- don’t fight with him please. He’s your brother. An idiot yes but- but your brother. Besides he has made his decision. He doesn’t want me in his or Mary’s life so…” you ended up shrugging.

“But (Y/n)- that decision is hurting you deeply in a way that can’t be comprehended, and we both know that.” he looked at you with those puppy eyes “I _need_ to talk some sense into him.”

“No. No Sam please do it for me and don’t- don’t bring it up to him. It’s not- it’s not worth it.” you shook your head.

“(Y/n). You know you are very much worth it.”

“Probably. But for the moment I- I don’t want to even think about it. I’ll just go and and throw myself on the bed and if I go into a coma in my sleep because of the alcohol then what better?”

“Please don’t talk like that.” he looked at you like a kicked puppy and despite how you were you smiled at him.

“Dont’ worry, I won’t try anything. Despite feeling the way I do. I’ll just have a cold shower and wait for sleep to come.”

“Please eat something too. You drunk a lot- I- I don’t think it would be good to just go to bed like that.”

“Sure thing _mom_.” you teased, chuckling softly “But don’t worry, really. I will be fine.” you placed a hand on top of his.

“I will try to believe that.” he smiled as well.

“And Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, again.” you sighed “For everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you tonight, or these past days in general.”

“No need to thank me (Y/n)” he took hold of your hand, smiling softly. You were not flirting anymore or anything. Only saying what you really meant.

Because despite your feelings for Sam – something you still had to find out because the situation was so complicated – what he had done for you was much above that. He had offered you the support you needed so desperately when the only person you never thought would betray you did so.

He was your rock and even if you’d never thought of it you hoped he was there for as long as possible.

“I know” you whispered and he smiled softly, slowly leaning down.

It was much more than flirting, oh you were past that. This kind of feeling was one you didn’t want to let go of. None of you did.

Unknown to you was how Dean was still awake, watching frozen in his spot from the window of his house. He watched as you and Sam talked to each other. He watched as you two laughed. He couldn’t hear anything but there was no need to as he saw how close you and Sam were. He took notice of those lingering touches and definitely the shy smiles. Yeah thank the small light for that. But he saw it all, even if it was a little blurry. Sam made you laugh while Dean had just a few hours ago made you cry. How much more clear could it be than that?

And Dean only stood there frozen. Watching the scene unfold before him as Sam leaned in closer to you. And closer. And closer. And so did you and- Dean couldn’t watch any more. His chest hurt enough. He couldn’t even breath. He closed his eyes, moving away from the window and resting his back against the wall next to it. His fists clenched by his sides, breaking the glass of whiskey he was holding. He didn’t even care about the blood or pain. His emotional one was far deeper.

He was the one to drive you straight into Sam’s arms and now all he could do was watch.


	19. Chapter 19

To say your head hurt like hell would be an understatement. Sure you’ve had worse hangovers before but this one could certainly not be described as something that was going to pass soon. It wasn’t only the alcohol after all. The tears you had let roll down your cheeks once your head hit the pillow, and the sobs that shook your body as you clutched the pillow in your fists, were a major contributory factor. You couldn’t help it. You were too numb to keep them back.

You hadn’t had so many drinks the night before – not that you could remember anyway – but you were sure that with Sam there he wouldn’t have let you have much.

Sam.

You didn’t remember much of what had happened last night- _You wished you could say._ But it was a lie. You did. You remembered everything. Not just when he offered to be there for you to talk to and to drink with. You remember how he held you when you could not longer keep your tears- truth was you enjoyed the warmth of his body, or how his arms wrapped around you. _Guilty, yes you were, but the comfort which he offered you meant so much more than anything else._

And then of course you remembered everything else that had happened after that. The many more drinks after that, Sam insisting to escort you home and then of course what had happened at the porch of your house. And gosh did you remember everything you had drunkenly spilled.

You wanted to crawl under a hole and die there if you could. The embarrassment that you felt at the mere memory of it was hard to describe, much less thinking of what you would do when he came over this morning. Because he was going to, you had asked him after all. And as hard as it was to believe it you didn’t regret it that much. If being in Sam’s company could offer you the freedom you longed for from your problems, even for a few hours, then you were more than willing to see him more and more often. Maybe even there was that small greedy part of you – the one you hid even from yourself and the same one that had spilled everything to him the previous night – that just enjoyed his company… more than in a friendly way.

Your heart felt heavy and you found it hard to breath as you realized it. It wasn’t only that you found it hard to believe the new feelings but also that you knew – up until now – that said feelings were only meant to be there in the thought of Dean.

Dean.

His name still brought the same kind of feelings. Your heart beat in a weird way as before but then there was a pang in it that made you want to cry more than smile. Cry to no end. But you were set on not letting it get to you. He was moving on and you had to that in the very end. You needed to do so for yourself. If that’s what he wanted you to do then you had to woman up and let him go. You were not going to do that to yourself. Maybe you deserved something good. Sure you wanted nothing else but Dean. But if you were not going to live that dream then so be it. Reality was a nightmare after all.

Or maybe not so much. The kiss that happened last night still brought butterflies to you. You still remembered how warm his breath was against your face as he leaned down. It felt as if you could still smell his cologne as he moved closer to you and pressed his lips to your cheek. Because of course, he was a gentleman. You’d expect no less from him. He didn’t want to do anything that you probably wouldn’t want to.

A groan left your lips as you heard the doorbell ring. You were awake for about an hour but refused to get up from bed. Whenever you dared to get up just sightly, you felt dizzy. But now you had to get up because- Sam was there.

Your eyes snapped open “Shit” you grumbled under your breath.

First he had to hear all of that last night and now he’d get to see you right out from bed, looking, well, awful.

“Coming!” you shouted, stopping for a second as you felt a wave of dizziness rush through.

You shook slightly your head. You tried to soothe down your hair, taking a quick glance at yourself in the mirror. You rolled your eyes, groaning at how you looked.

“Fucking perfect” you grumbled.

You didn’t miss the chance to sneak a glance thought the window at Dean’s house. His own window was shut closed and you frowned for a second, worried. You chewed on your lower lip, but shook your head.

Without a second look your turned and made your way downstairs to the door, where sure as hell Sam waited.

To say your breath didn’t hitch on your throat would be a big lie.

“Hey!” his face lit up with a smile.

“H-Hi” you breathed out after a long, _very_ long pause and you wanted to kick yourself right then and there for it.

Sam chuckled “I’m taking by the looks of it you remember what you said last night?”

“H-hey! Now, I think we agreed that even if I did remember you weren’t going to say a single thing like a good friend you are!”

He tried to keep himself from laughing more (and clearly failed) “Sorry. I’ll change the subject- So, I brought some cookies!” he showed you the bag, erupting into a feat of laughter as instead of smiling you glared at him.

“I hate you.” you grumbled.

“Oh trust me I know.” he laughed and you hit his shoulder playfully. You tried to keep a straight face and look mad at him but just as always his smile was contagious. So you couldn’t help but crack one yourself.

“Whatever. Just come in moose or else I am gonna close the door in your face if you keep it up.”

“Aw but I had a good one!” he said with a small pout and you glared at him.

“Just come in.” you rolled your eyes and he chuckled.

“Did I wake you up?” you moved to the side to let him in.

“Uh no no I was awake, just refused to get up.” you said with a soft smile.

You looked around as of a habit until you froze in your place. Your eyes locked with Dean’s that was at that moment checking his mail. He was holding his mail in his hands but looking at you- obviously watching you and Sam the entire time. The smile immediately fluttered from your lips and you couldn’t help but look at him with a sad look. Just like he was looking at you. The expression could be described as only heartbroken. His eyebrows were slightly raised in that innocent way, as if he was a child that could not understand what he had done wrong to have his toy taken from him. His eyes were slightly glistening and his jaw was clenched. Your heart began to ache with guilt for something you had really not done. Until-

Until you got angry. Not with him – oh you still loved him him so much to get angry at him – but with yourself. He was the one that had driven you away, he had no right to even question what you were doing with Sam, or any other man for that matter. He had made it clear he didn’t want to have to do anything with you. What did he want now?

He had pushed you away, most importantly away from him and Mary, when he knew how you saw them as a family He had taken that family away from you, what did he want now? Couldn’t he let you find the comfort you needed, even if it was in Sam?

Your look turned into a cold glare and you sharply turned around. Turning your back to him and getting inside your house, slamming your door shut. But it immediately fell as the pain got the best of you. You could only imagine his own pain. But you knew you hadn’t.

“Uh so…” Sam looked at you with a small frown “I was thinking, do you want any help in making the breakfast or…?”

“Wha- uh sorry Sam I’m just a little-”

“It’s ok” he smiled sympathetically “I wouldn’t expect you to be over it all of a sudden. We all have problems. If you don’t feel all that well you know you can-”

“No, Sam. No.” you shook your head, saying firmly “Today is not about me and my stupid problems”

“They’re not stupid” he said seriously.

“I know” you smiled sadly “I know. But you have your not-stupid problems too. And what kind of friend would I be if I only charged you with mine but didn’t listen to you?”

“(Y/N)” he sighed with a small smile “I don’t have a problem, really. And I actually am really good lately. I’d say great if you were feeling ok too but even like this I am ok.”

“Sam I know you are trying to be nice but you are human You have problems of your own and you need to have someoneto listen to you too.”

“(Y/n)… my problems- they’re not something I can easily talk about.” he avoided eye-contact with you.

“Sam” you scolded “That’s not how it goes and you know it. We may not know each other for very long but I would like to believe we- can trust each other with such things. At least I do.” you ended up whispering, looking down at your feet.

“So do I. I trust you, don’t you ever doubt it. But the only reason why I am saying this is cause- Your problems are far more important than mine.” he shrugged.

You shook your head, smiling affectionately despite everything “Oh Sam” you looked up at him “What am I gonna do with you?”

“…Let me listen to your problems?” he suggested with a hopeful smile.

“Nice try.” you laughed “But no. Today, if you want to, we are both going to forget we have any kind of problem. How does it sound to you?”

“Sounds like a plan” his lips formed into a smile and so did yours.

“But uh I- I think I need to let you know about this. I uhm-” you saw him hesitate and frowned at it.

“What is it?”

“I was at Dean’s place earlier.” and at the few words that left his lips you felt your body stiffen.

“Sam, no.” you breathed out and he pursed his lips “Please, please tell me nothing happened. That you didn’t bring it up.”

“(Y/n) I- I couldn’t. I couldn’t just let it go. I- I needed to have a talk with him, at least see him.” he ran a hand through his hair and you sighed.

“Sam.” you felt tears well up in your eyes “Tell me you didn’t fight. Please.”

“N-no. I kept my cool and Dean didn’t even raise his voice either. But I- I needed to see him (Y/n)!”

You hesitated to speak, afraid mostly to hear the answer “…And what did he say about it?” you straightened your back, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

Sam avoided eye-contact “He… doesn’t regret it.” Sam breathed out, already feeling sorry “I- I tried to get something out of him but- but he was stoic as ever. It felt as if I couldn’t recognize him. He- he said that it was for the best.” he clenched his jaw and so did you.

“Seems like him losing that one night stand costed him too much huh?” you bitterly.

“No, no (Y/n) it wasn’t that. At least I think so.” Sam sighed, because truth was that he had no idea. He had hoped that talking with Dean would have given him some kind of sign as to why he had been such a major jerk to you and hurt you beyond repair but still no clue.

He shook his head “I’ve never seen Dean act this way. I said how- how this decision is hurting both you and Mary, how he will regret this very soon and he will start to miss you but- but no he kept saying it is for the best and that he’ll manage.” he ran his fingers through his hair frustrated “But he won’t. I know it (Y/n). I know my brother. Even if he didn’t say anything I know how to read him. This- this is hurting him as well.”

And he continue “But- He wouldn’t utter any words. At some point he cut me off and changed the subject.”

“Of course.” you looked down with watery eyes “He can’t even stand to talk about me.”

“(Y/n), no. No maybe- maybe Dean doesn’t admit it but this is hurting him a lot too. I know what I’m saying!”

“Then why is he doing it huh? Why did he tell me to never see him or Mary again?” you looked up at Sam, raising an eyebrow. And of course Sam when he opened his mouth to speak he closed it again. Of course he had no answer.

“I will tell you why. Because he wants nothing that has to do with me.” you shrugged sadly “He has made his decision Sam. Maybe not the best way to get me out of his life, if that’s what he wanted for so long, by shouting it in my face but-he is a grown man. I won’t keep thinking what could have led him to that or if he really wants it or not. He can take responsibility of his own actions… I’ve got my own pain to deal with now at a prospect of a life without-” you stopped yourself, brushing furiously your tears away. Furious with yourself at still wanting him in your life more than anything, and of course Mary.

“But (Y/n)…” Sam trailed off, looking at you sad “That decision is hurting you deeply. In a way that he cannot comprehend. Mary was- is your life and Dean cannot see it. You- you should be the one to talk it out with him. Leaving without a fight is no way to end this.”

“I’ve been fighting Sam, for very long. But it seems it was about time I lost. Look-” you cleared your throat “Sure he wants me out of his life and that hurts me to no end but he makes his own decisions. And as for Mary? As long as Mary is happythen- then I won’t raise any objections. He is her father. He knows what is best for her. And if being happy is without methen- I’ll learn to deal with it. That’s all I want for her… and him. For both of them to be happy.” you hated yourself for how your voice cracked in the end.

“But Mary will never be really happy without you, (Y/n).”

“I know.” you whispered “But I can’t do anything about it. And apparently neither can you. I mean-” you laughedhumorlessly “You went to talk to him and he didn’t even listen. _He doesn’t care Sam_. You said it yourself. So let it be. I’m not- I won’t be mad at him.” you shrugged.

“I can never stay mad at him, part of me has already forgiven him I guess.” you added in a barely audible voice and Sam looked down at the floor as well.

“Talking about pathetic huh?” you chuckled, sniffling a little “Anyway-” you cleared your throat “I guess I am just going to go back to what I did almost every night- cry myself to sleep and if not- then cry until the sun rises.” you smiled at him but it was so fake “I will cry and hopefully fall asleep like last night in the very early morning and when the day comes I’ll just put on a fake smile and try to move on.”

“(Y/n), please stop this.” Sam whispered.

“Nah Sammy.” you shook your head, brushing away a tear “It’s ok. Really.” it sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself “She is very young, hopefully- I can’t believe I am saying this but hopefully she will not remember this… or me.”

“Mary would never forget, she loves you to no end.” Sam pursed his lips.

“Seems like it is not enough though. But now-” you took a deep breath to look at him, smiling even through your tears “-oh come on Sammy! Won’t you let me just cry my pity away without having to face those puppy eyes?” you chuckled, brushing away all of your tears.

“No. No I won’t. And if you mean to cry tonight as well then I am willing to sleep here too.” there was some honesty in his words.

“Nice try Sammy but you know it sounds all the more tempting for me to cry you know.” you laughed, winking at him and he forced a small chuckle.

“You shook your head, brushing all of your tears away completely “Come on now, no chick flicks- even if I am a chick. I am hungry so-” you clapped your hands “Give me the cookies and follow me to the kitchen cause I am still feeling a little dizzy from yesterday and I don’t want the pancakes to burn.”

He gave you a half smile “Sure.”

“Ai just put on a full smile Winchester, I love to see those dimples of yours show.”

Your words made him chuckle and you smiled a little more “See not that hard right?” you raised an eyebrow “Come on, now. You are here to make me forget and what better way than to drown my sorrow in food huh?”

Sam sighed, but he put on a soft smile; nodding his head “Alright. Alright.”

~*~

“Ok moose let’s see what you’re capable of. The flour is in the top shelf so don’t you dare ask me to get it-” he laughed at your words, mostly at the small sparkle in your eyes and half smirk on your face that he had started to miss “And I will get you the rest.”

“I’m gonna trust you with the pancakes and I will work on some eggs and bacon.” you added, looking through some drawers.

“Sounds great” he nodded his head.

“So, I didn’t wake you up you said?” he made a small talk as you both worked.

“Yeah, I was already awake but felt awful, which I still do, and wouldn’t get up”

He chuckled “You got a few heavy drinks last night, don’t blame it on me now”

“Oh I actually will, you are the one that insisted on coming with me! Why are you so freaking kind huh?”

“That’s… a first.” Sam blinked at you but you both laughed.

“Dunno. It comes naturally.” he shrugged and you laughed.

“No, really though.” your voice was softer “We could have avoided a hell of a lot if you had just let me go.”

“You wanted to end up in the cold floor of the bar?” he raised an eyebrow but you shook you head, breathing out a laugh.

“No, no I don’t mean that. It’s just… You wouldn’t be there to hear me talk non-stop about my problems and pain and all of the things I… drunkenly spilled out about you.” you ended up mumbling, looking down at the eggs.

Sam smiled faintly “Honestly I don’t think I mind a lot.”

Your head immediately snapped to his direction and he looked down shyly “I mean-” he spoke “Nothing changed between us as long as you don’t want it to.” he dared to look you in the eyes.

And oh boy did your heart skip a beat.

“I-I-” you stuttered, looking away from him and feeling a deep blush rise on your cheeks.

Like you knew what you wanted anymore.

“As long as you don’t want to talk about it I am fine, just so you know.” he hurried to add at seeing your hesitation.

“No, no I brought it up after all.” you spoke “It’s just that- Sam-” you looked him up fully in the eyes “My life’s so fucking complicated right now that I don’t know what to do let alone think properly.”

“I understand” his head hang low.

“You didn’t let me finish.” you said and he dared look up with a small frown “It is fucked up. Really bad but you- you offer me a kind of comfort I never thought I’d have and no matter what this is- “ you sighed, smiling up at him “I don’t want to let go.”

He smiled sheepishly at you “Neither do I.”

“Say… how about we just go with it? I don’t want to question anything that’s happening.”

“Sounds like a plan.” he said softly to you and you smiled, nodding your head.

“Oh and (Y/n)?” he said softly with a small smile.

“Hmh?”

“I think you might want to check on those eggs because unless it’s the way you like them- they are burning.” he snickered as your eyes went wide.

“Shit. Out of the way! Out of the way!” you shouted, and he moved to the side so that you could move the literally smoking pan on the sink.

You coughed as you opened the water to run, creating even more smoke.

You raised an eyebrow at Sam who was laughing at you.

“You’re laughing?” you exclaimed, looking at him.

“Oh oh sorry it’s just- I’m guessing you got caught up with thinking how cute I am when I smile that you forgot about those.” he said the words pretending to be you last night and that’s when your eyes went wide.

“Sam Winchester! How dare you?!” you exclaimed “You stupid moose! I told you not to talk about that!”

“S-sorry I- I just- you- you had the same look a-and-” he couldn’t keep his laughter.

“Sam!” you shrieked with a red face, effectively cutting him off.

“Shut up!” you said but instead he kept laughing.

“Sam!” you exclaimed again, hitting his arms and shoulders again and again. He tried to avoid you but his laughter had gotten the best of him.

“Gah I hate you!” you groaned, face burning hot.

“Funny thing is that’s exactly what you said last night!” he said and immediately erupted into another feat of laughter.

“Ok that’s it. I’m done. I’m not calling you over for breakfast ever again! Nor am I going to ask you to stay for dinner as I had planned to! Nope! No!” you crossed your arms over your chest, shaking your head stubbornly like a little child.

“Huh? No wait- I really want to stay!”

“Too late! I am taking my offer back before I could ask you to.” you raised your chin, looking away.

“Aw come on! I could even make that salad you liked? And the chicken too!”

“With your special sauce?”

“Can’t have it without it.” he shrugged, smiling widely at you.

“Just because of the salad.” you said and his smile got bigger.

“So… you are trying to get me to stay longer (Y/l/n) or what?” he raised an eyebrow, smirking and your eyes went wide again.

“Sam!” you exclaimed and his laughter filled the entire place again, soon accompanied by yours.

_Laughter and moments of fun that could be heard crystal clear from Dean’s house. Sounds Dean could hear crystal clear and sights he no longer could stand to see from his window. It was far away and the curtains prevented him from seeing or hearing what you said or did exactly. But the close proximity and so loud laughter of pure happiness were hard not to take notice of. And did it feel like stabs in the heart._

_**All the more reason to why he should distance himself from you.** Even if it meant you’d hate him – the look from before proving to that – he would be willing to take it. For you._

~*~

The entire morning you spent with Sam went by without you even realizing it. Time, as expected, went by so quickly when you were with Sam. It happened when you had fun and you certainly didn’t want it to end. He’d always been an amazing company and as expected managed to help you get your mind off your problems. Problems that if you thought about you’d start crying again.

But maybe if you had Sam there, holding you in his arms you knew you’d feel better instantly.

You’d make fun over the simplest things and once you were done with breakfast you started preparing dinner. Or at least Sam did while you just sat and watched him.

“Thanks for the help by the way!” he once said and you smiled innocently.

“You’re very welcome” you smiled brightly.

But you knew he didn’t mind in the least bit. It was neither hard nor time-consuming. Leaving plenty of time for the both of you to talk. A talk you very much enjoyed as always.

Truth was, though, that once the dinner was done and you had both eaten you may or may have not asked him to stay a little more. A drink followed the other – you luckily stopped at three – but you still enjoyed it very much. Making a small talk with Sam as you leaned close to him on the couch was amazing. You could listen to him talk for hours and have that stupid grin on your face the entire time. Even as the sun had went down you still didn’t think a second to stop him.

But the dishes still needed washing and you had to do so. So here you were now, washing them as Sam kept bringing more.

“Nice moves there.” he said with a cheeky grin as he brought the last plates.

You immediately stopped, a blush rising on your cheeks as you realized you had been absentmindedly moving your hips to the soft background music – that both you and Sam liked. Mind that: one of the many things you had in common.

“Aw but why did you stop? You have great dancing skills” he said with a smile and you shot him a look.

“Shut up. And what about you huh?”

“My dancing skills?”

“No. What were you doing? Staring maybe?”

“No! My eyes just got glued to you because of the way you danced.” he said matter-of-factly and you laughed.

“Lame! I would never expect something like that from you Sam Winchester!”

“Well-” a smirk formed on his lips “There are lots of things you’d never expect from me.”

You frowned but before you could question him he had taken hold of your hand – luckily you weren’t holding anything at that moment – and wrapping another around your waist swirled you around.

A squeal left your lips but you couldn’t stop your giggles as he spoon you, ending up to wrap his arms around you from behind.

“Why Sammy, you’re surprising me.” you grinned up at him.

“And you still haven’t seen a single thing.” he grinned down at you and without waiting a second he spoon you around again, the air hitting your face and making you giggled.

He had soon brought you back and moved a hand under your legs to lift you in the air, spinning you while holding you bridal style. You laughter echoed inside the room, small squeaks leaving in the meanwhile that made Sam laugh all the more. Luckily the kitchen was big enough so when he placed you down you didn’t hit somewhere. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pressed you flushed against him, your one hand on his chest while he held your other one. You were both breathing heavily, your hearts both beating rapidly inside your chests.

You both had big grins on your faces. You swayed softly to the music and you could feel almost every muscle of Sam’s body as you were pressed to him. It made your face heat up but you didn’t dare break eye-contact with him no matter what.

“Well you do have some great dancing skills in you Winchester.” you breathed out and he smiled even more widely.

“Glad you think so.” he said softly, and you could faintly feel his finger rubbing circles on your back.

Silence followed between the two of you apart from the soft background music. The both of you swayed to the music, only gazing into each other’s eyes. Soft smiles were on your faces and you could faintly realize your heart beating in that weird way. But you didn’t think any more about it. You didn’t care to think anything about it. You had decided to go along with it and that’s what you were going to do.

You had both started to slowly come into a stop, too engrossed into gazing at each other than the music or dancing itself. The air around you had started to feel warm around you, your breathing was heavy and everything felt to be hazy around you.

Your eyes had started to close as you had began to lean in. The thought of pressing your lips to his was so hard to resist at the moment that you actually didn’t want to at all. They looked so soft and if they were just even a little as sweet as was Sam then- oh dear you looked forward to it. Your eyes moved from his lips to his eyes, only to see him to the exact same. They widened for a second, and you could see a small blush on his cheeks as well . He looked so freaking adorable like that. All flustered, looking at you with big hazel eyes.

You moved closer and closer to him, your faces just a few millimetres away. You could almost-

Sam cleared his throat, pulling away and moving as far back from you as possible. You blinked several times as well, clearing your throat as well, looking down sheepishly.

“(Y/n)-” he started.

“No, it’s ok.” you pulled completely away from him “I understand that you don’t-”

“No. No I do. It’s just- you don’t get it.” he breathed out.

“Well then enlighten me.” you dared to look up at him.

You couldn’t understand what you had done for neither Dean nor him to want to have anything to do with you in that way. Why they only saw you as a friend.

“(Y/n)” he sighed “I want this but- you- it’s not the ideal time. With Mary and- and Dean-” he stopped once he mentioned his brother’s name and your face fell.

You avoided eye contact with him.

“But it’s not just about that. It’s because you don’t want to either.”

“No. No (Y/n).” he said as firmly as possible “It’s not like that. I just- I don’t want to ruin this friendship. You as a person are far more important to me more than anything else.” he was completely honest.

“I understand” you mumbled “I don’t want to lose you either, no matter what.”

“But-” his voice got on a more happy tone and you looked up at him “It wouldn’t hurt to try.” he shrugged with a soft smile.

“Sam…” you trailed off, a smile forming on your lips “Are you trying to ask me on a date?” you raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“No!” he denied, but a grin broke on his lips “… Maybe?”

You ginned brightly, laughing “I think you’re right. Even if we don’t see it happening it wouldn’t hurt to try. Just for the fun of it.”

“Just for the fun of it.” he nodded his head “So, I know a nice restaurant close to my hotel. How does tomorrow at eight sound to you?”

“Tomorrow at eight. Sounds great.” you smiled “It would be a nice break from my routine I suppose.”

“So we’re friends?”

“When did we ever stop?” you said with a chuckled and he let a small sigh of relief.

“I don’t want to ruin this (Y/n).”

“I know Sam. I know. And don’t worry. It’s the same for me as well. Sam.” you let a small sigh “I really don’t want anything to change between us. Truth is- you are really important for me.”

“I know” he smiled shyly “Same goes for you. More so than you can realize it.”

“Whoa no chick flicks now ok Sammy?” you shook your head.

“You know you sound just like- nevermind.” he shook his head with a laugh.

“So I think I’ll have to get going now but- I’ll see you tomorrow right?”

“Absolutely.” you smiled at him.

He got ready, taking his stuff as you escorted him to the door.

“Tomorrow at eight?” he asked once again as a confirmation.

“Tomorrow at eight.” you nodded your head with a smile.

“And we’ll make a new start?”

Your smile got bigger “A new start”

“It’s a date then?”

You felt a small blush rise on your cheeks “It’s a date”

With a final smile, and even if he hesitated, he leaned down and pressed his lips to your cheek. Despite how innocent and sweet it was it made your heart flutter and your stomach feel with butterflies. Reminding you a lot of last night.

You watched him pull away with an equally big smile. Slowly he turned and walked away from you. And even if he was far away he didn’t miss the chance to turn around for a second and look at you. You smiled even more at him, biting your lower lip. You waved at him and so did he with a smile.

You finally willed yourself to move back and close the door. You leaned against it and closed your eyes, a big smile on your lips.

“It’s a date.” you whispered to yourself.

It was a date and a new beginning. A fresh start. One you hoped would lead to something amazing. For you. For Sam probably.

_Certainly not for Dean though._


	20. Chapter 20

The night you went to sleep with a smile on your lips. Your cheeks were hurting but for the first time after what had happened with Dean you began to see a spark of light within this darkness. Sam was your spark of light.

The following morning the smile was still there but immediately fell when you realized you had work to do. Something that didn’t stop you from daydreaming though. You had become the subject of the day among your coworkers but you didn’t care. You really could not think about anything else but Sam’s and yours date night.

A night which, even if it felt like an eternity, had finally arrived. You had never left your job faster and you had never arrived home faster than that at home. You glanced at Dean’s house out of a habit and much to your surprise you didn’t find Mary on the porch, playing with her dolls while waiting for you to arrive.

‘Of course’ you thought bitterly to yourself. Of course she wasn’t there because Dean had forbid you, and her as it seemed, to have any sort of contact. You wouldn’t be surprised if he had her locked inside as well.

Your heart ached at the thought of her wanting to see you, crying even, and Dean firmly denying it every time. This wasn’t the Dean you knew and loved but lately he had become a man you couldn’t recognize, for reasons unknown to you. Or irrational at least because you couldn’t even comprehend all of this had happened because you had revealed he had a kid in front of that woman.

You shook your head to dismiss the thoughts. If that was how he wanted it to be then so be it. You only hoped he was going to realize he was doing a big mistake. But above that, you only wished Mary wasn’t sad. You didn’t want her to suffer in any way and you knew her poor heart wouldn’t take this. As much as it hurt you, you hoped she’d forget you easily and with that the pain that your absence brought.

Clearing your mind and trying your best to put on a smile you rushed to your house to get ready. Sam was going to bethere in two hours which was just enough for you, if you were fast.

You had a quick shower just to get the sweat off and quickly hopped off the bathtub to dry your hair. You stood in front of your closet trying to decide on what you were going to wear but nothing seemed good enough. You never were one toover think these but Sam just made you act like you were a teen girl again about to have a date with the school’s most popular guy.

Needless to say you changed many dresses before you finally chose one. And it was about time because you had less than half an hour to finish your make up. You decided to do your hair simple, lose and in soft waves. Your make up was simple as well. Just some foundation, a nude to soft pink lipstick and a coral colored eye shadow mixed with a little pink. It was a cute look and fit perfectly with your dress. A white short one with white lace on top of it and middle length sleeves out of only lace. You had a small brown belt wrapped around your waist to make it look cuter and flowy.

The moment you had set your brush down you heard the doorbell ring. Your eyes all-but-widened and you heart leapt to your throat. You had started to doubt everything all over again. Problem was that you had no time to change anything. With a groan you grabbed your brown bag and rushed downstairs to the door where Sam had been patiently waiting for long.

“Hi” a smile spread on his lips as soon as you opened the door and you would be lying if you said you didn’t do the same.

Gosh did he look amazing in a suit. Though he wasn’t wearing a tie, making it more casual.

“H-hey” you breathed out, your eyes roaming his face and body. You wanted to take in as much as possible.

“You look amazing” he breathed out with a smile that showed his dimples.

“T-thanks.” you mumbled shyly, biting your lower lip “So do you.”

He breathed out a chuckle “Thanks.”

“Have you- have you been waiting long?”

“Uh no no it’s fine, don’t worry. Are you ready?”

“Uh yeah yeah, I got everything ready. Let’s go.” you were about to move but he stopped you, giving you a cute smile.

“Are you sure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh yeah, yeah why-”

You followed his eyes down to your feet that instead of high heels were still in your slippers. Your eyes widened and your face felt hot especially as you heard Sam snicker. And the most embarrassing of all? They were pink kitties on them. Talking about being attractive!

“Please pretend you didn’t see that.” you looked up at him with a pleading look, face bright red.

He was trying to keep himself from laughing more, but it was so obvious “I’ll try.”

“Just a second.” you closed the door a little, rushing away from him to find a pair of heels to match. The ones you were planning on wearing before but had obviously forgotten. You almost fell a couple times on the stairs as you rushed but you were glad Sam did not see any of that. Your eyes were wide and you could hardly breath from all the running – in heels as well, mind that – but you finally made it back to the door. You took in a deep breath and opened it again.

“Now I’m ready. Let’s go.” you tried to say as less breathlessly as possible.

He chuckled softly “Let’s go then.”

You locked the door behind you and once linking arms with Sam you immediately managed to relax. All the running seemed to be worth it after all. You couldn’t help a wide smile as you looked up at him.

“So, Mr Winchester where are you taking me tonight? You said something about a restaurant.”

“Yes and it’s a very nice one, I know you will love it.”

“As long as I am with you.” you shrugged, whispering to yourself but Sam caught it.

A shy smile spread on his face and he gave your hand a small squeeze “Same here. Same here.” he whispered back to you and you chewed on your lower lip. Sam opened the car’s door to let you in and you smiled at how much of a gentlemanhe was.

“Thank you”

“No problem” he grinned, closing the door and quickly making his way to the driver’s seat.

~*~

The entire night seemed to be like one night out of your wildest dreams. Everything was so fancy and elegant you couldn’t even comprehend how anyone could ever afford this. A part of you felt guilty for enjoying this, while you were supposedto be in your room probably crying over what was happening with Dean and Mary but just for tonight you allowed yourself to be lulled by this.

You allowed yourself to truly enjoy Sam’s company and all that he was offering, and that was not all this luxury. Truth was you would have enjoyed it even if you were eating hot dog in a park bench. Sam’s company was what truly mattered tonight and the comfort that he offered you. Even when you did not talk about your problems the warm smiles he offered to you eased your soul, making you feel finally at peace. Like you didn’t have to worry about something. That everything was going right the way it should.

“Thank you.” you smiled at Sam as he poured you another glass of wine “Though I don’t think you really should do that.”

He chuckled “True. We both know what happens when you’ve had a few too many drinks.” his words made you blush “But even more true is I would love to hear a few of those slip ups again.”

“Sam.” you mumbled, avoided eye-contact with him ad he chuckled more.

“Relax, I promise I won’t tease you about it.”

“Yeah 'cause you already aren’t.”

“True. Again. Alright, this is the last one. Besides I want to hear more about you.”

“Me?” you raised an eyebrow and he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I’ve been talking almost all night and yesterday all day. You practically know everything about me. But I know very little about your life.”

“It’s nothing interesting.” you mumbled playing with your food.

“That’s what you’re saying. But I’d like to believe the exact opposite.”

“Why?” you couldn’t help but ask “Why do you find me so interesting? I’m nothing special. Never was. And guys- guys like you never got so interested in me.” you couldn’t help but whisper.

“Well, I know I am not like other men. And if they don’t want to know you then too bad for them because I know you have an amazing personality. I can’t really explain why I want to know more of you because… I just do.” he shrugged with a soft smile.

“Gosh” you breathed out “Where have you been all this time?”

“Somewhere I shouldn’t.” he placed his hand on top of your on the table.

You instantly looked at it and he was about to take it back but you stopped him before he could move. You looked at him in the eyes with a warm smile and gave his hand a squeeze that made a shy smile spread on his lips.

“I can’t find the words to describe how thankful I am to you Sam.”

“For what?”

“For coming into my life. For being all I could ever ask as a friend and much more.”

“Well someone once said I am a really good catch so…” he trailed off shrugging and you giggled, looking down for a second.

“You are not going to let me hear the end of it, are you?”

“No way!” he said with a laugh and you chuckled slightly.

“My parents sometimes are really wearing on me after all.” you shook your head.

“It’s ok, mine do sometimes too.”

“It’s just- It’s hard you know?” you looked up at him and he frowned for a second “Living in someone’s shadow.”

“What do you mean?” he held your hand firmly and at the same time comfortingly in his.

“I mean- my sister has always been their pride. She was and still is their favorite one. I’m not saying they didn’t treat me right, because they did. They always cared about me just as much as they cared about her. But when she got engaged, well things changed a little bit. I still was the single one, the one that hadn’t found a guy. It made me to never want to find one to be honest. The way they acted- I just-” you shook your head.

“(Y/n) you are on your own by choice, there’s nothing wrong with that. And if you think it’s because nobody thinks you’re good enough then you are _completely_ wrong.” he squeezed your hand “You deserve someone that will treat just the way you deserve. Like you’re their world. Honestly- _you_ are a catch for anyone that would be lucky enough to even have a small part of your heart.”

“Sam” you felt your heart beat wildly inside your chest, your face heating up dangerously.

“What?” he asked innocently and you shook your head.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Well I have a few good ideas.” he shrugged and you giggled.

“Sam!” you exclaimed, hitting his foot under the table and he chuckled more.

“Just kidding. Just kidding.”

“Yeah” you smirked at him.

“…Unless you want me to be serious?” he added and your eyes widened.

“Sheesh seems like flirting runs in the family.” you shook your head and he laughed.

“We have different ways.” he shrugged “I’m not that much of a flirt. I prefer to show the girl I like how I really feel about her.” he got more serious, looking at you fully in the eyes.

“And-” you bit on your lower lip “-Is there some lucky lady lately or…?”

“More like I would be the lucky one.” he shrugged “But I am set on showing her how much she means to me either way. Do you think… she’ll be interested even in the least bit?”

“With you? Sam Winchester she would be nuts to let such an amazing guy just go by.” you whispered and he smile sheepishly.

“So… it wouldn’t hurt if I told her she is the most beautiful woman I have met in my entire life?”

“Maybe she already knows.” you bit your lower lip.

He breathed out a laugh “Of course she does. She looks in the mirror probably every day. How can she not see that?”

“Or maybe it is because you look at her in a way that makes her feel that she is special.” you suggested back shyly.

“Good. Because she is. She is truly special.” he looked at you fully in the eyes, making your heart literally want to jump out of your chest.

Sam had his own way of flirting, to the point someone could hardly comprehend it sometimes. He didn’t like doing so very often, you had come to realize, but that was so much better. Sure you loved flirting with him just to see him smile sheepishly, his dimples showing and avoiding eye-contact because he knew he was blushing. He was the sweetest guy you had ever met and gave you even more proof to that just by speaking his mind.

You couldn’t believe this was truly happening.

~*~

“Thank you Sam, although this time you really didn’t need to. I’m not that drunk.”

“You don’t have to thank me, though I would have liked it if you’ve had a few more drinks. You are extra adorable when you’re drunk.” he chuckled and you avoided eye-contact in shame.

“Sam.” you dragged his name and he laughed more.

“Sorry I promise not to tease you anymore… although I didn’t mind those slip ups at all last night.” he added and you groaned.

“Sam!” you hit his shoulder and he laughed more.

“Ok ok sorry, I’m done. Maybe I’ve had a few more drinks to be honest.”

“You know I’d love to stay here for you to make a huge fool of yourself-” you pointed a finger at him and he chuckled “-but unfortunately I have work tomorrow.”

“It’s ok I understand.”

“But you know-” you spoke up, feeling a surge of courage “-maybe we could do this again? I mean not a fancy restaurantbut- like a walk in the park, or theater or cinema, you know there are a lot of options. That is if you want to?”

He chuckled “I would love to.” he nodded his head.

“Great! I mean that’s- great, cool, yeah…” you trailed off, trying to be as cool as possible, and he laughed more.

“It’s better if I just say goodnight and shut it completely.” even when you were not the one feeling tipsy you still made a fool of yourself.

“I suppose. But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“Goodnight (Y/n), I had an amazing time.” he said, still having hold of your hand.

“Goodnight Sam. It was really great. Thank you for everything.”

“No. Thank you for everything (Y/n).” he said, leaning in closer. You’d expect him to press his lips to your cheek any second but instead he brought your hand that he was holding up and kissed the back of your hand.

You couldn’t help a giggle “Sam we’re not in some old fashioned movie. Nor is it the 16th century.”

He rolled his eyes “Way to ruin the moment (Y/n), thanks a lot.”

You giggled loudly at him, placing a hand on his chest and leaning in closer. You pressed your own lips to his cheek that immediately got warm under them. You smiled at him as he looked at you sheepishly.

“Goodnight again Sam, and thank you for the amazing night.”

“Goodnight (Y/n)”

Slowly and without really wanting to you pulled your hand away from his. Even as you walked away from him t unlock your door you couldn’t help but look at him as you got inside your house. Him standing there till the very second the doorwas closed.

Just like did Dean at the porch of his own house. He could not be seen because there was no light on but he could see crystal clear what was going on between you and Sam. Not to mention hear everything. Though it wouldn’t be hard to make out that you two had been on a date.

 _'Date. Of course.’_ Dean thought bitterly to himself, a broken smile forming on his lips.

At least you were happy. Despite what he had done to you, you could still smile that bright smile he rarely got to see. The smile he go tot see when he wasn’t somewhere with another woman that is. And all that because of Sam. You had found your spark thanks to Sam when Dean had taken it away from you. He could see your face brighten up with pure happiness. Because of Sam once again. Not him, not anymore him.

And he heard everything. Every single bit of it. And with every word he felt his heart break into a thousand pieces. He clicked his tongue between his teeth, biting on his lower lip as he looked down. Nodding his head absentmindly at what had happened. What was happening all this time and what he had caused. Because he was the only one responsible for all of this.

And now?

Now all there was left to do was watch. Watch from afar as you moved on with your life and found a better guy – so much better, in Dean’s opinion – in the meantime feeling his heart ache in ways he had never thought was possible. But he had brought this on himself.

And he was forced to watch everything. For two weeks he was forced to watch as you and Sam came more and more close to each other. He was forced to watch as he tried to keep his distance from you as everything happened right in front of his eyes and he couldn’t do a single thing to stop it.

He watched as day after day you and Sam would meet, either for him to stay at your place for dinner or the two of you to go out somewhere. Once he had heard you two saying you were going to go to the beach. He knew how much you loved long walks on the beach and it broke his heart to not be the one to hold your hand as you walked by the waves. He watched as you became inseparable, as Sam slowly but surely replaced him. And of course as he took the place in your heart Dean wished for for so long. Because he could see it all happening. Just like he had imagined it.

And just like he had thought his heart ached unbearably. Even if he had distanced himself from you, the pain of seeing you and his brother come closer day by day was impossible to explain. But he had to be strong. He willed himself to be. Not only for himself but for Mary too. The first week she had been more than stubborn. She wouldn’t even talk to him for several days it was hard to believe this could be coming from such a little girl. For anything, really. She wouldn’t say a single word, no matter what.

-Flashback-

“Mary what do you want to eat?” he said with a sigh, barely holding himself from dropping on the couch and sleeping for at least a week. Working was hard but at least he was glad he had enough work to provide his daughter with the best- and keep his mind off the latest events.

“Mary?” he frowned, peeking inside the living room to see her indeed there.

“Mary did you not hear me? What do you want me to make you for dinner?” he asked a little louder this time, but as expected she didn’t respond.

He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand down his face “Mary. I asked: what do you want to eat?”

He gained some hope as he saw her get up and turn to look at him for a second but it was all gone when she just grabbed her favorite toy that was close to him and then turned her back once again to him.

He groaned, throwing his head back for a second “Mary you know you can’t keep this up for any longer.” he crossed his arms over his chest “Fine if you don’t want to tell me what you want for dinner then I won’t make any at all. Let me see you what you’ll do when you get hungry.” he grumbled.

He knew he too was being childish, more so than Mary herself, and that was not right considering he was the father. But he was going through enough to have to deal with this too.

She turned her head for a second to look at him. She let a small sigh, though she soon pursed her and lips and holding her teddy bear close to herself she made her way past him and to the kitchen. It took Dean a moment but he followed her only to find her on top of a chair trying to get some bread, peanut butter and jelly for, obviously, her dinner. She didn’t even turn to glance at him, not even as she walked past him to grab a plate.

’ _Of course_ ’ he thought ’ _You had taught her well enough to be independent even at this age._ ’

Dean sighed in frustration as the little girl obviously gave him the cold shoulder. Looking at him for a second from the corner of his eyes but with lips still pursed in a firm line. It was almost adorable

And at that moment Dean thought about you, the phrase 'Like mother like daughter’ immediately came to his mind. You were so much alike.

-End of Flashback-

Yes, like mother like daughter. Both of the two most important women in his life were mad at him beyond belief and wouldn’t dare to glance at him. And he had brought all of it.

-Flashback-

“Are you ever going to talk to me again?” he asked with a heavy sigh, after a long time of just watching her.

He had tried everything. He had tried making a small conversation so many times, hell even asking her a simple question casually but the second she saw him she’d purse her lips, in a way that reminded him of you, turned her back to him and completely ignored him. There were times she’d walk out of the room as well. He had kept trying though. Doing the best he could, but it was hard cause even when he put her to sleep she’d turn her back to him (hugging her teddy bear close to herself) and going to sleep. The teddy bear that seemed to be a replacement for your absence, he was sure.

She always loved it, of course, it was your first gift. And she always found time to play with it, but lately it was the only thing she kept close to her 24/7. As it seemed she missed you a lot already, and that stuffed toy was the only thing to numb the pain a little. And now that she didn’t have you there that toy was the only thing to remind her of you. In the past she had you close to her almost every day so obviously she didn’t need it that much. But that wasn’t the case anymore. So Dean felt guilty. He had started tried everything he could, even getting to play with her.

He sighed, letting the pink plastic tea cup down. He was trying once again, smiling and trying to play with her (take part in her tea party) but well, she wouldn’t serve him. It was one of the few times he had gotten to hear her voice in this week, even if she wasn’t talking to him per say.

“Mary, you know you can’t keep this up forever. For how long will you not talk to me?” he looked at her with sadness.

And for the first time in a long she looked at him in the eyes “For how long will you keep mommy away?” she asked in a low childlike voice.

Dean’s eyes widened for a second, he still wasn’t used to hearing Mary say it. His heart leapt up to his throat just like the first time, making him feel as if he wasn’t breathing.

“Mary that has nothing to do with-”

“No!” she cut him off, hugging her bear closer “You made my mommy leave! You are not letting me see her!”

It was true, and he hated himself for it, that he kept her inside whenever he knew she’d be able to take even a glance at you.

“Mary it is for your best.” he clenched his jaw.

“I- I miss her daddy.” she wouldn’t even listen to him, tears having welled up in her eyes and Dean had never hated himself more “I miss mama.” she sniffled but Dean had to clench his jaw and look away.

“Mary I have made my decision. You will not see (Y/n) again and if you try to then-” he stopped himself, shaking his head for a little “(Y/n) is out of your- out of _our_ lives, for good. She is _not_ your mother nor will she ever be because you are not going to see her again. So stop this, _now_!” he had raised his voice before he could realize it but her asking for you back was making this harder.

Her lower lip trembled as a tear rolled down her cheek at his words.

“Stop asking for her and try to realize it.” he knew he was asking too much from a three-year-old “(Y/n) is gone for good! She’s gone!” he didn’t realize when he shouted the words, his voice echoing through the house.

A small whimper left her lips and she immediately got up “I hate you.” she mumbled as the tears now rolled down her cheeks. She instantly turned and run her way upstairs to her room.

Dean let out a trembling sigh, resting his back on the couch. He placed a hand over his face, clenching his jaw and shaking his head. He had screwed up big time.

-End of Flashback-

Not a word yes, minus those few ones. But he now wished it would be that. He would prefer if she stayed mad at him and didn’t talk than this.

She was sad, he could see it. She’d barely smile the way she used to, nor would she play. She’d usually seat with the teddy bear you had bought her and would stare at it with an almost nostalgic look on her face. But no smile. Dean had not seen his daughter smile for at least three weeks and he didn’t have to think hard to guess why. And gosh did it hurt him even more. Of course it did. She was his daughter, he didn’t want her to be like this. He had even caught her crying sometimes in her sleep and, when the nightmares got too much for her, Dean couldn’t stand it. Especially when he heard her crying out your name or, worst, calling you 'mom’. He knew just like she did that you were not her mother but it still hurt so bad to see her mumble it to herself when she was in her room, talking to her teddy bear, about her mom – you.

But he could do nothing but hold her as she cried in his arms. There was nothing he could do but comfort her every time, trying to soothe her pain. There was nothing he could do but wrap his arms around her and not let her sleep on her own because he knew he’d run to her room in less than an hour. And he wished so bad that in some sort of way – alright he was fooling himself – Mary would get over it. He knew it was a big lie because he could see the bond you two had was far deeper than he thought. You were much more than a mother to her, even if you didn’t share the same blood, and Dean knew that she wasn’t just going to forget you that easily. You were her mother, he began to realize. And all he could do was comfort her while she cried for losing her mother.

_**But who was there to comfort Dean? Who was there to soothe his own pain?** _

Nobody. The answer was simple as that. Nobody was there to comfort him because the only person that could ever make him forget his pain was just a few feet away with his brother bringing him said pain.

But he didn’t blame neither you nor Sam. He had talked with Sam many times in the meanwhile – every time forcing a smile on his lips that gosh felt so fake – and could see it crystal clear that his baby brother was more happy than he had ever been. He had once indirectly asked him if you had actually become a thing but Sam had denied, saying you still didn’t know how to call it. You hadn’t even kissed on the lips for real and that, as much as he hated to admit it, gave hope to Dean and great relief as well.

Sam. He had been talking to him, of course, pretending that he was absolutely fine with it and above all happy for his little brother to finally find someone. _Hell, he was such a believable liar._ Although Sam had brought up the topic of Mary and you, Dean had denied everything, saying that he only wanted you to not get so attached to Mary because he wanted you to have a family of your own at some point. Of course Sam had been more than simply suspicious but he had let it slip by. Dean had been acting more than weird lately so it would be impossible to find any logic in his doings.

He was on good terms with his brother in general, like hell was he going to let him realize how much pain seeing him with you brought to him. He wanted him to be happy even if he had to sacrifice his own happiness, for the both of you actually. But there were moments during these weeks that he could clearly see you not be happy. Maybe it was anger, maybe pain, or maybe both, but whenever you run into Dean – or more like your eyes locked – the smile would get wiped off your lips and look at him as emotionlessly as possible. Though despite everything Dean could see the pain you tried to mask because he was trying to do the exact same. In these past weeks as much as he had talked with his brother that less he had talked to you. Hell he hadn’t talked to you save for once that you had accidentally run into him.

“Oh sor-” your voice was soft as usual but once you had realized it was Dean your expression changed immediately and your body stiffened “Sorry” you had said as seriously as possible, voice going slightly cold.

“It’s-” Dean had almost forgotten how to speak at that moment. Two and half weeks of not talking or being closed to you and he had started to miss everything about you. And having so close to him, with your scent that he secretly loved so much invading him, he had forgotten how to breath as well. He had missed this so much, even if the body contact lasted so little, he felt his stomach tighten in knots. He had to keep himself from letting out a shaky sigh. Just three weeks and he had missed you so much he had started to crave your hugs, your touches and occasional soft kisses.

“It’s fine” he swallowed thickly.

“No” you had shaken your head “No it’s my fault. I should have been looking where I was going. It won’t happen again” you were about to leave the very second the words had left your lips but Dean took a hold of your arm before you could.

Your eyes looked down at his hand holding your arm and he did the same, slowly letting go of it.

_**You hated yourself so much for feeling the nostalgic beat of your heart at the contact.** _

He cleared his throat “Sorry”

“It’s ok” you had brushed it off – that and the feeling rising inside you – and spoke again “How- how is she?”

Your voice was so low and reluctant Dean instantly felt bad “She- she’s fine. Growing day by day and proving to be as stubborn as hell.” he looked down for a second.

“Can’t say I am surprised. She took after her father.” you both breathed out a laugh, the corners of your lips lifting into a small smile. But it immediately fell once you locked eyes.

**Gosh how had you both missed that.**

Dean now hated himself more than before. He would accept a glare, hard words or you hissing insults at him. He would take a punch too, he too well deserved it. But this? A smile? A joke? That hurt him so much more. He didn’t deserve this. Not when he could see in your eyes how much you were hurting.

You had cleared your throat, avoiding eye-contact and finding some lame excuse to leave. And that you had done. Before Dean could even protest you were again away from him.

And before he could realize it the third week of you not being friends anymore had turned into the fourth and the month was over with Dean only watching from afar how you formed a life of your own away from him, not even thinking about him as it seemed. You and Sam had gotten so close that anyone would have thought you were together anymore. One date followed the other and even if he’d secretly wish for it to never come… it did.

The first kiss and _so_ much more.

You were back from yet another date, judging by how you’d spent so much time at home that day preparing for when Sam would come to take you over and, well, the advice Sam had asked from Dean. Gosh did it hurt having to smile and tease him while giving advice on what you liked in a guy or not. Though according to what he had seen and heard he didn’t doubt for a second that you were falling head over heels for Sam and would fall in the very end for good.

It hurt so much to put on that smile and pretend he was happy about his brother when truth was he’d prefer to die. What difference would it make? He was already dead emotionally from the second he told you he didn’t want you in his or Mary’s life and seen your tears.

And now? What could he do now?

Nothing but watch as Sam escorted you once again to your house and, this time, instead of a small kiss to the cheek or nothing at all but a 'goodnight’ and 'see you again’ there was more. There was a kiss, a real one. A kiss that got heated soon and neither you nor Sam pulled away. Except for a second so that you could unlock your door and you could get in. The both of you get in.

And he watched. He was forced to watch to at least believe that it was finally happening. He tried to smile, really he did. But he was tired of pretending anymore, and as he watched you kiss a tear rolled down his cheek. No matter how much he clenched his fists and jaw he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

And this night – this very long night for both you and Sam but Dean as well – he for the first time didn’t even pretend to be happy for you two so that he could convince himself. Dean merely laid down, buried his face in his pillow and let the silent tears roll down as he tried to block any small sound from you or Sam, and thought along with it.


	21. Chapter 21

“S-Sam!” you laughed as he escorted you once again home “Are you ever going to stop pointing it out?” you asked, pouting slightly and he chuckled.

“Absolutely not! As if I can ever forget how you cute you are when you’re blushing.” he chuckled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

You bit your lower lip, averting your eyes to the ground but could hardly keep the smile off, just like he couldn’t.

“You love embarrassing me, don’t you?” you grumbled slightly and he smiled even more.

“Oh only when you blush, or stutter, or look away shyly or-”

“Sam!” you exclaimed, hitting his shoulder hard and he laughed at you.

“Ok ok sorry, I take it back. I take it all back… except for the fact that you are cute when you blush.” he added laughing and you squeaked.

“I absolutely hate you.” you groaned and he laughed more.

“I have realized that very much.” he laughed and you giggled.

“Sam?” you breathed out and he hummed, tilting his head to the side.

“Thank you.” you whispered and he smiled shyly at you.

“(Y/n) I’ve told you before. You don’t have to thank me about anything. I am having just as much fun as you.” he shrugged and you shook your head, taking a step closer to him. You still had to look up at him.

“Tonight- it was beyond amazing Sam and we didn’t even have to go to some super fancy restaurant. But it was fantastic, I finally laughed for real and all that because of you. Because you were there.” you took hold of his hand and Sam would be lying if he said his breath didn’t catch on his throat.

“(Y/n)-” but you didn’t let him say more.

“You have no idea- you have no idea how long it’s been Sam. To finally feel relieved, like I don’t have something to worry about, like… I don’t have to pretend anymore Sam. For the first time I didn’t have to… put on a fake smile and say I am fine. For the first time in such a long while I actually felt… good, Sam. With myself at that.” you ended up whispering, your eyes casted down to your hands as Sam gave you a firm squeeze.

You didn’t say it clearly, you didn’t say what all this time had been burdening you. What, even if you wanted to be happy, always managed to make you sad. What turned all those smiles into fake ones. But it felt good to at least be able to say that things had changed. It made you feel a little guilty but at the same time you had never been selfish. Always putting others’ needs – Dean’s mainly – before yours. It was time to care a little about yourself when he seemed to care so little.

“You deserve to be happy, (Y/n). You don’t have to thank me for treating you the way you deserve.”

A smile played on your lips “See that’s the thing about you. That’s the thing that makes me wanna keep saying thank you to no end while you deny it. You think I truly deserve all those things Sam and that’s- that’s the kindest someone has ever been to me.”

He shook his head, his lips pursed “You just find it hard to believe how you really deserve this and so much more. (Y/n), Ishould be the one to thank you non-stop for every amazing night or day we’ve spent together.”

“Yeah but-” you breathed out a chuckle “-These weeks have been the hardest of my life, Sam. I’ve been through hard moments but these weeks far surpass them. Mary and-” a lump formed on your throat “-and Dean were a constant in my life. I guess taking them for granted was a stupid decision from the very beginning. And these weeks have proven to how hard it can be. I sometimes thought how it would be if I didn’t have you here to take my mind of things and offer me the comfort I need… “ you laughed humorlessly, looking up at him “I’d go crazy without you Sam.” you had never been more honest in your life before.

Sam blinked, his mouth hanging open “(Y/n) I- I didn’t know-”

“Sam” you cut him off with a smile “I don’t thank you just because of it. I thank you because you’ve been my anchor all this time. You have offered me more than I ever thought was possible and I know- I am sure, more than anything in my life, that I never want to lose you.”

“(Y/n)” he gave your hand a squeeze and you could see his eyes glistening “I don’t- I- you-” he was stuttering, he let out a breathless chuckle.

“It’s ok, Sam. I know. I am thankful nonetheless. And if you could let me-” you bit your lower lip, your eyes casted to the ground before you looked up at him again. Your cheeks were burning but you took in a deep breath and decided to woman up.

“I could show you how much.” you whispered and his eyes widened for a second.

His breath hitched on his throat as your warm hand came to rest on his cheek that had started to heat up. He was frozen there for a second but as if on instinct his eyes started to close as you began to lean in, closer and closer. He too started to lean down, his eyes not leaving your lips for a second. Your lips looked so soft and damn he had been resisting this for so long but he no loner could. If Dean actually had feelings for you he should have said or done something, Sam had given him numerous chances. Maybe he actually only saw you as a friend, maybe, but Sam did not want to have any more doubts. He couldn’t have any more doubts. He needed to enjoy this. He needed to let himself go and enjoy this for real.

Because truth was that he had wanted this for so long. Even if he had been fighting it, the feelings that grew inside him were impossible to fight anymore. The feelings he had for you.

And as that, before he coud realize it, your lips were pressed to his. He took in a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut as he literally melted into the kiss. Your lips felt so much better than he had thought of.

And oh boy did his feel amazing. You didn’t know if it was in those Winchesters’ genes but they were amazing kissers. They were soft against yours, fitting like two puzzle pieces that had been long ago lost. They had a sweet taste in them that you were sure was not just because of the chocolate you had previously had. You let out a trembling breath through the kiss, a smile forming on your lips as the moved in sync against his. You felt a small smile tug at his own lips as well and his hands moved up to cup your face. The kiss was sweet, slow, tender and all you had ever asked for. You tugged at the back of his neck, bringing him even closer and he did the same by moving a hand around your waist to press you as close to him as possible. You felt the urge to lick his lower lip – and as you just did that you had to pull away because of the lack of air.

“Took you long enough.” you said breathlessly and he chuckled softly, his lips slightly pink as you were sure were yours.

He chuckled breathlessly, a small cloud forming because of the cold.

“I just wanted to make sure about…. something.”

“Well, are you sure now?” you bit your lower lip and he let out a shaky breath.

“Absolutely.” and without a warning he had crashed his lips back to yours again, this time kissing a little more roughly.

Not that you minded of course. As he held you tightly against his body you held onto him as much as you could, trying toeliminate as much of the distance between you as possible. As if there was any left at all. The kiss was rough and demanding for the both of you, and you literally felt all air being knocked out of your lungs. You felt his teeth graze over your lips several times and it was obvious how he was trying to keep himself from biting them.

“Wow” you breathed out, pulling a little away from him “Never thought you had this in you Sammy.” you teased and he growled slightly.

“It’s Sam.” he looked at you with a look that made a shiver run down your spine.

His hold on you began to loosen up but unlike him you only tightened your grip “Sam” you whispered and he hummed, looking at you again with those puppy eyes of his that made you go mushy on the inside.

It was certainly a pleasant sight how he could go from adoring puppy to such a rough man that could do anything he wanted with you.

You opened your mouth to speak but instead shook your head and pressed your lips back to his in a softer than before kiss. Sam too was less demanding. His lips moved perfectly against yours, making you let a content sigh. You had never felt better with yourself.

You hadn’t realized when you had taken the first step backwards, and then the second and the third; your lips never leaving Sam’s. When your back was pressed to your door though and before you could do anything more he pulled away from you, almost a little scared.

“(Y/n)” he breathed out and you immediately shook your head.

“No. No Sam please. I want you. I’ve never been more sure of something else in my life and I- I am tired of waiting. I can’t keep waiting anymore Sam. I’ve seen where that lead me to and I don’t like it at all. Please” you ended up whispering, your lips hovering just over his “I need you. All of you. And this is no drunk talking because we both know I had none tonight.”

Sam’s eyes had fluttered shut, as if he was almost intoxicated by you, your scent, your breath mixing with his and your lips so close yet so far away.

“I want you.” you said firmly, looking at him fully in the eyes and a warm smile spread on Sam’s lips.

He gave you a small nod, an almost shy smile tugging at his lips and you breathed out a laugh, pressing your lips to his in a quick and sweet kiss “What am I gonna do with you?”

“I have a pretty good idea.” he shrugged, grinning down at you and you let a giggled, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and attaching your lips to his once more. His hands immediately moved to your hips, holding you firmly and pressing you flush to him, your body curving into his perfectly. Not wanting to stop kissing him you started to fumble with one hand and your bag for the keys but obviously were not having any luck. You groaned loudly and Sam chuckled.

You let a small whine when he pulled away and he grinned down at you “Come on, better find the keys first. Or else I think you’re willing to take my clothes off right here.”

You laughed along with him when he hugged you from behind as you had turned to open the door “Or trust me. You look so delicious in a suit that I could take you right here and now!”

It was more funny the way you said it than anything else, so you both laughed

“Delicious?”

“Absolutely!” you looked at him from behind, a wide grin on your face.

He laughed, burying his face at the crook of your neck from behind. He pressed a small kiss there “You’re unbelievable.” he laughed and you let a small giggle.

“Unbelievable and victorious! Voila!” you said with a wide smile as you managed to open the door. Sam laughed at your childlike behavior.

“I can’t believe you.” Sam shook his head still laughing “How did I ever get so lucky?” he ended up whispering as you closed the door and he had cupped your face.

“How did _**I**_ ever get so lucky Sam Winchester?” you asked back and he smiled sheepishly, resting his forehead against yours.

Without any further words – because they were no longer needed – your lips had found one another’s. Your bag fell from your hands to the ground and you quickly wrapped them around his shoulders, his coming to rest on your waist and thigh. He pressed you against the door and gave you thigh a squeeze as he wrapped it around his hips. The kiss was not so much rough as before but you could feel it how he was trying to hold himself back, because his hand was rough on your thigh, squeezing and barely staying in one place. Not that yours could stay in their place. In matter of seconds you had gotten him rid of his suit jacket and tie.

“Be-bedroom. Upstairs.” you managed to breath out in between kisses.

Sam nodded his head, pressing his lips firmly to yours and soon a squeak had left your lips as he had moved a hand under your legs and lifted you up bridal style. You giggled into the kiss and you felt his chest rumble as he chuckled.

His lips were all the while on yours, making you wonder how you had reached your bedroom without him tripping over, especially over all those stairs. A small breath left your lips as you felt something soft on your back. You opened your eyes as soon as you felt Sam’s lips leave yours. You looked up at him to see him hovering over you as you laid on your bed. You literally found all air being knocked out of yours lungs as you looked up at him.

Gosh, was he handsome. No he was beyond that, not just the beauty you saw on the exterior. It was the way he looked at you. It made shivers run down your spine and you almost shuddered. You brought one hand up and cupped his cheek. He smiled, nuzzling his face into your palm. He crawled on top of you, one leg in between yours as he supported himself on his arms.

“Are you sure about this? You know I wouldn’t mind waiting if you aren’t comfortable yet.” he whispered, still feeling unsure.

“Sam. I’ve never been more sure in my life.” you rubbed your thumb over his cheek “I want you, with every fiber in my body. I’m done waiting. You have proven how much worth it you are.”

He smiled down at you, not missing a second to lean down and press his lips to yours, his body covering every inch of yours. He ran his hand up your arm, making goosebumps rise all over your skin. You let out a shaky breath as his lips moved from yours to your neck.

His hands made your entire body feel as if it was on fire. You were panting, feeling yourself grow impatient. Your hands moved up ran over his back and up to his neck, playing with his long soft hair. You fisted your hand tugging at them when you felt him bite on your neck. You moaned deeply and felt his lips form into a smile at that. He pulled away just for a second, looking down at you with a hungry look. You could see that he wanted to do so much but was holding himself back. Why did he have to be such a gentleman?

You ran your hands from his neck down to his chest unbuttoning half of his white shirt, your breath almost catching on your throat. You couldn’t stop yourself from unbuttoning the rest of it though and soon tugged it off, leaving him half-naked on top of you. You were both caught up on admiring each other for longer than you should and when you realized it you giggled. He chuckled, taking one of your hands that was roaming over his chest and kissed it.

Sam’s lips were back to yours in an instant but his hands didn’t stay just on your waist but moved under your shirt. You let him lift it over your head, only leaving you with your bra. Sam stood there for just a second, staring down at you and breathing heavily. You chewed on your lower lip, feeling slightly self-conscious.

“No, hey. You’re gorgeous. Gorgeous.” Sam breathed out, smiling softly down at you, his hands moving to your ribs and making shivers run down your spine.

You nodded your head smiling at him. You gave him a small nod and began to relax, feeling better with yourself in almost ever. Sam smiled as well and leaned down, kissing his way from your neck to between your breasts and down to your stomach; leaving a hot trail behind. His tongue teased your skin and made you let out a trembling sigh. His large hands moved behind to your back, taking hold of your bra and unclasping it; snatching it away and throwing it away behind his back. His eyes went wide as he stared down at you but a loving smile graced his lips in the end.

Needless to say it was a long night for the both of you. A long night that you had never enjoyed more because Sam was perfect in every way and in every round that you had kinda lost count of. He was sweet and slow in the beginning, wanting to make sure you two’s first time together would be perfect. But when his rough side appeared, oh you’d probably never admit it, but you loved it to no end.

Your two forms moved in sync under the sheets till the very morning. You wouldn’t think of something before he would do it and every single kiss or touch managed to drive you crazy in just the right way. He managed to have your heart on overdrive in a matter of seconds. His lips left a hot trail as they kissed you up and down and you a hot mess along with it. You’d grab onto anything. Whether it be the sheets in your fists, his hair and occasionally his back. Oh you were sure therewould be some pretty nice marks left there the next morning. Your throat had started to feel sore but no matter how much you would try to keep it in the sounds would leave your lips no matter what. Sam’s body was still a wonder to you and something you tried to discover as best as you could. He seemed so focused on you that he didn’t leave you much room but you still loved the parts he let you see of him. You loved how he shared even that part of his with you.

It made your heart soar inside your chest. A smile that you were sure matched his was on your face the entire time you felt him become one with you. For the first time in so long your mind couldn’t even think of anything else but him so that you could feel in the slightest sad of guilty. Sam had your full and utter attention… and so much more actually.

Unknown to both of you, an despite your own bliss and pure happiness, Dean saw most of it and drowned in his own pain and tears. While you and Sam couldn’t stop smiling in each other’s arms he buried his face in his pillow and tried to block the sounds away and couldn’t stop the tears. As he imagined how you felt and hurt more. He tried to keep himself from getting up and seeing through your window (that was opposite his) what exactly was going on. He hadn’t seen much more than Sam carrying you inside the room bridal style. He could see it happening even during your wedding. And that thought made a pain like dagger run through his chest.

~*~

You let out a soft sigh as you were pulled out of your sleep as light shone over through the window. You shifted slightly, letting a small groan only to hear another one as well and only then did you realize an arm being wrapped around your waist.

A smile spread on your lips as soon as the thought of last night flooded back. You slowly and carefully shifted so that you could turn around. Your smile only got bigger as you saw Sam peacefully sleeping next to you. Just when you thought he couldn’t look any more cute. You bit your lower lip, bringing one hand slowly up to brush a few strands of hair out of his face. Your hand rested on his cheek and you could hardly keep yourself from closing your eyes and resting your head on his chest.

Sam sighed softly, snuggling closer to you. Your limbs were tangled and you coud feel his bare chest being pressed against yours. You couldn’t help but press a small kiss to his chest which made him shift a little more. You giggled a little, pressing another kiss at the crook of his neck and he shifted again. You started pressing butterfly kisses all over his neck and chest.

Sam let out a small groan and the deep chuckle “Mhm morning to you too.”

He licked his lips and you came back up, hovering over him “Morning.” you gave him a chaste kiss.

“How did you sleep?”  
  


“You mean the little amount of sleep I got?” you raised one eyebrow and as he opened his eyes to look at you he chuckled.

“Sorry about that.” he rubbed his eyes, letting out a yawn.

“No need to apologize. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” you smiled widely up at him and he laughed, a small blush rising on his cheeks.

“Really? I mean you didn’t mind that I was, I mean that at some point I went-”

“Rough?” you asked with a giggle and he nodded shyly as well.

“Sam!” you giggled “Are you kidding me? I absolutely loved it! Every single bit of it! And you wanna know the truth? I loved how you slammed into me and made me scream your name till I-”

“(Y/n)!” he exclaimed and you broke into a feat of laughter.

“Oh my, Sam. I really think _you_ are unbelievable now.” you giggled, kissing his cheek and he chuckled. He shook his head, tugging a few strands of hair behind your ear.

“Really though?” you whispered, resting your head back on his chest “Thank you Sam.”

“For what?” he whispered back, his finger playing with your hair.

“For being all and so much more than I could ever ask for. And for offering me even a little part of you.”

“(Y/n) you have more than just a little part of me.” he took your hand and placed it over his chest.

You looked from your hands up to him in the eyes. You leaned in closer and pressed your lips to his in a soft kiss. You closed your eyes, letting out a content sigh. Sam let go of your hand and moved it to your bare back as he pressed you to himself. You were now on top of him. The only sound that could be heard was your panting as you kissed. Sam’s hands wouldn’t stop roaming your naked figure under the sheets and you caught yourself shuddering.

You pulled away from him, looking at him with kiss swollen lips “Sam?” you whispered and he hummed in agreement, still playing with your hair.

“Yeah?” he licked his lower lip as his eyes roamed your face.

“Would you mind if we got up?… I’m kinda hungry”

Sam chuckled at you and you smiled shyly “Absolutely. You want pancakes or eggs and bacon or both?” he kissed your forehead.

“Wait- really?”

“Sure!” he chuckled at your enthusiasm, kissing your cheek “Anything for you.”

You squealed in happiness throwing your arms around him “Thank you so much Sam!” you kissed his cheek “Oh oh oops” you giggled, covering your bare top with the sheets and he chuckled, kissing your lips.

“No problem. But make sure to cover those up because instead of the pancakes I will have you on top of the kitchen counter in minutes.”

You chuckled at his words, nodding.

“I’m gonna have a quick shower and I’m right onto it ok?”

“Sure. You can also use the pair of spare pjs.”

“You still have to tell me where you got those.” he shot you a look and you giggled.

“Shut up! I’m sorry that some men’s clothes are ten times more comfortable than women’s!”

Sam laughed, shaking his head “I really have no words with you anymore.” he kissed your lips one last time and got up, throwing the sheets off him and made his way to the bathroom.

.

..

…

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the sight “H-hey Sam! Don’t- he-hey! Wait! Wait for me!” you surely didn’t miss the chance to get up and all-but-run after him.

~*~

“Oh my are those chocolate chip pancakes?” you asked with wide eyes, a big smile spreading on your lips.

After your shower with Sam – if you could call it much as that – you had stayed a little more in the bathroom to take an actual shower while Sam was downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast.

“As it seems.” he smiled at you and you let a small squeal.

“You are the best.” you hugged him tightly from behind. You wanted to kiss his cheek but the height difference didn’t help a lot.

“I know.” he looked back at you with a bright grin, leaning down to peck your lips softly.

“So I also made some eggs with bacon too just in case.”

“Gosh can this please be every morning of my life from now on?” your mouth started to water at the sight of how much more he had made than what he said.

He chuckled “All you have to do is ask for it.” he looked at you winking and your mouth hang open.

“You… mean that?” you whispered in disbelief and he looked at you shyly.

“I mean-” he shrugged, looking away sheepishly “-Your bed is more comfortable than the hotel so…”

“Huh so just for the bed? Should I be offended Mr Winchester?” you smirked at him and he chuckled.

“What? Of course not!… Just for the great bathroom too, maybe.”

“Sam!” you exclaimed, hitting his shoulder and he laughed hard at you “But-” your voice took on a softer note “-I mean, do you really… mean it?”

Sam looked up at you, smiling softly “It’s been only a month, and we only last night-” you both smiled, blushing slightly but he shook his head “-It’s early someone would say but… if you want me to, I could just- It doesn’t make much of a difference anyway. We spent lots of time together anyway.”

And it was true that you had been inseparable the past month.

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could utter a word you heard the doorbell ring.

“I’ll go open it, you just continue with these” you pressed your lips to his cheek “We can talk about this later, right?” you whispered and he nodded his head with a smile.

“Anytime you want.” he smiled back.

You shook your head with a chuckle “You are simply amazing Sam Winchester” you kissed his lips and turning you left to make your way to the door.

You giggled slightly at the sight of his tie and suit jacket on the floor a few feet away. You shook your head still walking towards the door.

“Coming!” you shouted as you heard the doorbell again.

You opened the door and much to your surprise the smile you’ve had for the entire night and morning – up to now – fell off your lips. Instead you frowned deeply at the person you were seeing at the other side of the door.

“Dean” you breathed out and the corners of his lips lifted into a barely visible smile.

“Hey there”

“What- what are you doing here?” you did not show any hard feelings against him. More sad than anything else, and maybe it showed a little in your voice, but you still felt no use in holding it against him anymore.

“I uh-” before he could even utter any more words a small voice was heard.

“(Y/n)!” it was Mary that ran from behind Dean to you, wrapping her small arms around you tightly.

“M-Mary?” you looked from her up to Dean with a deep frown.

He smiled sadly “She- she insisted to see you so…” he shrugged with no emotion.

“You-” you felt your throat close. You looked down at Mary that was hugging you tightly and without waiting a second you leaned down and wrapped your arms tightly around her small form. Tears welled up in your eyes and you clenched your jaw. You buried your face in her blonde hair taking in her scent like a mother that had years to see her child. She hadn’t changed one bit of course, neither her nor her feeling for you.

“I missed you mommy” she whispered softly to you and you hugged her even more tightly, feeling tears formed in your eyes once again and you could hardly keep them in. It had been just a month but the times you’d spent at Dean’s place with her, and Dean occasionally, seemed so distant and you now realized you missed them very much. You hugged her as much as you could, enveloping her in your arms so tightly that it made her giggle for a little bit. A smile formed on your lips despite your watery eyes.

You squeezed her into your arms, fearing that if you loosened your grip Dean was going to pull her away from you once and for good. You kissed her cheek and let her bury her face at the crook of your neck. You held onto her back and head with each hand trying your best not to burst into tears.

“I missed you too bug” you whispered and pulled a little away, smiling at her as you ruffled her short hair. You let her wrap her legs around your waist and got up with her in your arms. You kissed the top of her head breathing in her scent once more. You had missed your baby girl more than you ever realized. You squeezed her in your arms and she tried to tighten her grip on your neck. You rubbed her back soothingly and kissed her head several times, making her laugh slightly. You shut your eyes, taking in a deep breath and she smiled even more at you.

You smiled widely at her, brushing a few strands of blonde hair out of her face. You noticed they were longer than the last time you saw her. Her lips broke into a wide smile as she looked up at you, her bright green eyes staring at you as if you were her world. And she was yours, you had began to realize. More than Dean or anything else this little girl was a part of you. You were her mother, blood relation or not.

“Daddy- daddy brought me over to see you!” she said with a big smile, looking up at Dean and you followed her gaze. Though your eyes stayed on him more than Mary’s. Your smile was a nostalgic one.

“Ye-yeah bug I see that.” you gave a tight smile, swallowing thickly “Hey sweety-” you kissed her forehead “- you know we have pancakes inside. Wanna go eat? Hm?” you suggested “And I’ll be there in a little while ok?”

She nodded her head at you “Yes.” she grinned “But- but promise not to cry ok?” her small hands rested on your cheeks and you felt yourself tear up even more “I- I don’t like seeing you cry.” a small frown formes on her face and you chuckle, despite your tears.

“I’ll be fine baby girl.” you kiss the side of her head again “Mommy will be fine.” you whisper low enough just for her to hear.

You took her small hand in yours, kissing it too and she smiled widely up at you; almost convinced. She kissed your cheek and you later set her down.

“But don’t be late?” she looked up at you with big green eyes.

“I won’t be.” you rubbed her head and she let a small giggle, running inside immediately.

You let your eyes wander down for a minute before you took a deep breath and looked up again. Only to be face to face again with him. You cleared your throat a little awkwardly.

“So-”

“So-” you both said at the same time.

He breathed out a laugh and a small smile formed on your lips.

“Dean” you sighed and the smile immediately fell “Why- why are you doing this?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“What do you-”

“You know exactly what I mean.” you cut him off, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

He let out a long sigh, his eyes casting down. He swallowed hard before daring to look up at you “I was wrong. I was wrong to shout at you, I was wrong to forbid you to see her- Hell I was wrong to ask you to leave in the very first place. I- I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Dean Winchester apologizing to you and admitting his mistake meant a lot. If only he had done it sooner.

You swallowed hard, fighting back the tears “Wh-what?”

“She-” you could see his own eyes glistening “She had been having nightmares. Over and over again and I- I never could- I couldn’t stop this or- or take this anymore. She was a wreck, because of what I did. A-and- They were about you.” he looked down in shame.

“Oh god, Dean.” you ran a hand through your hair, biting your lower lip to keep the tears in.

“She wouldn’t stop asking for you and it- it made me realize what a mistake I’d done.”

“You think?” you couldn’t help but ask. You didn’t snap nor hiss the words. You just asked as emotionlessly as possible. You were so tired anymore.

Why couldn’t you just catch a break?

He looked at you in the eyes, swallowing thickly “I’m sorry”

“I don’t want you to apologize Dean. I just want the truth, for once. Why? Why did you do all of this? And why do you take it back now?”

“I know- I know it’s not the right time. Especially now.” he smile weakly, looking at you from head to toes. You suddenly felt self conscious, especially at realizing what you were wearing. It was just Sam’s undershirt and nothing else. You tucked down at it, even if it already reached your middle thigh, to cover yourself as much as possible. You avoided eye-contact feeling guilty all of a sudden.

“But I just- I had to make this up. It was wrong. _I_ was wrong. All along.” he took in a shaky breath “We’ve been friends for so long I think I took you for granted anymore. I was wrong. This past month- it- It had been a hell (Y/n). Worse than hell, and it felt like years. I don’t- I don’t want us to be like this.”

“…Neither do I.” you dared to whisper.

“I know I am a jerk sometimes- or basically most of the time . And it was a real dick move from me to ask you to- Damn it (Y/n) I was wrong. And I will completely understand if you don’t want anything that has to do with me.”

“Yes you were. A total dick. But what kind of friend would I be if I wouldn’t forgive you when you were mistaken? It’s human, after all.” you both forced on a smile that none of you really felt like.

The word had started to hurt you both now.

“So- this means?” he started gaining some hope only to have it crashed.

“Dean, I will need some time first.” you let a soft sigh “It was hard.”

“I know.” he whispered, and you shared a look.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair “But I- I want what we had back just as much as you do.” you whispered, looking him straight in the eyes.

Just as Dean opened his mouth to speak a little voice was heard and you saw Mary run from behind you to the door, holding a chocolate pancake in her hands. You couldn’t help but giggle at how she’d gotten herself.

“Daddy look! Uncle Sammy’s made me a heart pancake!” she exclaimed and only then did you realize it had a heart shape, or at least tried to.

Your eyes widened for a second and you looked back at Dean. His smile fluttered for a second but he didn’t let you notice.

“Really sweetheart? That’s amazing!” he smiled down at her, ruffling her hair.

She giggled before she ran back inside again.

“Dean-” you took in a small breath to speak but he cut you off.

“So you two finally danced the horizontal tango huh?” he had a grin on that, truth was, it hurt you a lot.

“Yeah we… _finally_ did.” you tried to put on a smile but it came out as weak and completely fake.

You both tried not look at each other in the eyes. An uncomfortable silence had surrounded you.

“Dean?” it was Sam’s voice and you felt your breath hitch on your throat “What are you doing here man? Come inside.” he smiled at his brother as he placed a hand on your back.

The smile fell of Sam’s lips and he looked at you “I mean if everything is alright.”

Dean cleared his throat, putting on back a smile “Everything’s fine, no worries Sammy. And if you got any eggs and bacon I surely am in.”

“Y-yeah we- uh we do, come in.” you tried to smile softly at him, moving to the side to let him in.

Dean was hesitant but walk inside nonetheless. You closed the door behind him. Your eyes fell on Sam’s jacket close to the door and you hastily tried to take it and, let’s be honest, hide it from Dean. You didn’t know what had gotten over you but you just couldn’t stand the thought of him seeing every piece of evidence of what you and Sam had done.

It was hard to explain the feeling that had started to crawl up your chest again. Just when you thought you could finally sigh in peace and relief, here came the troubles and feelings again.

“I’m gonna get dressed and I’ll be back down soon.” you shot them both a smile as they nodded their heads.

“Sure, we’ll be in the kitchen.” Sam pecked your forehead and you managed to smile for real even a little bit.

“Ok” you nodded your head, though you couldn’t help the fact that your eyes lingered on Dean as they both turned to leave. Or at least Sam did, because you saw Dean’s eyes staying on you as well. He looked at you up and down and you could faintly see them glisten. His lips were slightly parted. He swallowed thickly and turned his head around to follow Sam inside the kitchen.

You couldn’t help but stay a little more on the stairs. You closed your eyes, taking in a trembling breath. How everything could change in just a few minutes? Last night- hell just half an hour ago you were laughing for real, feeling at peace finally and not thinking about your problems. While now? Now here you were at fighting a feeling that had started to rise up inside you again.

You pursed your lips, shaking your head firmly. No you had to fight this. For once you felt really happy, you were not going to let what stupid feeling it was get the best of you.

Besides he had made it all clear you were friends right?

“So you two did the do huh?” it was Dean’s voice.

“Dean” Sam chuckled and you could picture the blush on his cheeks “It was much more than that.”

“Oh Sam save me the chick flicks.” Dean gave a small groan.

“Whatever. I don’t see the point in talking to you anyway.”

“Damn straight not when there is such amazing bacon waiting for me here!” Dean’s voice sounded a little more excited and a small smile formed on your lips.

“Gosh Sammy this- this is pure heaven! I never thought I’d say it but you’ve sure as hell have improved in this! Maybe I should call you to make me breakfast every morning from now on! For as long as you stay here anyway.”

“…Well maybe you won’t have to say goodbye to this bacon after all.” Sam tried to hide his excitement.

“Whut?” you heard Dean ask through a mouth full of food.

“I mean, that maybe, just maybe, if everything goes right you might be having a new neighbor in a little while”

“What?” Dean breathed out more clearly and you could imagine his eyes going wide.

_**And damn it but did it hurt like hell that you smiled sincerely at what Sam said, and the prospect of it.** _


	22. Chapter 22

“Wh-what?” Dean blinked, all appetite suddenly gone.

Sam laughed shyly, looking down “I mean I may be moving a little fast but- but I feel happy you know? Like really happy for the first time in… ever actually! A-and (Y/n)- I mean we’re ok, more than ok and we-”

“Are thinking of staying together?” Dean breathed out, trying to hide his disbelief.

“Well we’ve been inseparable for the past month, I don’t think it would make much of a difference anyway.” Sam shrugged and Dean had a hard time keeping his frown off his face.

“Aren’t you- I mean man, not to sound like I- like a cockblock but-” Dean breathed out a laugh “Aren’t you moving a little fast?”

“We- I don’t know Dean.” he let a soft sigh “It’s just- we clicked. From the first moment.”

“That I very much realized.” Dean couldn’t help the bitterness in his voice.

“And she- she seems happy Dean. I haven’t seen her smile like that in all this time of knowing her.” he said with a small smile.

“Yeah” Dean said in a hoarse voice, his eyes casted down.

To this he agreed more than anything. Being with smile- that brought you pure happiness. In all those years he’d known you he had never seen you smile the way you did with Sam this month. He made you happy, for real, and you did the same for him. He hated himself for this but it was so very true.

“I mean- we haven’t, you know, talked about it a lot but- she looks happy, Dean. For real.” Sam breathed out and smiled at his brother, and so did Dean.

“Yeah I could see that.” he nodded his head, looking down in silence for longer than needed before he finally spoke up “You know-” he swallowed thickly “You’re right Sam” he dared to look up at his brother in the eyes “You’re right. If youtwo- are happy this way then who am I to ruin this huh?” he felt his throat closing but tried to hold himself together and not let it show.

“Dean” Sam shook his head “Don’t say this. You’re my brother _and_ her best friend. You know you are important. Just like how your opinion matters to me.”

“Yeah but it’s your life. And hers. It doesn’t matter what I think or say.” he shrugged. The words hurt like daggers now that he dared say them out loud. Saying it meant admitting it. And admitting it meant it was real. That it was happening.

“Dean” Sam shot his brother a look “Don’t you dare say this again, you hear me?”

“No chick flicks ok Sammy?” Dean made a face and shook his head. HE was trying to play this off on the outside but on the inside- oh that was a mess.

“Yeah no chick flicks but Dean- you always try to change the subject when it comes to this and I honestly can’t get it now. Is there something you have to say?” Sam frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. Somehow he felt something wasn’t right.

“Like what?” Dean was taken aback for a second.

“I don’t know, Dean. Anything! You- you always try to avoid this every time I bring it up. And you never gave me a goodreason why you- you pushed her away in the very first place!” Sam couldn’t help but raise his voice. He’s had enough with his brother. He had let it slip that he’d hurt you the way he did and not asked any further, just for your sake, but right nowhe needed answers.

“That’s not important anymore Sam and you know it. But if you want to know- I was pissed off ok? I was just- pissed off. Nothing more, nothing less. You can’t control yourself when you’re angry a-and I had so many problems with Mary at that point that I just-”

“Took it out on her?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah” Dean breathed out, looking down in shame.

“And you expect me to believe this? Dean you’re talking to _me_.” Sam emphasized, not believing a single thing. He knew his brother all too well.

“What are you saying?” Dean still tried to play it cool but he was starting to lose it.

“I’m saying to stop lying to me.” Sam clenched his jaw.

Dean’s breath hitched on his throat as he only stared, almost wide-eyed, at his brother. He cleared his throat and avoiding eye-contact he shook his head.

“Sam. I am not lying to you. Not about this. This- is your happiness we’re talking about. The reason why I did all that I didis- I’ve told you before. It is _not_ what you think. Sam, look man- You and (Y/n) are together and that’s what matters. There is no why or how to anything else.”

“But-” Sam only could utter before Dean cut him off.

“No ‘but’s Sam.” his voice was more rough than before “I’m tired of this shit that honestly is not real. I’ve told you, no matter what bullshit you think, (Y/n) and I are friends and I only want the best for her. And right now it is crystal clear that _ **you**_ are the best for her.” he said as firmly as he could.

He let a small breath, looking down for a second “You are the best she’ll ever find, Sam. And if this is how you are happy then damn straight go for it.”

“Dean” Sam whispered.

“I’m just gonna be here to do what a brother has to.” Dean said making Sam frown for a second before he realized it.

“Be a cockblock and tease me non-stop about our relationship.”it was a statement and a small smile wanted to spread on Sam’s lips.

“Damn straight!” Dean laughed, patting his brother on the shoulder “Just know, I always am happy for you Sammy.”

Sam sighed, not meeting his brother’s eyes but not pressing any further despite the itching feeling inside him “Thanks Dean” he breathed out.

“No problem man, no problem” he smiled at Sam.

_**Though the smile fell immediately as Sam turned to grab something from the fridge to set on the counter.** _

~*~

“Where’s Mary?” you couldn’t help a small frown when you entered the kitchen and saw only Sam and Dean there.

At least they were both smiling so that should be good right? _Right?_

“Eating her pancakes in front of the TV. I’ll go bring her.” Sam said with a smile, going to retrieve the little girl from the living room.

“So, what were you two talking about?” you came to sit opposite Dean.

“Oh, just stuff.” he shrugged and you chewed on your lower lip.

“So… how has it been going this past month?” you cursed at yourself in your mind at how low your voice came.

“Oh. Good, I guess. Good.” he shrugged, giving you a half smile.

“Except for the nightmares.” you muttered to yourself, your mind wandering to Mary. You couldn’t help your motherinstincts kicking in and just thinking about what the little girl had to go through this month made you shudder unpleasantly.

You wished so badly you could have been there for her, to soothe down her crying and pain.

“Yeah. Except for that.” Dean clenched his jaw, his eyes casting down in shame. Because he was the one that had caused all of it.

Your eye widened. You hadn’t meant for Dean to hear because truth was, as much as you hated to admit it, you couldn’t and didn’t blame him for anything. But he obviously did with himself.

“Sorry.” you found yourself apologizing before you could stop yourself.

“No.” Dean shook his head “You are right. I suck as a friend and much more as a father.” he smiled tightly and oh-so-fakely.

“No. Not really.” you shook your head.

Silence fell between the two of you for a few seconds

“So-” you cleared your throat and looked down at your plate “Any news on your dating app?” you tried to play it as cool as possible, a small smirk on your face.

“… Uh sorta.” he cleared his throat.

“Sorta?” you whispered, looking up at him. You hated yourself for how your heart sank at the thought just like it always used to.

“Y-yeah. Actually there might be someone, but you know it’s still new.” he shrugged.

“Hm” you chewed on the inside of your cheek “I’m hoping that she isn’t too eager for your buddy though.”

A smile cracked on both your faces and he chuckled softly “No, nothing like that… Luckily!” he breathed out with wide eyes in the end and you let out a giggle.

“Oh come on! The poor girl just wanted to have some fun that was all!” you exclaimed laughing.

Dean shot you a look and you just laughed back at him.

“Just shut up! It’s because you hadn’t seen her.” he shook his head with wide eyes and you giggled some more. You did see him sneak a glance at you and smile to himself.

“Yeah but none of them is all that good so it doesn’t matter anymore.” he muttered.

“What, not even this one?” you frowned slightly as he shook his head.

“Nah. I think it’s high time if I focused on Mary and myself for once. Chicks are gonna come and go.”

“Oh wow. So Dean Winchester is putting dating on hold? This must be the Apocalypse.” you breathed out, shaking your head.

You tried desperately to ignore the small flutter of your heart as the spark inside you grew. You knew you just shouldn’t befeeling this way.

“Shut up. Only until Cas loses his virginity.” you both snickered.

“Stop it! I can’t believe how you’re talking about your best friend like that.” you scolded.

“Oh Cas is family, he knows that. He’s the most fun always!”

“As much as I don’t want to admit it, yeah he is.” Sam’s chuckle was heard as he walked inside the kitchen with Mary trailing behind him.

“You two are terrible friends!” you exclaimed, shaking your head.

“ _I thought you would have realized it by now_.” Dean chuckled, eating another piece of bacon.

“Boy you tell me.” you said a little-over-dramatically and his lips formed a small smile. A sad one though.

“Are you talking about uncle Cas?” Mary’s small voice made you all look at her.

“Uh yes yes bug” you smiled at her, picking her up in our arms and sitting her on your lap “About uncle Cas and how unlucky he is t have met those two.” you pecked her cheek.

A small snicker left Dean’s lips “Well at least he hasn’t gotten caught up in a prank war of ours.”

“Yet.” Sam said with a small smirk and they both chuckled.

“Gosh you’re awful. Mary’s lucky to have me at least here. She wouldn’t be able to stand you two alone for no longer than a year.” you muttered, hugging her close to you. You didn’t realize how much you’d missed her. How much you’d missed this part of yours.

Her small hands rested on top of yours as she looked up at you with a big crooked smile. You grinned just as widely, your cheeks had started to hurt. You felt your heart swell but in the most pleasant way. You lean down and pecked her small nose, making her giggle before you started peppering her entire face with kisses. Her giggles were loud but she pecked your lips too. You couldn’t help but give her a big squeeze. Burying your face in her hair you kissed the top of her head. She turned on your lap and brought her small arms around you, hugging you. She rested her head at the crook of your neck and let out a content sigh. You smiled lovingly down at her, brushing some strands of hair out of her face and rubbing her back with your other hand.

Sam smiled at the sight of you two, happy to see that sparkle in your eyes again “We’re all lucky to have you here” Sam whispered to you with a small smile and you looked up at him before he pecked your lips.

You couldn’t help a smile from appearing as you looked up at him, his hand on your back rubbing soft circles made you want to giggle like some school-girl. His own warm smile made you melt on the inside. You couldn’t help but just stare at him.

_**At your staring, though, none of you noticed the look on Dean’s face. None of you noticed how heartbroken he looked as he saw you act so lovey-dovey, Mary in yours arms, Almost like the perfect family already.** _

“Uncle Sammy, why did you kiss (Y/n)?” you both looked at Mary that was frowning at you.

You chuckled as did Sam “Cause-” he ruffled her hair “-I care about her.”

“But-” she frowned, looking between Sam and Dean for a second “- daddy cares about her too, right?” she looked at Dean who was too caught up with his own pain to mask the feelings.

“Yeah but-” luckily for him Sam spoke up “-This is a different kind of care.” he looked up at you and you felt your cheekheat up at the intensity his eyes held “It’s the way a boyfriend would care about his girlfriend. A husband… about his wife.” his voice was soft, in almost a whisper and you felt his hand that was on your back and had stopped moving make you feel warm inside.

Your lower lip trembled as your breathing came in and out shakily.

“But- are you two married?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“No, no we’re not-” he glanced at Mary with a small smile and then back up at you “-yet.” he winked, kissing your cheek and your eyes widened.

_**Exactly just like Dean’s.** _

_But the most crazy of all was the weird beating of your heart at Sam’s words._

Sam chuckled softly “Anyway- who’s up for some pie? I think I saw some.” he started to search through the fridge.

“Uncle Sammy are there any **cookies**?” Mary asked as you made her sit properly on your lap and she took hold of her milk glass.

Your eyes widened and Sam snickered, giving you a look at which you rolled your eyes “Yes bug. I’ll get them for you.” you placed her on a chair and got up. You hit Sam slightly on the shoulder but he still kept laughing at you.

“Hey man are you ok?” Sam frowned, giving Dean a slice of pie he knew would love.

“Huh? Uh yeah yeah don’t mind me. Got a lot of work at the garage today, that’s all” Dean gave him a tight smile.

“Dean, you got to take a break once in a while. Spend some time with Mary too.” Sam looked at his brother with a worried look and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Sheesh I’m fine ok? Just a little tired that’s all. Managing all by my own is not that easy.”

“But you have me here.” you couldn’t help but whisper “You- you can take some time off tonight and I will look Mary after for you. I am free.”

“No, (Y/n) no. It’s fine.” he shook his head and the fact that he didn’t look at you in the eyes made your heart ache inside your chest.

You sighed, pursing your lips as you handed Mary her cookies “It’s your call.” you whispered “Here you go sweetie.” you smiled down at her, kissing the top of her head, a hand on her back and she grinned brightly.

“Thanks mommy!” it obviously slipped her lips but it certainly made your eyes widen. Your head instantly snapped to Dean and Sam’s direction.

You saw Dean’s reaction match the one he had the night he asked you not to see Mary again, when she had called you for the first time 'mom’ in front of him. His mouth hang open for a second, his shoulders fell as he started at you with an almost sad look on his face. He looked so tired and emotionally worn. But he tried to mask it. He cleared his throat, breaking eye-contact with you.

“Mary we’ve talked about this.” he looked at her with a stern father look.

“Sorry daddy” she mumbled, looking down, and he let a small sighed.

“No, Dean.” it was Sam that spoke “It’s absolutely fine. Mary knows that (Y/n)’s not her mother after all.”

“Not that she wouldn’t make an absolutely amazing one, though.” he added with a smile, making his way straight to you and wrapping his arms around you.

_**Gosh you didn’t want it but damn your heart for beating in that weird way again.** _

He hugged you from behind, his hand on you belly rubbing softly “I know I would love to see her with a swollen belly one day.” he whispered, mostly to you as your faces were inches apart and you couldn’t help but bite your lower lip.

“Though I would refuse to let you paint the nursery, know it.” you said softly to him and he chuckled.

“By all means.” he chuckled “As long as you let me choose the color.”

“Like hell. I wouldn’t let my daughter in your choise of style and colors.”

“I was actually thinking of a boy frist, so that, you know, he can protect her.” he shrugged with a smile.

“Yeah” you breathed out a laugh “So that you would tell him about the books you like huh?”

“Hey!” he breathed out a soft laugh “You’re just as much of a nerd as me, don’t blame me.”

You couldn’t help but join him. You couldn’t believe what you were saying, out loud at that, but you were captivated by Sam. He made you feel so light and like there were no worries on your shoulders anymore. Your heart no longer felt like it hurt… though there was a part of you, something in the back of your mind, that said that this was not right. Not for Sam or you. But for someone else. You hadn’t planned it like this. You had never imagined your life like this and… all these plans? Truth was you had not pictured Sam there but someone else.

A someone else that could do nothing but stare with a heartbroken look at the sight in front of him. Hearing all of it on top of all was more than heart-wrenching. His lower lip trembled and he casted his eyes down. He clenched his jaw and fists not wanting to even look anymore.

How had he gotten in this place?

~*~

Dean sighed for the millionth time that evening. Working on the garage almost all day, coming back to make dinner for Mary, make sure she ate, brushed her teeth, had her dolls and army men all in place – or at least most of them – and in the meanwhile find some time to relax was beyond hard.

And now just before he could seat on the couch – after having washed the dishes – he heard the doorbell ring. He groaned and got up. He ran a hand down his face before walking towards the door.

He froze mid-movement as soon as he opened it, his hand on his head as his eyes widened and his breath caught on his throat.

“H-hey.” you smiled softly at him.

“H-hey.” he blinked several times “What- what are you doing here?”

“Sheesh hello to you too friend.” you rolled your eyes.

“S-sorry.” he shook his head “I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Which is why exactly I am here.” you sighed softly.

“Come in.” he whispered, moving to the side to let you in.

“Tell me you did have at least three hours of sleep.” you pursed your lips but he avoided eye-contact.

“Dean.” you sighed “You can’t go on like this. You’ll break down in the end!”

“There is not much of another choice (Y/n).” he sighed.

“Yes, yes there is. Me taking care of Mary for you when you need to.”

“(Y/n) listen-”

“No you listen Winchester. Just because you said all of those bullshit you said and were a dick doesn’t mean I will stop ok? Yes you were a jerk, a big one at that. But when have you not been a pain in the ass? It didn’t stop me though. I didn’t, nor will I ever stop caring about you, your well-being, and the kid in there. So get up your shit, go have a fucking shower and when you have relaxed just a little you can come down here and speak.” you tried to calm yourself down but it was inevitable. You all-but-shouted the words at him.

His eyes were wide and he gave you a small nod, almost a little scared.

“Good” you let out a breath, leaving your jacket and bag by the door, already taking off your shoes.

“(Y/n)?” he whispered and you looked up at him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” he said, looking at you in the eyes and you gave him a half smile.

“No need to, Dean.” you shook your head.

He opened his mouth, ready to say something else. However, he decided against it and after a shake of his head he turned and made his way upstairs.

~*~

“Where- where’s Mary?” Dean’s voice made you look up from your task of putting aside her toys.

“Put her to sleep. Was a small struggle but she’s asleep now.”

“Really? I asked her but she would refuse.” he breathed out a laugh.

“Well we both know where she gets her stubbornness from.” you said matter-of-factly and he managed to chuckle.

“Thanks though, (Y/n).” he sighed.

You shook your head “Don’t sweat it, Dean. A beer will be enough to make up for it.”

“So… you are staying?”

You shrugged “Just a little more. I’m beat from work too.”

“I get the feeling.” he sighed, disappearing for a little while only to appear minutes later with two beers in his hands. You didn’t even bother to get up and he came to sit next to you in front of the fireplace.

“Thanks.” you whispered, clicking it with his.

“So… do you want to talk or…?”

“Do you?” you whispered, turning to look at him but he only looked down.

You smiled knowingly and turned back to looking at the fireplace. Silence followed between the two of you but for the first time in so long you felt something itching inside you. As if something was not right and you hated to admit you knew what it was.

You sneaked a glance on the window as a loud thunder was heard, soon followed by the sound of raindrops. It had started to rain and here you found yourself, years later, with Dean in front of the fireplace with a beer in hand and utter silence. But so many things had changed in all these years. It wasn’t like the first time you met.

“(Y/n)” his hoarse voice whispered and you turned your head to look at him.

“What?” you asked back in a whisper.

“Are you… happy?”

Your eyes casted down and gosh did it hurt to say this but-

“Y-yeah I am.” you felt guilty to say.

He smiled bitterly “Sammy’s a real catch.”

“I suppose.” you shrugged, looking down at your beer.

“Feels weird to no longer be a lone wolf huh?”

“A little bit yeah.” you took a sip of it.

“But Sam’s worth it… right?”

You couldn’t help the smile, no matter how much you wanted to “He really is worth it. He- He’s… amazing.” you breathed out and Dean smiled. Even if it hurt like hell.

“You two are great together, not just for one another.” he said softly and you didn’t even dare look at him. Considering the way his voice sounded, so broken, no wonder how he’d look.

“I’m happy for you two. I really am. You both deserve this.”

“Thanks Dean.”

“You two are getting really close pretty fast, aren’t you?” he couldn’t help the slight discomfort.

“Y-yeah but- it just doesn’t feel like that and honestly- waiting didn’t really help me in the past, so yeah…” you trailed off, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“You do just what feels right. If you’re happy this way then it doesn’t matter.” he shrugged “You two clicked from the first moment after all.”

“Yeah we did.”

“Finally found what you deserved. And you really deserve something good as Sam. Someone that will give you everything you need and you won’t have to be ashamed of in the end.”

“Yeah” your voice trembled “Sam’s-” you couldn’t help the smile or flutter of your heart at the thought of your new boyfriend – hell even the word sounded so weird thinking about it, let alone believing you were so lucky. He was perfect in every way but what matter most was how he made you feel by just being simple him.

“He’s amazing.” you breathed out.

“Yeah” Dean chuckled bitterly “That’s what almost every chick he’s been with said. But you- you are different for him. I can see it. Sam’s never been this… serious about something. You matter to him more than he dares to admit.”

“I-I really wish. He-” you bit your lower lip because damn did this feel awkward “He’s really important to me. More than I can even admit.”

“Yeah well, everything’s new. You’ll get to realize everything soon. Maybe you need some time to yourself you guys that’s all. But everything seems great anyway, and you’re both happy. So why overthink it?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” you whispered fidgeting with your hands.

Silence followed between the two of you as you only listen to the heavy rain outside. It reminded you so much of when you had first met. The nostalgia inside you only growing.

As crazy as it could sound to somebody you longed back to that day. You wanted to go back to the start and change everything, every decision. Every single one. **And boy was that wrong**.

“(Y/n) I’m- I’m sorry.” he breathed out and you looked back at him, frowning.

“Dean” you sighed.

“No let me finish. It was stupid. I know. Among all the stupid things I’ve ever done this- this is the worst one ever. I screwed up. Big time. I thought I was doing the right thing and damn it- I knew I wasn’t but I had to make myself believe it. You know I’d- I’d never do anything to hurt you, not with something like that.”

“So what? It was just for the best? How come you know what’s best for everybody Dean but don’t give a flying fuck about what the person thinks?” you couldn’t help but snap. You were angry, yes, but not because of what he had done. Because you were sad. Hell, beyond that.

“You’re right to be angry at me. You have every right.” he looked away from you. Only then did you notice how he looked. A few days’ scruff there, eyes a little red and even if he should have been better by the long shower he still looked as awful as in the morning.

“I’m not angry at you Dean.” you whispered, looking down at your hands “I could never be.”

Dean swallowed thickly, trying to blink the tears away.

“But what you did- I can’t say I am over it, Dean. I can’t tell you I am all of a sudden ok that you-” you swallowed the lump in your throat “But you- you matter to me Dean.” he slowly turned his head to look at you.

“I care about you. No matter what you do, no matter how much of a jerkass you are-” a small chuckle both of you’s lips at the old nickname “I won’t stop caring about you.” you tried to fight off the tears that had welled up in your eyes.

“(Y/n)” his voice was more rough than you had ever heard it and it made you feel both sad and nostalgic.

“It hurt Dean I am not going to lie to you.” your lower lip trembled and you could see how he was hurting as well.

“It hurt like hell. You have no idea how it is to have your whole world crumble down in a night.” you looked down at your hands, missing the knowing look flash through his eyes.

“But I- you- damn it Dean you have no idea how it was to go through this.”

“Though Sammy seemed to be doing a good job at distracting you” he couldn’t help but spit the words. As much as he didn’t want his feelings to show, he couldn’t help it.

You shook your head, pursing your lips “As much as I am thankful to Sam for all he’s offered me all this time- No, no it wasn’t like that. You-” you swallowed “It by no means was a distraction. Nothing would have ever been enough to make me forget how- how we were all this time Dean. The absence your absence was too evident to just forget. It felt like-”

“Hell” he whispered and you nodded your head weakly.

“(Y/n) I’m-”

“I swear Winchester, if you say one more time that you’re sorry I’m gonna smack you in the head.” you both laughed, though a tear rolled down your cheek. You wiped it away quickly.

“Can I just-” you whispered, breaking the silence “Can I just ask you- Why? I mean it cannot have been because of the chick who, come on Dean be honest, was a total whore.”

“She- yeah she was” he sighed with a small chuckle and you managed to smile too “But- it was for the best.”

“The best?” you asked in a whisper.

“I wanted you to be happy alright?” he sighed.

“Happy? How Dean, by _pushing_ me away?!”

_**You had no idea what you were even asking. How much of a deeper meaning your words had to him.** _

“It was the only thing I could think of, alright? I wanted you to be happy and with me- here- like this-”

“What?! You thought I wasn’t happy like this?”

“Well, were you?”

How were you going to answer to that now?

“In a way yes, I was.” you whispered.

“Come on. You don’t even believe it yourself.” he clenched his jaw, looking away.

“You have no idea how I’ve felt all this time, so you don’t get to know everything all of a sudden now.” you pursed your lips, looking away from him.

“Well, thing is you didn’t look all that happy. While now- with Sammy you’re-”

“Wait what? Sam? What does he have to do with all _this_? With _us_?” you looked at him with a deep frown.

Your mind wouldn’t stop racing with thoughts especially at the possibility of this slipping Dean.

He shook his head “Doesn’t matter…” he let out a sigh “Not anymore. (Y/n)- all I wanted you was to be happy. End result? You finally are. Why does it matter anymore how we got that?”

Because there was no _'we’_ in this happiness. That was the truth. Because Dean was truly hurting, bad. No matter how much he tried to deny it. He knew he had no right to keep this a secret. You had the right to know why he had done all of this, but then how would he admit it? It would mean saying how he really felt about you and that was going to destroy everything. He wanted you to be happy even if he was not, and as much as he knew that these secrets were going to destroy the two of you- He had no other choice.

“(Y/n)” he sighed “You’re happy ok? For the first time in so long! You can now brag to your entire family how your man is better than your sister’s or anyone else’s. There is nothing missing anymore, why can’t you just enjoy it? You can finally be happy for real (Y/n).”

“Though there might be a problem. My parents see you as the real catch actually.” you both chuckled softly.

“That might actually seem weird. Seeing as we’re brothers.” he shook his head taking a sip of his drink.

“You’ll be the one to explain everything in the end though. To everyone.”

His eyes widened and he almost choked on his beer “Really?”

You shot him a look and he rolled his eyes “Fine, fine. It’s the least I can do to make up for what I did.”

“Yeah the least…” a smile formed on your lips “Along with buying me pie for the rest of the month to have while I take care of Mary. Oh and chocolate after that. And cookies after that. And I’ll think about the month after that.”

“Sheesh woman you’re gonna use up all my money!” he exclaimed, though for the first time in a month he found himself smiling even a little bit for real.

“Yeah but what are friends for?” you chuckled, winking at him and he did the same.

“(Y/n)?” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for the second chance. I will try not to screw things up this time.”

“I really hope so too.” you whispered back, looking at him in the eyes.

You let your beer down, making Dean frown for a second. Without waiting anymore, though, you leaned in closer; closing the space between you and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. You heard Dean let a small gasp but you only tighten your grip on him. He hesitated obviously, it had been just a month but it felt like eternity for the both of you since you had last been able to enjoy each other’s warmth (as well as all of the other feelings).

But in the end he brought his strong arms around you and hugged you as tightly as he could. He held you firmly in his broad chest, not letting you go. He buried his face in your hair and you in his chest. You took in a deep breath, your eyes fluttering shut. You had no idea how much you had really missed his scent and the things it made you feel. Safe and at peace above all.

Dean took in a deep breath himself, your scent invading him and making him feel warm and at home instantly. Truth was he had missed it more than anything else. And he hated to admit it more than anything else but- damn did it feel so good to have you in his arms. Did it feel like he for the first time had found what he’d been looking for for so long. Did it feel amazing to have you in his arms and care about you, protect you at any cost and… love you.

Gosh, Dean Winchester had never felt more guilty to feel his heart beat in a weird way with you in his arms and… enjoy the hell out of it. Because for just this moment he could pretend you belonged there, just in his arms. That, as selfish as it sounded, you were his for that tiny moment… Even if in reality you belonged to another man.


	23. Chapter 23

~One week time skip~

“Sam mhm S-Sam- the- Sam the door- the doorbell-” you managed to mumble against Sam’s lips that refused to let go of yours.

“Just a little more.” he muttered and a giggle left your lips, especially as his hands tickled your sides when they moved under your shirt.

“And to think-” you panted as his lips moved to your neck “-that an entire weekend by the lake for just the two of us would have been enough.” you let out a small sigh, your hands moved to comb through his hair.

“Mhm” he hummed, his lips finding your weak spot “I can never get enough of you.”

You giggled, closing your eyes for a second “Sam” you sighed, licking your lips.

The doorbell was heard again soon followed by a tiny voice “(Y/n)!” and you knew it all too well.

Your eyes snapped open “Sam, hey. No.” your hands moved to his shoulders to push him away just slightly.

He let a small sigh of defeat “It’s ok, go open.” he smiled up at you, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face.

You gave him a soft smile as well, pecking his lips. You got up, fixing your shirt and smoothing down your hair before making your way to the door.

“Hey” you breathed out with a small smile as soon as you saw the familiar green eyes of your best friend. _Dean._

“Hey” he flashed you a smile.

“(Y/n)!” the little voice repeated and you instantly looked down, smiling at the little girl.

“Hey bug!” you exclaimed, leaning down to pick her up. She instantly wrapped her tiny arms around you and hugged you as tightly as she could.

“I missed you!” she said with a small pout of the lips and you let a soft smile.

“I missed you too sweetheart.” you kissed her forehead.

“Come on in, don’t stand there.” you looked at Dean who gave you a tight smile and nod of his head.

“So… how was the weekend?” he asked in a rough voice and you gave him a soft smile.

“Great” you breathed out before you could realize it “I mean-”

“It’s ok, I get it. I’m glad you had fun guys.” he gave you a short smile as well.

“How have you been? I’m- I’m sorry I wasn’t here to take care of Mary, I know you must have wanted to take some time to yourself but-”

“No, (Y/n) no” he cut you off “You took some time to yourself to relax and have fun with your boyfriend, it is only fair that I took care of Mary this time.”

“I just-” you bit your lower lip “I just feel a little weird now that the roles are reversed.” you breathed out a laugh and he chuckled.

“No need to. What are friends for after all?” he flashed you a smile and you dared do the same.

“(Y/n) did you and- and uncle Sammy go to the woods?” Mary’s little voice made you look at her.

“Well it was by a lake but yes we had a small forest there too.” you told her, bouncing her on your leg as you sat on a chair.

“And- and did you- did you see a moose there? Daddy tells me that there are mooses there.”

“Well with uncle Sammy there- I bet she did see one.” Dean mumbled, snickering a little until you both shared a look anderupted into a feat of laughter.

“Yes, yes I guess he’s right. I did see one.” you chuckled.

“And decided to bring it back home with you for what?” Sam’s voice was heard as he walked down the stairs.

“That is a good question, seeing as you Winchesters are nothing but trouble.” you mumbled with a shake of your head and they both shot you a look.

“Hey man, welcome back.” they gave each other a hug.

Sam chuckled “It’s not as if I’d been gone for that long. Besides-” a sly grin spread on his face “I think you have much more to say than us, right?”

Dean scoffed rolling his eyes but you couldn’t help the small frown.

“Why? What happened?” you asked.

“Seems like mister over here found someone, but didn’t tell us.” Sam said with a smirk but your smile was long ago gone.

“S-someone?” you blinked.

“Yep saw her this morning, when you were sleeping, come out of his place and this jerk- he had it going for long but didn’t tell us anything!” Sam hit him on the shoulder and Dean laughed awkwardly, though it soon faded away.

He shared a look with you, your eyes locking but none of you said a word.

“It’s nothing really, just a few dates in the past and I saw her again after all this time and I thought- why not?” he shrugged, tearing his eyes from you.

“Yes but we definitely need to hear more details on that.” Sam gave him a look and Dean chuckled slightly- though it was clearly forced.

“After dinner, if you don’t mind.” you cleared your throat, getting up from your seat with Mary in your hands “I am starving.” you gave them a tight smile.

Sam didn’t notice much but Dean could clearly understand what it meant.

Of course after Sam’s nagging Dean was forced to speak about said girl but before he could even say more you claimed not feeling well and went to get some rest. Truth was you weren’t feeling well at the thought of Dean and said woman. You’d guess that after all this time you would have gotten used to it but you knew, you felt it and you could hear it by the way Dean spoke about her, that she was… special in a way. Important to him and serious above all. It was a thought that scared you to even think about it let alone admit that it was actually happening.

But again- why? You were with Sam, you had to think about that and not how it got to you that Dean was with someone else. Maybe it was because after you forgave him and everything went back to normal – sort of – you started taking him a little for granted again. You couldn’t be more wrong.

“(Y/n)?” a small voice was heard and you turned on your side of the bed to see Mary standing on the doorway.

“Hey bug” you said in a low voice.

“Are you ok?” she asked with a small and adorable frown, walking towards you on the bed.

“Yeah Mary, don’t worry about me.” you smiled at her, ruffling her hair as she laid down next to you.

“What are you doing here? Go downstairs with daddy and uncle” you whispered.

“But daddy’s no longer here” she said ever-so-simply.

“What?”

“He uh had a date. Wanted to ask us if it would be too much of a bother to take care of Mary. I said we have no problem. It’s ok, right?” Sam asked as he walked inside the room.

You blinked several times, looking back and forth between Sam and Mary trying desperately to not let show how your heart fell to the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah, of course.” you gave him a forced smile… _and he did the same_.

~Next morning~

You knocked on the door balancing a still sleeping Mary on your hip. It wasn’t all that early but you had all stayed up till late at night watching movies so it was only expected for her to still be asleep. You avoided going by Dean’s place early as well in fear of coming face to face with whoever this mystery girl was.

“(Y/n)? Oh hey!” a smile formed on Dean’s face as soon as he opened the door and saw you standing there.

“Hey, good morning.” you breathed out, cursing at yourself for the small flutter of your heart at the bright smile he had.

“Come on in.” he move to the side and you did as told.

“I hope I am not interrupting anything.” you gave him a shy look but he shook his head.

“No, no it’s fine. I just returned about an hour ago too. Just took a shower and was about to come over for Mary but-” he motioned to you “-you beat me at it.”

“Yeah” you chuckled softly, glancing at Mary whose head was on your shoulder as she was sleeping soundly “She’s as much of a sleepyhead as you.”

He chuckled “I’m gonna take her.” you slowly and carefully gave the sleeping girl to him.

“I’ll put her t her bed, if you want to you can stay for breakfast. I haven’t had one yet… unless you want you and Sam to…” he trailed off, swallowing thickly.

“No, no it’s fine” you smiled, letting a small sigh “Sam left this morning for your place. Your mother called and said she needed to talk to him. He will be back by noon.”

“Okay then maybe you could stay here and we could… remember the good old times?”

You managed to chuckle honestly for the first time in a long “It’s hasn’t been that long Dean.”

A smile graced his lips as well “Probably.” he winked at you “Be right back.”

You let out a shaky sigh as soon as he was gone and let yourself drop on the couch. You put a hand over your eyes and closed them tightly. This mess was much more than you had ever bargained for.

~*~

“So did he say what it was or what?” Dean glanced at you before going back to the pancakes.

“Nah” you sighed “But your mother didn’t sound really urgent or worried, only said it just was important.” you shrugged.

“Hm might give them a call later to ask.” he mumbled to himself, placing the last pancake on top of the pile and setting the plate next to the bacon and eggs.

“Well- voila!” he exclaimed with pride and you couldn’t help a smile and his grin.

“Just shut up and seat because I am starving Winchester!” you laughed at him and he shot you a look.

“Way to ruin the fun (Y/n). Just let me take some pride in it!”

“You will never change! I wonder if the new chick knows all this” you ended up muttering the last part bitterly and mostly to yourself but Dean heard it all.

“I still haven’t gotten the chance to make her breakfast.” Dean chuckled slightly though it quickly died out.

“So I am still the only lucky woman on this Earth to taste the goodies you cook huh?” you smirked at him and he looked up at you with a wide grin that could very easily be considered flirty.

“Sweetheart you are lucky to be the only woman, besides my daughter, I will ever cook for, anything in general!”

“So it means that I should feel honored huh?”

“You bet!” he winked at you and as much as you hated it you felt your cheeks heat up.

He chuckled at you as he ate the eggs you had previously helped him make, along with the bacon.

“I guess I really am one hell of a lucky chick to have you no matter what.”

“Glad you finally realized it!” he exclaimed and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Modest as always Winchester”

“Oh I am. It is one of the traits that made you fall for me after all!” he grinned at you and this time you tried to keep your eyes from widening. If only he knew what a big truth that was. But no you had to shake the thought off your mind. You were with his brother, end of story. There shouldn’t be these feelings starting to rise up all over again just when you thought it was all over.

You chewed on your lower lip, playing mostly with your cereal than eating them. Despite the growing warm feeling inside your chest – and basically entire body in general – there was that itching inside you that just begged to be free.

“But… you’d cook for her wouldn’t ya?” you asked in a barely audible voice.

His smile fluttered as he looked up at you “What?”

“I mean-” you smiled sadly “-it’s serious, isn’t it? You even brought her home yesterday, I bet other days too.” you shrugged softly.

He pursed his lips for a second, looking down “We didn’t do what you’d imagine, not with Mary here. It’s just-”

“What? You brought her here to meet Mary?” you asked in a joke but when he did not laugh your smile fluttered for good.

“Oh” you breathed out.

He cleared his throat and looking away from you he spoke “She’s a good woman, (Y/n). When you meet her yourself you’ll know it too.”

“So it _is_ serious.” it was more of a statement than a question. You let a small sigh looking down at your food “Is she- is she Mary’s-” you didn’t dare finish your question.

“Hell no!” Dean breathed out “I would never want anything that has to do with that bitch, much less Mary herself. She lost every right on her daughter when she abandoned her.” he all but growled the words and you nodded your head.

“That would be the right thing to do. And… as long as Mary gets along with this one then who am I to question her?” you asked, letting a small sigh at the end.

Dean however did not look away from you this time, his gaze firm as his jaw was clenched “I don’t want you to think that ever again, got it? You are… my best friend, (Y/n). You are family already. And you love Mary… like your own daughter. You helped me raise her so yes you have _every_ right to question every woman that comes near her.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that formed on your lips at his words. Despite what you’d gone through you knew that you’d end up here, in each other’s company.

“…What’s her name?” you couldn’t help the question that left your lips. As much as you hated knowing about said woman because it hurt you to no end you still couldn’t help your curiosity.

“Uh” Dean cleared his throat, looking down – quiet interested in his bacon – and speaking “Lisa. Her name’s Lisa.”

“Lisa” you repeated the name to yourself, biting your lower lip at the weird feeling inside your chest.

“And when did it all start and we didn’t realize a single thing?” you said with a small smirk that felt so fake.

Dean looked up at you with a small frown “Why- why are you asking?”

“Because-” you forced a smile “We are best friends, no matter how much of a jerk you were to me. Hell I am with your brother, we are practically family.” you chuckled and could swear you saw something flash through his eyes. His jaw clenched.

“Yeah you’re right.” he looked down for a second.

“It hasn’t been long. We’ve- we’ve been out on a few dates. I told her from the first moment about who I was and my life. She respected it. She has also a son, a few years older than Mary. It’s a nice kid, I met him.”

“Huh I guess that’s good then.” you mumbled “How come you didn’t say anything though? I mean neither Sam nor I knew anything until he saw her yesterday morning.”

“I was not sure. I want to… take this slow and steady. I’ve made mistakes in the past but this time… I need to do it right. I must do it right.”

“So… she is important to you.” it was both a statement and a question. Dean looked up from his food to you, eyes locking. He could almost see a hint of fear and as much as every instict of his screamed to take that away he had to do the exact opposite. Verify it.

“More so than you know” he said with a nod of his head making your heart all but fall.

“Great then.” you forced a smile that gosh it looked so fake “I’m happy for you Dean.She sounds like a nice woman.”

“She is. She cares about Mary too. I think- that’s everything she’d ever need. I’m happy and really lucky to have met her.”

“Trust me… she is.” you sighed mostly to yourself at his words.

~*~

“Did she wake up?” you asked, taking the beer Dean offered you.

“Yeah long ago now, she’s playing with her dolls” he sighed, plopping down on the couch next to you.

“Thanks by the way (Y/n)” he mumbled and you raised an eyebrow.

“For what?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged “For everything I guess. I just- I just feel the need to thank you. I don’t think I have appreciated you as much as I should.”

“Dean you don’t have to-”

“(Y/n)” he cut you off, speaking firmly “I know you probably have already forgiven me but I never will. I will never forgive myself for what I did and I know I will never forget it for as long as I am alive.”

“No, no you will. Dean-” you swallowed the lump in your throat “-Forget it, ok? It’s over. We’ve both moved on, we still are friends despite everything. I’m- I’m happy with Sam and you’ve finally found your own match… there is nothing to besad about or to regret.”

“Yeah” he breathed out, staring at the fireplace “Yeah you’re right. We have both… moved on.”

“Yeah” you whispered as well, closing your eyes to keep the tears from rolling.

You didn’t know what the hell was wrong with you now. This week you had almost forgotten how Dean was still single and could have any woman he wanted to. While you were content with Sam as your boyfriend and Dean still as your best friend that you knew would be there whenever you needed him you had not realized that there were chances of him any moment finding someone.

And he had. It was serious and at this moment you literally felt the world slipping out of your hands even if Dean was sitting right next to you and was still your friend.

“You know-” he swallowed, his voice thick “-I never thought we’d have come to this. Remember the first time we met? Or when you moved next door and we started hanging out?” he glanced your way and you smiled faintly, nodding your head.

“Yeah, back then when no boyfriends or… girlfriends bothered being mentioned, not to mention existed.”

“Yeah” he nodded his head.

He hesitated a little before ending up scooting closer to you, one arm wrapping around your waist as he rested his head at the crook of your neck.

You hated how you felt your heart beat in a weird.

“Who would have ever thought that you and my brother would end up like this” he added in a low voice and you couldn’t help but frown down at him.

“We were best friends, almost calling one another family and now we might actually become a real family.” he said in a barely audible voice and you took a large sip of your drink.

“Yeah. Who would have ever imagined that.” you nodded your head absentmindedly “Gonna be impossible to explain this to my parents.”

A deep chuckle made Dean’s chest rumble and you almost closed your eyes at the beautiful sound.

“Don’t think that they will mind that much. Sam is a catch.”

“…So are you.” you said completely honest.

Dean took a sharp breath, looking up at you. A small half smile slowly formed on his lips “Thanks sweetheart”

He rested his head back down on your shoulder, snuggling closer to you “But you and Sam… You were made for each other.”

“…How do you know that?” you whispered, frowning deeply.

“Because…” he let a shaky breath, running his hand down your arm till he reached your palm “…I know”

“Dean” your voice trembled as you breathed in and out deeply.

“Mhm?” he asked, looking up from your tangled fingers to your eyes.

Your faces was so close and his warm breath almost made you feel dizzy.

“…Are you happy?”

He frowned up at you and you took in another deep breath “I-I mean- You know- you know Sam and I are… happy. We clicked, from the first moment. You… saw it and you somehow helped in all of it. But… are you happy? Even- with that Lisa chick?”

“I’m-” his eyes looked away from yours as he blinked. He knew the answer all to well but- could he really say it?

“As long as you and my brother are happy then, yes I am.” he sighed.

“Try to be a little more believable then.” you joked softly and he chuckled.

“I can never hide anything from you, can I? But no, I really am saying the truth. Both you and Sam- you deserve this. You deserve each other and a chance to being happy.”

“But Dean that’s what you don’t get. This isn’t about me and Sam. It’s about you… and her.” you hated how you’d make everything about Lisa all of a sudden but you couldn’t help it. You wanted the best for him friends or not. Even when you were with another man you’d never stop caring about Dean’s happiness. Truth was you’d always dreamt to be the one to give Dean that happiness in ways you give it to Sam but as long as you can’t have it that way you would at least make sure that he got it any way.

Dean smiled softly, closing his eyes for a second “I can’t tell you for sure yet sweetheart, but I promise I will let you know… when I know as well.”

“Dean, if- if she’s not the one then- then don’t move on because you’re afraid you’ll be alone. You know it’s not the truth. You will always have me here no matter what.”

“Princess I had the one… and I screwed it all up.” he looked up at you and you frowned down at him “There ain’t no point in trying anymore, I’ve long ago lost everything.”

“D-Dean, what-”

“No hey I didn’t tell you all this to cry over my lost happiness. As long as you promise to give me cheeseburgers and pie when you make I will sure as hell be good. I’m a grown ass man.” he chuckled softly.

“No, Dean. You won’t be ok and you know it. What- what happened Dean? Why haven’t you talked to me about it before?”

 _Because he couldn’t._ That was the answer. Simple and small but completely honest. How would he ever tell you that he realized he was in love with you but was scared he’d mess your life up and sacrificed everything he felt, turned his heart to stone, because he could see his brother also had feelings for you? How could he say that he pushed you into Sam’s arms, made you both fall in love with each other, while he had feelings for you? Feelings you also had for him but pushed aside because he hurt you like never before.

“Sweetheart, it’s nothing for you to worry yourself with. You are happy and that is what only matters to.” he smiled sadly up at you and you couldn’t help but bite your lip to keep the tears in.

“But you’re not.” it was a clear statement.

“I will be. In due time, don’t worry about me.” he tried to smile at you but failed.

He brought a hand up and brushed a few stray strands of hair out of your face, his eyes staying locked with yours. The warmth your bodies provided to each other and your feelings that made your body temperature rise had your face flushed. Your breaths mixed and you found yourself unable to look anywhere else but in his eyes. You hadn’t even realized how close your faces were. Not to mention the goosebumps you felt form all over your skin as his fingersabsentmindedly played with yours or he run them over your arm.

It felt almost as if nothing else existed but the two of you. You were lost in his eyes and you couldn’t help but move your hand to run your fingers delicately through his hair and then over his cheekbone, jaw and small scruff. He didn’t mind in the least bit, as his own rough and callused hand was still cupping your cheek, his thumb rubbing softly there. You almost felt your eyes move on their own as you glanced over his features and finally to his lips. You knew it was so wrong to even think about it – Dean knew very well because at the same moment he did exactly the same with you and your lips – but at the same time your mind just refused to think straight- hell think at all to begin with.

Both your eyes moved for each other’s lips to your eyes. They locked for a second before they slowly started closing… just like the gap between the two of you. There was no place for your minds to think, let alone consider how wrong this could be.

But then you didn’t have the chance to consider that as a knock on the door made you both jump from your places. You closed your eyes for a second, letting out a trembling sigh. Dean cleared his throat, pulling completely away. He averted his eyes from yours and let go of your hand.

“I’ll go get that.” his voice was more rough than before but you were too lost in trying to sooth down your racing heart to notice.

You let out another shaky sigh, burying your face in your hands. You were still feeling dizzy and you knew it was all your fault. Gosh what had gotten over you again?

“Sam?” Dean’s voice was heard.

“Hey try to sound less surprised.” Sam replied, chuckling.

“No, sorry man I just didn’t notice how time went by so quickly.” Dean apologized as they both came into the living room.

“Yeah I came a little earlier too. Oh hey baby!” a wide smile (that in all honesty made your knees go weak) formed on his lips as soon as he saw you.

“Hey” you said a little shakily getting up from the couch and almost running to him as you wrapped your arms tightly around him. You opted for burying your face in his chest because at this point you couldn’t even stand looking at Dean behind Sam’s back. _Literally_.

The second you pulled away you pressed your lips to his in a not-so-short-or-innocent kiss. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he chuckled softly, pulling away to look at you with that dimple-y smile that was your weak spot.

“Didn’t know you’d have missed me this much in just a few hours.” he laughed, running his fingers through your hair.

You just shook your head at him, looking down almost in shame and guilt “No, it’s not that.”

He only smiled down at you, kissing your forehead before turning to look at his brother “Well it’s nice that (Y/n)’s here too so that she can hear what I have to say.”

“Did something happen? Mom called you didn’t she?” Dean’s fists clenched by his sides, as always prepared to hear the worst. You yourself got worried as well.

“Sam? Did something happen?” you looked up at your boyfriend and he gave your waist a squeeze.

“No, but it is about to happen. Pack up your luggages, we’re… going somewhere, and it will take a long time…”

_“We got work to do.”_


	24. Chapter 24

He only smiled down at you, kissing your forehead before turning to look at his brother “Well it’s nice that (Y/n)’s here too so that she can hear what I have to say.”

“Did something happen? Mom called you didn’t she?” Dean’s fists clenched by his sides, as always prepared to hear the worst. You yourself got worried as well.

“Sam? Did something happen?” you looked up at your boyfriend and he gave your waist a squeeze.

“No, but it is about to happen. Pack up your luggage, we’re… going somewhere, and it will take a long time. We got work to do.”

“Work as in…?” Dean trailed off, brows frowned and even the smile on Sam’s face didn’t ease him down.

Sam let a small chuckle “Not that kind of work.” he said carefully and although you didn’t get it you knew Dean did very much, because he let a small sigh of relief; nodding his head.

“Then why did mom call?”

“Do you uh remember when we were kids and we’d go visit Bobby and uh we met, summer I remember it was, Ellen and her daughter?”

Dean rolled his eyes “It’s like you’re asking me if I have pie on the fridge or not. Of course yes I remember Jo!”

“Hey!” Sam chuckled raising his hands in surrender “Sorry it’s just been a good few years since we last saw them!”

“Besides I don’t think I should even ask considering the crush you’ve had on Jo for so long.” Sam added with a chuckle and you felt your back immediately tense up.

“Crush huh?” you asked, your eyes hard on Dean that shifted uncomfortably in his place.

“Yeah” Sam laughed “Though she never gave him a single chance.”

“Oh really? Well then I think I should meet this Jo girl! I mean I must congratulate her for having standards after all.” you said with a tight smile and Dean clenched his jaw as you practically glared at each other. You didn’t even bother hiding how annoyed you were- or even more, jealous.

“Well maybe you will get the chance to after all. I mean if you agree to come too.” Sam said with a small shrug and you immediately looked up at him.

“What?”

“You see the reason mom called me was because she wanted to let me know about something. I never really thought there would come this day but- Jo’s getting married!” he exclaimed and to say Dean’s eyes were wide would be an understatement.

“What?!” Dean exclaimed “You- you’re kidding now? She- Jo- Jo Harvelle, is getting freaking married?!”

“I know right?! That was my reaction as well! But thing is she wants us to be there too, because truth is we are family!”

“And why didn’t she send an invitation or something?” you muttered.

Sam shrugged “I think she sent but we never got one. What with me not having told anyone I moved and Dean forgetting to check his mail, mom just wanted to make sure we would be going there.”

“Yet another wedding. Well that’s fan-freaking-tastic.” Dean said, pursing his lips.

“ _Another_ wedding?” Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean’s posture straightened as he realized what had slipped his lips. He shared a look with you, almost everything flashing in front of your eyes that had happened during those two days – _everything_ , but you immediately averted your eyes the second the kiss you shared came back.

You cleared your throat, looking at Sam “Yeah uh Dean escorted me to my sister’s wedding about one month and a half ago.” you gave him a tight smile and he nodded his head.

“Oh well I think this time you will have a different Winchester do so.”

“What- what do you mean?” you frowned at him.

“I mean, that if you want to-” he took hold of your hand “-I would love to brag to everybody for my beautiful date at the wedding.”

“Wh-what? Like- like come with you to the wedding?”

“Yeah” he shrugged softly “I mean it wouldn’t be much of a bother. And it would be fun too. You’d get to meet mom, dad, even Jo that you wanted to. I know Bobby would love to meet you too!” he smiled hopefully, glancing at Dean for some help.

“B-but- I- how will I be there?”

“What do you think? As my girlfriend… if you want to, that is.” his smile fell when he still saw the doubt on your face and truth was you hated yourself for it.

You couldn’t help but glance in Dean’s direction as he stood from afar and watched with a clenched jaw. His eyes looked back and forth between yours, almost expecting your own reaction. He knew that you saying yes to Sam’s suggestion would only mean you were taking this seriously. You would meet his family and along with you two living together he knew just like you did that this was you two taking it seriously. Very seriously. You swallowed thickly, looking away fromthe the almost heartbroken look on Dean’s face to Sam that still was waiting for an answer. You felt your heart swell inboth a pleasant and guilty way, for glancing even for a second at Dean’s way.

You put on a small smile and brought one hand up to cup Sam’s cheek “I would love to.” you whispered and a wide grin spread on his face.

A smile that almost made you forget your own feelings eating you on the inside. The effect this man had on you was truly magical. Making you feel safe and at peace so easily with just a smile or a look of his eyes and in an instant you felt your heart swell and at the same time go on a race. It was hard to comprehend, hell even imagine, that other than Dean there would be a man to make you feel this way. And you knew that was one of the main reasons why you loved him so much.

Wait- What?!

“Great” he breathed out with a dimple-y smile that made your knees go weak and before you could panic over your thoughts he pressed his lips to yours.

As much as you didn’t want this with Dean in the same room watching the two of you’s every single move you couldn’t help but get lost into the kiss. Sam’s lips were so sweet against yours, making you almost melt in his arms. They were so much more different than Dean’s though, they had an amazing feeling to them. Your hands moved to his neck, tangling with his soft hair as you started to deepen the kiss.

Sam let a small chuckle “(Y/n)” he said in a muffled way into the kiss.

It made realization down on you and you slowly pulled away “Sorry” you mumbled and he chuckled, pecking your lips.

“It’s ok. It’s just-” Sam looked at Dean’s way that blinked rapidly, shaking his head and immediately putting on a fake smile – you could so clearly tell – and raising his hands in front of him.

“Oh by all means don’t mind me!” he shook his head “It is the best sight to watch my brother and my best friend make out in front of me! I mean- do I have anything better to do than that?!” he joked, shrugging his shoulders and making a face as Sam laughed softly, a little embarrassed.

“Sorry man, you must be getting tired of us.” he rubbed the beck of his neck and the playful – fake – smile fell from his lips, replaced by a softer – though clearly sad – one.

“Nah it’s fine.” he said in a soft voice “As long as you to guys are happy then I am absolutely fine. You deserve this.” he ended up mumbling, his eyes falling on you and locking with yours. You could see how he was willing himself to smile for the both of you but the sadness and pain his eyes could not be hidden.

“Just make sure to get a room because I liked the bacon I ate this morning!” he put a hand over his stomach making a disgusted face at which Sam rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Whatever you say. Jerk.” Sam mumbled, a small smirk on his face.

“Bitch.” Dean smirked softly as well.

“Wow I feel the love.” you muttered, rolling your eyes and they both chuckled – for the first time you could see it – both meaning it.

“You better get used to this, it’s a Winchester’s tradition.” Sam said, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I really don’t wanna ask more. I’m scared to know you two more.” you shook your head and he chuckled, kissing your cheek.

“No need to. You will get to know us more soon.” he winked at you and then looked at Dean “Which reminds me- we don’t have much time. Less than a week actually. We better start packing a few things.”

“I need to pack a few things too huh?” you spoke and he nodded his head.

“Yeah, it’s better if we are there as early as possible. Maybe help in preparations too, I think Jo would love that.”

“Oh trust me I’ve become an expert in that now!” you laughed “But when are we going to get going?”

“We can’t tonight since I’m tired and we don’t have time to prepare, but tomorrow morning is ideal.”

“Great.” you let a small sigh “I’ve got so many things to do in so little time.” you mumbled.

“Is it that or are you nervous you’re going to meet my mother?” he smiled down at you and truth was you could not deny the panic that had started to rise up inside you at the prospect.

“On the contrary! I have to give her big congrats for managing to put up with you too dorks in the same house for all those years!” you joked and they both shot you a look.

“But thing is we have preparations to make and I am already freaking out.” you sighed and he nodded his head.

“You’re right, we better go pack our stuff and whatnot. Dean you’ll have to pack a few things too. Mom said she already has our rooms waiting for us.”

“Wait- your old rooms? The ones you slept in when you were kids and teens?”

“…Yeah?” it came out as a question from Sam but a sly smile spread on your lips as you looked at Dean’s direction.

“Don’t you dare!” he pointed a finger at you and you laughed.

“I don’t know. Depending on how much I want to hold it against you.” you shrugged and Sam laughed, having caught what you meant to say.

“I need to call mom. Now.” Dean muttered to himself.

“Yeah you better anyway. She wanted to speak to you. We need to get going. Dean we’ll get started tomorrow morning right?”

“Uh yeah, yeah. I’ll pack a few things of mine and Mary’s and we- we can be going tomorrow morning.” he nodded his head.

“Good. See you tomorrow morning then.”

“Yeah see ya” Dean smiled, hugging his brother back as they patted each other’s shoulders.

You shared a small smile with Dean – one that didn’t reach his eyes you noted – and both you and Sam were out of his house, making your way to yours. You had a ton of things to do.

“It’s going to be a long week” you sighed, running a hand through your hair as Sam gave you a small smile. But he knew that your words were very much true.

~Next morning~

“And this-” you let a small huff, handing Sam the luggage “-is the last one.”

“Are you sure about that?” he raised an eyebrow, smirking at you “Because that’s what you said three luggage ago.”

“Sam!” you shrieked, hitting his shoulder as he laughed at you.

“Sorry! Sorry!” he raised his arms in surrender.

“Yeah but you are still laughing!” you crossed your arms over your chest and he burst into a full feat all over again.

“Sam!” you stomped your foot and though still laughing he wrapped his arms around you. You turned your back to him, pursing your lips and frowning like a stubborn little child.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.” you muttered and he gave you a small squeeze.

“Yes I am. And I will make up for it to you. Starting now.” he said softly before pressing his lips to your cheek in a soft kiss, trailing with kisses your jawline and then neck.

“You think just a few kisses will make me forget everything?” you said as stoically as you could, though truth was you could hardly keep yourself from leaning back to him and enjoying the warmth of his arms and everything else of Sam’s that you _loved_ so much.

_**What the hell again with that word?!** _

“Mhm I was thinking for those kisses and something more.” he mumbled into the crook of your neck and your eyes widened.

“Sam?!” you exclaimed “There is not way in hell we are going to do anything with your parents in the same house!”

He laughed, hugging close to him “I was not thinking about that actually. Maybe a few words of how much you mean to me but if you have that in mind-”

“Sam! Hell no, I told you!”

“Yeah but my parents would guess that we don’t just kiss on the cheek when we spent time together you know.”

“S-Saaaam!” you hid your face behind your hands “Gosh if you- if you mention something-”

“Relax” he gave you a soft squeeze, laughing still “I am not going to go bragging but (Y/n) they certainly can imagine that we-”

“I know! Gosh I know Sam but it is not my favorite thing to- to show affection in front of your parents that I barely know at that!”

He chuckled, shaking his head “It’s alright” he kissed your cheek “I understand. Just as long as you feel comfortable. I won’t have a problem and I will try not to brag about my amazing girlfriend either. Too much at least.”

“Thanks” you let a small sigh.

“But you know if you suddenly feel the urge to just grab me and-”

“Sam!” you elbowed him in the stomach and huffing a little he laughed.

“Hey all I’m saying is that a week seems like pretty long for you to not-”

“Sam!” you punched his shoulder and he stepped back, actually hurt. But he still laughed at you and your red face.

“Ok first of; I was doing pretty well without you for years I know I can manage for a week and two; there is no single fucking way I will let anything AT ALL happen in your parents house even if they are not present!”

“Yes but we will share a room and the week is long so- We’ll see about that.” he smiled and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Sam Winchester if you dare try anything I swear-” you pointed a finger at him and he laughed, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your forehead.

“Hmm don’t know.” he shrugged and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Whatever. And-!” you emphasized “I took all those luggage for a reason!”

“Really?” Sam smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes really. I am not going to live one whole week with your father AND mother and not have something nice to wear or look good every day!” you said matter-of-factly.

A small smile formed slowly on Sam’s lips “(Y/n)… are you trying to impress… my mother?” he asked slowly and you felt heat rush up to your cheeks as soon as you realized what he actually meant and how your words truly sounded like.

“So what if I am?” you shrugged, avoiding looking at him “I just…” you let a small sigh, looking at your feet “I just don’t want her to think like you- you are being burdened by me or that I was a bad choice. Like I don’t really deserve you, which I probably don’t because you are literally perfect but- but I really want her to like me… as your girlfriend.”

“(Y/n)” he whispered, cupping your cheek and making you look at him “If my mom will see anything in you is how amazing you are and how happy you really make me. Nothing less, trust me. And I know- she will love you, incredibly much, just like I do. Because you are sweet, kind, generous, loving and tender. You make me more happy than anyone else and care about me, in your way anyway, just as much as she did if not more. And that, trust me, is a lot.”

“Wh-what?” you breathed out softly, blinking at him “What did you just say?”

Sam chuckled “That you are sweet and kind and generous and-”

“No” you voice was in a whisper “No, Sam. Before-” you swallowed through your now dry throat “Before that”

Sam frowned for a second wondering what you wanted to hear. Until it downed on him and his eyebrows shot up in realization. A small shy and soft smile formed on his lips. He rubbed his thumb over your cheek, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours.

“That she will love you. Incredibly much. Just like I do.” he whispered every single word, and with the last you felt your heart leap to your throat to the point you couldn’t breathe. But it was such a pleasant chocking. Who would have ever thought of that?!

You bit your lower lip, your hands on his chest clenching the fabric of his plaid shirt “Sam” your voice was almost inaudible and he smiled adoringly at you. You opened your mouth to speak again but your lower lip was already trembling.

“(Y/n)” he spoke up before you could – if you could ever get past the lump in your throat “It’s fine.” he smiled truthfully at you “I didn’t say it expecting you to say it back, so soon at that. It just slipped. I am not going to take it back because I want you to know it but- I’m not going to pressure you into anything. Much less say something like this if you are not ready or don’t feel it. I can wait for as long as you want.”

A shaky sigh left your lips as you brought your hands up to cup his face “Sam Winchester you are truly amazing. There is no single word left for you anymore gosh.” you breathed out and he chuckled shyly.

“I-” was the only word that left his lips before you crashed yours to his. He jumped for a second, eyes going wide but letting out a small chuckle he melted into the kiss and started responding.

Maybe you couldn’t phrase it at the moment. Maybe it was too early as well. And maybe you were too much of a mess to say those words out loud but there was that part of you, small but present, that you just knew felt the same way. It was crazy and scary at the same time to feel this way for him already. But for now you didn’t care about that. You only cared to show him how much you felt for him. How deep all those feelings you couldn’t phrase were. To make him know… how important he was to you just like you were to him.

“Oh oh” he mumbled through the kiss as his phone started ringing “Just a- just a sec-” he breathed out a laugh and you giggled.

“No, pick it up.” you pulled away, smiling up at him “I’ll just- I’‘l just go check my uh bag, yeah. To uh see if I have you know forgotten something or yeah” you stuttered a little and he chuckled at your almost flustered state.

“Alright.” he was smiling down at you which made you even more shy. Who would have ever thought of that?! You, shy for kissing Sam Winchester like it was the first time.

He chuckled slightly to himself as you made your way to the front of the car. Head slightly bowed as you tucked some hair behind your ear. He opened his phone without even seeing who the person was.

“Hello?”

“Hey, man it’s me.”

“D-Dean?” he frowned, instantly turning on his heel to look at his brother’s house. He could swear he saw movement on the window but ignored it.

“What- where are you? Why are you calling?”

“Uh listen I’m- I’m not home. I had something to uh take care of first. You guys get started without me and I uh I will come later with Mary at mom’s and dad’s house yeah?”

“Yes Dean but- wait what happened? Is everything alright?” the frown was very obvious on Sam’s face just like his worry.

“Uh yeah- I mean no man, no don’t worry.” his voice sounded more rough that usual and definitely not well. Sam could tell how his brother was lying through his teeth.

“You know that doesn’t help at all.. Where are you now? You’ve got Mary with you right? Where have you guys gone? I could come for a little while, we could start later. We have no problem with that.”

“No, no guys you- you go ahead. I uh have some arrangements to make and it will take some time. Really just go without me.”

“Dean we can’t just leave without you like that! Where are you now tell me. We have to talk first.” Sam raising his voice caught your attention and frowning you walked towards him.

“No, no man. Listen- I am fine ok, don’t sweat it. I just need to make a few arrangements. We’ll be gone for a week and I got a garage full of cars and customers waiting for them. I didn’t have a chance to do much yesterday that’s all.”

Sam looked your way for a second a frown still on his face “…Really?” he asked tentatively.

“Yeah, yeah. Really.” Dean swallowed, letting a small sigh “You have the car’s keys and I trust you with her. Just go Sammy. Spent some quality time with your girl without your annoying ass brother in the middle because you won’t have much time for the rest of the week.” his voice sounded hoarse and like he was forcing each word and himself to joke about it and sound cheerful.

“You’re not annoying. You’re my brother and her best friend. We’d have just as much fun with you.”

“Yeah but you are definitely going to be more free without me.” he let a small – fake let’s not forget – chuckle “Just go Sam. Told you I had some things to take care of first. Promise I will be there soon. Don’t worry I won’t let you deal with mom and dad on your own.”

“Fine.” Sam let a small sigh “You better not take long or else-”

“Yeah yeah I know, I know” Dean cut him off “Go Sam. Spend some time with (Y/n) and just enjoy it. I’ll be there soon too.”

“Alright.” Sam mumbled looking your way, taking hold of your hand which made you frown even more. You knew that they were talking about you but by the look on Sam’s face you could say it was not something good.

“Fine, yeah We’ll go but you better come soon too.”

“Yeah yeah whatever” Dean brushed him off “Just be careful with my car or else you’ll pay for it, bitch.”

A small smile played on Sam’s lips but it didn’t stay as he was more worried for Dean. And his failed attempt to lighten the situation up didn’t work because Sam wasn’t buying any of it.

“Whatever you say jerk” Sam rolled his eyes.

He was met with silence for a little while before Dean ended the call. Sam sighed looking down at his phone with a clenched jaw.

“It was Dean.” you stated in a low voice and he nodded his head.

“Yeah” he sighed, his voice a little rough as well “Said we should get going. He will come back later. He uh has something to take care of. About the garage.” he wasn’t looking at you but at the space, mostly thinking.

“Is- is something wrong?” you whispered, unable to hide your own worries.

“He says everything is alright but-” Sam stopped himself, pursing his lips before shaking his head “Yeah, I hope at least.” he said in a rough voice and still frowning you nodded your head.

“Alright then.” you mumbled looking down at your’s and Sam’s hands, giving it a small squeeze.

He gave you a small and tight smile “Come let’s get going. It’s a long drive.” he kissed your forehead before letting go of your hand and making his way to the driver’s seat, his eyes all the way on Dean’s house.

Worries and doubts didn’t cloud only Sam’s mind though. But yours as well. You stood there for a little while, looking at Dean’s house with a deep frown. In the end you let a sigh, shaking your head walking to the passenger’s seat.

You didn’t exchange a look with Sam, nor said anything. With a small sigh he turned the car on. You just rested your head on top of your palm and stared out of the window at Dean’s place. All kinds of thoughts running through your mind pretty much like Sam’s. Dean’s excuse hadn’t convinced him and definitely not you. But pretty soon you were on the road to his old house’s way.

And Dean let the phone drop from his hands to the couch. He let an almost frustrated sigh and ran his hands through his hair. He watched as the Impala left and with a shake of his head he plopped down on the couch. He closed his eyes,burying his face in his hands. Images of you and Sam kissing and being happy together flashed through his eyes. And gosh it hurt so much that he immediately opened his eyes. Even if he could still see the images at least with eyes open they were not so vivid.

His eyes fell on the phone next to him. The same thought that had kept him wide awake all night (other than the images of you and Sam being all over each other) started running through his mind all over again. He had weighted on the option so many times yet he still was not sure. He had thought of all the possibilities, everything going wrong and what it could bring to him after the wedding and this week was over. His life- hell everybody’s life would change for good.

Maybe he was moving fast. Hell yes he was moving fast. Maybe he was making a mistake. Hell yes he was making a mistake. Maybe in the end he wouldn’t be just hurt. Hell yes he would hurt a lot. Maybe you would hurt too. Hell yes you would hurt a lot. Maybe you’d hate him for some time or want to push him away. Hell yes you would. Maybe he was throwing his entire life just for you and Sam. Hell yes he was. But your and his brother’s happiness… that was above all. Dean Winchester couldn’t just find it in himself to be happy while his brother would be suffering.

 _ **So hell yes he was making a huge mistake, but calling Lisa to invite her to the wedding as his official girlfriend was the only option he had left anymore.**_ Yes you would hate him and you meeting her, he was sure, wasn’t going to be pleasant for his or your heart but this was his last card. His last card to push you away from him and into Sam’s arms. To make sure you wouldn’t by some chance do anything to risk it and that Dean would be completely off limits for you, not only because he was your boyfriend’s brother. He knew you wouldnt have the heart to take another girl’s man. You had too much dignity in you to do that, no matter what you felt for said man (gosh how much Dean felt awful about it but he so hoped there was something inside you about him). He had to make sure you would be _just_ with Sam and that his being with Lisa would put you off. Hey, maybe even he wouldn’t get in temptation either.

Only time would tell. And it was a full week of you, him, Sam and Lisa into one just house. Rooms right next to each other’s and meeting almost every moment of the day. Long week indeed.


	25. Chapter 25

You fidgeted with your hands all the way to Sam’s parents’ house. It wasn’t the worry you had over meeting them that had you on edge anymore. It was the fact that Dean had refused to come with you, but later on his own. You were not going to believe that he just had things to take care of with the garage. It was a lame excuse and you knew it. Sam did as well, and wouldn’t buy any of it. What Sam didn’t know about though was what had happened- or at least almost happened between you and Dean the previous day. You couldn’t help but think that it had to do with that though. Hell you were scared he would do something reckless, push you away or maybe something worse.

“He was totally lying.” Sam said through pursed lips and for the first time during this long ride you looked at him.

“You think?” you asked in a low voice and he nodded his head a little.

“I mean-” he ran a hand through his hair “-he tried to seem believable but it was all so fake. Like what the heck does he have to do with the garage at this time? And he had plenty of time yesterday too.” he clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

“Sam” you whispered, taking hold of his hand. You could see how this was worrying him more than it should. In a way that showed how he knew or felt something. That deep down he knew it had something to do with… you.

It made panic rise up inside you and you gave his hand a squeeze. You didn’t want Sam to doubt about you, in no way.

“I’m- I’m sorry (Y/n)” he let a small sigh, bring your hands up to kiss your palm “I shouldn’t bother you. It’s not your fault anyway. I will have a talk with Dean later.”

“No.” you swallowed, shaking your head “No, Sam. Dean is my best friend- he’s family and I can’t just stand and watch.Besides- Whatever is worrying you is worrying me as well. Your problems are mine too, now.”

A small smile, despite the situation formed at the corners of Sam’s lips “You are really amazing.” he laced his fingers with yours, giving your hand a squeeze. He pulled you by you arm and kissed your forehead tenderly.

You let a small content sigh but pulled away for the sake of the both of you “Eyes on road, Samuel.”

He chuckled at you and moving an arm he wrapped it around you, the other still on the steering wheel. You allowed a small smile to form on your lips as you rested your head on Sam’s shoulder. Your eyes drifted up and your smile got bigger as you looked at Sam. You felt like a school girl staring at her crush who by the way had just told her he liked her too. You didn’t know how you’d gotten so lucky – if you could describe it as that with the battle going on inside you – but you would not question it. At least for this week you wanted to be able to enjoy it, to enjoy what you felt for Sam to the fullest and have no single doubt cloud your mind.

Despite how Dean’s thought would always find it’s way to creep inside your mind again.

~*~

“And we’ve reached the Winchester’s household.” Sam said with a small smile, the car coming to a halt.

“(Y/n)?” a small perplexed smile was on his lips as he looked down at you when you didn’t make a single move.

“(Y/n) did you hear me?” he asked, waving a hand in front of your face that made you blink.

“Oh oh sorry, what did you say?” you stuttered, pulling away.

“I said we’re at my parents home but I guess you were too busy staring and daydreaming.” a teasing smile was on his face and you felt your cheeks burn hot when you realized he had caught you.

“Shut up” you grumbled, hitting his shoulder and he laughed at you.

“Wait- we- we are there?” you blinked, your mouth hanging open as you saw the familiar house a few feet away from you.

“That’s wha I just said.” he chuckled “Come on. They are waiting for us.” he gave your hand a small squeeze but before he could make another move to get out you took hold of it and looked at him with almost a horrified look.

“N-no Sam! W-wait!”

“What? What is it?” he asked, worry etching his features.

“Do we- do we have to go… now?” you asked, swallowing thickly.

“Uh yeah we actually do but- (Y/n) What is it? I thought you were past that. I didn’t know you’d be that scared to meet my parents.” he looked at you fully in the eyes.

“I’m- I’m not that scared really but- but what if they don’t like me Sam? I really want to impress them. And I- I am meeting your parents. That’s not so simple. It’s kind of a deal actually! I don’t know what I will do if they don’t like me.”

“Well I know. I won’t do a single thing. Because it won’t make a difference to me or the way I feel about you. (Y/n) honestly there is no need to be scared, trust me. I know they will love you to death! You are seriously perfect and they will see it immediately. Unless you show them how getting in there is like a horror movie to you.” he finished with a chuckle.

“I’m just- I really want them to like me. I seriously don’t want to mess this up.” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

“They will. I know it. But you won’t know it if we don’t go in there.” he pointed out and you let a small sigh.

“Come on” he gave your hand a squeeze “You won’t mess this up. Be yourself and I know they will not want you to leave.”

“I really hope you are right because if they don’t- I am going to shut myself in a room for the entire week.” you sighed and he let a small chuckle.

“Deal.” he agreed, kissing your lips “Now let’s go.” he urged you and with a sigh you nodded your head and got out of the car.

You took some of the luggage and Sam took the rest. The butterflies inside your stomach were going crazy with each step you took closer to the house. Once you stood in front of the door with Sam next to you and were chewing on your lower lip like crazy. You could almost hear your heart drum in your ears as your nerves were on edge. You wanted to impress them so bad, not only for Sam but for you as well. It was beyond important to you.

“Relax. They will love you.” he rubbed your back, giving you a small kiss on the forehead that unlike every time didn’t ease your worries at all.

He rang the doorbell and all the noise and motion inside the house stopped for a second making you almost hold yourbreath- no wait you actually were.

“Coming!” was heard a voice from the inside and you counted each footstep until the door burst open and you were metwith the most bright blue eyes you had ever seen.

If every single other trait of her wouldn’t scream Dean or Sam you would have question who she was. That and the fact that Sam and Dean had shown you many pictures with her and you had seen her once from far away. She was beautiful that could very much be clear. She had long blond hair, falling of her shoulders and a smile that only got wider once she saw you two standing on the doorway. It made your heart instantly go warm.

“Sam!” she breathed out, instantly rushing to wrap her arms around the tall Winchester.

Sam huffed and chuckled “Hey mom, it hasn’t been that long.”

“And is that an excuse for me to not want to hug my little boy? No, I don’t think so.” she told him with a pointed look and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Whatever you say. Anyway we tried to come here as early as possible for the-”

“We? Oh, _oh_ my sweet lord.” she breathed out, clapping a hand in front of her mouth when her eyes fell on you.

“Hello Mrs Winchester” you smiled politely waving a little but before you could do anything else she had you enveloped in her arms in an instant.

You jumped for a second your eyes almost widening and you chuckled breathlessly but hugged her back, instantly feeling welcomed.

“Oh why the formalities? Call me Mary, (Y/n). We are a family!” she held onto your shoulders, smiling warmly and you laughed shyly; looking down for a second.

“But how- how come you are here? Where’s Dean?” she asked, looking at the car in case he was there.

“Uh Dean is going to come later and uh (Y/n)- (Y/n)’s with me, mom… as my girlfriend.” Sam said with a nervous smile that reflected only a bit of your own nervousness.

Her eyes instantly widened – making your heart stop for a second – until an even wider smile spread on her face “Oh my gosh, really?! You two are- that is amazing! Welcome, officially to the family then sweetheart!” she told you happily, making you almost let a small sigh of relief “I honestly wouldn’t have imagined a better woman for my little boy.” sherubbed your arm softly.

“Mom” Sam groaned, rolling his eyes.

You managed to chuckle “Thank you Mrs- I mean Mary, thank you.” you told her with a shy smile and just smiled warmly at you.

“No need to. But come on- I’m sure John will be thrilled to see you and meet (Y/n).” she motioned inside, opening the door more for you.

“You can place your luggage here, I will get Sam’s room ready for you two later.” she guided you inside.

“John!” she said more loudly, walking in front of you, leading the way “Come on!” she said excited, her hand still around your shoulders; clearly showing how excited she was to meet you.

“John! The kid’s here! And he’s not alone.” she added with a chuckle, smiling warmly at you like a mother at her children. And you were nervous about meeting her?

You wanted to laugh at yourself for being so stupid. The second you got to talk to her you felt like at home, like you belonged here and they were waiting for you like a member of the family. You glanced at Sam for a second and he had a wide smile on his face. He winked at you and mouthed an “I told you so” with a smirk. You shook your head at him, looking down. Maybe you could wait a little more before celebrating. You hadn’t met his father yet.

“John!” Mary shouted once again and you saw a man appear in the hallway, eating on something.

Mary let out a sigh, shaking her head “I told you not to eat before it’s ready! Gosh what am I going to do with you!” she rolled her eyes.

“Oh it’s nothing, just a small bite. There’s plenty of it! And- Oh. _Oh_!”

“Hey dad” Sam gave him a small smile, making you frown for a second.

“Look at you!” he swallowed the food “Gone for more than a month and already need a haircut!” John chuckled, but strode to Sam and wrapped his arms around him in a very manly but still fatherly hug.

“It’s great to see you boy” he mumbled and you saw Sam smile in the end.

“It is great to see you too dad” he mumbled, hugging his father even more tightly.

Mary gave you a small smile and you did the same. It didn’t take much for you to guess that their relationship must have not been the best. But you could clearly see how they still loved each other very much. They were family after all.

“You better come visit more often from now on.” he patted him on the shoulder and Sam nodded his head.

“I will, dad. I promise.” he gave his father a small smile and John nodded his head.

“I know, boy.” he said proudly.

Mary cleared her throat, managing to gain John’s attention. He turned his head and once his eyes fell on you he straightened his posture.

“Oh hello there. John. John Winchester.” he walked towards you, extending his hand.

“Very nice to meet you too, sir. Name’s (Y/n).” you shook his hand, making him smile a little.

“Firm grip, I like that.” he nodded his head approvingly.

“Thank you sir” you said politely.

“Uh John (Y/n)’s… Sam’s girlfriend.” Mary said with a small smirk, making John raise an eyebrow.

He looked back and forth between you and Sam “Oh. Oh… _Really_?” he asked and Sam’s smile fell as he shot his father a look.

“Yeah, dad. Really. Thanks for the support by the way.” he rolled his eyes and John chuckled.

“Just kidding. It is actually a pleasant surprise to see that Sam managed to find such a great girl, and trust me I can study people well.” he told you with an approving smile and you almost let a small sigh of relief.

“Thank you sir, it means a lot” you told him with a smile and he shook his head.

“Oh no formalities please. It makes me feel old. John is fine.”

You let a small giggle at the face Sam made and you were lucky John didn’t notice “Of course John. I understand after all. My father is the same. And he won’t take a different opinion no matter what my mother says!”

“Yeah (Y/l/n)s are stubborn asses, I have very much realized.” Sam said with a chuckle and you shot him a look, elbowing him in the stomach.

“Wait- (Y/l/n)? Is your father (y/f/n) (y/l/n)?” John asked.

You nodded your head “Uh yeah yeah, it’s him. And he actually told me how you were best friends in high school.”

“Only best friends?! The things we did!” he laughed and Mary let a small chuckle, shaking her head.

“I really don’t want to know, do I?” Sam asked reluctantly and you laughed a little. Your father had told you about some of his adventures with John Winchester and if Dean and Sam were ever to find out, well, their perspective of John Winchester would drastically change.

“I believe not.” Mary said with a chuckle “But come on, let’s get more comfortable. You must be tired, let’s go to the living room.”

“Uh yeah, good idea.” Sam nodded his head.

Mary and John walked up ahead leaving you and Sam behind.

“Told you so” Sam whispered in your ear, taking hold of your hand, a small smirk on his face.

“The week’s not over yet Winchester, don’t get so happy already.” you told him, though truth you were beyond happy yourself. All nerves were almost gone and you actually thought it was going to be a pleasant week.

“Whatever” he rolled his eyes at you, kissing your cheek.

It made your eyes widen and your cheek heat up at the fact that the same very second Mary was about to turn but luckily she saw nothing.

“This way” she said with a smile “I will go bring something for us to drink” and she walked the other way towards where you assumed the kitchen was.

You gave her a small smile and once she was gone you pushed Sam roughly away, giving him a glare and walking faster ahead to catch up with John so that he wouldn’t do anything else.

~Time skip to dinner~

“So tell me (Y/n), how come that you and Sam are together? How did you meet?”

And there was the typical question you expected from Mary. Not that you minded.

“It has actually been more than just a month. Nothing special, trust me, but it was when he had first come to see Dean and living next door I met him too.”

“Wait so you are that (Y/n)? Dean’s talked about you so many times!” John said with a chuckle.

“I hope it’s all good things” you said with an awkward smile and he shook his head.

“All good don’t worry. But really if I had to put my bet on you it would have been you and him and not-”

“John!” Mary exclaimed cutting him off “She’s Sam’s girlfriend!” she scolded and you gave them a soft chuckle, waving your hand.

Truth was you expected this sooner or later and of course you didn’t miss the chance to look at Sam’s direction. You saw a cold look on his face, his jaw almost clenched, as he looked down at his food. His expression turning into a sad one very soon. You felt your heart shutter at the sight alone.

“No. No really.” you said with a soft smile, turning to look at John and Mary “Dean and I are merely friends. Honestly I’d never be able to see that dork in any way but friendly. No matter how close we are.” _lie_. It was such a big lie and you hated yourself for it more than it was possible.

“Not to mention-” you spoke again, placing a hand on top of Sam’s that was still deep in thought and wasn’t looking at you “-with how much I love this giant over here.” you added softly and at this his head certainly snapped up to you.

To say that his eyes were wide and he had a look of pure shock on his face would be an understatement. You couldn’t help a small giggle. You didn’t plan on saying it so early and truth was you were scared but you just couldn’t hold back that small part of you that itched you to just say it.

“Well-” Mary’s soft voice made you look at her “-thank you (Y/n).”

“For what?” you chuckled shyly.

“For loving them. Both.” if only she knew how true her words really were “For loving Sammy and taking care of him. For being his partner in life and for being Dean’s partner in crime and making sure he doesn’t get into much trouble. You are a true treasure.”

“I’m not- I didn’t do anything special.” you mumbled with an awkward laugh, looking down.

“That is because you _are_ special.” she smiled at you and you felt your cheeks heat up. She truly was amazing.

“I feel like this is turning into girls’ talk all of a sudden so I am just going to change the subject- (Y/n) how is your father?” John spoke up with a chuckle.

“John!” Mary sighed “We want to know the girl more, not talk about (y/f/n)”

“No no it’s fine. And he is doing pretty well. Just like you remember him, ever growing but still a child at heart.” you smiled taking a bite of your chicken. You glanced at Sam for a second, his eyes had not left you and he had not eaten anything after what you said.

You gave his hand a small squeeze to gain his attention and he blinked, smiling shyly at you. Oh how you loved that dimplysmile.

“No wonder they were best friends.” Mary mumbled and John gave her a look while you laughed.

“So (Y/n)- You are Dean’s best friend, Sam’s girlfriend any more members of the family, other than us, that you have met?” John asked, making a small talk.

“Uhn no not really. I mean Sam and Dean have talked to me about some people but I haven’t met anyone, even though I’d like to.”

“I know Bobby will be thrilled to meet you!”

“Yes and definitely Jo! We are going to make some final preparations tomorrow for her wedding dress, you could come to!” Mary suggested and you smiled.

“I uh I’d actually love to but she- she doesn’t know me, like at all, I don’t know if she’d be comfortable with-”

“Oh nonsense! She will adore you! I know you will be friends immediately! You’ve known Dean for years and not let his charm get to you? You’ll be best friends!”

You giggled “I really hope so”

“Speaking of whom- Where the hell is he?” John grumbled, looking at his watch “We even put off dinner for him but he’s still nowhere to be seen.”

“Did he tell you he’d be here today?” Mary asked Sam who had been quiet almost throughout the entire dinner.

He shook his head “Yes yes he said it might take him some time but he would be here today.”

“What was it that he had to do?”

“Have no idea. Something with the garage he said he hadn’t time to deal with yesterday.” Sam sighed and you gave his hand a small squeeze. It was worrying you just as much as him.

“That kid. Always leaving things for the last minute.”

“Yeah I wonder where he took that from.” Mary mumbled, giving John a look. It made all of yours eyes widen and you and Sam couldn’t help a small snicker.

“Maybe we should give him a call though to make sure.” you mumbled and Sam nodded his head.

“Yeah he didn’t sound all that great on the-” he started speaking but his words were cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“I’ll go get it.” Mary said and hurried to get up from the table to the door.

“Who knows what he got caught up with.” Sam mumbled.

“What… or whom, knowing your brother it might be the second.” John mumbled and Sam let a soft chuckle.

“Truth is there is someone lately but- no I don’t know she’d have to do with all this.”

“Maybe. It’s not as serious as for the two of you after all huh?” he smiled at Sam who laughed softly.

“Maybe, maybe not. Only time will tell.” Sam shrugged, glancing at you and you smiled shyly at him.

But before you could say anything Mary’s voice was heard, joined by laughter “John!” she shouted “They’re here!”

“Finally!” John exclaimed getting up from his chair.

“Wait… they?” you repeated with a frown and Sam shrugged.

“Let’s go” he urged you and you both soon followed John.

~*~

“Oh my gosh and to think I never thought this moment would come!” you heard Mary laugh as she hugged Dean.

“Mom just stop, please.” he groaned with a roll of his eyes.

“In all honesty this is a big step for you!” John chuckled “You know you have still time to run away right?”

“No, no it’s fine. I think it will be a nice experience, meeting all of Dean’s family and friends.” replied a voice that wasn’t Mary and certainly not Dean. A voice you had never heard before and at the thought of who it might be your stomach tightened.

“So… garage work to do huh?” Sam asked with a small smirk as soon as you entered the living room.

Dean chuckled, glancing at you for a second although your eyes were glued on the woman that stood next to Mary. She was beautiful you could tell, brunette with brown big eyes and a smile that could lit up an entire room. You didn’t have to even ask to know it actually was even if you had never seen her before.

“Yeah” Dean laughed, scratching the back of his neck nervously “Sorry about that. Just Lisa hadn’t packed her things and we needed some time and I just wanted to surprise you all.” he shrugged with a small smile.

“So… was it a surprise?” his voice took on a softer tone, his eyes moving to lock with yours without Sam actually realizing.

Unable to look at her anymore you stared at Dean but your back immediately straighten and your jaw clenched as you look at him as emotionlessly as you could. There was no way you were going to let him understand how much this was affecting you.

“Big one.” you said the words, looking at him in the eyes.

“Great” he cleared his throat “Then let me introduce you to the rest. Lisa-” he put an arm around her waist making your heart tighten “-This is little bro Sammy.” he motioned to your boyfriend.

“Oh pleasure to meet you Sam! You certainly are not so… little.” she chuckled and Sam let a laugh of his own.

“Great meeting you too Lisa.” he smiled, shaking her hand.

“And this-” he turned to you, eyes ever locked with yours in an unspoken dialogue “-this is the woman who has been giving me the sweetest torture for the past years, other than my mom and daughter. (Y/n).”

“Oh you are (Y/n)? It is so great to finally meet you! He has told me a lot about you and little Mary talks a lot about you too!” she said with a bright smile, shaking your hand.

_She was so kind and honest to the point you hated yourself for feeling jealous._

“It is great finally meeting you too Lisa. Dean has told me a lot.” you glanced at him “You certainly are special for him.” you added and her smile got more shy.

“Oh I never thought he was one for that.” she chuckled “But thank you, anyway.”

“No really, it’s nothing. Just the truth.” you said with a small tight smile “He finally did something right. You are really the best he could find.”

“Oh honestly I didn’t know you were this kind. Dean was right in everything he said about you.” she smiled warmly at you and you chuckled.

“Nonsense. I am honestly saying the truth saying you two are amazing together.” you told her, not missing to glance at Dean for a second that was almost staring at you with watery eyes.

“So Lisa- you are going to be at the wedding too?” Sam asked, coming next to you and wrapping and arm around your waist without even realizing it. But you were beyond thankful for the support he offered.

“Yeah uh Dean said he’d love to have a date at the wedding to not feel like a lone wolf _and_ me to finally meet his parentsso- I guess it’s like killing two birds with one stone.” she shrugged with a small smile.

“Well it was a great idea!” Mary said with a wide smile, holding her sleepy granddaughter in her arms “Both our boys with their significant others here! What more could we ask for?”

Dean cleared his throat, looking away from you “Certainly a bed to rest cause I’m beat!” he stretched slightly “Oh and some pie before that cause I am also starving.”

“You are right, it’s quiet late.” Mary said glancing at little Mary “I’ll put sleepy head here in her own bedroom and then-”

“(Y/n)” Mary whined sleepily and softly, her hands reaching for you once she saw you there.

You chuckled softly and so did Sam “No worries. I’ll take care of that one Mary. You guys go finish dinner.” you took the little girl from her, her tiny arms instantly wrapping around your neck.

“What about you?” Sam asked concerned but you shook your head.

“Nah I’m not hungry anymore.” you gave him a soft smile “I’ll just put Mary to sleep and then lay down. I’m really tired all of a sudden.”

“Oh alright then.” he mumbled, leaning down to kiss your lips “I love you” he whispered only for you to hear but Dean that stood so close could certainly hear it.

A small smile formed on your lips as even in the state you were in you felt your heart lighten up a little “I love you too” you whispered back; missing how Dean’s eyes went wide for a second.

Sam smiled at you, kissing your forehead before moving back.

“Uh Mary, it’s the room you showed me earlier huh?” you looked at her and she nodded her head.

“Yes right next to yours and Sam’s.” she smiled and with the little girl in your arms you started making your way to the stairs.

Your eyes didn’t miss to fall on Dean’s that, much like Sam’s, were glued to you and not Lisa who was talking about something.

~*~

You felt your bed dip after not such a long while of being alone and you immediately realized Sam was there.

“Are you ok?” his low voice asked you and you turned to face him.

“Yeah, just really tired I guess. The ride here took longer than I expected.”

“Yeah” he chuckled “I didn’t want to hurry that much. Wanted some time alone with you, sorry.” he said sheepishly and you laughed.

“No Sam really it’s fine.”

“But-” he smiled widely at you “You really have to admit that I was right after all. They loved you, I told you so.”

“Yeah… I bet not as much as they loved Lisa huh?” your voice was low and hoarse.

Sam instantly frowned “No, no. Maybe my dad didn’t pay much attention to it but I know- I know mom already adores you like a daughter and that won’t be replaced by anyone. No matter how perfect Lisa is.”

“Yeah” your eyes were casted down to your hands and locked fingers “Just like you said… perfect.”

“Yeah but why- oh no, hey hey look at me. Here look at me.” he cupped your face and made you look up at him fully in the eyes.

“No matter how perfect, how great she is I will never- and I mean it, _never_ will she be able to be you. Because you are unique. Amazing and the way you make me feel cannot be compared to anything else. For me you are the only woman on this world. No-one will ever be able to compare to you. In any way. She may look perfect, and the ideal girlfriend but she will never have this kind of sparkle in her – even sad – or the kind of smile that makes head turns- and no!” he pointed a finger “I do not mean the other way or like the exorcist!” You couldn’t help a small giggle from leaving your lips.

“Besides- have you taken a look at the mirror? Because damn you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and no-one will ever manage to reach that.” he ended up whispering and you bit your lower lip.

“Thank you Sam” you said in a low voice, bring your hand up to cup his cheek “Really I- I will never be able to thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.” you almost felt tears well up in your eyes.

Your self esteem was beyond low but with just a few words and with looking at you that way you just felt worth it. You would never be able to understand how Sam just made you feel important and needed. Like you actually mattered.

“I… actually have an idea” a small smirk formed on his lips and once you got it your eyes widened.

“Sam!” you exclaimed, hitting his shoulder and he burst into laughter.

“You freaking moose! I told you- I told you not to! Oh gosh don’t tell me you said something downstairs while I was gone and-”

“Well, maybe, maybe not. Who knows.” he shrugged and your eyes widened even more.

“Sam!” you shrieked, repeatedly hitting him as he held his stomach in laughter.

“Whow whow easy there! I- I actually didn’t say anything, but when I got up to come here, saying I was tired- you know it didn’t just slip by.”

“Oh my gosh. What- who-” you clapped a hand over your mouth.

“My dad may or may have not commented on how tired I was, saying that I hadn’t gotten too much sleep.” he shrugged and your eyes certainly went wide at that.

“Oh my gosh.” you breathed out.

“Yeah and I may or may have not said that I have been a little busy.” he added slowly and that is when your mouth fell open.

“You didn’t…” you breathed out, feeling your cheeks go warm just at hearing it.

“H-hey! In my defense you said there is no doing it in this house but you didn’t mention something about talking about that!” he pointed out and you glared at him, narrowing your eyes.

“Sam Winchester you didn’t just- You- gosh you just went and said that we-” you let a frustrated sigh, hiding your face behind your hands.

“Oh come on” he chuckled “First it was very much true and you know it-” he gave you a smirk and you glared coldly at him “And second it’s not as if they expect us to just sleep next to each other, (Y/n). Of course they know we do this kind of stuff. That’s why my dad joked about it. It’s not uncommon between us.”

“Yes Sam but just between you two! Not that my boyfriend and his father talking about our love life is ideal either! But not like this! Not with your mother there and Lisa and Dean!” you exclaimed and he just rolled his eyes.

“Baby relax, it’s not as if they will think any less of you. In fact I don’t even think they expect us to sleep tonight here, or the rest of the nights.” he shrugged and your body stiffened.

“Wh-why? Did they say something?”

“What? No, no of course not” he lied through his teeth, truth was that his father had said something about trying to keep it as low as possible.

“Luckily” you let a small sigh of relief, not wanting to think that all those comments were made in front of not only Mary and Lisa, but mostly and above all Dean “But it is definitely what we are going to do, so- goodnight baby.” you pecked his lips and fell back on the bed.

He chuckled, shaking his head “I wouldn’t expect anything different.” he mumbled, laying down next to you “But just so you know-” he started speaking again but immediately stopped when a sound that also made your eyes widen was heard.

It was almost like a thud, like something falling or more specifically something being slammed to the wall. Silence fell between you and Sam but then you heard the sound again. And again. And definitely again, almost in a rhythmic way. You were both grown adults and you certainly didn’t have to think hard to guess what was going on, especially with Dean’s room being right next to yours.

Sam let a soft chuckle while you just clenched your jaw. Even if it was very audible you heard another sound again all too familiar.

“Seems like somebody else is not having any problems though.” he laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing you close to him.

“Yeah. Why would he after all?” you said through gritted teeth, clenching your jaw to keep the tears in. You then shut your eyes tightly and clenched the pillow in your fists.

“Hmh” Sam hummed in agreement though you could realize he had already started o drift off, not really affected by the sounds coming from the room next to yours. You actually wondered if they could previously hear you as well. You hadn’t done anything but the sounds you’d made weren’t all that innocent if you considered it.

You let your eyes open once the sounds and movement stopped altogether. A tear slipped down your eye and you cursed at yourself for it. No matter how much you wanted to catch a break he just wouldn’t give it to you. Things had went well with Sam’s parents, and you had luckily managed to avoid the awkward moments by not being there, and you had actually started to hope everything would go well.

But no of course Dean had once again to take it all away and make this actually the hardest week of your life as you’d have to face them every single day and even hear them at night.

Yes it was going to be the hardest week of your life.


	26. Chapter 26

You literally dragged yourself downstairs to the kitchen. Your eyes were still laced with sleep and you would give everything to just have at least an hour to spend in bed cuddling with Sam. A small smile was on your face at the giant and how cuddly he got in his sleep. You had never actually seen him get this soft before, although you’d usually snuggle in bed after- yeah.

You tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear as you made your way to the kitchen. You couldn’t hear much movement so you were pretty satisfied. All you wanted was a peaceful morning and some time to your self. Especially after last night. You shook your head the second you thought about it, trying to dismiss all sorts of images.

But of course luck wasn’t with your side today as it seemed.

“Oh good morning!” Lisa flashed you a bright smile and you forced one yourself.

“Good morning Lisa” you took a mug and filled it with coffee.

“Slept well?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

 _‘What do you think?!’_ you asked sarcastically in your mind but you tried to not let any of your real emotions show.

“Uh yeah I d-” you stopped for a second, as soon as your eyes landed on the mark on her neck. You tried to keep your eyes from widening. You swallowed hard, putting a small smile.

“Yeah I did. Not much but at least I don’t have to go to work.” you shrugged, looking down at your mug.

“Oh I understand. I have problems sleeping when I’m not in my bed too.” she nodded her head.

“Yeah… I pretty much guessed from the sounds.” it left your lips in a bitter way but you didn’t regret saying it.

“Oh, oh really? (Y/n) I’m- I’m sorry if we- if we kept you up-” she was honestly sorry and it made you hate yourself for how nice she actually was to you “You know how Dean is. Can’t say no to him even if I try to. He just does that thing with that thing and yeah.” she giggled and you truly felt sick to the stomach.

“And he certainly never misses a chance with a bed nearby either.” she added chuckling and you nodded your head.

“Yeah well it might be good to warn him next time that those marks are not going to be mistaken by his parents.” you said almost stoically, your eyes glued to the mark on her neck.

Her eyes widened slightly, a small blush rising on her cheeks “Oh gosh I hope it’s not that visible.” she moved her hair to cover it “I tried to stop him but you know that man, likes to mark his territory and when he starts he doesn’t stop!” she laughed and you pursed your lips.

“Yeah, you tell me.” you nodded your head absentmindly, taking a large sip of your coffee.

“Oh but Mary made some pancakes, don’t you want any?”

“Nah I’m good. I’m not hungry for anything honestly.” you sighed, eyes casted down “Where is she by the way?”

“Oh went to get some pie for Dean, we ran out last night.”

You let a small chuckle “That woman really deserves an award for not losing her mind with two sons like those two.” and she laughed at it as well.

“You tell me. You too deserve an award.” she said with a smile but you frowned.

“Why is that so?”

“Well, you’ve been friends with Dean for so long. You put up with him and all of the crazy shit he does, and we both know that’s a lot. And now you are Sam’s girlfriend and have to take care of him too.” she shrugged.

“Nah it’s nothing” you shrugged too “Besides- Dean is your responsibility now so I guess I better wish you good luck huh?”

She chuckled “As it seems. But truth is I wouldn’t change him for anything. I’ve known him for so many years and getting to see him after all this time just reminded me why I fell for him all that time ago.” she spoke softly.

You smiled slightly at the true love you saw in her. As much as it hurt you it still made you feel happy Dean had actually found a woman worth it and worthy of him.

“You loved him didn’t you? You still do?” you whispered and she nodded her head with a small shy smile.

“Yeah, and I am really lucky to have him in my life again. And Ben’s life too. My son, I mean.”

“Yeah Dean’s talked to me about him. He loves him a lot you know.”

“I know, it’s still hard to believe that despite all those similarities he’s not Dean’s son.” she let a small sigh “But I am ok with it. He stands by him like a father, so that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, he’s taking this seriously. I mean he did invite you to meet his parents after all.” you bit he inside of your cheek to keep yourself from saying what you really wanted.

“You think?” she bit her lower lip “I mean, Dean was never one for that and now- now he seems to really want this. And I still don’t know what to think about having a real family with him. What- what do you think?” she looked up in your eyes and you swallowed hard, not showing how you really felt.

“I think-” you looked down for a second, thinking of what would be the most right answer “I think that you are really important to him and if he is taking this seriously it’s because… he wants you in his life. Because… you make him happy and he feels like at home with you. Like you are his rock, the one always there for him to help him make it through hardships. Like… he loves you too. I mean-” you chuckled to lighten the mood “-Mary already adores you and it is hard to gain her trust! Trust me she took after her father on that!”

She smiled widely, truly believing your words “I really love her as well. She is amazing- and for that I need to thank you. Dean told me how you stood by his side all this time, how you helped him not only with Mary but everything else too. You were like a mother for her and for Dean… like a sister.”

_**Yeah sister. Of course.** _

“I just- I feel like I need to let you know that even if I am in Dean’s life now you- you will always have a special place in his heart too. You are his best friend. I don’t intend to take that away from Dean and I certainly don’t intend to take him away from you in any way.” she placed a hand on top of yours.

_**Yeah, too late for that.** _

“What you and him have will never be replaced by anyway and I don’t want to take your place in his life. You are and will always be his best friend and I promise you nothing is going to change between the two of you because of my presence. Even if it actually gets serious for him and I.” she smiled warmly at you and you gave her a soft smile as well.

“I- I know Lisa. You are a good woman, I only hope you are going to make him happy. That idiot deserves it and you- you are honestly the best he can get out there.” you nodded your head and she smiled widely.

“Trust me, nobody, not even me, will be able to replace you either. A friend like you is hard to come by and Dean knows it. He cares about your happiness just as much as you care about him. Hell, I know he would even sacrifice himself in any way if he could make sure you had the life you deserved. I may be the best for him out there but you- you are alreadyimportant to Dean. _The feelings he has for you will never be replaced by any woman, not even me_.”

_**Oh how true.** _

“But I promise you, I will try my best to make him happy. Him and Mary. I will be like a mother to her so that you won’t have to worry anymore for her and can have your own life.”

You wanted to snap at her that you’d always care about Mary, that even if you weren’t related she was your daughter and that actually her and Dean were your life. But you definitely could not say that, especially with the man that was supposed to be your life anymore walking down the stairs. And you soon realized he was followed by the man whom you hoped would be your life for as long as you’d live and that had been for all these years. But no longer, because he had found himself the woman he’d love for as long as he lived. And it was not you.

“Morning there.” Sam smiled widely.

“What are you girls talking about?” Dean asked with a small smirk, moving next to Sam to fill his cup with coffee as well.

“Just girl stuff, nothing you need to know Winchester.” she said with a small smirk and he chuckled, leaning down to kiss her on the lips.

Of course you didn’t miss any second of it as it all happened directly in front of your eyes. And you definitely noticed the marks on Dean’s neck that matched hers. You blinked several times, trying not to let it show how affected you really were or how you felt tears starting to well up in your eyes. You almost jumped in surprise though when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You blinked turning your head to look at Sam sit next to you, a small smile on his face. Though concerned you soon noticed.

“You ok?” his voice was in a whisper, frown on his face.

You smiled despite your situation at his concern “I am fine, don’t worry. Just needed a few more hours in bed with my favorite moose but- I will survive.” you smiled and he chuckled.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to spend time together I promise.” he spoke softly and you nodded your head.

He leaned down to kiss your lips fully and you let a small content sigh for the first time ever since you were here. He smiled cheekily down at you once he pulled away and you involuntarily let a small whine, wanting more. He winked at you in the adorable way of his and you gave him a small scowl but where about to lean in close again and kiss him once more if it wasn’t for-

Someone cleared his throat and both you and Sam turned to look at Dean’s and Lisa’s direction. You saw a small scowl on Dean’s face but he tried to make it look playful “Unless you two are done making out let me remind you that I am still here and watching my brother and best friend like this is not my favorite thing in the morning.”

“Yeah well it isn’t my favorite thing to fall asleep to my brother doing it next door either.” Sam retorted and Dean’s reaction was very much different to Lisa’s, who blushed furiously. At least she had some dignity.

“What can I say-” he grinned cheekily, that proud smile of his “I am a passionate lover.” with his arm wrapped around her shoulders he kissed her neck right where the hickey was.

“Yeah making the bed rock all night” Sam scoffed rolling his eyes.

“Not my fault she was asking for it.” Dean grinned at Lisa whose eyes were more wide then before, if possible.

“Dean!” she exclaimed, hitting his shoulder “We- we are sorry Sam, not going to happen again guys. I promise.”

“Honey don’t make promises you know you won’t even remember with what I will do to you.” Dean smirked at her and her cheeks got even more red while Sam made a face.

“Yeah thanks for the images by the way.” he shuddered, taking a sip of his own coffee.

Lisa hid her face behind her hands as Sam and Dean spoke. You on the other hand didn’t have any kind of emotion on your face. Only looking at Dean with a look full of hatred (for what he was making you feel), pain… and fear that he was hurting more himself than you. Once he turned his head to look at you and he eyes locked with yours he swallowed hard, the fake happiness washing off for a second.

Maybe as the thought of what had happened last night between the two of you flashed through his mind just like it did with you.

-Flashback-

You ran almost a frustrated hand through your hair, jaw clenched as you walked down the stairs. You had had enough. Once Dean and Lisa were done having their fun you thought you’d be able to finally go to sleep. But as it seemed that was not the case. Images wouldn’t stop flashing through your mind and you couldn’t help the jealousy that rose up inside your chest, itching you to do something, anything but lay in a bed. So of course you slowly, careful not to wake Sam, got up and opted for going downstairs to have a glass of milk to sooth down your nerves.

Luck was certainly not with your side because except for the milk there was somebody else downstairs too. The cause of all your nerves and the only person – maybe besides Lisa – that you were in no mood of seeing.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Dean raised an eyebrow and you literally held yourself back from snapping at him.

He was wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt. Hair all messed up as if someone had been runningtheir fingers through them, of course she had, some marks on his neck but what mostly got on your nerves was the smile that he had on his face. The one that screamed 'I just had sex and I loved it’. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand and you coul see the bottle already half empty next to him. Not the situation you’d expect to see him in, considering the smile that was on his face. One that looked really fake but you weren’t in the mood to pay attention to.

“What do you think?” you growled, pushing him away to open the fridge and get the milk.

“Whoa what’s gotten into your pants all of a sudden?” he frowned for a second “Other than Sam of course”

“Yeah well not tonight and not your business anyway.” you grumbled, pouring the milk in a glass.

“Huh what is that supposed to mean? And what’s up with you anyway?” he just was asking for it.

“Nothing, Dean! Damn it nothing ok? You didn’t let me sleep for a fucking minute just let me drink this freaking glass of milk in peace! I think I deserve at least that!” you snapped, being careful to keep your voice low because you didn’t want to wake up anybody. Truth was you just wanted to scream in his face but even this brought a small relief to the building up emotions aka jealousy.

“So that’s what it is about?” he raised an eyebrow and you clenched your jaw.

“Yeah that’s what it is about.” you let out a frustrated sigh, trying your best to stay calm “Just go to your girlfriend and let me finally be.” you ended up mumbling.

“No, I’m not going to. What is your problem anyway? I mean yeah we didn’t let you sleep much but you weren’t going to anyway with Sammy.”

You frowned the anger building up inside you again “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you hissed, getting up to be in the same eye-level with him.

“I mean that even if we didn’t make any noise at all you still were too busy on your own. Sam and you were having plenty of fun weren’t you?”

“Certainly not as much as you and her were fucking having.” you growled and you saw his jaw clench, just like his fists.

“Yes we had. Very much actually and thanks, but come on now. Why deny it? You and Sam were casually having sex too, we heard you (Y/n) crystal clear.” he growled the words and your eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Wh-what?” you breathed “You thought- you thought Sam and I were doing something so you just decided to- to give me a payback?” astonishment was hard to hide from your face and voice.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes and turning his head away so that he wouldn’t look you in the eyes.

“Answer me!” you grabbed his shoulder, roughly turning him to look at you “Was that all a payback? Did you want to get to me that’s why you slept with Lisa? Because you thought Sam and I-”

“Why the hell does it matter? And what if I say yes huh? What difference will it make?!” he was whisper-shouting all of the words, his face so close to yours you could feel his breath “I’m sorry but unless you have realized it you are dating Sam. Sam Winchester, my brother. It should not- it _must not_ matter what I do with other women when you are in the room next door laying down next to him.” he ended up growling the words and you found yourself backing slightly away.

“You are… my best friend.” your lower lip trembled as you whispered the words.

“So what? What kind of excuse does that give you… or me!? Does it suddenly justify this?” he motioned between the two of you “You know it doesn’t, nor will it ever explain it.” he let out a small sigh, straightening his back “Just drop it (Y/n), you and I both know it is not going to do any good if we dig this up any more.” he looked away.

“Do I? Do I really know it Dean?” you grumbled, looking up at him “Hell I don’t know anything anymore! But you-” you pointed a finger at him “You don’t get to go sleep with another girl next door, making sure you are loud enough for me to hear and then blame all of it on me! You don’t. Have. The right to!” you hit his chest with each word.

“And you do? You have the right to go fuck my brother and then come to me like nothing happened? To kiss him right in front of my eyes and tell him you _**love**_ him and then come to me, touch me and make me feel things I-” he stopped himself shaking his head and clenching his jaw “This is pointless. You are with Sam, I am with Lisa either you like it or not. We’ll have to deal with it. And if you cannot realize it then I will make you.” he said as sternly as he could.

“And if that is by banging Lisa right next door then so be it. It’s my life, my choices and my brother’s happiness. And I’m sorry if you don’t like it but I am not going to take anything back. You better get used to it princess 'cause I ain’t stopping because your pretty ass can’t take-”he didn’t have time to finish his sentence as your palm collided with his cheek in a rather painful slap.

“You know what Winchester? You’re right. Your life, your choices. I’m sorry for myself that I cared for you this much when you actually don’t deserve even a fraction of my affection. You can go screw yourself for all that I care.” you hissed the last words at him, his head still turned the other way as you had slapped him.

You didn’t give him a second look before turning around and almost running up the stairs.

Dean let out a trembling sigh, his eyes fluttering shut as his hands clenched on the kitchen counter to support his weight as much as he could. He felt tears welling up his eyes but he willed them down. He wasn’t going to cry at this, not when he had done the hardest of all. Maybe he shouldn’t have been this harsh but he knew he shouldn’t leave any room for questioning. He had to make sure that you were not going to think of him as anything more but a friend (he still hoped you would see him as a friend after all he said) and your boyfriend’s brother. Just that.

_This was by far the hardest thing he had to do, being such an asshole to you, and he hoped he wouldn’t have to repeat it. But at least it was worth it. For you and Sam’s happiness._

-End of Flashback-

“So- what are we going to do today? I mean it’s not that they need much help especially from us for the wedding.”

“Well-” Lisa spoke up “(Y/n) and I will go with Mary to meet Jo for the final fitting for the dress. You boys are not needed, obviously, but you could go with John to check if the setting is alright for the wedding.”

“Might as well, Bobby will probably be there too.”

“Yeah and it’s time to finally meet the groom, see if the dude’s worth it.”

“And how are you going to check on that?” Lisa raised an eyebrow, smirking at Dean.

A smile spread on both Sam’s and Dean’s faces “We have our ways.” he shrugged and Lisa chuckled.

“I don’t even wanna know, do I?”

“It’s better if you don’t.” Sam laughed, though his laughter died out once he took a look at you again. Not even for a second had a smile appeared on your lips.

“Baby, are you alright?” he asked in a low voice and looking up from your mug you gave him a soft smile and nodded your head.

“Yeah I am. Just need some air, that’s all. I’m gonna get dressed while we wait for Mary.” you pushed your chair slightly back.

“Yeah but- are you sure?” he placed a hand on top of yours,stopping you before you could go anywhere.

You smiled at his concern “Absolutely. Besides- I am dying to meet Jo. A girl that didn’t let Dean Winchester get into her pants no matter how much he tried, well I certainly want to congratulate her myself.” you added with a chuckled, getting up from your chair.

Truth was you did sneak a glance behind you only to see Dean’s, but above all Lisa’s expression. You were sure he hadn’t told her anything and yes you probably were evil but you enjoyed very much the look on her face that moment. Or Dean’s for that matter.

~*~

You took some time to yourself, mostly to calm down; before you started changing clothes. You just couldn’t wait for Maryto be back so you’d have an excuse out of this house but mostly away from Dean. Sure you would be with Lisa but strange as it may sound you prefered her over the green-eyed man.

You had just chosen a shirt and were about to pull it over your head- that is if the door hadn’t opened and Dean had burst in.

You immediately turned around, eyes going wide “Dean!”you shrieked.

“Oh oh sorry I-” he began stuttering, his own eyes going wide.

“Don’t you ever knock damn it?” you growled “Turn around!”

“Sorry!” he raised his hands in surrender, turning around before you could see his cheeks get red.

You grumbled incoherent things under your breath, pulling the shirt over your head and pulling it down “Ok, turn.” yousighed and he let a small sigh as well.

“Sorry, really. I should have knocked.” he mumbled.

“Yeah no kidding.” you half-glared at him, crossing your arms over your chest “Doesn’t matter anymore. What do you want here now?”

“I uh- I wanted to talk to you… about last night.” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Oh really?” you raised an eyebrow and he sighed, looking down.

“You have every right to be angry at me, trust me so am I.” he swallowed the lump in his throat “But I just- I can’t leave it like this (Y/n).”

“Oh really? Because it didn’t seem a lot like it last night.” your words dripped like venom.

“I was wrong” he looked at you, pain written all over his face “Besides- I was drunk, you saw the bottle too.”

“Oh that begins to justify it? To justify this?” you motioned between the two of you, mimicking him from last night.

He let out a sigh, his eyes fluttering shut as he ran a hand down his face “You have every right to be mad at me. I was a jerk.”

“Try the biggest jerk in the entire universe.” you grumbled and he swallowed, looking down in shame.

“But I can’t say anything. It’s your life as you said Dean. Your life, your choices. If you want to be a total asshole then who am I to speak up about it?” you shrugged, trying to hide how hurt you too were.

“You’re my best friend (Y/n).” he whispered, his voice rough “And I am sorry if I hurt you by saying any different. Of course you matter to me, more than anything or anyone else.”

“Really? Because you didn’t make it much clear last night with all that you said.” you growled, more hurt than angry actually and he clenched his fists, looking down (Dean you- you just can’t do this.” you shook your head and he looked up at you like a kicked puppy.

“You can’t do this anymore! You can’t say whatever shit you want, break me into pieces an then come apologize and think everything will be fine! I forgave you one time because you- because I know I can’t live without you but this-” you pursed your lips and shook your head.

“I was wrong. I didn’t- I didn’t want to hurt you (Y/n). You- you are family. My best friend. That is… if you still want to beafter all that happened.” he looked up at you in so much pain you actually could see him be more honest now than last night.

“Gosh you’re such an idiot.” you sighed, running a hand down your face. No matter how angry you wanted to be at him, no matter how much you wanted to hold a grudge against him for what he had done with Lisa – though it was not reallyyour business – he still would give you that look that made your mind go blank and your heart take over. You hated yourself so much for caving in so fast. He could literally do anything he wanted with you and you’d still be there, by his side. And maybe, part of you justified him. He was drunk… right?

“But I am your idiot… right?” he asked in a low voice and you let out a trembling sigh.

“Come here.” you mumbled, striding to him and wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

He let a small sigh of relief, not missing a chance to run towards you and wrap you in his arms in a tight hug, his head resting on your shoulder.

“What am I gonna do with you?” you mumbled and he let a small pained laugh.

“I don’t know, but you will definitely figure it out.”

“I hope so.” you mumbled sighing “Besides-” you swallowed pulling away “You were right. You- you have your own life with Lisa now and I have a life of my own with Sam. It’s your choice to make after all.” and that was the only reason you were forgiving him. You were losing him to Lisa, you didn’t want to just lose him from your life altogether.

“No, not about this. You are my friend (Y/n), no matter what happens I have no right to hurt you the way I did. What we have is above all that.”

“Gosh Winchester why didn’t you just say this last night but now?” you grumbled, rolling your eyes “I really don’t know what I’ll do with you.”

“Maybe forbid me of all the alcohol in the country.” he laughed lightly.

“That definitely.” you chuckled as well and he gave you a smile.

“Thanks sweetheart, for everything but above all for putting up with my sorry ass.” he kissed your cheek and you closedyour eyes for a second.

“No problem Dean. What are friends for?”

~*~

Meeting Jo and Ellen was certainly one of the best things that happened these days. They were both very kind and you found yourself having a lot in common with Jo. When Mary let it slip you had known Dean for years and lived next to each other Jo just couldn’t keep herself from asking if something had happened. It was hard for her to believe that you were only friends so of course you had to point out that you were dating Sam. And of course Lisa didn’t miss the chance to point out that she was dating Dean. You had a hard time trying to keep the smile off your face when Jo struggled to believe that. Either way she congratulated you for not falling for Dean and you did the same for her, bonding already.

Her fitting was lots of fun and when it was almost done and you were not needed anymore you just slowly and shyly went around to take a look at the wedding dresses there. You certainly weren’t thinking of a wedding at this point, hell no with how much you went through for the first one and now this one even if they weren’t yours, but you just loved looking at them. They were very beautiful you had to admit and some really caught your eyes. Simple yet very elegant.

You ran your fingers down the white fabric only to stop mid-movement when a voice was heard behind you. And it certainly wasn’t Ellen, Mary, Jo or Lisa. For sure.

“I bet you would look stunning in it.” they whispered and your eyes widened, realizing immediately who it was.

You turned to look behind you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks “Sam?” you breathed out.

You immediately let go of the dress, tucking your hands behind you “What- what are you doing here?” you stuttered and he smiled more at you.

“Oh just- we got done early and thought we’d swing by to see Jo and Ellen and maybe take a look at the dress. But honestly? I am more interested in someone else wearing a wedding dress now.” he added with a small smirk and you looked down shyly.

“I was just… looking through.” you mumbled, avoiding eye-contact with him.

“Hmh I very much realized.” he mumbled, his hands taking hold of the dress you previously were admiring “It is very beautiful you know. If the last thing I saw was you wearing this one and walking down the aisle to me then I would die happy.”

“Yeah well too bad cause neither is happening anytime soon so just look at it here, I am not going to wear it. Except forhalloween maybe.” you chuckled, crossing your hands over your chest.

“Well, that can be arranged you know.” he let go of it and looked at you with a soft smile.

“Me wearing it on halloween?” you giggled.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist “You wearing it to walk down that aisle for me.” he whispered and if you said your eyes didn’t go wide and your mouth didn’t hang open you would be lying.

You felt your face heat up dangerously. What was he even talking about?!

“S-Sam wh-what a-are yo-you-” you started stuttering incoherent words.

He chuckled, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss luckily not giving you the chance to speak. You let a small sigh, closing your eyes and melting into it.

“Hey Winchester! This is a fitting room not one for you two to make out!” Jo’s voice was heard saying jokingly and Sam pulled away laughing. You just buried your face at the crook of his neck.

Your eyes however didn’t miss to fall on Dean standing right in the doorway, Lisa only now coming to his side. But before he could look away you saw his almost wide eyes looking at you and Sam, stunned, and you didn’t have to think twice to know that he had heard everything.

“Well it’s good to see you again Jo!” he laughed, kissing your forehead for a second before letting go to hug Jo, just like Dean did.

You however were still stunned, left to wonder. Not only the look on Dean’s face. It wasn’t just one of regret but fear as well. A different kind of fear from the one that had started to creep up inside you. Sam’s words kept swimming through your mind and as much as you wanted to take it lightly and as a joke you just couldn’t. Because you had seen the seriousness in him, on his face and in his words. But what scared you even more… it was that at the prospect of that happening your heart skipped a beat in the pleasant way.

_**What the hell had just happened?!** _


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we jump into comments that might actually get to me more than you know: you wanted action? Here you have it, this is what sets all on. If only some had waited a little bit and realized I was just trying to prepare everything for this moment (refering to the last part of this chapter). It seemed slow and yes I can understand, which has also made me have so many doubts about everything actually, but I didn't say anything but I wanted this to be as natural as possible. I can't say it is 100% but it is more than Dean suddenly revealing everything after he did all in his power to get Reader and Sam together, right?   
> I needed SOMETHING BIG to shake Dean to the core and make him in the end break. And the end of this chapter is that.

Days passed by without an incident. You wished you could say. What good would come from living in the same house as Dean and Lisa? Oh and let’s not forget with Sam as well and of course his parents to make it all the more better. Note the sarcasm.

At this point you didn’t know how to feel anymore. Not only about the fact that Sam was being pretty much perfect to you (when was he not?) but the fact that all that was just making you love him more and more. And it scared you considering how those simple words he had said the first day wouldn’t stop swimming through your mind. But as if your own thoughts were not enough of a torment there was Dean and Lisa acting all sweet, and couply and just so home-y. Like a family already forming and it hurt you so deeply. You knew you should be happy about him, in a sort of way, but seeing him move on so fast was unbearable. Maybe at this point you could realize what he felt when he saw you and Sam together.

But for you it was so much worse. He and Lisa were perfect for each other it was obvious and when they talked of the past you just wanted to crawl under a hole. They didn’t do it on purpose you knew it, at least Lisa, but they had known each other way before Dean even knew you existed and it bothered you how she still had a part of Dean’s life you’d only heard of but played no real part in. You knew you were being selfish but you just hoped and wished that you were, along with Mary, one of the most important people in his life that changed it radically with their appearance. It seemed that you were not all that important after all.

And it hurt as hell watching her and Mary act like mother and daughter. Of course she wasn’t her mother, neither were you actually, but you had taken care of her since she was a baby and that because you wanted to and you loved her. You were the one staying up till late at night when she was toothing, along with Dean of course, you were the one to change her diapers because no matter how much Dean tried to he failed at it. You were the one there on her first birthday with Dean, on her first steps, her first words. It felt as if Lisa was stealing a part of your life, of your soul and heart, you always thought you could hang onto when things got to hard for you to take. But now you no longer had it. No matter what Dean, or even her, said of nothing changing and you still being in your rightful place that was certainly not the case.

Lisa was slowly but surely taking over your place not only in his heart but in his life as well. You soon knew he’d have forgotten all about you and you’d become a good friend and once babysitter of his daughter. Nothing more. And God forbid it but you knew there’d come one day Mary would call her mom instead of you. Because yes she would have become that and you? You would be all forgotten.

Tears welled up in your eyes at the prospect. An intense pain like stabbing in your chest. And you suddenly couldn’t breath. You got up, even with a blurry vision and walked out. In your haze searching for fresh air and no noise and you luckily found it.

Your eyes were closed as you breathed in and out heavily. Your mind felt dizzy and you knew you would probably meet the ground any moment. You were so glad for the hands that found your shoulders and brought you out of your almost panic attack.

“(Y/n)?” Sam’s voice made your eyes open and you looked up at him, your vision adjusting and realizing how he was looking at you with worry.

“Are you ok? What’s happening?” he gave your shoulders a small squeeze.

“I’m- I’m fine fine don’t worry. Just needed some air, that’s all.” you placed a hand on top of his, smiling softly.

“Are you sure? Because you looked like-”

“No, no Sam. I’m fine. I don’t- I just need some air and- S-Sam?” you ended up asking in a whisper, looking up at him, tears starting to well up in your eyes “Can you- can you just hold me for a little while?”

“Wha- Oh baby.” he breathed out, his own face falling and before you could say anything more he wrapped his arms firmly around you. He squeezed you in his arms and clutched onto his shirt, burying your face in his chest. You let out a small sigh, although it came out shakily. You squeezed your eyes shut, swallowing hard and willing the tears down.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” he whispered, always so understanding.

You pulled away slightly looking at him and giving him a small shake of your head “I just- Sam can I ask you something?”

What was happening with Dean made you doubt your whole existence not just if you were important or not. And we better not talk about your self esteem hitting bottom.

“Am I- What am I to you?” you whispered and he frowned deeply.

“What- what kind of question is that?” his voice was rough.

“I- I mean-” you let a small sigh, looking down “Am I important to you even in the least bit?”

“Wh-what? (Y/n) of course you are. I-I thought I made it clear that you- that I would give my life for you.”

“Yes but-” as much as you wanted to smile at his answer all the doubts clouded your mind, crawling inside your chest painfully “But would you really? Would you something like that for real… for someone like me?”

“(Y/n)” you saw his jaw clench and something flash through his eyes “You know I hate it when you talk about yourself that way. You are the most amazing woman I have met in my entire life, there is not a single thing that would make me not love you. Even your stubbornness, seriously, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the entire world. Everything… Everything about you.” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours “I wouldn’t change you for anything in the world. Not this face, not this smile, not these eyes the sparkle the warmth, not these hugs-” he gave you a small squeeze “-not those kisses, not those sweet words you whisper when you think I’m sleeping in the morning.” he chuckled at your wide eyes “I wouldn’t change you for anything in the world.”

“…Really? Nothing. Would you never forget me or replace me? I mean… nobody is irreplaceable.”

“Nobody but you. Because I simply don’t need to replace you. You are all I need and quiet honestly there is no single person on this Earth that could replace you… in anything.”

“Do you really… mean it?”

“When have I ever lied to you. (Y/n).” he sighed, cupping your cheek “If someone ever replaced you would be the biggest idiot in the universe for letting the most wonderful girl let go. A total and utter idjit.”

A small chuckle left your lips and he smiled as well “I can’t believe how you really mean this.” you whispered almost in awe at looking in his so honest eyes.

“I can’t belive how you can’t believe this.” he laughed and you let a small giggle slip your lips.

“You, Sam Winchester, are the most wonderful man I have met in my entire life.” you breathed out, cupping his face “I still can’t believe how I am this lucky.”

“I am the lucky one (Y/n).” he admitted and for the first time in days you felt your heart soar.

“I love you Sam. I will never let anyone replace you and I will fight for this. For us.” you gave him a sincere look and he smiled warmly, his dimples showing.

“I love you too.” and he pressed his lips to yours in a soft kiss.

“And as much as I would love to prove it to you-” a small smirk was on his face and you laughed “I think we have to get ready for a wedding.”

“I think you’re right.”

~*~

“I’m so sorry for this (Y/n).” Jo said with a sigh and you shook your head with a smile.

“Are you kidding me? This is your wedding Jo! You are not apologizing! We are here to help you!” you laughed, practically running around to check if everything was done.

“Yeah but you are the only one running around all the time.” she mumbled and you shook your head, standing next to her in front of the mirror.

“This is your big day! No sulking ok! Especially for me! I am doing this because I want to! Besides, I helped with my sister’s wedding as well so I know a few things already.” she smiled slightly at your words.

“Yeah but I kept you away from Sam.”

“Eh Sam will live without me for a few hours. Although I gotta admit I really wanted to see him in his new dark suit but-” you cleared your throat, a smirk on your face “-I’ll leave that for later if you know what I mean.” you winked at her and she laughed along with you. You were doing your best to make her relax.

“I bet he will be stunned to see you in this dress as well.” she laughed and you did the same.

“Just something casual.” you shrugged, taking a look at your dress as well in the mirror. It was exactly like the one you had worn on your sister’s wedding, same length and cuts, but a red color almost dark crimson. This time you had done your make up completely differently. Hair straight and down, light pink lipstick, almost nude, and a light eye-shadow in coral and soft pink colors.

Sam of course hadn’t seen you because you had rushed to Jo’s place to help her and had gotten ready there with Mary’s help as well. Little Mary was there as well and pretty much every woman of the family. And men had of course gathered in a different house while others were already at the church. You had been from the first ones to arrive if not really the first one and help Jo that’s why she felt a little bad. But you were actually thankful for the distraction she and the wedding offered you. That and the excuse to leave Mary and John’s house as soon as possible. The reason? Obviously to avoid looking at Dean and Lisa’s so happy and beautiful family that brought back all the feeling of abandonment.

“Something casual that will make Sam not let you sleep all night.” she said with a smirk and you laughed.

“Well, the bride shouldn’t be only one to have fun tonight right?”

“That’s fair I think.” she shrugged and you both laughed.

“You and him are doing well hm?” she asked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, more than I ever thought we would. He just- he just knows me Jo. He doesn’t even need to try hard. We click.” you said softly and she smiled.

“I am really happy for you two (Y/n). Sam and you both deserve it.”

“Thanks Jo but enough talking about me and Samuel. This is your day and I still need to check if the wedding dress is alright.”

“(Y/n)” she rolled her eyes “You are panicking again, just relax.”

“I will, trust me. I just gotta-”

A knock on the door interrupted you from continuing. Jo smirked satisfied that for even a moment you would take a break.

“Come in!” she shouted, moving her wedding dress a little.

“Hey” Dean’s face appeared as the door opened, a small smile on his face “Jo someone here needs to see you. Can she come in?”

“Uh yeah sure.” she nodded her head, not commenting on when or how Dean had come here.

“Ellen.” Dean said, motioning to her to come in.

“Hey girls” she smiled at you and you greeted her, she’d been running around too so you hadn’t seen her much.

“I think I should probably let you two have a talk.” you smiled at them and they nodded.

You closed the door behind you and were soon enveloped by silence that of course was extremely awkward with Dean right there . You’ve been avoiding him for very long. Not that it was hard with how much attention he was paying to Lisa.

Out of habit you turned your gaze to look at him only to notice his eyes were already on you as if checking you out. But not in the bad way or something. He looked a little stunned at seeing you dressed like this, not that it was the first time anyway, but the way- the way he looked at you made a blush rise on your cheeks. His gaze was so intense that it actually made your whole body temperature rise. It reminded you so much of that first time he had seen you in a dress. You cleared your throat and his eyes immediately snapped up to meet yours, widening for a second. He cleared his throat as well and looked away.

“Sorry.” he mumbled in a low and rough voice.

“No, it’s fine.” you said equally low, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You just…” he hesitated “You’re very beautiful.” he whispered and you had to hide how stunned you were at the clarity and sincerity on his face and eyes.

“I-” you blinked, looking down, fidgeting with your hands “Thank you.” you whispered.

“It’s the truth.” he mumbled with a shrug and you pursed your lips, hating yourself for the weird beating of your heart at it.

“Thanks though, either way. You look very good in a suit too.” you smiled softly, looking up at him and he seemed to gain some courage.

“Thanks, I guess.” he shuffled his feet “It’s… it’s a lot like the one you wore at your sister’s wedding.” he noted in a low voice and you nodded your head.

“Yeah uh” you looked down, running your fingers down the soft fabric “But not the same. That’s why I have not done same hairstyle or make up. They look a lot similar but they’re not. Like two sides of the same coin.” you looked up at him in the eyes “Like you and Sam.”

And he so understood what you meant to say. _ **Like past and future**_. He belonged in the past and Sam in the future. _Your_ future. And damn if tha didn’t feel like a stab to the heart. So Dean only casted his eyes to the ground and didn’t say anything. You once again hated yourself because just when you were doing well and being strong for yourself, seeing Dean like a broken puppy made you want to take everything back and just ran to him and hug him like there was no tomorrow.

“Came here to see your girl and how she looks?” you asked a little jokingly, breaking the silence.

“Uh yeah sorta” if only you knew what he actually meant.

“Can’t stay a moment away from her huh?” you laughed almost bitterly but he didn’t even crack a smile.

“No, not really.” he pursed his lips and you raised an eyebrow for a second.

“So you saw her or what?”

“Yeah she was downstairs.” he mumbled.

“Pretty isn’t she?” you asked, although sarcasm was evident in your voice.

“Yeah. But not as much as you.” if you said his words chocked you would be an understatement. You had a hard time keeping your eyes from widening as you looked at him. _**He couldn’t have seriously said that out loud?!**_

You cleared your throat and looked away from him for a second “Is Sam with you?” yeah, mentioning his brother that also happened to be your boyfriend was the best idea to remind him not to say anything more you would both regret.

“Ah no he’s at the church with dad, making sure the guests are all there.” he mumbled and you nodded your head “I will be the one taking you there.”

“So he trusted you with me? Must have lots of trust in you.” you joked slightly, though the air around you already felt heavy.

Dean didn’t even smirk a little. He looked… offended.

“I am your best friend.” he stated, a small frown on his face.

You couldn’t help a small scoff and then laugh. This time he really did look offended so he raised an eyebrow at you.

“What? I don’t think I said something funny.” he said in a stern voice.

Your laughter was cut short by yourself and you looked at him equally serious “Really Dean? Best friends? We still are best friends? Because it seemed to be getting the exact opposite all this time. I thought I had turned into the one good friend slash babysitter of your daughter. Nothing more.”

“Wh-what?” he looked at you in utter disbelief.

“You didn’t hear me?” you raised an eyebrow and he clenched his fists, taking a few long strides to be right in front of you.

“I did and that’s why I am asking. To make sure you actually said that.” he clenched his jaw.

“What?” you laughed sarcastically “So hard to believe it? Trust me so was it for me to realize it was actually happening.” you crossed your arms over your chest, turning around. But before you could make a half circle he grabbed your shoulder and roughly turned you to look at him.

“Say it again” he almost hissed.

You looked at him dead serious “Why Dean? Still can’t admit it out loud? Thanks for the promise by the way. That nothing would change and we’d always be friends. That nobody was ever going to take my place in your lives. Thanks really, for making sure it came true.” you growled the words, venom and sarcasm dripping from your voice.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he breathed out, taking a step back “I never-”

“You never did what Dean? Never payed attention to me for a second these days? Never sat down next to me to talk like the old times? Never let Mary sit next to me to watch a movie when Sam had gone with yours parents to visit that old friend? Never really gave a single fuck about me or my existence all these days?!” you all-but-screamed, thankful for the so good insulation.

“Yeah” you breathed out a sarcastic laugh “I very much noticed.” and rolled your eyes away angrily.

“I- didn’t realize…” he breathed out, eyes casting down for a second “I would never-” he pursed his lips, shaking his head and looking up at you “I would never replace you with anyone.”

“Yeah if anyone is another word for Lisa, then sure.” you nodded your head, huffing.

He clenched his jaw “Nothing changed for me you know. You still are and will always be the woman that I-” he stopped himself for a second before he could get carried away “-the woman I call best friend and I- I am sorry if I made you think that you were being replaced.”

“No, Dean.” you sighed “There is no apologizing here and you were right than night. It is your life, your choices. I have no place in that. I maybe just needed the memo that’s all. Gotta inform me that you didn’t want anything with me really because-”

“No, no stop saying it. Don’t you dare say it. I never- and I mean it _never_ put anyone before you or will. You were, are and will always be important to me, like you cannot understand. You were there from the beginning for me, not her, you stood by my side all those times and there is no way I would repay it that way. Don’t you dare think for a second that any woman on this world would be able to ever replace you in any sort of way!” he pointed a finger at you, almost shouting the words.

“Well that’s too bad I guess cause I’ve already been replaced.” you whispered, feeling tears well up in your eyes. You didn’t even have the strength to be mad at him.

You had started believing in yourself after a long time. You had started to believe you actually deserved something good, that you deserved to be loved unconditionally. That you actually were better than you let yourself believe all these years. That you deserved that someone to put you in front of everybody and not the other way round. You couldn’t stand to be in someone’s shadow again, you needed to see the light to. You deserved that. And you had finally started to believe that a little. That you were beautiful in and out in your way, despite the flaws. That you deserved happiness just like so many other people had it. Not tears every night and self doubts every time you looked at the mirror.

“No.” his voice was laced with unshed tears too “No, you don’t get to say that. Don’t you dare even think about it, you hear me?”

“I do but you seriously are not listening as it seems.” you laughed bitterly “It’s fine Dean” you shrugged without any emotion “As I said, your life. You just need to find a woman that can make you feel at home, friend or not, and Lisa is clearly that. Besides, what better role model than her for Mary, right? I bet she’ll soon start calling her mom too.” you gave him a weak smile but he didn’t even blink. He only stared at you with a clenched jaw.

“Mary will never find a better role model than you. And I- I will never feel more at home with any other woman.” he said firmly and you laughed bitterly.

“That’s not the truth and you know it.” you shook your head “You’re found your home, Dean. And it’s not me. We both know it actually. It saDdens me I won’t lie to you.” you looked at him with a sad smile “But I want you to be happy. And if it is with her and without me in your life then I will learn to live with that. Just as long as you don’t change direction when you see me on the road.” you laughed, trying to joke but your laughter died out soon.

He didn’t even blink. He only stared at you with the most heartbroken look you had ever seen on him. His eyes were almost wide and glistening.

“Come on now, no sulking over it. Cheer up.” you laughed slightly “We have a wedding to attend not a funeral. I am over it and promise I won’t hold a grudge against you. She makes you happy. That’s what I’ve always wanted to give you. You got it in the end. You got a family. Why does it matter if it doesn’t involve me?” you shrugged.

Oh how he wanted to tell you much more different it was. Because what he was living was certainly no happiness. Not the one he longed to have with you.

“Hey now, what did I say?” you laughed, eyes glossy with tears “No sulking today Winchester. Put on that smile that wins over every woman present.” you winked at him but he didn’t even crack a smile.

“Come on now. I will go check on a few more things, alright? You wait here, Jo wanted to talk to you. See you in a little while… _friend._ ” you gave him a smile that screamed fake and a pat on the shoulder and walked away from him.

You glanced at his back for a second, you saw his head was bowed and his fists clenched by his sides. You wiped away hastily a tear that rolled down your cheek before turning and walking away as fast as you could.

~*~

The ceremony had been amazing. Everybody was stunned to see Jo because she was absolutely beautiful. Once it was over you had all gone for the after party. The restaurant was amazing and you wished to have as much fun as possible. Or at least get your mind off everything. During the ceremony you had sneaked a few glances at Dean that was siting not too far behind and every single one of them he was looking at you, so in the end you stopped altogether.

But you couldn’t avoid that much in the restaurant either. As much as you wanted to watch Jo and her now husband dance, more happy than you had ever seen her, your eyes kept gazing back to Dean. And sure as hell, as if fate was playing a cruel game at you, he would decide that very moment to look at you as well. And it was the first time you thought this but you were actually glad for Lisa to be there because placing a hand on top of his she talked to him and made him look away from you.

And you were all the more thankful to Castiel for being there. You had not seen him in a long time and being able to meet him after all this time felt amazing. He hadn’t changed much, still his dorky self that you loved so much. You chatted with him only for a little while because he had to leave early but still even that was enough for you. You remembered all the reasons why Castiel was your best friend (you had feelings for Dean so could you really consider him friend?). He always knew the right thing to say when you were in a hard situation even if he didn’t know what was happening exactly. You also decided to meet up after the wedding because truth was you needed to talk to somebody and Castiel was the best one to.

But when he was gone you went back to being quiet and put a smile on when Sam was looking, but otherwise you just played with your food. The only moment you cracked a smile all night was when Dean took Mary (his daughter)and started dancing with her while other couples joined Jo and her husband. You laughed, even, at him but literally felt your heart swell at the adorable sight in front of you. He talked with her a little and you didn’t have to guess to know that it was something along the lines of ‘You see? Daddy will forever be the one you dance with and when the time comes for another boy to ask you to dance well… you will refuse because your dad is the best.’ Yes you could definitely hear him say it. He danced with his mother Mary too as John danced with little Mary and of course there was no chance that was not going to happen, with Lisa too. _**You just couldn’t miss even with her in his arms his eyes were on you.**_

“May I have this dance?” a voice said next to you and a giggle left your lips once you turned to see Sam with an extended hand in front of him and the other behind his back.

“Only because it is you my handsome man.” you said with a smile, taking his hand.

He chuckled squeezing your hand and your smile got bigger by just seeing his dimpled smile. You both walked to the dance floor and he wrapped his arms around you as you rested your head on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his neck. The song was slow and all around perfect. You could feel yourself almost being lulled to sleep, finding a comfort and peace you had longed for so long all in Sam’s arms.

But even as you were dancing your eyes just fell on Dean. Right there, sitting and staring at you and Sam among all the other couples. His eyes glued on you just like yours were glued on him. He was looking at you with a broken look on his face. And even at looking in his eyes you couldn’t help the flashes of your dance at your sister’s wedding. A small smile tucking at your lips at the memories and all the fun you actually had. You had never laughed before so much or enjoyed yourself. It all reminded you so much of that night. Yes you were not dancing with Dean, you realized. You were with Sam and even the mere feeling gave it all away. It was much more different but real. So although painfully and slowly you teared your eyes away from Dean and buried your face deep in Sam’s chest, closing your eyes and breathing in his scent. That scent that screamed Sam and all of the things he made you feel.

You pulled away for a second, looking up at him in the eyes. A small smile tucked at his lips.

“What?” he asked with a small laugh.

“Nothing.” you whispered, shrugging “I just really love you” you breathed out and he slowly but surely broke into a smile.

He rested his forehead against yours “I love you too.” he whispered and without waiting a second he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

Without any further waiting you responded to it and cupping his face you tried to deepen it as much as possible. You didn’t know how much you really needed this but you just realized it. You didn’t even care about his parents being there and most probably watching. You needed this. You needed him.

Sam chuckled into the kiss but didn’t question you. Only let his lips move in perfect sync with yours. His arms on your waist tightened their grip to bring you closer. As it seemed the need for air was too much for him to handle because he started pulling away. You let a small whine at which he laughed but did not give in no matter what. Your eyes opened to see him lick his lower lip and smile widely at you. A smile broke on your face as well. You fixed your slightly smudgedlipstick with your fingers. You were still swaying to the music that had started to fade away, probably for another one to take over.

Had you really been dancing for this long?

Someone clearing their throat next to you broke you two’s gazing and your smile slightly fell when you turned your head to look at Dean waiting there, hands in his suit pockets. A tight smile on his face.

“Hey when making out feast is over- ya mind if I take her from you for a dance? Just one song.” he told Sam.

He glanced at you and then back at Dean, chuckling “Of course man. Just promise to take care of her.”

“Definitely.” he breathed out, looking at you.

“I’ll leave you to your best friend then.” Sam told you, leaning to kiss your cheek “And later-” he whispered in a low husky voice “I promise to finish what we started.” you felt shivers run down your spine and a smile form on your lips. He winked at you once he pulled away and let you to Dean, going to see his mother and dance with her.

Dean came to stand where Sam was in front of you, he was hesitant but wrapped his arms around you. His fingers on the exposed part of your back caused a pleasant tingling sensation, reminding you all that much of that night on your sister’s wedding. And even more so when the next song started playing. It was that same song, the slow one, you had danced to. You swallowed before bringing your arms around his neck but of course this once you didn’t rest your head at the crook of his neck for sure.

“Talking about deja vu huh?” he asked and you smiled for a split second.

“Yeah” you breathed out, looking around you for a second.

You started remembering everything of that night. Everything actually reminded it and in this moment you felt like you were back to that place and time. Although it had been so long since that. This now however was just the two of you dancing, nothing more nothing less. Maybe he even felt the need to make up for his mistake all these days. Maybe you pointing it out to him made something click inside him. You couldn’t stop the flutter of your heart at the possibility of him wanting some time with you, even as friends, even if it was probably going to be over soon. Even more so when you saw how honest his tries were. How he really wanted this.

“I know-” he started in a whisper “I know that no matter what I say won’t make up for it. But- damn it (Y/n) you know I can’t leave it at this.” he clenched his jaw.

You let a small sigh, looking down for a second “Dean it’s-”

He cut you off “No, don’t you say it’s fine because it clearly is not. For none of us.” his firm words made you look up at him “I am a total asshole sometimes, I know, and usually I screw things up. Really bad. I try for the best, think it will help but obviously I only end up hurting the people I- the people I care about. Deeply.” he cleared his throat.

“And sometimes I let it go because I know we will heal in our own time. But with this? No. No (Y/n) forget it. I am not just letting this go, not when I know I’ve hurt you bad. Not when I know I’ve made you doubt yourself.”

“Dean I-”

“Please let me finish. I can’t let this just go (Y/n). I need to make up for it but above all I need to let you know that you areirreplaceable. In my life _and_ in Mary’s life. I wouldn’t be standing here, in one piece if it hadn’t been for you. And Mary? She wouldn’t be such a happy child, enjoying her life without any single worries without her mother, if it wasn’t for you. Because you became her mother, even if there is no blood relation. You gave her the love she needed and everything else… just like with me. And that nobody, not even Lisa, will ever be able to give to us.”

You tried to blink the welling tears, looking away for a second.

“You matter to me. More than you know.” he whispered and you looked back at him “And no, no there is no single person on this Earth, not even Lisa, that could replace you… or change the way I feel about you.” he ended up saying in a really low voice, making your breath hitch on your throat.

He cleared his throat, looking away for a second “You are and will always be… my best friend. And nobody will change that.”

You nodded, a small sigh leaving your lips.

“I will make up for this. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Dean.” you didn’t even look in his eyes.

“I will keep this one. Come hell or heaven I will.” he clenched his jaw but then sighed.

“Yeah… sure.” you looked away from him, turning your head slightly so that he wouldn’t see the tears in your eyes.

Silence fell between the two of and nobody said a single thing. You only swayed to the music, enjoying as much as you could this moment of you two being close. Even if none of you really knew about the other. Dean was the first one to break it.

“Do you remember this song?” he asked in a whisper and you turned your head to look back at him, his face so close it made yours heat up. His intense green eyes looking into yours (as much as you hated to admit it) made all the feelings youhad been trying to push away rise up inside you again.

“How could I ever forget?” you whispered back and he gave you a pained smile “We danced to it at my sister’s wedding.” you added, feeling him give you a small squeeze.

“Yeah” he breathed out, his face coming closer to yours, his eyes roaming your entire face. They lingered a little on your lips and, despite how hurt you were by what he had done all these days you just couldn’t find it in yourself to feel anydifferent than before. Despite your close proximity you were not going to let anything happen and you knew he wasn’t going to do anything either, right in front of everybody.

Your breathes were mixing and when he looked up in your eyes you felt all air being knocked out of your lungs. The dim soft orange glow making his green eyes stand out even more. But of course he was not done, he was not done talking.

“ _ **And by its end we kissed.”**_

~Six months and two weeks later~

“I can’t believe you did all this” you laughed and Sam smiled widely, his arms leaving your waist.

“What are you doing?” you asked with a giggle as you stopped dancing.

“Something I’ve been preparing for all week.” he let out a somewhat nervous sigh, but smiled at you.

“Come here.” he took old of your hand, guiding you towards the center of the empty restaurant. A restaurant all for the two of you, you still couldn’t believe he would have done something like that for your anniversary.

“Ok I think this is right.” he mumbled to himself, looking down for a second while still holding your hand.

“Right for what Sam?” you breathed out a laugh.

“I uh- uhm for this.” he said, taking in a deep breath and- Your eyes went wide at that.

He knelt down on his one knee, still holding your hand and you felt your heart leap to your throat.

“(Y/n)” he said with a nervous smile “I know that this is probably a little early. Hell it _is_ early but I- damn (Y/n) these past eight months had been the best of my life, because I met you. And now, that we are together I honestly don’t want to let go of it… for the rest of my life actually. You- you make me happy. I feel happy (Y/n) for the first time in like… ever!” he breathed out a laugh and you felt tears welling up in your eyes.

Despite the hardships Sam was always there for you two. And you had wanted more than anything to give this man the happiness he deserved.

“S-Sam” you whispered.

“And if you- if you really think the same then- then let’s do this together (Y/n). I- I had never honestly tought that this moment would come and this soon but seeing you looking at those wedding dresses and imagining how you’d be dressed in it and I- I seriously haven’t wanted anything more in my life. So-” he cleared his throat, letting of your hand and searching through his pocket, finding soon what he’d been looking for.

“I know this seems scary, trust me it is for me too but- I thought it through and I honestly am willing to take this risk, with you if you want to. So I am just going to ask it because- yeah.” he laughed nervously, bringing just what you expected to see in front of your eyes that of course went wide. And sure as hell once he opened it there it was. Something you never thought you’d see. And of course he sure as hell asked the question you expected him too.

“Will you marry me?”

And a tear slipped your eyes… **just like with Dean that was standing outside the restaurant but saw everything.**


	28. Chapter 28

~ 24 hours earlier ~

“Ok I know I probably should have said something to you earlier but- I’ve been so nervous and- and checking every singlejewellery shop and finally found the best one. Maybe I am a little late, with only one day left but you know that your opinion matters to me so-” Sam extended his hands with a bright grin “-here we are!”

“I see.” Dean raised an eyebrow, already not being able to help the uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach.

“Yeah come on, let me show you what I have decided on.” Sam patted him on the shoulder, already walking in and Mary happily followed him too. Dean however took a moment to steady his breathing and his rapidly beating heart.

Your and Sam’s seven month anniversary was tomorrow, he could understand that Sam wanted to get you a beautiful gift that would show you how much you meant to him. The fact that he had booked an entire restaurant for just the two of made Dean understand that he wanted this anniversary to be special for the two of you.

He shook his head and plastering a – well, obviously – fake smile on his face he walked in “So what Sammy, decided on some fancy shiny and sparkly necklace or something?” he joked, walking around and picking on things like he usually did.

“Daddy no!” the little blonde girl scolded “You are going to break something!” she playfully hit on his hand and Dean laughed loudly, bending down to pick her up.

“Well look at you- already turning into (Y/n) aren’t ya?” he laughed, looking at his daughter full of love and adoration at how much she was like you. And it came only naturally, even if you had no blood relation.

She giggled “Mama is cool!” she said with a big grin that made Dean laugh even more.

“Sure she is.” he whispered, feeling his heart swell at the little word. Maybe he could never admit it out loud but he loved how she still called you ‘mom’ or 'mommy’ or 'mama’. Even if he had told her not to, he knew he didn’t mean it. It was just because Lisa was present at that moment.

Lisa. Seven months in and they were still together. He would put on a smile in front of her and everybody else but not when he was alone. He couldn’t pretend there.

“Here, come here!” Sam motioned for him to walk over “This- this is the one I like.”

“…Well that’s a strange kind of choice.” Dean breathed out a chuckle that died off soon, and he cleared his throat.

His eyes did go wide for a second and his breath hitched on his throat once he saw it. He could already picture the dreaded scene play in front of his eyes. No. He shook his head, this was just another gift for your anniversary. Sam was a really romantic guy so it shouldn’t surprise him all that much.

“It’s so pretty!” Mary said with a childlike laugh taking the… ring as Sam gave it to her.

“So do you think she will like it?” Sam looked full of hope at his brother as the little girl stared with wide eyes and a stunned face at the silver, simple, diamond ring.

“I- I well- you know it’s-” Dean made a face, puffing his cheeks. He let out a trembling breath, clearing his throat “Yeah man it’s great but- you know-” he laughed trying to lighten the mood and joke the fears that started to creep up inside him “-only if you would be like-” he laughed nervously again “-if you were trying to-”

“Propose to her?” Sam suggested, cutting him off. He chuckled nervously “Yeah, yeah that’s what I am trying to do.”

And at that moment, at those words, those simple words, Dean felt his entire world stop. Everything stopped moving and for a second he thought his heart stopped beating and he too breathing.

He slowly and carefully let go of Mary, scared that his hands would suddenly give away and she’d fall. He couldn’t believe this was happening. This _couldn’t_ be happening. This had to be some sort of nightmare, he’d had them before, and he would wake up at some point. Preferably to find you playing downstairs with Mary and not having even met Sam in your entire life.

Gosh he hated himself so much for it as he thought about it but it was the bitter truth.

“Prop- propo- propose to her?” Mary struggled to say the word, and Dean knew he’d be in no better condition if he tried speaking.

She tilted her head to the side “Uncle Sammy are you going to ask (Y/n) to marry you?” she looked up at him with big innocent eyes.

He smiled widely, bending down to be in the same eye level with her “Yes sweetie. I actually want to ask her to marry me… if that’s ok with you?”

She frowned – Dean had never hated himself more for wishing her to say no to Sam – looking down for a second and playing with the ring “But- but- She’s… she’s my mommy.” she murmured and Sam looked up at his brother for a second.

“And she will always be, sweetheart. She will always be your mommy, I am not going to take that away from you. You have a special place in her heart, boo, and I won’t take that away I promise.” he said softly, rubbing softly her head.

“I- I love mommy.” she said, seemingly even more sad “A-and she loves me. And she- she loves…” she hesitated for a second, making Sam frown.

“Mary? What is it?” he asked every-so-caringly. Oh he would be an amazing father one day. The father of your children bitterly reminded to himself.

“She loves daddy, doesn’t she?” the innocence in her voice and the way she looked between the two Winchesters should at least have made them feel uncomfortable. But Sam of course had not realized the way she meant it, unlike Dean.

“Of course she does bug.” he chuckled, ruffling her hair “Of cousrse she loves both you and Dean. But- it’s different. The way her and I love each other is different. And getting married-”

“You- you love her too?” she cut him off, asking slowly and carefully.

Sam chuckled, glancing at Dean who seemed to be too eager to hear the answer “Yeah, yeah bug. I really do love her.” he breathed out and Dean blinked, trying to push away the tears “And I really want to spend the rest of my life with her. But I seriously need of your approval here, it is important for both her and me.”

Mary looked from her hands to Sam who really expected and answer to Dean who was staring at her with almost red eyes, and she – maybe not like an adult – could still feel that her father was not fond of this… _at all_. However, there was no saying in logic. What Dean had done set off everything and it no longer was up to her.

She let a small sigh, smiling softly and handing Sam the ring “Yes” and she nodded her head, Sam breaking into a wide smile as he kissed her head and she let out a loud giggle.

“So… what do you think about it?” Sam looked at his brother with an expecting look and Dean cleared his throat, frowning as if in throught while truth was he was trying to not let Sam notice anything.

“I- I don’t know- other than the fact that- that it’s a little too early?” as much as he didn’t want to let it show, he couldn’t help how his own body did anything it could to prevent this from happening.

Sam let a small sigh, a frown setting on his face as well “I- I know man. It scares me to but- but (Y/n) and I are really close,like- like we’ve known each other for years. A-And I know there is a high chance of her- of her saying no but- but I just can’t help it Dean. I- I can’t wait any longer. The mere idea- it has me so excited. Remember at Jo’s wedding?”

Dean gave a small nod to him.

“She-” a smile played on Sam’s lips as he looked down at the ring for a second “-she was just waiting for Jo and looking through those dresses. The moment- the moment I saw her holding one of them- the way she was looking at it-” he laughed nervously “-it just made me think as if she was the one getting married, and I- I would be the groom.”

Dean didn’t say anything, he only nodded his head looking away from Sam. His heart was so tight in his chest that hecouldn’t believe he was able to stand on his feet so far.

“Ever since-” he licked his lip “Ever since then I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I- I almost think I am going crazy but-but can’t you imagine it for a second?” he looked at his older brother “(Y/n), in a white dress. Simple, she never was anyone for something very fancy but it would definitely have lace, in the right places. She’d love that. Walking down that aisle. And- and mom somewhere there trying to keep dad or any of us from tearing up?”

Dean couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips. Or the swell of his heart at the image. _Mary right behind you, holdingonto your vail and looking like an exact smaller version of you. And then (oh this made Dean want to stab himself for it) the imagine of him waiting up there for you, eyes filled with tears as none of you could wait any longer for that moment. 'I loves you’s being mouthed to each other._

Dean shook his head a little too violently, clearing his throat. No he couldn’t be thinking that right now. Because the truth was so much more different.

“Yeah” he breathed out, his voice much more hoarse than ever before.

“Yeah” Sam repeated with a smile of his own, handing the ring to the assistant there “I’ll take this.” he told her.

“Great then. Lovely choice!” she smiled brightly “She will love it!”

“I hope so.” he breathed out like a nervous teen about to ask his crush on a date. While truth is this was much more.

“And you better be ready because no matter how much I’ve practiced in front of the mirror, I will need lots of help on this part from you!”

“Yeah- yeah sure, no-” Dean sighed “No problem.” and he put on yet another fake smile.

Sam looked at the rings for a second, frowning slightly to himself “Do you think… she might say no?”

Dean for the first time looked at Sam fully in the eyes and the worry and fear was evident all over his brother’s face. Dean felt so guilty at that very moment.

“…No, no Sammy.” his voice was low and husky “She won’t even think of saying no. She loves you too much after all.” a tentative, and so painful, smile formed on his lips.

“You think?” Sam asked, looking like a little child clinging to him for an answer that would put him at ease.

And no matter how much it hurt him, Dean gave him that ease by nodding his head.

“Yeah Sammy!” he chuckled, clapping him on his shoulder. The smile didn’t reach his eyes of course.

“Great then!” his brother beamed, paying for the ring “We better get going, I need to make lots of practice. I need to ask you about a few more details I am not sure. You are her best friend after all, you know her better than anybody else.”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” Dean breathed out, closing his eyes for a moment to fight back the tears.

_**This was his breaking point and he feared he wasn’t going to be able to stop himself at what was about to happen.** _

~ 10 hours earlier ~

“Mary no please!” you laughed chasing after the little girl “Come here! It’s just a bath!”

The little girl giggled as she ran away from you “No! I don’t wanna!” she said stubbornly and you rolled your eyes at her. Moments like this she reminded you so much of her father.

“Oh dear! Fine! Fine!” you huffed, raising your arms in the air and she couldn’t help her laughter, hugging her teddy bear to herself.

“Everything ok here?” Dean asked with a chuckle, walking into the living room.

“Yeah why?” you frowned, letting out a breath as you slumped down on the couch. You were tired at running after her for more than a hour.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe cause it looks like a war zone here.” he said with a smirk and you took a look around you, shrugging.

“Eh. Blame your daughter, she’s the one that wouldn’t comply. Stupid Winchester genes.” you grumbled under your breath, breathing in and out heavily.

“I can’t believe you are seriously cursing at our genes.” he shook his head, a grin on his face and you felt the corners of your lips lift into a smile as well.

“Mhm I just did. I swear, whether it’s Sam, you or Mary a Winchester will be the death of me.”

“Well, who knows. Probably your own Winchester might be.” Dean mumbled under his breath, his voice still bitter. He was mostly talking to himself but of course you heard him.

“My own what?” you opened your eyes to look at him, raising an eyebrow “Aren’t you too eager to tie me to Sam or what?”

“I uh- no, no I just- you know, saying.” he cleared his throat, avoiding eye contact. Mostly at how cold your look was. And he couldn’t blame you.

“Yeah. Right.” you said sharply “Well, no worries. No bun in the oven as of now. Only some pie.” you gave him a final look and bumping shoulders you walked past him and to the kitchen to check on the pie you had made that very morning.

Dean let out a small sigh, his eyes casting down. Tying you to Sam, as much as he hated to admit it, was the last thing he wanted. Now he had started to realize it but he knew it was too late.

“Cherrie pie?” he asked after a little while, walking into the kitchen with Mary in his arms.

You nodded your head as you set it on the kitchen counter to cool down “Yeah.”

He noticed how you were giving him short answers and he pursed his lips, looking at Mary for a second. She was too busy admiring her teddy bear to notice him. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and decided to hug her closer to himself. She was the only one that had stood by his side and he knew that if she was any older and realized all of his mistakes, she’d have left him too.

You glanced at Dean for a second, softening just slightly “I cooked some chicken with potatoes in case you get hungry later.” you mumbled and Dean looked back at you.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah no problem.” you forced a smile as well “When is Lisa coming by the way?”

A lump formed on Dean’s throat “Uh in about three hours she’ll be done with work and I guess in half an hour here.”

“Good then. I’ll be out of your way as soon as I can.”

“No, (Y/n). No.” he took hold of your hand and you looked from there to his eyes “You’re not bothering. You never are.”

“I know.” you smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes “But you two-” you shook your head “Three. You three are a family anymore and you will obviously need a babysitter less from now on.”

“We will always need you. Mary will… I will.”

“Yeah.” you shook your head though. You extended one hand to ruffle Mary’s hair, patting softly the little girl thatinstantly smiled at you. And much like her Dean couldn’t take his eyes off you either. You were so close. So so close at that moment.

Almost… looking like a little family already.

But the truth was much more different and you both knew it “When is your date with Sam?”

His question made you take in a deep breath “In a couple hours. I’ve got time.”

“Hmh” he nodded his head, a sad smile on his lips “You gonna doll up and all for him I suppose?”

“Yeah I uh I got a new dress and yeah.” you cleared your throat.

“Not that you really need it. Even in those stupid pjs of yours you’d be great.” he mumbled and you smiled softly.

“I was thinking something like more of… crappy old clothes.” you mumbled with a shrug and Dean’s eyebrows shot up as he stared at you in almost awe.

“You’d be great in those too. But-” he looked away for a second, he couldn’t be doing this right now, not now so instead “It’s a special night out for the two of you huh? You and Sammy, together even after so long. This is getting serious.”

You clenched your jaw giving him a look at which he looked down in guilt. “Yes, Yes it is.” you almost hissed. He just couldn’t understand, no matter how much time had passed.

“Why won’t you take your girl out too huh? I bet it must have been a while since you and Lisa had some fun like a proper couple?” you raised an eyebrow and he looked away.

“She knew that we wouldn’t be much of a proper young couple the moment we started dating.” he cleared his throat “She knows that the first woman in my heart… is someone else.” he shrugged, meaning so much more than you could ever understand.

“Should be thankful anyway. You and Mary are- all someone could ever ask for.” you breathed out, tucking some long strands of hair out of Mary’s face. Just watching her having grown up gave away how much time had passed.

And how many things had changed.

“I suppose.” Dean breathed out.

“Anyway-” you shook your head, clearing your throat and taking Mary from his grasp, the little girl immediately wrapped her arms around your neck “-I’ll go help Mary change and have a bath.” you gave her a look as she whined a little. Dean chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

“You just- why don’t you 'doll up’ for your girl too huh?” you said with a smirk but he had no smile on his lips.

“Yeah yeah sure.” he looked down and clearing your throat you made your way upstairs.

~8 hours earlier~

You sighed as you watched Mary play with her toys. Her giggles made you giggle as well. It always brought you such a joyto be with her again. Maybe things between you and Dean were never going to be the same, maybe you shouldn’t want itto be considering the fact that Sam was in your life, but at least you had her.

You felt a little giddy, wanting to be the only one to have this place in her heart but you had realized how much the little girl meant to you the moment you felt losing her to Lisa. She was an amazing mother, you had realized that from meeting Ben too, and you didn’t doubt in the least bit that she loved Mary. You had to admit that she was really the best Dean could find considering how she treated not only him but Mary as well. They made almost the perfect family and it had started to hurt you.

Until of course Mary, in her way, made it clear that you were more important for her.

Dean much like you had tried to hide the smirk when Mary had called you 'mom’ in front of her and opted for staying with you instead of Lisa. She had not taken it too bad and only smiled but you could see how she was slightly bothered. Whowould’t be?

The place you had in Mary’s heart she wasn’t going to change as it seemed. As for Dean, well you no longer were sure what to make of you two’s relationship. Did you even have one in the first place?

So many things had changed during those past months, and your 'relationship’ with Dean was not an exception. You and Sam had started to get closer and closer each day passing but Dean’s behavior started growing even more weird that before. And by weird you meant distant. Not in the way he was before. No, these months he did talk to you and he actually tried to be as good of a friend as possible. But that was exactly the problem.

In between trying to be a good brother and friend you had noticed some subtle actions that meant much more that most would realize. Some lingering touches here, mumbled or whispered words there and you could feel your heart skip a beat or two. He was trying to make up for what he had done so far, though he should definitely try for very long. But he did, you couldn’t deny it. You decided to be more neutral and not jump into decisions very fast. You needed time after this, because things were far from easy now.

But he still tried. He tried to get everything back to the way it was. Movie nights, walks in the park with Mary, cooking together and sleepovers were all included. You couldn’t deny you had missed that smile of his that somehow he could only give to you. It was the one that made those small wrinkles by his eyes appear and his eyes shine even more. His white perfect teeth appearing as his face could only be described as one of pure bliss and happiness.

After Jo’s wedding things were still a little awkward between you. Or no, that wasn’t exactly the right term. It was mostly awkward for you at some point. Thinking about what Dean had said, the way he had said it when you were dancing. It would be impossible to keep your thoughts and feelings from running wild.

“ _ **And by its end we kissed.”**_

Yes those words kept running through your mind. Mostly at the fact that he had brought it up in the first place. Of course you hadn’t forgotten about it but the way he said it… almost with nostalgia, wanting to live that moment again? You had to shake your head at the crazy thoughts. Dean was guilty. He probably felt guilty and- No it stil didn’t even begin to justifythat.

You could see how much he tried to not look really fazed by what was going to on but he failed at it. You both did actually. Your… friendship was beyond wounded. You had spoken your mind on that wedding day and had let him know it even after that. This- You trying to keep your walls up to even him was not because of Lisa or Sam. It was because Dean himself had betrayed you. What you two had and seemed to had just lost was something beyond friendship. So yes, maybe things looked good between the two of you. Maybe it all seemed to go back to normal, minus Sam and Lisa. You babysitting Mary when Dean was out, with Lisa every time, or at the garage. You visiting him there and even with Mary in your hands too. Jokes being exchanged and funny remarks. Both of you laughing and everything- although you still held your guards up. You didn’t allow yourself to relax completely around him, not yet. And he too had realized it because no matter the situation both of you would end up with silence surrounding you. And not the comfortable one that once made you want to lean against his side.

Everything seemed normal but it wasn’t. Cold glares had been sent from your direction numerous times. And just as many times you had noticed Dean’s crestfallen look whenever you didn’t laugh at an attempt for a joke of his to lighten the mood or even when you take a step back away from him, trying to put as much distance as possible between you… not to mention when you’d pull your hand from his grasp or brushing his hand off, not looking at him in the eyes. You had to keep your walls up, especially at him, and couldn’t let yourself cave in at seeing his pain.

Still you had not missed to notice all those small looks he gave you, or the way his eyes looked over you. There was something in his gaze, more intense these past months. You had began to feel it even when you were not looking at him.

Speaking of which.

“Do you need something or are you going to stay there for much longer?” you tried to keep your voice as emotionless as possible. You glanced behind your back to see Dean straighten his posture.

He blinked “I uh-” he cleared his throat, shaking his head “Time’s passed by and-”

“What? Wondering I might be late for my date with Sam? Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.” you cut him off, your voice coming out more harsh than you wanted. And for that you didn’t turn to look at Dean, knowing how much it would hurt you to see him hurt as well.

You sighed softly “I just wanted to spend some more time with her.” you whispered, hugging your knees closer to yourself. You smiled softly, brushing some hair out of Mary’s face, as she smiled a little at you.

“Yeah, I figured.” he said in a low and hoarse voice.

This time you did glance at him. He was looking down for a second. You moved a little to the side on the carpet and patted the place next to you. He seemed taken aback for a second but he didn’t want to miss the chance. He almost stumbled on his way as he rushed a little but came to sit next to you nonetheless; both of you just looking at the little girl.

“She’s taken a lot after you.” you whispered after a long silence of just gazing at her and Dean immediately turned his head to look at you.

Your gaze was still on Mary “I didn’t even begin to realize it until these past months. She has really taken a lot after you, not just in appearance. But in character traits too.” you rested your chin on your arms “She is just as selfless, brave, generous and giving as you.” you breathed out and Dean couldn’t help but look at you in admiration.

“You forgot stubborn.” he whispered, a small teasing tone and a trembling breath left his lips when he saw a smile spread on your lips and a giggle leave.

“That too.” you nodded your head, grin still on your lips and Dean couldn’t stop his own.

You let a small sigh as well “Can’t believe she’s almost four.” you breathed out.

“You tell me.” he whispered “Can’t believe how fast they grow up.” he mumbled and your grin got a little bigger.

“Soon enough she’ll be a young lady.” you said almost in a motherly way “…About to bring her man over.” you added softly, a smirk on your lips and Dean clenched his jaw.

“Will you shut up?” he growled and you giggled even more.

“Hey just saying!” you raised your arms in surrender “That day will come, either you like to admit it or not.”

“I don’t have a problem admitting it alright? I just… like to think it will take time. Lots, lots… lots of time.” he shrugged, leaning back on Mary’s bed.

“Hm I have very much realised that.” you shook your head, a smile still on your lips “At least she’s lucky to have me here to keep you on track or else who knows what she’d have to go through.”

“Yeah.” Dean breathed out “We are lucky.” his gaze fell on you and you had to keep yourself from turning your head to look at him.

“Have you and Lisa decided what you’re going to do for her birthday party?” you tried to change the subject.

He shook his head “Nah haven’t talked about it.”

“Really?” this time you looked at him with a raised eyebrow “It’s in less than three weeks Dean!”

“I know but-” he pursed his lips for a second “-it’s just that-” he sighed, running a hand down his face “You and I have been organizing every birthday party of hers together. Ever since the first one. And I-” he shrugged “-couldn’t do this with Lisa or anyone else for that matter.”

You didn’t want to let out just how much his words that very moment had gotten to you. You couldn’t. But despite how much he didn’t seem to realize it they still affected you. More than anything else he’d said. Ever. He played it off as nothing but truth was- this was so important to you like he couldn’t comprehend.

“Yeah well then- I’ll try my best as usual, for **our** little princess.” you said, a smile itching on your lips without realizing it.

And at the mere word or 'our’ Dean found himself smiling as well. He was unable to take his eyes off you as well. Almost captivated for a moment. Truth was it happened often.

“Almost four.” you whispered and Dean smiled “It seems as if it was yesterday that I first met her or held her in my arms.”

“When she spoke her first words.” Dean added, his eyes falling on Mary.

“When she took her first steps.” you added back.

“…When she started jamming to AC/DC and Kansas.” he added, his voice full of pride.

A small chuckle left your lips, your heart feeling less tight in months “Yeah… and when I caught you singing 'Hey Jude’ while trying to put her to sleep.” you noted, looking at him from the corner of your eye.

“Yeah.” he breathed out, him as well remembering that and all those many more times you’d caught him in all kinds of moments with Mary. He was a wonderful father, truth be told, no matter his mistakes; he was an amazing father.

Maybe you had never told him but you loved watching him play with her, or have tea party with her, or even let her do his 'make up’. You loved seeing them close whether it was even cooking. But above all, you loved how (when she still was a baby) when she’d cry Dean would rush to her to put her back to sleep so that you wouldn’t have. You’d always be tired from work but went at their place to make sure they had a clean house and something to eat. Every time though you did wake up and every time you stood by the door, watching Dean try to put her back to sleep.

“You never really told me.” you breathed out after a small silence, eyes still on the little girl that after all had brought you… together, in a way.

“Why that song?” you turned to look at him and for a moment he held your gaze before looking down, shrugging.

“I don’t know.” he said softly “It was mom’s favorite. She’d sing it to me as a baby and now-” he shrugged again as you nodded your head.

“Hm” you hummed, looking back at her with a smile.

You let a small sigh, your eyes skipping over the little girl who played with her toys; not really paying attention to you. Dean did the exact same, a soft smile on his eyes. Maybe he’d been through rough times this past years, actually you both had, but watching her grown up to be such an amazing person Dean all the more realized he wasn’t going to change any of it.

You sneaked a glance at Dean when he was not looking , your eyes then casting down at the carpet for a second. You let your hands and legs fall, thinking about it for a second but without any further hesitation you slowly started creepingbackwards and closer to him. Dean’s arms were open, resting on the bed behind him. His eyes were focused on Mary,numerous thoughts running through his mind, but it was all cut short when he felt something on his side.

His head snapped to you, going wide immediately. His breath hitched on his throat as he saw you, eyes till on Mary, leaning slowly and reluctantly but surely next to him. He caught himself breathing heavily and hesitantly he moved his arm down so that it was on your shoulders now. He held his breath for a second, fearing he’d overstepped his limits but when he saw you not react to it in any negative way he let a small sigh through his nose and let himself relax just slightly.

His body tensed up just for a second when he saw you rest your head on his shoulder and by instinct his arm around your shoulders tightened its grip and brought you closer to him. Instead of hearing some kind of protest though as he expectedafter all these months he heard you let a small content sigh and, even more to his surprise, you snuggled closer to him. You Brought your knees closer to yourself and slowly and arm over his chest, Dean let his other one rest on top of yours. He couldn’t help but rub his thumb over your bare skin, making your eyes flutter for a second.

You cuddled closer to him, burying your face deeper at the crook of his neck; still keeping your eyes on Mary though. Dean hesitated for a second but after a while he did lean in closer to you and before waiting another second he pressed his lips to your forehead. He shut his eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath to savor this. And actually so did you. You fists his shirt in your hand and let a small sigh you didn’t know you’d been holding. He pulled away after a little while, certainly longer than a friend should but you didn’t know what you were anymore. The only thing you knew is that you need this. That you needed each other deeply, even if you tried to deny it.

You both let out a sigh, Dean pulling away for a second and then resting his head on top of yours; his gaze on Mary as his hand on your back tightened. You snuggled close to him and without saying anything you looked at Mary as well. Both of you just staying like that; as close as possible to each other and almost clinging to each other after what seemed like an eternity.

Maybe Dean more so than you at what he had to go through these months and what he would possibly go through at knowing what he did.

~The Proposal~

“You know you seriously shouldn’t have, right?” you laughed as he pulled the chair back for you to sit again.

“What? Of course I had to!”

“Booking an entire restaurant for the two of us tonight? Sam that is seriously-”

“The best thing someone has done for you?” he asked softly already knowing what you were about to say and you let a small sigh, looking down.

“Well that’s what you don’t get. You do deserve this (Y/n) and you must know it.” he took your hand in his, kissing it softly.

“Oh Sam.” you breathed out, squeezing his hand “How will I ever repay this to you?”

“Oh trust me those books were seriously the best anniversary gift I could get!” he said his face brightening up with a wide smile.

“But see- even- even those books compared to what you did- to this!” you motioned around you, the soft light and aroma managed to captivate you even now “You’ve done all this and I- I just got you-” you pursed your lips shaking your head.

“What I’ve wanted for very long but couldn’t find! (Y/n)-” he squeezed your hand “-Trust me there is not anything else I want more than you, and that is already more than plenty.”

“I just-” you looked down at your dress “-I now wish I had thought about it better, chosen something better.”

“Stop it ok. I am happy, seriously. And I don’t need anything else… except for maybe a dance?” he smirked softly and you giggled.

“Absolutely!”

Without waiting the both of you got up from your seats again and this time he pulled you to the center of the restaurant and you both started swaying to the music. You rested your head on his shoulder and he tightened his grip on your waist.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are tonight?”

You chuckled, looking up at him “A couple times yes.”

“Good. Because you need to know it.” he nodded at himself, kissing the top of your head.

“You idiot.” you mumble with a laugh “How long have you been planning for this?”

“Pretty long actually.” he said with a somewhat nervous smile.

“Well…” you sighed, wrapping your arms around his shoulders even tighter “…I can tell you that this is honestly amazing. Thank you Sam, for everything.” you breathed out in content. Finally after a long day managing to clear your mind.

“You can thank me later. This- is just part of what I have planned.”

“Part?” you asked with a small smirk.

He chuckled “Ok maybe not what you’re thinking.”

“Hm too bad. Because you look extra good in this suit you know.” you pouted playing with his tie and he laughed.

“I- I really hope you think the same after this then too.” he let a small sigh and you frowned a bit.

“Sam, is everything alright? You seem a little-”

“Nervous. Yeah I am.” he breathed out shakily.

“Sam? What is it?” you blinked as he slowly pulled his hands away from your waist and only took hold of one of yours; taking a few steps back as you followed him.

“Ok I think this is right.” he mumbled to himself, looking down for a second while still holding your hand.

“Right for what Sam?” you breathed out a laugh.

“I uh- uhm for this.” he said, taking in a deep breath and- Your eyes went wide at that.

He knelt down on his one knee, still holding your hand and you felt your heart leap to your throat.

“(Y/n)” he said with a nervous smile “I know that this is probably a little early. Hell it _is_ early but I- damn (Y/n) these past eight months had been the best of my life, because I met you. And now, that we are together gosh I honestly don’t want to let go of it… for the rest of my life actually. You- you make me happy. I feel happy (Y/n) for the first time in like… ever!” he breathed out a laugh and you felt tears welling up in your eyes.

Despite the hardships Sam was always there for you two. And you had wanted more than anything to give this man the happiness he deserved.

“S-Sam” you whispered.

“And if you- if you really think the same then- then let’s do this together (Y/n). I- I had never honestly that this moment would come and this soon but seeing you looking at those wedding dresses and imagining how you’d be dressed in it andI- I seriously haven’t wanted anything more in my life. So-” he cleared his throat, letting of your hand and searching through his pocket, finding soon what he’d been looking for.

“I know this seems scary, trust me it is for me too but- I thought it through and I honestly am willing to take this risk, with you if you want to. A-And I don’t expect and answer now if you can’t give me one. Please I- Take your time, I can wait. I don’t want you to rush. If anything- I want you to think seriously about this.” he smiled up at you “So I am just going to ask it because- yeah.” he laughed nervously, bringing just what you expected to see in front of your eyes that of course went wide. And sure as hell once he opened it there it was. Something you never thought you’d see. And of course he sure as hell asked the question you expected him too.

“Will you marry me?”

You stared at him with wide eyes, well mostly at the ring. Trying to comprehend what was actually happening. Thousands of thoughts were running through your mind to the point you started feeling dizzy, almost as if the room was spinning. You thought your knees were going to give away any given moment but as soon as it started- that’s when it was gone. Your heart took that one big leap up to your throat after so much rapid beating but that was it. It stopped. Your hands fell to your side and your eyes moved up to meet Sam’s.

A smile made it’s way on your face and you slowly knelt down to be on the same eye-level as him. You slowly brought your hand to cup his face, the smile turning into a fuller one. You didn’t speak any words, didn’t say a single word instead you just crashed your lips to his. Sam was stunned for a second but then he started responding with the same passion as you. A passion he felt, almost, for the first time.

Well, there was no spoken answer needed after. Not after this. Because it was much obvious…

…to Dean at least.


	29. Chapter 29

“Is everything alright?” Lisa tilted her head upwards to meet Dean’s eyes.

“Why are you asking?” his voice was thick.

“I don’t know.” she breathed out a sigh, snuggling closer to his side “You didn’t say a word last night. I asked you if you were alright and you brushed me off, asked where you’ve been and you didn’t say a word. Instead we-” she licked her lip “Well, didn’t get off bed and still actually haven’t.” she shrugged softly.

“I don’t remember you complaining last time.” he gave her a smirk that gosh felt so fake.

And maybe she knew him too well to not buy it “Yes, but- that’s the thing Dean.” she let out a sigh.

He raised an eyebrow at her “What do you mean?”

“It’s- We’ve never… done it this way before. I’m not complaining, no never you know that. But I’ve known you for years, even if we had to see each other for some time I still- I know what you are like with a woman in bed, I’d like to say better than anyone. And last night wasn’t- it was nothing like ever before.” she confessed, her fingers tracing random patterns over his chest.

“So what?” he blinked “It bothers you that this time I was different?”

“No, no I told you I liked every bit of it. It’s just- there was something Dean. Please tell me I’m not the only one thinking like that.” she plopped up and rested on her elbow to look down at him “Dean what happened?”

“What- why are you saying that?” he still tried to play dumb.

“I- I don’t know. It’s just- you came in after hours of me trying to contact you. I’ve been calling and you haven’t been answering. Your eyes- they looked bloodshot, as if you’d been crying for hours a-and when I asked you, you didn’t answer Dean. Instead you just grabbed me and kissed me and then- we ended up here. A-and you- Dean you went… slow. Like really slow.” she had a deep frown on her face.

Dean merely rolled his eyes “I don’t remember this being a problem any other time.”

“Yes, but that’s what you don’t get. This has not happened any other time, not this way at least. You were going slow as if-as if you were afraid I was going to slip out of yours hands any moment. You seemed… desperate, Dean. You didn’t stop for a moment exploring me like it was our first time, or something. And the few minutes you took a break you- you didn’t let me utter a word! The moment I asked you where you’ve been or what had happened you just went back to it.” she finished her rambling with a sigh before running a hand through her hair.

“I’m sorry if I am pressuring but- you need to realize I got worried, Dean.” she mumbled giving him a look.

Dean let out a sigh, closing his eyes before he swallowed thickly. A lump had formed on his throat but as much as he wanted to ease her worries he knew he couldn’t. Because he couldn’t phrase that scaring truth, even if it was happening. That you were getting married to his brother. And above all he couldn’t phrase the most scaring truth of his life that he had come to realize very late. That he was helplessly in love with you.

Because that was what it all was about. Yes, his eyes were red because of crying. And yes, he had walked in like a zombie, walking dead, completely void of any emotion. And yes, he had been avoiding to answer her calls all night until he had finally decided to return home. It was the early morning actually he now started to realize, but right then he didn’t care. He was sorry he had to worry her but he couldn’t do any different.

And all that was something he couldn’t dare say out loud. Just like the fact that all night long, morning as well, it wasn’t her face that he pictured as his eyes were closed. Hell; it wasn’t her face that his eyes saw the moment he kissed her either. In his hazy dream-like state that was actually a reality he didn’t see her. But you. It was you he whispered all those sweet nothings to. It was you that he kissed so feverly some times, tenderly others. It was you whose body he tried to map out the best he could, again and again. It was you whose body he kissed every inch of. It was you that he whisperedto ‘I love you’s over and over again. It was you he so desperately held in his hands, scared to not let you go. It was you he was dreaming of making love to till the very early mornings. It was you he was trying to be one with. It was your voice that filled his ears, saying all the things he had dreamed of so many times before. It was your big (y/e/c) orbs that started up at him with adoration. It was your lips that kissed him with so much love. It was all you. And you were all his for that night, only his.

And at the same time not. Because the moment he had woken up he didn’t find you sleeping next to him, hair a mess just the way he loved after hours of love making. He didn’t find your pretty face on the pillow next to his. He didn’t see your soft lips in that small pout you subconsciously made when you were sleeping. He didn’t see your rosy cheeks that he’d love to pepper kisses over. Because, no, it wasn’t you. It wasn’t you next to him but Lisa. And you? You were inside the room opposite his in the arms of your fiance _and_ his brother. The man you really belonged to.

“Dean?” _her_ voice – not yours – made him open his eyes and look up.

“I’m sorry, Lis.” he breathed out “Shitty week and even more shitty night. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s alright. I just- I wanted you to know I am here to talk to. We’re one, Dean. What troubles you, troubles me as well.” she placed a hand on his cheek “The moment you asked me to move in, we became a family. And family shares everything.”

“I know, baby. I just- I need some time. I will be over it, soon. I promise.” he gave her a small smile, mostly trying to convince himself.

“Alright, I hope so then. Just know I am always here, right?” she smiled softly at him and he nodded his head.

“I know.” he ran his hand up and down her arm, giving her a warm smile.

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his. Dean closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, her scent filling his senses. But even if he could imagine you through closed eyes, the scent was just so wrong because it was not yours. And that pulled him back to the harsh reality.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” she said with a smile “If you want to, you can join me.”

He chuckled “You know I’d love this, but I am beat. I’ll probably sleep a few more hours.”

He just couldn’t say out loud that he didn’t want to because her scent wouldn’t let him slip into that small fantasie of his with you there instead of her.

“Alright then.” she pecked his lips once again and with a small fake smile he let her go.

“Damn it.” Dean grumbled to himself as soon as she was out of the room. He ran a hand down his face thinking just how messed up the situation was and how screwed he too was. Yeah, a lot.

~*~

Dean let out another sigh as he turned once more in his bed. Sleep just wasn’t an option at the moment, especially when his mind kept replaying the scene of Sam on one knee and you getting the proposal ring. Even all the drinks he’d gotten after that hadn’t helped in erasing the memory. He remembered it crystal clear, just like the empty feeling inside his chest. Because his heart had been ripped out after that. Only leaving him to wonder how much more he would hurt when he saw you walk down the aisle to Sam.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, gritting his teeth. He got up with a frustrated growl and wore some clothes. He got out of his room and made his way downstairs, already knowing where Mary would be at this time of the day. He knew that at this point she was the only one that could take his mind off things.

A small smile made its way on his lips as soon as he heard her giggles. He walked into the living room and sure there he found her but the sight still made his eyes widen and he heart leap up to his throat. You were holding her in your arms, peppering kisses all over her face and she couldn’t stop her giggles.

“Mommy!” she exclaimed, trying to get you to stop but he could see you slightly tickling her sides.

He couldn’t help himself as a grin spread on his lips and his heart jumped like crazy inside his chest. His eyes were focusedon the two of you, the two most important women in his entire life and the two he loved most, there in the living room. He bumped on something that lay on the floor, no guess it was some toy, making a pretty loud noise that got both of yours attention.

His eyes snapped back up to look the two of you looking at him but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak Lisa walked in and… pressed her lips to his in a kiss. Dean’s eyes widened for a moment and he noticed how you looked away from the couple to the little girl in your hands.

“Hey, you up?” she smiled at him, her lips still close to his.

“Yeah, had my beauty sleep and I’m better now.” he almost whispered to her, giving her a look that she would understand and talk about the topic that she’d obviously wanted to.

“H-hey.” he said in a little more hoarse voice as he looked at you.

“Hey.” you gave him a smile, balancing Mary on your hip.

His eyes slowly trailed down to your hand, maybe seeing the ring on your finger from up close would make everything set in. Just like the pain of course. But of course, you made sure to hide it as best as you could, especially from him.

“Why here so early?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Well, unless you’ve noticed it’s almost one, so yeah not so morning. Not that you’d know, considering you probably stayed up till late at night.” you gave him a look and he looked down sheepishly, already knowing you’d have seen the marks on his neck by now.

“Anyway-” you chuckled “-Lisa and I had planned to go shopping today and maybe have a coffee later.”

“Yeah, which also means you have to take care of the kids for today, so don’t screw it up!” Lisa gave him a look as she rushed around, gathering her things and trying to get ready.

He rolled his eyes “Have some faith in me.”

“As if.” you scoffed yourself “We’ll just try to hurry as much as we can, so don’t worry about that.”

“Alright.” he nodded his head, his eyes still focused on you although he could see you were avoiding looking at him.

“Hey-” he felt his mouth go dry “-Where- where is Sam by the way?”

You stiffened slightly “He uh he had to leave about an hour ago. He had some job to take care of, I- I don’t understand what. But I didn’t want to pressure into it.”

“Right.” he nodded his head “How did the two of you’s date go?” he asked not being able to help the sad tone in his voice.

“It was-” you swallowed thickly “It was alright.” you didn’t dare meet his eyes and Dean felt his heart sink all the more.

“I see.” he pursed his lips to keep himself from saying more. He knew he couldn’t help himself sometimes and at this moment, with his emotions being such a big mess he was probably going to screw up things very bad.

However, even if he wanted to think it was just a fragment of his imagination, he couldn’t help but see something flash through your eyes. The smile you gave him, it didn’t reach your eyes, and he knew that something was troubling you. That you were thinking something, contemplating even. And that greedy part of his just wished it had to do with him, although he knew he shouldn’t.

“How- how are you?” he found himself asking as Lisa had ran upstairs.

You looked at him, with a small suspicious frown “Good, I guess. Not much can change in a night, Dean.” you shrugged.

Dean found himself raising an eyebrow at how you were obviously trying to hide what had happened “Really?”

“Yeah, why?” you asked back with an equal frown.

“It’s just- Nothing nevermind.” he shrugged with a shake of his head.

“Dean.” you hugged Mary closer as she rested her head on your shoulder “Are you alright?” you asked, this timegenuinely concerned.

He looked at you hesitating for a moment “Y-Yeah, don’t worry. Just peachy.”

“You know I am not buying it right?” you gave him a small smirk and he chuckled.

“Unfortunately you’re too smart for my own good.” he shook his head, taking a few steps closer to the two of you “But I wouldn’t have you any different.” he added in a whisper, his one hand coming up to brush a few blonde strands of Mary’s away from her face.

His eyes moved from her to you and sure as hell those (y/e/c) orbs he’d been dream-living all night were staring up at him. He smiled softly at you but the moment didn’t last long.

“(Y/n)!” it was Ben’s voice that made him pull away and you take another step backwards.

“Hey B!” you grinned at the boy who approached you with a grin.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Me and your mother are going shopping.” he made a face at your words and you chuckled “You won’t make that face when I come back with what I am thinking of buying for you, though.”

His eyes went wide “What? You mean you’re going to buy it for me?”

“Buy what?” Dean frowned though he had a small smile on.

“You’ll see later.” you winked at him with a grin and he chuckled lightly.

“Damn (Y/n) thank you so much!” the boy grinned widely at you.

“Ben, language.” Dean pursed his lips and you only looked at him “What?!” he exclaimed.

“Seriously? Language? You are Dean Winchester!”

“Details. I gotta do this right (Y/n).”

“Of course.” your face hardened “To be a good father.”

Dean’s face fell as you looked away from him.

“(Y/n) are you going to buy me that stuffed moose we saw?” Mary’s low voice made you look at her.

You chuckled “Well, baby, I think that should be left to your uncle. Although now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I’d need one too.”

“What for? You’ve got the real thing going.” Dean couldn’t stop the scoff that left his lips.

“Yeah, yeah I guess you’re right.” you bit your lower lip a little shyly.

And Dean felt his heart sink as he saw the sparkle in your eyes.

“But don’t worry, bug.” you grinned at her “I’ve got a nice present for you in mind. All you have to do is wait a little for it.” you kissed her cheek as she grinned at you.

“Really?”

“Really.”

_**And Dean prayed that part of her surprise gift wasn’t your and Sam’s announcement of a wedding.** _

~*~

You let a small sigh as you let the shopping bags drop on the ground and you plopped yourself on the couch. You didn’t want to return to an empty house, not at this point but Sam was gone and wouldn’t come back for a few days. So yes, in other words you were left alone.

Or maybe sort of.

“Mommy?” Mary’s voice made you open your eyes and glance her way, a big smile breaking on your face.

“Hey baby, come here.” you patted your knees and she didn’t miss a chance to walk towards you, her teddy bear always in her hands.

“Are you tired mommy?” she asked with a tilt of her head and you shook your own.

“Not so much, sweetheart.” you tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear “But even as that, we can relax now together.” you smiled at her.

“Can we also watch some movies?” she asked with a small grin and you nodded your head.

“Yes, baby. Of course.” you ruffled her hair “I’ll make some pop-corn for us, alright?”

“Yes, yes!” she exclaimed.

You chuckled again, glad that Dean agreed to let Mary sleep with you for tonight. After going for shopping with Lisa she got a phone call from her mother that asked her if she could visit. Needless to say your shopping was cut short and you returned for her to get ready with Ben and they soon both were off to their small trip.

Part of you was thankful for that phone call because it got you out of a rather awkward conversation.

-Flashback-

“Wow I seriously need a coffee right now. I thought that a cold shower would be enough for me to wake up but nope.” she said with a shake of her head.

You forced out a laugh “I guess we should blame Dean for that huh?”

She chuckled too, nodding her head “I could hardly keep him off, for the entire night at that.”

“…So you two are better than ever now, huh?” you asked with a small frown, mostly at the way you felt.

You knew you shouldn’t, not right now, feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach at her words. Much less the thought of her and Dean being better than ever before. You knew you should be happy about him, and part of you maybe was, but it couldn’t compare to the great part of you that felt so heartbroken to see him move on and make a family of his own.

You wanted the best for him, always, but there still was that part of yours that wanted you to be his happiness. Seeing him form a family with Lisa equalled only to suffering, and it was one you’d have to go through either you liked it or not.

“I guess you could say.” she gave you a small smile that actually made you frown.

“Lisa, is everything alright?”

She took in a deep breath “I don’t know (Y/n). Not anymore.” she confessed and your eyebrows shot up. Maybe everything wasn’t as perfect as Dean let it show. And you couldn’t but wonder why he did so.

“What do you mean?” you tilted your head to the side.

“(Y/n) I- I thought I knew Dean, better than anyone actually.” well damn her words felt like a stab to the chest “But I think-I think I was wrong.”

“Why-” you swallowed the lump in your throat “Why would you say this?”

“It’s-” she shook her head “At first I could read Dean, like an open book, but then I just- there were things I couldn’t make out. And he- he wouldn’t say a single thing to me, it’s like he shut me off. But not with everything, just- just with his emotions. He wouldn’t tell me how he felt, all this time, and last night things got worse.”

You let a small sigh, looking down “Dean doesn’t open up easily. Not when it comes to his emotions.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t talk about them with anyone… except you.” her words made you look up at her “(Y/n), that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

“You- you think I might know something?” I meant so much more coming from her to see that you really mattered to Dean.

“Yes, yes! Dean he- he trusts you with his life, for some reason you are the only person he trusts with his emotions more than Sam at that! He can open up to you, it’s like you have this connection.” she struggled to find the right words “It’s hard to explain but you know it’s true. (Y/n) you and him have this relationship, that is above everything else. It’s because you are very important to Dean.”

Your heart jumped at her words, coming from her it had to be real… right?

“Lisa.” you let out a small sigh “I am no more important than you are.” it hurt you to say it out loud but it was true “If he didn’t tell you what’s been bothering him then- then I don’t think you should expect me to know.” you shrugged softly.

“So- so you mean you don’t know?”

“I’m sorry Lisa.” you mumbled, fidgeting with your hands.

“It’s just-” she sighed again “-he was awful (Y/n). I let it slip but I can’t stop thinking about it. He came really early in the morning, he was gone all night, and his eyes- they were red as if- as if he’d been crying for hours. I don’t know what to do.” she ran a hand through his hair.

Your eyebrows frowned as worry etched on your features. Dean Winchester and crying meant something very bad. That something went wrong and you had to find out about that. Dean was always strong, he managed to handle his feelings. Maybe not in the best way possible but he never broke, not in this way. For him to end up crying this bad, you should fear the worst. Hell, even the thought of it made tears well up in your eyes. When Dean was like that hell broke loose to say the least.

“I- I’m sorry, Lisa. I know Dean, he- he won’t open up easily but- but maybe if you give him some time? Have some patience, he will open up to you.” you placed a hand on top of hers.

Oh the irony. You never thought there would come a day where you would be comforting one of Dean’s girlfriends – maybe more to be soon? - about her relationship with him, where you would have to be strong for her and hope for the best for them. At least on the outside, because within you were slowly dying.

She opened her mouth to speak but the frown on her face got replaced by a stunned expression and her mouth fell open “You- you got- you are-” she stuttered as you followed her gaze on your hand.

“Oh yeah.” you chuckled softly, almost having forgotten that you had the ring on and she could see. You were just glad Dean hadn’t seen it yet, the more time you had to prepare for the moment the better it would be.

“You and Sam are-” she started speaking again looking at you wide eyes and you nodded your head.

“Sort of, I guess.” you breathed out an awkward chuckle “Sam uh he proposed to me, last night.”

She blinked “La-last night?” your words seemed to trouble her as she started thinking about something.

“A-and what- what did you tell him?” she asked sceptically but before you could answer and before she had any more time to think about it her phone chose that moment to ring.

-End of Flashback-

The proposal. You hadn’t stopped thinking about it ever since it happened. Or maybe you had for some time. When you returned with Sam after staying for a little more at the restaurant he – or was it you? - wouldn’t let go of the other. You let yourself be lulled into his arms as his lips kissed every inch of your body. You felt on cloud nine as the two of you moved slowly under the sheets, exploring each other like it was the first time. During such times, and in Sam’s arms, you let yourself go and forgot about all of your problems. Every single worry faded away as he smiled at you and made your heart swell inside your chest.

You felt so sad he had to leave this morning and you could see that he didn’t want to either. Even if you had given him no direct answer to his question at the same time you didn’t want to really think about it. You wanted to take as much time as possible but with Sam there of course. His embrace made you feel wonderful. At peace, and like everything was goingto be alright in the end. No matter what you finally decided.

Hell, even the fact that he had told you to think about it for as long as you could made you love him all the more. He too knew it was early, but that at the same time you couldn’t be more close. You felt a connection with Sam that was truly deep but at the same time you were scared of what could possibly happen. At least you were glad he didn’t let you out of his hands all night and morning long and kept your mind occupied the best he could. Almost like he didn’t care what your answer would be. And yes, he obviously loved you that much.

It managed to put you at such ease, you felt so comfortable, you almost caught yourself thinking about what would happen if you said yes to him. How everything would be, from the preparation, to the wedding, to the honeymoon and to all after that. To your shared life with Sam that all of a sudden was pretty appealing to you and it was all thanks to Sam. He was a wonderful man, caring and loving.

“Mommy?” Mary’s voice broke your trail of thought and you looked at her as she placed a tiny hand on your cheek “Are you alright?”

You smiled “Yes baby.” you kissed her small palm “As long as I have you I am alright.”

Even if she should smile a small frown was on her face and you followed her gaze to see her looking at the ring on your finger “Mary?” you whispered and she looked up at you.

“Mommy are you going to marry uncle Sammy?” she asked with a tilt of her head.

You sucked in a small breath “Do you- do you not want me to?”

She frowned for a second and you instantly felt bad for asking her and for actually expecting her to make the decision. Maybe, just maybe, it was a way to rid yourself of the responsibilities.

“I don’t know.” she pursed her lips for a second “Do you love uncle Sammy?”

You let out a small breath and for the first time you felt the words come so easily out of yours lips “I do, yes.” because it was true.

“But- but- do you love him more than-”

“Who, you?” you chuckled, understanding she was probably worried about you not loving her anymore “No, baby. You know you are the first one in my heart.”

“No, I mean-” she hesitated for a second “Do you love him more than daddy?”

Your breath hitched on your throat at the simple yet so hard question. Well, this one you couldn’t answer as easily.

“Baby girl.” you whispered, swallowing thickly “This- this is something I can’t answer that easily.”

“Why?” she tilted her head to the side asking as if it was the most simple thing in the world, just like with everything else for her actually. To her everything was simple, answers were short and most of the time a 'yes’ or a 'no’. And that was actually the case every time, it was just your messed up mind and even more of a messed up heart that couldn’t providethe answer. A simple one, yes, but not for you.

“Because-” you were so messed up on the inside you couldn’t provide the answer.

How could you explain it to her how Sam’s proposal had made you start thinking a million different things all at once let alone feel. You knew you loved Sam, there was no questioning that now, but at the same time you couldn’t help but doubt everything else.

“Doesn’t matter Mary.” you shook your head, looking down at your hands.

“Does it?” she tilted her head to the side.

She was asking something simple to her but so complicated to you. If only she knew how much she asked of you to say now. Maybe she was a little too smart for you.

“Not now, Mary, please.” you mumbled and she nodded her head.

“I’m sorry for making you sad, mommy.” she said, a small pout forming on her lips without her realizing it.

“No, bug, it’s not your fault.” you gave her a reassuring smile, the last thing you wanted was her to feel guilty for something you were the only one to blame for.

“I love you mama.” she whispered and you found yourself smiling warmly at her.

“I love you too, baby doll.” you whispered, knowing that this was never going to change. It was and would always be the only constant in your life.

~*~

Silence. Silence could be deafening to some and at this point driving Dean insane. Maybe not so much silence itself but the thoughts that kept running through his mind in the silence. He was alone and at this point this was the least of things he wanted. He needed Lisa to be there, even if he’d just end up pretending she was you and get lost in the bedsheets with her as you.

But no she wasn’t. Other than Mary spending the night with you, Lisa had to take Ben and they both left to visit her mother. It only left Dean all to himself with his haunting thoughts driving him over the edge. He clenched the bottle of whiskey and took another large sip. He had to stop this, had to stop the thoughts that ran through his mind. For some reason everything got worse at night, probably cause during day he could keep himself occupied while now he was all alone to think about it over and over again. Because no matter how much he tried he couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay.

Last night he had managed to keep himself occupied, after he practically drunk himself to death he returned home to Lisa and all of that followed. He couldn’t even understand how after so many drinks he still felt sober as hell. Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the aching pain in his heart that kept all of his senses sharp and running. He was at least glad that he was a little tipsy, feeling hazy enough, to be able to see your face instead of hers during… yeah. He felt bad for doing this to her, because if Lisa knew she would definitely leave him and she’d have every right to. After all, he was in love with his brother’s fiance and straight forward lied to her. He didn’t love her, no not anymore. Maybe in the past he’d have dreamed about a normal life with her and Ben but right now – hell ever since the moment he met you – he couldn’t stop but dream about having said life with you and Mary. However he was doomed to be with her and watch as you got that life with his brother.

His brother. Oh lord, his brother. Dean felt a sob coming up on his throat and he almost choked on his whiskey. He had cried so much the previous night, unable to stop the heartache anymore, that he thought he’d be drained for the rest of his life but nope, he wasn’t going to have it his way. He felt his eyes burn with unshed tears and clenched his jaw, his hands fisting by his sides. He hated himself, he had never hated himself more he _now_ realized, for wanting this to be a lie. For wanting none of this to happen, even if his brother would end up hurting.

Gosh, Dean loathed himself. When would he ever stop being so damn selfish? Why couldn’t his heart just listen to him for once? Everything would be so much easier if he just stopped loving you so much. Yeah, like hell. He’d probably die before that ever happened. But he had to, he needed to force himself to stop it, to stop this feelings because soon enough you would officially be Sam’s. Something he had grately attributed to himself, he realized. He was the one that had brought it all on himself and now he had to deal with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. But maybe, just maybe, when he had started all of this there was a part of him that hoped that it wasn’t going to last long. That it wouldn’t be so serious and that you’d eventually break up and Dean wouldn’t feel bad he had not tried. But of course, he had buried that part of him deep within.

Now? Now, it all came rushing to him and he felt overwhelmed to say the least. He felt sick, hell he was sick. He felt like throwing up any second given and he knew it wasn’t just because of the alcohol. If anything, the previous night he had consumed double the amount and still was sober as hell. But no it was the pain in his chest, like there was a fresh wound there not wanting to let him rest. He felt empty, he realized it, and as he stared at the wall right in front of him he felt helpless. Going through hell didn’t even begin to cover it.

Last night this wasn’t so hard on him but then again in between the tears and alcohol and then keeping his mind occupied in Lisa – basically you – didn’t leave him any room to think. But right now he was all alone and the images clouded his vision. His lower lip trembled and he clenched his fists even tighter. His breathing was becoming ragged and he closed his eyes tightly a deep frown on his face as he felt his heart beat fast inside his chest, almost painfully fast.

And he hated already the decision to close his eyes because the image of Sam proposing to you flashed through his eyes and he felt a whole new wave of emotions wash over him. He thought he could do this, he thought he would be able to handle it – all of it – from the first moment, he thought he would be able to fight this and himself, he thought he would be strong, he thought he would be able to put a small smile even fake one for you and Sam but as he thought about it the only thing he felt was fear. Dean Winchester had never been more scared in his life before than that moment. Because at that moment realization set down on him. You would be gone, maybe you already were, for good. You would be Sam’s, forever now, and that scared the living hell out of him.

It was this moment that everything set in, that Dean realized he’d lost you for good and that nothing would be going back to the way it was- or the way Dean would have really wanted to. He thought he could do this, even if it was hurting him in the beginning, but now he simply couldn’t do it. As realization set down on him Dean could see clearly, for the first time in so long, he could see… the mistake he was doing. The mistakes he had done all this time and he started realizing how big they were, and he regretted every single one of them.

It was the proposal that made everything set in, and not just the idea but actually the image of Sam on one knee and you tearing up and falling in his arms. It was that image that made it all set in and scare him to no end. All this time he had just been thinking about it, and for most of it Sam was just your boyfriend, but now it was really happening and Dean finally started to realize it. It was all 100% real, it was happening and Dean this time couldn’t do a single thing to prevent it. And that was the most intimidating fact of all.

He had been thinking about it ever since last night, already having that itching feeling inside him, but now it all was so much stronger. The heartache, the pain, the emptiness in his chest, the trembling, the terror, the fear, the longing, thedesperation, the love… the hatred for himself at what he had done and would do. Because his emotions were running wild, his heartache too much to control, and the desperation? It drove him over the edge. That’s what had made him do all these things but at the moment it was so much more intense that Dean couldn’t even comprehend what was happening.

There was only one thing he knew for sure, other than the fact that the situation had gotten seriously out of hand and for him to handle.

**Dean wished he was _dead_ in order not to feel anymore.**

~*~

“Coming! I’m coming!” you shouted a little annoyed as you rubbed your eyes.

You soothed down your hair that was a wild mess, the frown was on your face as you looked at the clock on the wall. It was past midnight and with the heavy downpour going on outside you doubted a sane person would be out there. So who could be knocking on your door at this time? You just hoped that Mary wouldn’t wake up, it had taken you quiet a while to soothe her down after all those thunders. The person at the other side of the door seemed pretty persistent and you had already started to worry something bad, _very bad_ , had happened.

“Sheesh just a minute!” you said, almost tripping over some toy of hers. You smoothed down the shirt you were wearing that fitted pretty much like a dress and took the final steps to the door.

“Dean?” you breathed out as soon as your eyes fell on his.

“H-Hey, princess.” he whispered back but your eyes were wide and you were too worried to care about the tone in his voice, or worse the look on his face.

“What the heck is going on? What are you doing out at this time?!” you exclaimed.

“It’s nothing-”

You cut him off “Bullshit! Winchester you are soaking wet! Come here, now!” you grabbed him by his arm and tugged him inside and he only complied like a little child, his head bent down.

“Let me get you some towels.” you said after closing the door but before you could leave he took hold of your hand.

“No, please no. Just stay.” his voice was low and thick, making you frown deeply in concern.

“Dean?” you whispered, taking a step closer to him “Is everything alright?” you subconsciously brought one hand up to cup his cheek.

You didn’t expect what happened next but Dean let out a small sigh and nuzzled his face in your palm, his eyes closing for a moment. When they opened he directly looked at you before he smiled softly.

“Have I told you how good you look in my old crappy clothes?” he whispered, a look of adoration written on his face.

Your eyebrows shot up for a second before you felt your cheeks heat up slightly, as you realized you were actually wearing one of his shirts that you had borrowed when you’d slept at his place with Mary, and you looked down shyly “I just- it'scomfortable.”

“It looks great on you, still.” he whispered again and only then did you notice how his shoulders were slumped down and his face just wouldn’t show an signs of happiness. It looked as if a heavy weight was sitting not just on his shoulders but his heart and soul as well.

“Dean.” you whispered again, fully cupping his face to make him look down at you “You know you can tell me everything right?”

He gave you a small nod that in all honesty broke your heart. He looked like a kicked puppy.

“Then what is it?” your own voice broke “Please, just tell me. We can get through this together. The two of us.”

“Well, we’re not two anymore, are we?” he raised his eyebrows a little tired before his face fell once more.

“Wh-what?” you stuttered, tilting your head to the side “Dean what are you talking about? Why are you here at this time of the night? Did- did something happen?”

You were suddenly going crazy as all possible scenarios ran through your mind. Knowing how bad Dean had been the previous night you feared he’d be just as awful, and it broke you to no end. You could smell alcohol on him too and considering how his eyes were slightly red you wouldn’t doubt the fact that he’d probably cried to. The thought alone made tears well up in your eyes.

“D?” you whispered, your voice cracking “Please, you’re scaring me. Tell me, what is going on? Don’t you remember how it is? You-” you forced a laugh though it hurt “You are supposed to be the strong one, the one I lean on when things get too bad. You are my rock, my anchor. Don’t you know this hurts me?”

“Hurts you.” he whispered as if it was the only word he’d heard “I’ve hurt you so bad, so _so_ bad, yet you still are here; willing to listen to me and take my pains as if you have none of your own.” he almost choked on a sob.

“Wh-what do you mean?” your lower lip trembled as you felt tears well up in your eyes.

No matter what had happened you loved this man, and seeing him so broken made you hurt more than you had all this time, more than you had in your entire life at that.

“Gosh (Y/n), I’ve been such an idiot. I thought- I thought I knew what was best for you and for that I didn’t hurt just myself but you as well! Hell, even my own daughter! First it was pushing you away from her and now with Lisa, I-” he stopped and pursed his lips, even if you really wanted him to continue at this point “-I thought I could take it but I- I can’t anymore, it hurts a-and I’m scared so bad. It is all my fault and I am so, so sorry (Y/n). For everything.”

“Dean, please don’t- don’t this to me now. P-please-” your own breathing was becoming ragged and your lower lip trembled “-Don’t- don’t keep it in you. T-tell me w-what- what has happened.” you were stuttering because of fighting back the tears; clenching the dump fabric of his shirt in your fists.

“D-Dean?” you couldn’t keep the frown off, your eyes watery “Wh-what is i-” but you didn’t have time to complete your sentence because he cut you off, and his words knocked all air out of your lungs.

“I love you, (Y/n). I always have.” he confessed with a pained look on his face as he voice cracked and he locked his watery eyes with your wide ones.

“I’m in love with you.”


	30. Chapter 30

“D-Dean?” you couldn’t keep the frown off, your tears watery “Wh-what is i-” but you didn’t have time to complete your sentence because he cut you off, and his words knocked all air out of your lungs.

“I love you, (Y/n)” he confessed with a pained look on his face as he voice cracked and he locked his watery eyes with your wide ones.

“I’m in love with you.”

“W-what?” your voice was so low you doubted he even heard you because you had a hard time hearing yourself; or maybe it was because of all the blood rushing to your ears.

“I’m in-” were the two first words he dared utter before you laughed with a shake of your head. He only frowned, tilting his head to the side.

“Whow seriously, that’s- that’s really low, even for you.” you breathed out after a while, although every laugh hurt like a stab to the heart. Because yes Dean was kidding – he _had_ to be kidding – and yet you found part of you believing him and even grater part of you hoping he was saying the truth.

_If only you knew._

“I’m-” he paused for a second before he shook his head “I’m not joking (Y/n).”

“You’re… not.” you breathed out and this once your breathing was surely unsteady “Cut the crap Dean.” you clenchedyour jaw, going completely serious.

“(Y/n), I need you to understand I am-”

“What?!” you cut him off “What Dean? You are serious? You really expect me to believe you are serious about this?! No.” you pursed your lips shaking your head, you wanted to force a laugh but it died out.

“You’re joking, you have to be joking.” you shook your head.

“I’m not- I’m- I’m serious, (Y/n). I am in love with you, I have always been.” his eyebrows knitted together as he looked at you with a pained expression, but he deserved it all of it. And all that was to come.

“No, no no.” you shook your head furiously “You- you aren’t. You- you have never been, all those women-”

“I was trying to forget you.” he confessed in a low voice “(Y/n) please-” his hand took hold of yours but the contact didn’t last long as you snatched your hand from his.

“Don’t touch me!” you all-but-screamed at him and Dean’s eyes widened as a hurt expression took over.

“You- you can’t- no you can’t come here, not now a-and tell me- tell me that-”

“I love you, (Y/n), I need you to believe me, please.” he pleaded, his heart aching even more at seeing you like this.

“Stop it! Stop saying that! _Stop!_ ” you shouted “You don’t- you don’t love me, you cannot love me! You are _ **incapable**_ of love, Dean Winchester!” tears were rolling down your cheeks but you couldn’t help but scream.

“Say it, say whatever you want I- I won’t blame you. You are right, everything I did-” he stopped himself, pursing his lips as he looked down “I was wrong.”

“Wrong? _Wrong?!_ ” you were furious by now “You think?!”

“You have every right to be angry at me, I- I messed up everything (Y/n). Not just my life but yours and Sam’s as well. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done. But I love you, I need you to believe that.” his eyes were pleading with you but your head was swimming with thoughts to even be able to comprehend that.

“No, no no no.” you shook your head furiously once more, running frustrated hand through your hair “You’re not- this isnot- this can’t be real, I’m- I’m dreaming right? I have to be dreaming.” you were almost starting to feel dizzy, your stomach tight in knots and a lump in your throat that kept you from breathing properly. Your eyes burned with unshed tears.

“(Y/n) please-” he choked on an oncomign sob “Don’t say this, I- I am in love with you and I need you to listen to me. Please I need to explain everything to you but I need you to be calm to-”

“Calm?!” you screamed “You’re asking me to be fucking calm?! How the fuck can I be calm when you-” you felt your throat close and your eyes go wide, almost as if you were choking, as you couldn’t voice the words.

 _ **Hell, you couldn’t even believe this was happening let alone say it out loud. Dean, the man you’d met almost four years ago and whom you fell helplessly in love with was here saying he felt the same.**_ He was finally saying he was in love with you after all of the things he made you go through. After nights and nights of him going out with other women while you cried yourself to sleep, after he basically kept you away from his daughter, after he all but pushed you into his brother’s arms – making the both of you fall for each other – and after in some way you found some peace he did what? He came and told you he was in love with and took everything to hell with it.

You thought this was and would always be a dream, something you wished would happen but never came true. And you were alright with that. You were content with the fact that this would be just a dream and you would be even more content with being with Sam, the comfort his arms brought to you and your love for him enough to ease every pain. But now Dean was there, right in front of you, telling you he was in love with you? You couldn’t stop the thoughts from your mind. Had he all this time? Did he love you when he went out with all those women? Was it hurting him even in the least bit to think of the pain you were going through? Hell, did he even know how much you were suffering all these years? Did he maybe do this on purpose? No, for that you couldn’t believe he was capable of. He would never do such a thing consciously to you.

But what about everything else? You thought your world had come upside down when he had asked you not to be close to Mary but this- this was far from that. This was what made everything crumble down to pieces. Pieces you had no idea how you were going to pick up and put back to place, if you _ever_ did. Because Dean was finally saying the words you had been dreaming him to, if only it was the right time though. You had never imagined it like this, never. Not with you being with another man – his brother – and him with another woman at that.

But it was happening. Dean was saying those three words, despite the situation, despite the timing, despite everything. Dean was in love with you. And he was saying it out loud, confessing it to you. He was in love with you. He, all along, felt the same way you had been all this time. Dean was in love with you. _You_.

“No, no no no.” you clenched the sides of your head shaking it, eyes shut tightly you were almost feeling dizzy at the shocking truth that you couldn’t believe “Stop, stop it. Stop messing with me!”

“Wh-what?” his voice was so broken “(Y/n), I’m- I’m not messing with you, please.” he croaked moving closer to you.

You furiously turned around to look at him with wide eyes. They were red by now and your cheeks were stained with tears. A look of pure horror was on your face as you backed away from him and it broke Dean to pieces to get that reaction from you. It was worse than someone having stabbed him in the chest. The look you gave him, the terror in your eyes and pain above all, made his heart crack inside his chest.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you whispered, looking up at him with pleading eyes “What have I ever done to you to hurt me so much?” your voice cracked as a small whimper left your lips.

You were past broken, this- this was not the way you’ve wanted it all to happen. No, Dean couldn’t- he _ **shouldn’t**_ be in love with you. You never knew you’d wish this but- at this moment you prefered if he just wanted to mess with your heart more, hurt you or tease you, instead of actually being in love with you. You would handle the joke but it being a reality, that was the scariest fact of your life. And maybe you wished it was a joke because then you’d stay mad at him and everything would go back to the way it was. But it being real? Dean _really_ being in love with you, how could you handle that? Especially with your emotions running wild.

“Why, Dean?” you sniffled “Why do you hate me this much to do something like this?”

“Wh-what?” he breathed out, his eyes going wide “No, god- no.” he almost choked “I- I don’t- (Y/n) I-” he was slowly approaching you. He was cautious, too scared you’d push him away – and honestly enough he didn’t know if he could handle that on top of his growing pain – but at the same time he just wanted to gather you in his arms and not let you go.

“(Y/n), p-please don’t say this. I- I don’t-” step after step he found himself getting closer to you, his arms reluctantly moving closer to you as his fingertips softly brushed over the bare skin of your arms “I don’t hate you, I could never-” he let out a trembling sigh as he slowly but surely wrapped his arms around you.

You had burst into a full feat of tears, your entire body shaking with sobs; your breathing being unsteady as you practicallystruggled to breathe. Your arms and legs were shaking and he was scared you were going to fall on the cold floor if he didn’t hold you in his arms; which he luckily did.

“I could never hate you. Never.” he murmured as he buried his face in your hair “Never… _baby_. Please, just please don’t say this again.” he tightened his grip on you as he let you cry into his chest “Don’t, don’t even think about it. I- I can’t- I can’t stand the thought of you- Please baby, I’m so sorry.” he kissed the side of your head, a tear rolling down his cheek “I love you.” he choked out.

You gritted your teeth, your lips pursing and you clenched your fists; slowly bring your hands up on his chest…. and pushing him away.

“Stop it, now.” you said as firmly, and a little angrily, as you could “Stop this now, Dean!”

“(Y/n), please, I need you to believe me. I’m not- I’m not messing with you. I never could, not when it comes to something so serious.”

“I can’t, Dean. I can’t!” you screamed, furiously brushing away your tears; although fresh ones kept running all the time.

“Calm down, alright, and I will explain everything. I promise.” he breathed out, he too trying his hardest to stay calm considering how emotional the moment was for the both of you.

“Calm down?! How the hell am I supposed to calm down?! You come in and- and tell me you are in love with me, after all you’ve done and I am supposed to believe you and be alright with that?!”

“(Y/n), stop! Alright, stop!” for the first time he raised his voice as well “I need you to listen to me and I need you- I need you to let me explain myself!”

“Explain what Dean?” you hissed, taking a step forward “That you did all of _this_ and now just expect me to be alright with it? That you pushed me into Sam’s arms and now want me to take everything back?!”

“I- I don’t-” he couldn’t form any words because truth was he couldn’t think of anything to say. He hadn’t thought this out, not with how his emotions were all over the place, a big mess, and how his only thought was to tell you everything and stop this before it was too late. Because he couldn’t take it anymore, neither that nor the thought of losing you forever.

“You haven’t thought about this, have you? And then you just want me to believe you.” you scoffed, folding your arms over your chest.

“Yes, yes I do. Because I am in love with you, and that stands damn it.” he growled, for the first time angry. Because for the first time he was sure about something in his life and that was how he felt for you.

“No.” you breathed out, eyes closing for a second “No, no no no.” you repeated over and over again walking away from him “No, no you can’t be saying this now.” your breathing was becoming unsteady again as you thought of something Dean didn’t realize “You can’t. Not now, not now that I-” you stopped yourself.

“Are getting married to Sam?” he completed your sentence, his face taking on a cold expression.

Your eyes widened and you looked up at him “You- you know?” you stuttered, a feeling of guilt for some reason washing over you.

“Yeah.” he said in a hoarse voice “Yeah, I- I saw it all. I was there, outside.” he confessed.

“How- how long have you known?” you asked, looking at him with a blurry vision.

“Not long. Sam told me just a day before- before the proposal.” he swallowed thickly “He wanted my opinion on- yeah.”

You nodded your head, playing nervously with the finger on your ring and looked down at it. Of course he knew, of course he had known all this time. Everything. Not that you could keep it hidden for long but at the same time, when you didn’t say it out loud, it almost felt as if it wasn’t happening.

“You’ve know all this time. Why speak up now?” you looked up at him as a tear slid down.

“I- I couldn’t take it (Y/n), not anymore. Seeing you there, for real, with Sam and the ring- it made realization set it a-and ithonestly scared the living hell out of me, (Y/n).”

“So what?” your voice was hoarse, you were almost starting to fee numb “Do you want to destroy this like you destroyedmy entire life?”

His eyes widened for a second before he looked down in shame “You have every right to be angry at me, (Y/n). But please don’t say that.”

“Why? Because it is not true?!” you couldn’t help but raise your voice and his head shot up at you “Tell me Dean, why shouldn’t I?!” you weren’t angry with him anymore, no you knew you could never be, you were just hurt. So so bad.

“(Y/n) I-” he felt a lump form on his throat because deep down he knew it was true.

“You hurt me beyond belief, Dean!” you screamed “I forgave you, over and over again and I don’t mean just all thoseskanks you went out with! You kept me away from Mary, Dean! For a whole fucking month! You kept her locked inside so that she wouldn’t even glance at me much less say hi! She had nightmares because of you, suffered day after day, because you refused to let me close to her! And still you didn’t let her come to me! You chose her suffering over your stupid ego! You lied to Sam and me just so that- so that we’d come closer, and only when you made sure he and I were together did you come to- to apologize. You said you’d make up for it, that you were never going to hurt me again and then what? You brought Lisa! You literally banged her on the room right next to hours, hell you kissed her in front of me like it was nothing, let Mary come close to her and her- her act like a mother to Mary! You let her take my place in the only person’s life I have loved more than anything else, Mary! You let her step in! You promised things to her even in front of me and for more than a week acted like I didn’t exist in your life in the first place! When you had promised- you had promised Dean that even if boyfriends and girlfriends came and went we would still stay the same. That nothing was going to change our relationship. Yet you pushed me away once more as if I was nothing!” you felt your throat go sore because of all the screamed, tears running down your cheeks and you could taste some.

But you had to keep going “As if I never really mattered to you! And then- then when I talked to you about it- only then did you realize it Dean! Only then did you see how much I was hurting because you- you had replaced me with Lisa, when you told me that I- I was irreplaceable. That no matter what happened my place in your life would always be there because that’s what best friends do! And of course, you apologized. You said you were sorry and I- I once more forgave you. I forgave you as I always did! Because no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how many wounds you opened Dean Winchester I _always_ forgave you because I always- I always came back to you. Boyfriends or not. Your place in my heart never changed, and I never tried replacing you, unlike you. I didn’t say a thing, for years Dean, because I only wanted you to be happy. I never once hurt you while you- you kept plunging that damn knife in my chest over and over again. And you kept twisting it, again and again. Like I was nothing but a mere toy to you, there only for your entertainment. You hurt me beyond belief, in ways I couldn’t imagine, I was a wreck because of you and just when I thought I was at peace, even with someone else, you found something new to torment me with because you- because you couldn’t fucking decide.”

“You-” your voice trembled as you a step closer to him, your face almost stone cold but the tears kept rolling “-you lied to me for years, you pushed me away because you thought it was the best for me and didn’t even let me catch a break. I’ve been by your side through everything, I gave you everything I had in me and you- you hurt me in this way? Just when I thought I could catch a breath you come in and just-” you made a hand motion “-throw everything to hell for me.”

“Tell me Dean…” your voice was in a low yet hoarse whisper “How is that love?”

Dean closed his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek as he took in a deep breath. He couldn’t even look into your eyes as he spoke “I’m sorry.” were the only words that came out of his lips as he felt the guilt eat him up on the inside.

“Stop saying it, damn it! I don’t want to hear you’re sorry, why don’t you get that?!” your voice raised but it was only because you were in so much pain.

Dean opened his mouth but another voice speaking up prevented him from saying anything.

“Mommy? Daddy?” your head snapped at the stairs to see Mary clutching her teddy bear to her “Why are you shouting?” she asked, her voice indicating she was on the verge of tears.

“Mary, please go upstairs.” you tried to keep your cool, although your breathing was uneven.

“Mommy, why?” she tilted her head to the side, taking a step closer to you.

“Mary _please_!” it was the first time you ever raised your voice at her and it clearly shocked her because she took a step back. You looked away from her not wanting any more guilt at seeing her beautiful green baby eyes fill with tears, because they did. And it was all your fault.

“Mama?” her voice broke in a way you had never heard it before and it just added to your pain.

“Mary” Dean spoke up, his voice hoarse, he ran a hand down his face as he walked closer to her “Baby girl-” he kneeled down in her level, placing her hands on her small shoulder that made her look at him “Please do as mommy tells you and go upstairs. Her and I need to talk, yeah?”

“Are you going to fight?” her small voice trembled “Please don’t fight, daddy.” her lower lip trembled as she obviously remember the events of a few months ago and what that big fight had led to. It was the darkest time of her life and you knew she wasn’t going to forget it that easily and obviously feared it was going to happen again.

“No, baby no. I promise, no fighting. Mommy and I are just going to talk, that’s all.” he rubbed her head softly “We’re all good, please go upstairs, yeah?”

“But- but daddy, why are you wet?” pouted slightly as she looked at him.

Dean shook his head “Mary please don’t ask any more question. I will explain everything, I promise. Just do me this favor and go upstairs, yeah?”

She hesitated for a moment, looking your way but you had your back turned to her. You didn’t want her to see you this way. In the end she let a defeated sigh and with a nod of her head, and after a kiss from Dean, she turned and walked upstairs to her room.

You let out a shaky sigh, wiping the remainer of your tears as a heavy silence set around the two of you.

“(Y/n).” his voice was rough as he took small steps closer to you.

“Why now? Why are you doing this to me now?” your voice lacked any emotion as you already felt too numb.

“I couldn’t take it anymore.” he confessed, his eyes casting down.

“You couldn’t?!” your voice raised only for a second but you were too tired to keep shouting anymore “Dean, what are you talking about? How- how could you do this to me, to Sam. He is your brother, Dean, your _brother_.” you emphasized “Do you know what this means?” you showed him the ring “Sam proposed to me, Dean, your brother proposed to me! And you- you come in and tell me- you tell me you are in love with me? H-how?” your voice trembled as were your hands and your entire body.

Dean clenched his jaw, averting his eyes from you for a second “I don’t want to hurt Sammy or you but- but the thought of a life without you damn it-” his voice was laced with tears “It scares the crap out of me. I can’t do this without you.”

“Then too bad.” you pursed your lips “You will have to learn to. I mean- what, Dean, if you didn’t man up tonight were you going to tell me on the wedding day? Would that be better?” although truth was you had not given Sam an answer.

“Don’t say that.” he clenched his jaw “I’d never let it get that far.”

“You already have Dean.” you breathed out, your eyes closing as you rested your back and head against a wall.

“S-so wh-what?” you breathed out a pained laugh, brushing the tears away “What now? What are you going to tell Sam huh? You’ll be like ‘Sorry for letting you ask her to marry you and when I have feelings for her.’ or- or is it going to be 'Sorry for lying to you for _months_ about my real feelings for her and letting you fall for each other.’ or is it going to be 'Sorry for standing by all this time when I really was in love with her and now I want to take everything back.’ huh Dean? Which one of those is it going to be?” you almost choked on a sob, you were done screaming. _So_ done with that.

Because you were past the anger, you were no longer furious with what he had done. You were sad, the only thing you could be. Sad and in tremendous pain. Dean couldn’t be saying this, not now, hell maybe never actually. He couldn’t be in love with you, not all this time.

You had been pushing your feelings away so often, told yourself he didn’t see you as anything but a friend, that you had almost convinced yourself that that was the case. That Dean wasn’t in love with you and you would have to deal with that. Time after time you fought your feelings and hopes and willed yourself to believe that all those small actions, lingering touches, kisses and hugs, winks and remarks were all friendly; nothing flirty. That none of it really meant anything. You had hurt yourself so much by trying to play off every little action (as well as the pain he unknowingly put you through) and here he was now, saying that he was in love with you. Dean Winchester was in love with you, and that realization downed hard on you. It hurt so much worse because this was real. Everything you had tried to convince yourself of was not. This- this was real.

Because no matter how scared you were, and damn you were, he truly felt it. You could see it in his eyes, he was completely honest maybe even for the first time in a long while. Dean was in love you. Your best friend, neighbor, single father and man you loved more than anything was saying he felt the same for you. After all these time he was saying it out loud, confessing to you he loved you just as much as you did. All this time he had felt the same, what he said was all lies. All the denial was a lie. Because this was real, he was in love with you. If only it had been another time and he wasn’t so _so_ late.

However one question kept running through your mind at the moment.

“Why?” you croaked and he looked up to meet your eyes as fresh tears run down “Why did you lie to me, to Sam. All this time, it has all been a lie. He asked you, clearly Dean, if you felt something about me a-and that’s why he didn’t move fast with me because- because he had the suspicion you felt something yet you-” you let out a shaky sigh glad for the wall that was supporting you “You denied everything, and pushed us together. Why Dean?”

Dean let out a trembling sigh as he sat on the arm of the sofa, his eyes casting down at his hand on his lap “All I wanted was you to be happy.” he confessed and you tilted your head to the side.

He took in a deep breath before he dared look up at you “I thought I was doing the best for you, that what I was doing would ensure your happiness. It was all I ever wanted for you, to have a nice life with a nice guy a couple kids a perfect house. You were amazing, you had always been and not just with me; you simply deserved the best you could get. You haven’t had an easy life, that I got to realize very well, and I just wanted you to have the best. You deserved a great guy and to be happy more than anyone. I did all to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

“From myself.” he confessed his eyes once more were glossy and you teared your eyes from his “I got scared, so scared I was going to ruin your life- probably more than I already had with Mary a-and all that.”

“Mary was the greatest gift I ever got in my life. She’s brought me only happiness and I would never change meeting her.” you wrapped your arms around your middle, still avoiding eye-cotnact.

“Yeah, I know. But I- while she brought you happiness the only thing I did was ruin your life. Maybe Mary made your life great but everything else- I was only holding you down, (Y/n). I kept you from reaching your full potential, I ruined your life and I didn’t even realize it. I’m poison, I ruin everything I care about. You got close to me a-and look at where you are! When Sam came I just- I just saw it as a great potential. He is a real catch in every way. He wouldn’t only give you a nice life but the love you deserve, he could love you in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. He could offer you so much when I? Well, I am just an alcohol mechanic with a child whose mother was only a one night sand. You’d be damned if you were with me.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?” you were slightly angry but mostly sad. Was this really the way he viewed himself all this time?

“I thought I was doing the best for you.” he shook his head.

“You seem to know everything about me and what is suddenly the best for me when you don’t even ask what I want, Dean!” your voice raised just slightly and he swallowed thickly, nodding his head.

“I was wrong I know, I- I realized it. It’s just that you- you are so perfect, so great, (Y/n) and I just- I thought I had no chance with you. I mean look at you! What the heck would you want with someone like me? I’m-”

“Shut up.” you growled the words, your eyes shut for a moment. You couldn’t stand to hear him talk this way about himself not when you knew what a great man he was and just how much he deserved, no matter what happened that wasn’t going to change. You just hurt knowing he saw himself like this and even more the fact that this was the main reason as to why he had pushed his own happiness away. He had pushed everything away… for you. Well, that didn’t make you feel any better.

You let out a sigh “When-” your lower lips trembled “When did you realize it?” it was barely above a whisper but Dean heard you because his head snapped up to you.

He immediately understood what you mean and a soft smile formed on his lips “At your sister’s wedding.” he breathed out and you closed your eyes, a breath leaving your lips as your head fell back.

“I mean, the signs were there- always. Even before that, way before, maybe from the moment I met you but-” he swallowed thickly “The moment I realized it was all real we- it was during that. During your sister’s wedding, and I realized what an idiot I was for all this time.”

“Of course.” you said in a hoarse voice, folding your arms over your chest as you pushed away from the wall ad turned your back to him. You fought so desperately the tears but you couldn’t stop them, the memories flashing back in waves making you feel all the more emotional. That weekend was the best of your life and that hurt like hell.

“So what now?” your voice was rough and as you turned to look at him his eyes were filled with pain “What do you want now? You- you asked me to listen to you, to let you explain yourself and I did. But it’s not just that, I can see it.”

He breathed out a pained laugh “You know me so well, you can read me like an open book.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“I feel… terrible for asking this, I- I don’t- I can’t think I am here doing this but-” he swallowed thickly, getting up and taking a few steps closer to you “I need to ask you something (Y/n) and please don’t- don’t shout or- or anything. Just-” he let out a frustrated growl as he ran a hand down his face “I would never do anything to hurt Sam, I want you to know that but I just- I need this, and I-”

“Dean?” you frowned, already feeling your heart skip a beat at the proximity. No it wasn’t that, it was a weird beating.

“Don’t marry him, please.” his voice croaked and he forced it out “Say no to his proposal, please.”

You blinked, your eyes going wide and you breath hitched on your throat “Wh-what?”

“Don’t marry him, please. I don’t know if I can take this, not this.” his hand reached out to your shoulder “I just- if there is even a part of you that feels the same, say no.”

“You’re asking me to… leave Sam for you?”

“I’m a terrible brother, I know.” he swallowed thickly, obviously betraying Sam hurt him more than anything; especially the fact that it was about his own happiness which for the first time he put above everything.

“But just- if you feel the same way, even in the slightest. Give me a chance, give me _this_ chance.” his face was getting closer to you and under the dim lighting you could see his red eyes.

“I gave you so many chances, Dean. And every time you- you left with another woman.” your voice cracked as you looked away.

“I know, damn it, I know.” he breathed out “And I was wrong, so so wrong. But I didn’t know it, I didn’t even realize how I felt for you. I was just trying to forget the growing feeling and when I realized what it was- I was so late, big time. But I- I can’t take this one, (Y/n). I though I could take it all, as long as you were happy but damn it I’m such a selfish bastard. I just-”

His hand slowly reached up to cup your cheek and turn your face so that you could look at him “I need you to tell me if there is a chance- even a small chance you- you feel the same for me. Even if it is a small part of you, I need to know if Ihave a chance with you. Because if- if I do- please don’t marry him (Y/n), if you feel the slightest thing about me. Don’t-don’t accept his proposal.”

He was literally begging you at this point, every fiber in his body begging for an answer because he just needed to know if he had a chance with you, if just a small part of you felt anything about him he was ready to fight, willing to fight for this happiness. Because he couldn’t live without you and maybe, just maybe, Sam would in the end forgive him.

“I need to know, do I have even a small chance?” he was trying his best to not choke on his sobs.

Your eyes remained locked with his as they looked back and forth. He was expecting an answer, you could see he couldn’t wait to hear what you had to say, almost pleading for you with his eyes to end his torment as fast as possible. You on the other hand had your lips pursed, a tear rolling here and there as you could hear your heart hammer. All blood was rushing to your face and you almost felt dizzy. Or maybe it had to do with the lack of air as you were holding your breath. You had dreamed about this moment so many times and he saying it now? Now that his brother had proposed to you? In the past you would have instantly crashed your lips to his from the first moment, saying- hell maybe screaming that he didn’t have just a small chance; that he actually had your entire heart. But now? Now what could you say?

_Hell, did he still have that same chance with you?_

You parted your lips, a small breath laving as Dean now held his. His eyes filed with hope, like a little child expecting something great.

“Goodbye Dean.” you forced yourself to say as stoically as possible.

And his face fell, as if his entire life turned out be a lie, as if someone had snatched the most important thing of his right from his arms.

“I won’t blame you.” his voice was even more rough as you could see a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes “I never would. I am the only one responsible for all of it. If I hadn’t been so stupid or so late, maybe things would be different. Or maybe not, I guess we’ll never know. I’m just sorry, for everything. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

You didn’t say anything, you only looked away from him clenching your jaw and forcing the tears to stay in as you felt a whole new wave.

“I just want you to know that all I said is true. Will always be.” he said in a rough voice, before he started leaning in closer making you even more glad you were facing the other way “Goodbye, (Y/n). I love you.”

You didn’t say anything, nor do. You only let him kiss the side of your head and even if he hesitated he pulled away from you and took a step back and another and another. Until of course you heard his footstep fading away and the door close softly behind him as he was out of the house. And that was all it took for you, your knees gave away and all the sobs you’d been trying to keep back now broke free. Your entire body was shaking as you fisted the fabric of the shirt in your hands, tears streaming down your face. You were shaking and trembling as sob after sob wouldn’t let you even breathe properly. You only wanted to carve your heart out of your chest to stop the pain, this was the hardest thing you had ever done and it hurt like hell. You felt your hands wet and you saw tears making a small pool there.

Your hands moved up as you held on your head, clenching your teeth and rocking yourself back and forth. You just wanted it to be over, all the pain, over. You needed a moment of peace, you needed to just lay down one night and not have to feel a hole through your heart. You wanted to scream, to shout, to just get it out of you but you knew it would do nothing. Your mind felt blank and your eyes almost hurt from how tightly you’d shut them. The tears kept rolling, dampening your cheeks and wherever they fell. Not to mention your throat felt dry and closed, you thought you weren’t breathing and any given moment you would pass out from both emotional and physical pain (because yes it had come to that extent).

The pain was so hard to take, so much more than ever before. No solution was possible, no screaming or crying or anything. You’d done it so many times before and with how much this hurt there was no way you’d get rid of it unless you got rid of your life, a thought which had been running through your mind all the more now.

Or maybe there was a solution.

~*~

Dean’s footstep were heavy as he walked into the rain, he didn’t care though. He didn’t care he was once more soaked and he certainly didn’t care if he caught a cold. The worst the better so that he could stay some time on his own and away from you. Wouldn’t want anyone seeing his red-from-crying eyes anyway.

He stopped for a second, although he wasn’t that far away from your house. His head tilted up and he let his tears mixwith the rain. He couldn’t even hear his sobs, that were shaking his entire body, with this downpour. It was raining so heavily it was almost defeaning.

He clenched his fists by his sides and his jaw as well. He needed to be strong, he had to. Especially when the wedding day came. He had to be happy, after all you and Sam would be so in the end he got what he’d wanted.

Oh who was he kidding? This wasn’t what he wanted, not what he dreamed about all these years. Because that- that was a family with you. Him, you, Mary and maybe a couple more kids. But no, he wasn’t going to have that because-

“Dean!” a voice screamed and despite the rain Dean’s sense were sharp once more, his eyes snapped open but he froze in place, his body went stiff.

“Dean!” there it was again, a desperate plea for him sounding so broken it didn’t take him long to realize.

He slowly turned, his body hardly comprehending what was happening until he was facing your house again and sure… there you were. Standing at the door, holding it wide open with one hand almost shouting in panic and rush, your eyes wide.

“Dean.” he only saw you mouth, obviously whispering it to yourself, as the both of you stood frozen in your places for a second.

Until you took one step, and then another and another until you started running towards him. Dean found himself holding his breath and walking towards you. Fast enough you were both standing in front of the other and he could see how you were out of breath. Only then did he notice how your eyes were red and he guessed than before going out in the rain your face was wet with tears.

A small sad and nostalgic smile formed on his lips as he brought a hand up and pushed a few strands of wet hair behind your ear, his eyes moving up and down as he took in your form. Only then did he realize this very shirt was the one you had worn that night you met. And it was raining. And you were soaking wet. Like now.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came. And maybe it wasn’t needed as you jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck. Dean didn’t miss the chance to hug you as well, as tightly as he could to himself, and he could already feel you shivering in his arms already. He heard and felt a sob or two leave your lips and he squeezed you. He put a hand at the back of your head and rubbed softly, burying his face at the crook of your neck.

You slowly pulled away, just slightly, so your faces were a few inches away. Only then did you realized your feet were not on the ground, and that Dean was holding you because you had to look down at him this time. You brought a hand and cupped his cheek, a small sob leaving your lips.

“Gosh, I hate you.” you breathed out a broken chuckle and he did the same.

“Trust me baby, nobody hates me more than I do.” he breathed out.

You just gave him a small shake of your head before you cupped his face with both your hands and without waiting a second you crashed your lips to his in a bruising kiss. You couldn’t wait anymore and you weren’t going to. Dean tightened his grip on you and kissed you back with just as much desperation and love as you. You explored each other lips with so much need as if it was the first and last time it would. Although, you knew it was far from that.

Well you were damned.

~Next morning~

You felt yourself shaking just slightly and you knew exactly the reason why. It wasn’t really cold or something but you had laid in bed soaking wet, and even if you didn’t care last night at the moment you regretted not changing clothes. You didn’t open your eyes, feeling too tired to do so. Instead you snuggled closer with the blankets and subconsciouslycuddled with something bigger, too big for a pillow but warm enough to manage to soothe down your shaking. Until of course you realized what it was.

Realization downed on you and of course you were soon awake and your eyes began opening, only to face Dean’s closed ones. He was at peace, finally, and you let a small sigh through your nose. Your legs tangled with his as his hand on your waist tightened its grip.

You rested your head on his chest, almost burying it, and breathed in his scent that was mostly overpowered by the smell of rain. You fingers played with the fabric of his shirt that had dried out after so many hours. You could feel and hear his heartbeat, it was a sound you had grown to love over the years. It was calm, unlike yours that was in a frenzy. Yours almost wanted to jump out of your chest, mostly because of all the thoughts that ran through your mind.

But you shook your head softly and dismissed them all because you could already feel a headache forming. Instead you just snuggled closer to him and allowed yourself to enjoy his warmth even for a little while. You didn’t want to face reality, not just yet. Being in Dean’s arms even if it was for a few more hours, hell even minutes, you’d be willing to take it. However you couldn’t have it your way and certainly this was the worst timing ever.

_**Your eyes snapped open as you heard the door creak open and slowly a figure come closer. Well, shit.** _


	31. Chapter 31

You didn’t want to face reality, not just yet. Being in Dean’s arms even if it was for a few more hours, hell even minutes, you’d be willing to take it. However you couldn’t have it your way and certainly this was the worst timing ever.

_**Your eyes snapped open as you heard the door creak open and slowly a figure come closer. Well, shit.** _

Your breath hitched on your throat, every minute that ticked by made you feel even more hazy due to the lack of oxygen. You fisted Dean’s shirt in your palms without realizing it, you contemplated waking him up but you couldn’t move at that specific moment. Until the door was fully opened and-

“Mama?” Mary’s voice was heard in a whisper as she peeked at you.

You let out a shaky sigh, your eyes closing for a moment as you realized how paranoid you were being. _Of course._

“Hey baby.” you whispered smiling at her “Wait a second.”

You tried to get free from Dean’s grip, stopping for a second when you heard him grunt slightly. You carefully moved your pillow and as you started slipping from his arms you put it in your place and of course Dean once more tighten his hold on the thing. You let a soft chuckle, shaking your head and soon stopping. It felt so… weird. You never thought you’d say this but it felt so foreign, hell even pulling your lips in a smile let alone laugh. Because not only was your throat soar but your mouth and lips dry as well.

You stood there for a moment just looking at Dean before you shook your head and got up. Mary padded her way towards you and you did the same, both of you careful not to wake the sleeping man.

“Mommy, why is daddy sleeping with you?” she murmured, tilting her head to the side to look at him.

You let a small sigh “Long story, pumpkin.” you ruffled her hair as you kneeled down to be in her level “We’ll talk about this sometime, but until then promise me no talking about it, right?”

She gave you a small nod, her lips pursed in a thin line “Mom?”

“Yeah sweetie?”

“Did you and daddy fight?” her eyebrows were in a frown and you could see her green eyes glistening just slightly.

You took in a small breath “No, baby, no we didn’t. Daddy and I are fine now, I promise… Maybe more than ever before.” you mumbled the last part mostly to yourself, your eyes casting down.

“And- and-” she stuttered as she fidgeted with her pyjama shirt “What about me?”

“What about you?” you tilted your head to the side.

“Are you mad at me? I’m sorry if I made you angry mommy.” a pout was on her lips and you instantly felt guilty for shouting at her last night. You were an emotional mess to say the least and she just had the worst timing.

“No, baby, I’d never be angry with you. I was just a little upset and I couldn’t control myself. I’m sorry about that, really.” you gave her an apologetic smile and she shook her head.

“I forgive you mommy.” she said, jumping in your arms and hugging you.

You let a small chuckle and kissed the side of her head “Hey, sweetie. Why don’t you go change into your clothes, brush your teeth and then we can both cook breakfast together?”

“Alright mommy.” she replied with a grin and chuckling you ruffled her hair and let her run out of the room.

You let a small sigh and got on your feet. You ran a hand through your hair before turning around, wanting to just sneak a glance at Dean once more. Only this time you weren’t met with his sleeping figure.

“Did we wake you up?” you said softly and he shook his head, his expression one of calmness.

“Nah I woke up the moment I started making out with the pillow.” he gave you a soft grin that unlike any other time didn’t make you smile.

“(Y/n)” the smile fell as Dean sighed. He got up in a sitting position as you walked towards the bed once again.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, fidgeting with your hands.

“What is it?” he tilted his head to the side, brushing strands of messy hair out of your face.

“Where to begin with?” you breathed out “It’s just- Mary walked in, Dean, but before I could see who it was I just-” you stopped yourself, an uncomfortable lump forming on your throat as tears welled up in your eyes.

“(Y/n), no please don’t. Don’t say it, don’t think about it. We will deal with this, I promise. I just need you to be strong, yeah?” his hands cupped your face and you let out a trembling sigh.

You gave him a small nod as you looked into his eyes. You slowly and quiet sheepishly leaned in closer to him to press your lips to his, almost in a butterfly kiss. It was so delicate but after a while you made it more firm. Dean shut his eyes tightly and kissed you back with just as much intensity.

You let a small sigh through your nose as the both of you started pulling away. Dean’s eyes roamed your face and without saying a word you moved the pillow and laid back down again next to him. Dean pulled the covers over the two of you as he wrapped his arms around you. He squeezed you close to himself and you rested your head on top of his chest. You fisted the fabric of his shirt in your hand once more and you tried to bring him as close as possible. Dean kissed your forehead as he rubbed your head. He shifted slightly for a moment so that he could now rest his forehead against yours and stare into your eyes. You brought your hand up and cupped his face, letting out a small sigh as his hand on your back rubbed soothing circles.

_Memories of the previous night flashed through your mind, and you tought about **all** of it, not just the argument._

You remembered how after all of it you broke into a feat of tears, how your entire body was shaking with sobs. How tremendous the pain was and how you knew nothing would be able to stop it. Nothing except for Dean. You realized it all at that moment. All this pain, it all came because you weren’t together. Sure you still were hurting but the guilt could by no means compare to hole in your heart. Not that emptiness that all this time had been eating you out on the inside.

You remember how your heart took over and the panic of loosing him for ever made adrenaline pump through your veins. Just as you couldn’t do anything but cry your body was up and running towards the door, praying that you could reach him. That he wouldn’t have left. And he didn’t. So you ran to him, in his arms and did something you’ve been holding ontofor very long. You kissed him.

_And you held him close, all night. You were both soaking wet once you walked into the house. But none of you said a word. You merely walkd upstairs to your room, hands together as he had locked his fingers with yours. You got inside and you closed the door softly behind you, not wanting to wake Mary once again. Instead you just helped him take off his jacket and then his boots. His eyes were on you, following every movement of yours, studying you as if this was the first and last time he got to see you. He was trying to soak in as much as he could. His pants followed suit and despite the deep blush on your cheeks for the first time you didn’t care. Dean just let you take care of him and once he noticed your blush he cupped your cheek, taking hold of your other hand and kissed your lips tenderly._

_You both slowly made your way to your bed, not caring if you were soaking wet and laid down. He had an arm wrapped around your waist as the other one brushed wet strands out of your face. He felt you shake slightly in his hands and squeezed you, making sure you were better wrapped in the blankets. He leaned down and kissed your forehead, before his lips moved to the side of your head, to your cheek, to your nose before he finally pressed them to your own._

_Once your lips locked you felt yourself let out a small sigh, maybe one of relief too? You had no idea anymore. You just let yourself enjoy those few moments and let your lips move in perfect synce with his. Your fingers threaded with his short wet hair, making them stik out in every direction. Dean slowly moved so that he was on top of you as he continued kissing you. You felt his warm tognue lick over your lower lip but just as you opened your mouth to give him access he pulled away. A small whine left your lips but you stared up at him you realized very well what it meant._

_You let a small sigh and gave him a nod. He smiled softly down at you and kissed your forehead before falling down next to you and gathering you in his arms. Cradling you in his chest and not letting you go. The both of you were shaking slightly from the cold but you didn’t care much about being wet or anything, anymore_

“Baby?” Dean whispered and you looked at him, breaking from your trail of thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?” he whispered and you let out a sigh.

“I have no idea anymore, D.” you mumbled, fidgeting with his shirt.

He nodded his head “Do you- do you regret this?” he swallowed thickly and you shook your head.

“No, for the first time I am absolutely sure about this decision.” you pursed your lips for a second “It’s just- I was thinking-”

“Why did we wait so long, Dean?” you locked eyes with his again, your were laced with tears “Why did we waste so much time?”

“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault baby. And I’m so deeply sorry.” he swallowed thickly, closing his eyes.

“But I will fix everything, I promise. I will make everything right, and make up for my mistakes. And this time-” he opened his eyes to look at you.

“No more hurting.”

~*~

“And here is the last one for my princess.” Dean smiled widely down at the blonde girl before he placed the last pancake on her plate.

“Thanks daddy.” she giggled as he kissed her forehead.

You let a small inaudible sigh as you rested your weight on the doorframe. After you and Dean had finally decided to get out of bed you chose to take a shower while he and Mary prepared breakfast. Your shaking had gotten a little worse and you were afraid you’d caught a cold or something. Luckily the warm shower managed to make you feel slightly better and this sight- this managed to erase everything. You felt as good as new.

“Hey there creep, you’d gonna stare any longer or what?” Dean’s voice made you snap from your trail of thoughts.

You shook your head and looked from Mary to him looking at you with a smirk, you only rolled your eyes.

“I’d prefer the word sexy stalker.” you shrugged and he chuckled as he walked towards you to wrap an arm around your waist. He kissed your forehead.

“Alright, sexy stalker, you hungry? I made everything you can think of.” he motioned to the table with one hand and a wide grin.

“I see that.” you giggled “But Dean, who’s gonna eat all that? Mary and I can barely eat one third! What about the rest?”

“Oh no worries, why am I here for?” he grinned and you shook your head with a laugh.

“Of course.” you whispered, leaning up to kiss his cheek that started to heat up under your touch.

“Come on, no chick flicks.” he tried to play you off but you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, right. You know you love them.” you smirked.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” he squeezed your hand before letting you sit on a chair, him being fast to occupy the one next to you.

“Daddy, are you and (Y/n) friends again?” Mary asked as she still chewed on her pancake.

Dean smiled softly “Baby we never stopped. (Y/n) and I- we will always be friends.”

“So- so this means you are not going to fight again?” she asked nervously.

“No, princess.” this time you spoke up, a lump on your throat as you got up to be by her side “Never again. And there is no more separation, I promise that. I will always be with you.”

“Really?” her eyes filled with hope “Really daddy?” she asked again turning to face her father.

He looked at the two of you, a smile slowly forming on his lips “Yes, princess.” he whispered, getting up too “(Y/n)-” he paused “Mommy and I are not going to fight again, nothing is going to change. Not anymore. We are going to be the same.”

“And are we going to have movie nights again?” she asked with a crooked grin and you nodded your head with a giggle. You leaned into Dean’s side that was next to you.

“Of course baby, everything. And we’re going to have daddy cook for us too.” you ruffled her hair.

“Really?” you nodded your head “And… are we going to be a family… _again_?” she whispered, almost scared to answer.

You glanced at Dean whose mouth hang open for a second, and before you could answer he did.

“Baby we never stopped being a family.” he placed a hand on top of her head as a big grin spread on her lips.

“So this means you still love each other?” she looked up at the two of you with big green eyes.

You stiffened for a moment, a lump forming on your throat. It was such a simple question, just like every time she asked you something and maybe for the first time you didn’t have any hesitation in answering.

“More than ever bug.” you breathed out and you felt Dean’s body stiffen at your words “Daddy and I love each other more than we ever have.” you repeated, your eyes moving to Dean whose own were wide.

A tentative smile broke on his lips, small wrinkles appearing by the side of his eyes. A shaky breath left his lips. You felt him move fast but before he could do anything you placed a hand on his chest to stop him, your eyes moving between him and Mary.

“Hey baby, why don’t you go take your teddy bear huh? I’m sure he doesn’t want to be alone at this moment.” you breathed out a laugh that died out very fast.

“Yes mommy.” she giggled and bounced off her chair before running upstairs.

You watched her disappear upstairs with a smile on your lips. Before you could even have the chance to turn to look at Dean you felt a pair of lips collide with yours. A small gasp left your lips, giving him the chance to enter his tongue, eliciting a pleased moan from you.

You moved your shaky hands up and around his neck almost losing all control over your body as his hands grabbed ontoyour thighs and he pressed you as close as possible to him, giving you the chance to feel every curve of his body. _Every_ one. Another moan left your lips as his warm tongue discovered every inch of your mouth, moving playfully along with yours. You felt your heart hammer in your chest and all you wanted was to get out of your clothes at that moment. And preferably take him out of his clothes as well. His hands squeezed your thighs, wrapping them around his own waist. He rubbed himself against you and that combined with his hot lips on yours you felt yourself groan. You threaded your fingers into his short hair, pulling slightly and getting a moan out of him as well.

You’d give anything to keep going, especially as Dean pressed you more against the table, leaving no room for you toescape, but you sadly had to.

“D-De-” you said muffled by his lips still on yours “Dean.” you said breathlessly, pushing him away.

Your hands twitched nervously over the fabric of his shirt and you clenched them. Dean’s breathing was uneven and you were struggling to breath as well.

“I- I kn-know. I know.” he breathed out, his hands shakily letting you down.

“No, no it’s not that.” you whispered, soothing down your messy hair “I mean not just that.” you added and he frowned.

You sighed “It’s just-” you fidgeted with his shirt “I don’t want to do this… to him, Dean. I can’t do this, not- not while I am-” you shook your head “It’s bad enough that I’m feeling the way I am and that we- we have kissed on top of that.” you shook your head, feeling the guilt eat you out on the inside.

“I- I understand.” hw whispered too “I’m not- I’m not feeling any better.” he looked down.

“I should talk to him, I need to. This- this can’t keep going. Sam- Sam has been amazing to me, all this time and I- I love him Dean.” you mumbled.

His eyes widened for a second, in pain and he started to pull away “I understand.”

“No, no hey. Hey.” you whispered, cupping his face and making him look at you “I love Sam, yes, part of me always will. But I- I also love you. I always had. I just- I need to sort out things inside me, you know.”

His eyes filled with hope and his eyebrows shot up as he tried to fight off a smile. Instead he just leaned in and pressed his lips to yours in a chaste but firm kiss.

“I should probably talk to him.” he spoke but you shook your head.

“No, no I need to. I have to explain everything. But I- I need you to know Dean, I love you. I really really do.” you rubbed your thumb over his cheek and he nuzzled his face into your palm.

“I love you too baby.” he breathed out and you smiled at him.

“Can you promise me something?” you asked and he hummed.

“Don’t do anything stupid this time.” you whispered and he chuckled.

“As long as I have you I think I’ll be fine.” he moved his arms to hug you, resting his head at the crook of your neck. You hugged him by wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

“Are you happy?” he whispered and you didn’t answer for a second.

“I don’t know if this is happiness, Dean. After so long- I practically forgot what happiness is.” you whispered, feeling his stiffen in your arms “But I don’t blame you, I swear I don’t. I never will, not when I love you this much.” you kissed his forehead.

“But once I have sorted everything out, once I decide what I really feel si real then- then that’s when I will learn how to behappy.” you played with the hair at the back of his neck and he let a small sigh.

“I’m sorry, for everything I did but above all the pain I brought to you. I wish- I wish I had the strength to act like a man and admit how much I loved you all this time.” he gave you a squeeze and you shook your head.

“We can’t change that now Dean, no matter how much we wish too. We need to just look forward and deal with this, the best we can.”

“I promise to make up for this, I promise.” he said firmly as he pulled away.

“I know you will. Just when it comes to Sam, I need to be the one to- to deal with this. Please give me this one.”

He nodded his head softly at you, rubbing soothing circles at the small of your back. His eyes took a glimpse of Mary walking down the stairs so he quickly let go of you. He gave you a small kiss on the forehead and with a smile he was walking towards her to pick her up.

Her happy giggles filled the entire room as Dean picked her up and spoon her around and all you did was watch you a small smile, chin resting on your palm as you stared at them lovingly. A great part of you not wanting to think of the horror that would follow.

~*~

You’ve been running around like crazy, trying your best to have everything ready for Mary’s birthday party which was both good and bad. Good because it kept your mind occupied and you didn’t have the chance to overthink things and bad because every night you felt exhausted as it could be. Because in between running around to find the perfect gifts and cake, and decoration and everything else you had to visit Dean more often to ask his opinion.

And of course Lisa had still to return so that left you plenty of room to be extra affectionate towards each other, when Mary wasn’t in the room at least. No matter how smart the little girl was about this you knew something would slip, let alone the questions she was going to ask the two of you. And with your guilt eating you on the inside you were in no mood for answering questions.

But of course Dean had to be there every time and every time one way or another he managed to take everything from your mind, almost making you forget anything else existed but the two of you in these four walls called his living room. And that, when you thought about it, brought even more guilt to you. It almost made you think why you had to love him this much? Why couldn’t things be different? Why couldn’t it be less complicated? Why had Dean to mean so much to you?

“What are you thinking?” Dean’s soft voice made you snap from your trail of thoughts.

“Huh?” you whispered, looking up at him.

“I asked-” he chuckled softly “-What are you thinking?”

“Oh” you breathed out looking down “Nothing it’s just- I’m really tired. Been out ever since this morning trying to find a cake good enough and still no luck.” you sighed, which was partly true.

Because other than the preparations, the party wasn’t the only thing in your mind. This week had been hard, with your emotions running wild. Because all the sneaking around with Dean had taken a toll with you. Not in a physical level, because the moment he wrapped those arms around you you forgot all exhaustion but in emotional level. You felt guilty beyond belief, not only for Lisa – because truth was she was an amazing woman and didn’t deserve this – but also for Sam. Sam above all. He had been amazing to you all this time and now you were sneaking around with his brother.

But how could you stop this? The feelings you had for this man had grown so much over the past, almost, four years. You loved Sam, yes that was true, but what you shared with Dean you just couldn’t have with anybody else. It’s like you had a part of him and vice versa. He’d been your best friend despite everything and still was. How could you ever pull Dean out of your heart when you’d shared so much with him? All those moments had just made you come closer and this was far more than just love, deeper and you knew it.

But that didn’t stop the guilt. You felt like a whore for doing this, because they were brothers, even if you and Dean hadn’t done anything past kissing (heavy making out or not) and touching. But sometimes even those touches were so intimate it felt you like you were betraying Sam in the worst way. Neither you nor Dean had the heart to do this to Sam anyway. You could see at moments, even if he denied it, that this was hurting him too. He had a deep bond with Sam and there were times you caught him doubting this for his sake but every time you had to bring him back to reality… before he could do anything stupid again. The self-sacrifice was real.

And the cherry on top? Sam had called that very morning and you literally had to force every word out of you lips instead of crying. He sounded so happy and almost carefree it made you want to just _**end your life**_ instead of keep doing this to him anymore. It had taken him longer than he expected – although he still didn’t tell you what that job was – but said that’s he’d manage to be there for Mary’s birthday. He told you how he missed you and wished he’d be there with you and you had to tell him the same. He told you how he couldn’t stop thinking about the ring and you told him you still needed some time for that, relieved to at least hear him say he would take any answer anyway. He told you how he loved you and that was the point you almost choked on a sob… before saying the same. You felt as if you were the biggest hypocrite in the world but you couldn’t stop your feelings.

You knew it was very wrong to enjoy being in Dean’s arms this much – hell it was almost a sin, but you’d loved Dean for so long how could you stop doing so all of a sudden? You couldn’t control your feelings nor what you really longed for all this time.You just wanted relief for once.

_**Only problem was you didn’t know in whose arms you’d find  that.** _

“You know I could always come with you.” he shrugged as his thumbed rubbed circles over your arm.

“Dean we agreed on this, I got it. Besides we remember what happened last time I let you come with me on picking a cake for her birthday.” you said with a soft smirk and he chuckled.

“You never liked what I chose so you ended up picking.” he said with a chuckle and you nodded your head.

“What? I mean were you seriously thinking I was going to let you get her a Rocky or a Zeppelin birthday cake for a three-year-old girl?” you raised an eyebrow and he shrugged.

“They were cool!” he defended and you rolled your eyes.

“For you! But Dean she is a little girl! Your daughter or not, in that age little girls want pink birthday cakes with fairies andprincess- and don’t you make that face on me!” you slapped his arm as soon he made a disgusted face at what you said.

“I just don’t get it but whatever. As long as she is happy I am willing to let her make me take part in her tea party and let her put on that fake mini pink lipstick you got her last year.” he rolled his eyes though he still had a smile on his lips.

“Well, when the next father’s day comes you can always have your wish come true.” you giggled and he huffed again.

“The things I do for you two.” he shook his head and you scoffed.

“Hell yeah you should! If you don’t do something good for the two most important women of your life then who will?… I mean, we are right?”

He looked from the fireplace to you and rested his forehead against yours “Yes baby, you are and will always be. I would be lost without you or Mary.” he cupped your cheek with his other hand and you nuzzled your face into his palm.

“I am the luckiest man alive to have you two, and Mary even more to have such a wonderful woman for a mother.” he whispered and you pursed your lips for a second.

“I really wish I was… her biological mother I mean.” you spoke.

He raised an eyebrow “Does it matter? Bobby always told me this thing, family don’t end in blood and it definitely doesn’t start there. So why should this be different? (Y/n) you love her, you’ve loved her all these years and raised her as if she is your own daughter. You helped her on her first steps and words, gave her morals and when I couldn’t be there, you were. When she needed a mother figure, a woman to look up to, you were always there. You raised her and keep doing so up to now with much success let me tell you. What more could I or Mary ask for?”

“I guess.” you mumbled, looking down shyly “I mean you would have been lost if it wasn’t for me right?” you giggled and he chuckled, catching the glint in your eyes.

“You didn’t even know how to change her diaper.” you mumbled and he gave you a look.

“I learned to, ok? Besides I was a new father, I am not allowed to be a freaking expert or have it in me like all you women do!”

“Yeah right! Did you forget how many times you burned yourself while preparing her milk?” you asked back giving him a funny look.

He scoffed rolling his eyes “It was just four times… alright five, six… seven and that is final!”

“The first month.” you filled in and he gave you a look.

“Don’t you ever shut up?” he growled and you giggled.

“Oh you mean like when I made _you_ shut up when you were failing at giving her her first bath in the bathtub?” you raised an eyebrow and he groaned.

“I told you then, the water seemed fine!”

“For you, Dean! But she was a baby back then! It doesn’t work the same way you know.” you said with a smirk and he huffed.

“Smartass. Well, sorry I’m not perfect ok? It’s not my fault you women just have it in you!”

“Alright, maybe it comes more natural to us but-” you let a soft “Mary could have not had a better father than you and you need to know it.” His gaze softened and he gave your hand a small squeeze.

“You love her unconditionally Dean, do everything she needs. I can’t even remember the times you’ve stayed up till late at night when she had a fever to make sure she was alright. Or the times you worked extra hours, or took up another job, to make sure you have enough money for her. And better not point out that you have started putting aside money for her for when she grows up. You care about her, Dean, took her in when her mother gave up on her when she was a baby and did your best for her. I’ve seen you out, with other women and such but when you are with Mary you try to be the best for her, the father she deserves and trust me, despite the mistakes you’ve made, she couldn’t have a better one.” you rubbed your thumb over his cheek and he merely looked down rather sheepishly. A smile graced his lips as his cheeks heated up.

“Do you remember-” he spoke softly “Do you remember when you first held her in your hands?” he whispered and you nodded your head.

“How could I ever forget? She looked up at me with those big green eyes, I thought I was instantly in love.” you giggled and he chuckled.

“Yeah… so was I.” he breathed out and you frowned at him.

“What-”

“The moment I saw you hold her in your arms, for the first time, I- realization started to set in.”

“About what?” your voice was barely above a whisper as you felt your heart swell.

“About a family, for the first time I felt like I wanted a family… with you. I guess that’s why after a little while I started going out so much. Other than the fact that I was trying to find someone as good as you I- it was because I needed someone by my side, to love Mary the way you did and for us to be a family. Normalcy had never been easy to achieveand for that moment I realized how much I wanted it. I think that was the moment that I-” he stopped himself for a second, pursing his lips.

“That you?” you itched closer to him, eager to hear it. Again.

“That I first fell for you.” he breathed out, his small smile matching yours.

Before it fell “And then I threw everything to hell.” he breathed out “I ruined everything for us.”

“I’m- I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter Dean.” you whispered, taking hold of his hand “I am not going to say it’s ok butwe- we are both to blame Dean. I should have said something, I know I should have.” you locked fingers with his.

“But I don’t regret anything. The only thing I would change is- us not losing all this time. Things would have been so much different if- if any of us made a move.” you swallowed thickly and he hugged you closer, your limbs tangled.

“I’m so sorry baby.” he breathed out, burying his face at the crook of your neck and you moved your arms to wrap them around his shoulder as if he was a little child in need of your affection.

“It’s not your fault, please stop this. I need you to be strong now, the worst has yet to come and we- we need to face this together.”

“It’s Sam, isn’t it?” he whispered, looking up at you and you nodded your head.

“Sam _and_ Lisa. I don’t want to hurt any of them, Dean. They don’t deserve it, not when we were so messed up and couldn’t make a choice. It’s all our fault.”

“My fault.” he clenched his jaw “I brought them into this and I need to make up for it.”

“We’ll see about that. For the moment I just-”

“You’re feeling guilty, aren’t you?” he frowned and you let out a sigh.

“Shouldn’t I? Dean this- this is so wrong.” you pulled slightly away from him, already missing his warmth “On almost every level.”

“Does it feel wrong?” he asked almost looking like a kicked puppy.

“I don’t know anymore Dean. The only thing I know is- I am a mess on the inside, I almost don’t know what I want. I know what I feel about you but this- this is just- it is more than I could ever take in.” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

“So what?” his voice was more rough as he frowned at you “Do you want to stop this?”

“No.” you breathed out “No I- I don’t. I don’t want to. It’s just- I need some time. Is it too much to ask of?”

He sighed “I know this is too much for you to take.” he ran a hand through his hair before he moved it to cup your cheek “I don’t know how I’m holding up to be honest. But I know I want to be with you… so the decision is only up to you anymore.”

“There is only one thing I can say…” he whispered before scooting up again closer to you, his face coming closer to you.

His breath mixed with yours and you almost started feeling dizzy. His lips were so close to yours you could practically make a move and kiss him at that moment. You could recount the time’s you’d kissed and each and every one of them was a haze of emotions running wild, and your body and heart taking over for what you really needed.

“I love you” and he breathed out the three words that made your heart beat in a weird way.

And that was all it took before he pressed his lips back to yours – or was it you that made the first move? - before your hands were all over each other. He was hovering over you and his one hand had moved under your shirt as his lips kissed a little messily your ones, the desperation and need to be as close as possible to much for the two of you. You had lost so much time that every kiss felt like it was the first one and you two got to explore each other’s mouthes for the first time. He trailed a hot line of wet kissed from your lips to your jaw and neck to your collarbone.

“This is wrong.” your voice was muffled as a small moan left our lips when he pressed himself against you even more.

“I know.” he said in a husky voice and you shivered as he ran his hand over your sides.

“W-we shouldn’t-” you stuttered your throat closing as you threw your head back, your eyes closing.

“No, definitely not.” he said roughly too but his mouth moved up again as you gave him even more access.

“D-Dean.” your voice was trembling as your breath was shaking “Do-don’t leave an-any marks.” you breathed out and he hummed licking and biting under your jaw. His hand worked on your hair doing a good work at messing them up big time.

You threaded his short hair in your fingers, fisting some in one of your hands and eliciting a moan from him. Both his hands moved down to your waist where he grabbed onto your hips and pressed his middle flush to yours. You arched you hips as far as you could to rub yourself on him ,desperately needing some friction. Only to have him growl into your earand and push you back with his hips in response. He moved his leg between yours, making you gasp and a smirk to form on his lips as he kissed down your neck again. You wrapped your hands around his shoulders and he moved his hands to grab you thighs, moving so that they were wrapped around his waist.

“This is so wrong.” you breathed out, swallowing hard as Dean’s hands moved under your shirt and a shaky sigh left your lips.

“Yes, yes it is.” his voice was rough and you shuddered when you felt his tongue lick your skin.

“I’m- I’m with Sam.” it was that small part of your consciousness talking, the one that with every kiss from Dean was fading away.

“But you’re in love with me.” he breathed out as he pulled away from a split second, his eyes locked with yours and you shivered before he dived in again and crashed his lips to yours.

Before you could realize what was happening his hands were lifting the shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere on the couch. He took you in for a second, his intense look making you shiver despite how hot you felt. Your heart almost wanted to jump out of your chest, especially as he ran his fingers over your sides. His eyes were locked with yours and as that he leaned down and started kissing from your collarbone down to your chest, between your breasts (you were so glad you were wearing a bra at this point), and lower until he reached your belly. His lips moved to your hips and you felt his teeth graze over your skin as his fingers played with the waistband of your jeans.

A trembling sigh left your lips as he moved his face and lips to toy with the skin of your lower belly and just as his fingers started fumbling with the zipper of your jeans-

Your eyes snapped open and you took in a sharp breath, when realization downed on you like a bucket of ice cold water “No!” you almost yelled but your voice was too hoarse so it didn’t come out very loud.

Which was also a good thing because you weren’t going to wake Mary up.

“No, Dean no pl-please s-stop.” you stuttered breathlessly, pushing him away.

“Wh-what?” he breathed out, an almost hurt expression on his face.

“We-we can’t do this, you know- you know that.” you whispered, almost hurrying a little too much to find your shirt.

Just as you had taken hold of it Dean grabbed your arm and made you look at him “Is it because- is it because of me? DidI- did I go too fast? Did I scare you?” his voice was thick and the looked on his face that of regret, guilt and pain.

“N-no Dean.” you whispered, eyes casting down as you placed your shirt over your torso.

“Maybe next time you should look a little more believable then.” he said, venom dripping from his voice.

You sighed, shaking your head “I told you I need time. From the first moment. What part of ‘I’m dating your brother’ don’t you get?” you looked him with an angry expression.

“The part where you say you’re in fucking love with me!” he growled, his voice raising just slightly; making you gasp slightly. You looked at him with wide eyes before clenching your jaw at him.

“You know what-” you pursed your lips, wearing your shirt as fast as you could “-Nevermind,you don’t get it.” you shook your head.

“No, (Y/n) wait.” he said in a more soft voice, grabbing your hand before you could get up. You saw regret all over his face,obviously feeling sorry from the second he raised his voice.

“You’re right, ok? You’re right.” he sighed in defeat “I should have- I need to have waited. You are right in everything.” he looked down and you let a small sigh yourself.

“No, Dean but you know-” you looked down, lips pursed “It’s that-”

“You need time, I understand. I’m sorry if I pressured you or- or something.” he was feeling more guilty although it was all your fault and you knew it.

“Yeah… I do. And right now-” you slowly pulled your hand away from his “-It’s better if I go home, it’s getting really late anyway.” you swallowed thickly and his eyes widened for a moment.

He hesitated speaking but did anyway “Sure.” although it was by no means what he wanted.

You opened your mouth to say something but closed it again. You took your bag and once putting your shoes on you made your way to the door. Dean didn’t even get up, and as you glanced at him you saw he only rested his back against the couch and placed a hand over his eyes as his head fell back.

And you closed the door.

~Three days later~

The party for Mary’s birthday was going great so far. Children laughing and playing around could be heard crystal clear and you were even more happy at knowing she’d made so many friends in the neighborhood. Everybody you had invited had come too and by that you didn’t mean just Mary and John, Castiel, Bobby, Charlie even, Jo with her new husband, Ellen and many many more. Lisa was there, making sure to have returned from her trip and of course she wasn’t the only one.

Sam had kept to his promise of being back for her party and god knows how hard it was for you to let him kiss you without crying at how guilty you felt for what had happened while he was absent. Luckily the preparations for the party had kept you quiet busy the last three days so that was a plus.

You made sure to have as much food as possible ready so you just kept refilling the plates before it was time for the cake. You let out a small sigh as the smile fell from your lips and your hands rested at the kitchen counter. You hadn’t spoken to Dean in three days.

“Are you going to keep flirting with the sandwiches any longer?” a voice asked from behind you a little playfully and you found yourself stiffening.

You closed your eyes for a moment as you felt your heart skip a beat before opening them again and looking to your side to see him standing there.

“Why should you care?” you asked back, trying to be playful but failing.

He shrugged “Dunno. Just in case I need to be jealous of them.”

The innocence in his eyes and how bright his green orbs were made a giggle leave your lips “I don’t know about the sandwiches. But that birthday cake, mhm I think I could marry it.” you grinned and he chuckled.

“…So just the cake?” he asked softly and you let a small sigh, looking down at your hands.

“Dean I’m-”

“No, no _ **I**_ ’m sorry.” he rushed to say, cutting you off.

“I didn’t talk to you for three days, I think I should be the one to apologize.” you mumbled and he shook his head.

“Probably, but I caused all of it. I- I should have waited, (Y/n). I know I should have I just-” he ran a hand through his hair “I got carried away and-”

“We both did.” you breathed out, reluctantly bring one hand up to cup his cheek after making sure to glance at the door and luckily see it closed “We both got carried away but I- I was too caught up with guilt and raised my voice and- I shouldn’t have talked like that.”

“Yes but _I_ had no reason to raise my voice, (Y/n). And I did.” he looked down in guilt.

“Maybe you did, Dean. You- you’ve been through much and still are. I know you’ve wanted this for very long and I wasjust- pushing you away again. You had a reason to.” you whispered and he gave you a sad smile, placing his hand over your own.

“I will wait, I promise. I understand you. We- we must not hurt Sam, or Lisa. It’s not their fault.”

“I just- I want this Dean, I want you to know that. It’s not the way you think. I’ve wanted this, to be one with you for very long. I just- I need it to be the right way. Not while we- while we are sneaking around like a pair of teenagers. Not while I feel guilty for- for betraying Sam with what we’re doing.” you held his hand and gave him a squeeze.

“I know, baby. Trust me I know.” he whispered, resting his forehead against your and you nuzzled your nose with his.

“So this means you forgive me?” he asked again after a little while and you breathed out a chuckle.

“I think I should be the one to ask for forgiveness Winchester.” you spoke with a giggle and a boyish grin spread on his lips that made him look so much younger all of a sudden.

“Consider it done!” he said so excited and before you had the chance to giggle he attacked your lips with his.

He left small bites and butterfly kisses that made you grin into the kiss and feel over the moon in minutes. Your heart soared inside your chest and you let him wrap his arms around your waist as you did the same over his shoulders. He pressed on the kitchen counter and chuckled when he heard you giggle like a teen girl.

“D!” you you had to keep yourself from squealing too loud.

You enjoyed every minute of it, almost getting lost in the moment as his lips worked softly and sweetly over yours. You kept kissing him with as much passion as possible, your hands on the back of his neck bring him as close as possible. You completely ignored your lungs protesting for air. You did not care. You did not care about anything else but him. And you could not think about anything else but his lips on yours, kissing you like there was no tomorrow, and his hands bringing you as close as possible. And you would have continued if it wasn’t for…

The door bursting… shut?

Your eyes snapped open with the sound only to widen at seeing the person standing at the doorway, a look of pure hurt on their face. Dean stumbled back as well and gasp when he saw the person. His eyes widened before he stilled himself and clenched his jaw, puffing out his chest in an almost protective way. He wrapped his arms around your back and head in an defending way and let you bury your face in his chest as you clenched the fabric of his shirt in your palms, not wanting to face the person. He took a deep breath and straightened his back, preparing himself for the eminent fight.

“Lisa”


	32. Chapter 32

~One hour earlier~

“Mary I’m so glad you’re here!” you said, a grin spreading on your lips as the blonde woman gave you a bear hug.

“Are you kidding me? There is no way I was going to miss my granddaughter’s birthday!” she chuckled and you let a small giggle.

“Please don’t stand here, come in and feel free to make your way to the back. The party is already at full swing.” you said, giving John a hug as well.

“Is that AC/DC I hear?” he asked with a frown and you shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. The only thing I forgot about was music and decided to leave it up to Dean. But I don’t think Mary minds that much and the kids seem to enjoy it so.” you shrugged again and he chuckled.

“Well, she is Dean’s daughter. I don’t think she would mind.” Mary laughed.

“Oh yeah just be glad I didn’t let him get her a Led Zeppelin birthday cake.” you said with a huff and she laughed more.

“He would literally be lost without you (Y/n).” John chuckled and you gave him a shrug.

“We both would be lost without her.” a voice answered instead of you and an arm was wrapped around your waist as you felt a firm chest being pressed to your back, making you stiffen more than relax.

“Hey mom, hey dad.” Sam added with a grin.

“Hey sweetie.” Mary kissed his cheek and you found an excuse to get him off you for a second. It wasn’t his fault though, it was all yours.

“Uh baby can you take this to the rest of the presents please?” you handed him the big pink wrapped box and he nodded his head.

“Sure thing.” he kissed your forehead before he left you.

You turned to Mary and John “Come on, let me take you to the party. Bobby is already here, and so is Ellen.”

“Jo and her husband?” Mary asked.

“On their way. They called just half an hour ago, they should be here any time now.” you replied with a smile.

“That seems great- oh dear!” a bright smile spread on her lips as she took in the sight of kids running around.

“You organized all of this on your own (Y/n)?” John breathed out the question and you chuckled with a shrug.

“It was nothing. I mean Dean helped too… with the music I guess.” you giggled and he laughed as well.

“Well, this is pretty damn good job girl.” he nodded his head with a grin, his eyes roaming the backyard.

“I’ve gotten used to it I guess, although this is her first big party.” you shrugged and he shook his head with a laugh.

“Well dear this certainly looks amazing!” Mary exclaimed and you smiled brightly.

“And that defintiely looks delicious!” John added as he eyed the buffet and you and Mary giggled.

“I cooked it all myself, so feel free to eat as much as you want. It’s safe. Plus we’ve got plenty of refills.” you patted his shoulder and he chuckled.

Mary gave you a small nod as John made his way towards the buffet, and Bobby there as well.

“You really shouldn’t underestimate your work, (Y/n). This is great. Mary is so lucky to have a woman as you in her life. I would never want another one as a role model for her.”

“Thank you Mary, you- you have no idea how much this means, coming from you.” you breathed but she shook her head.

“I am merely saying the truth (Y/n). You’ve done so much for her, Dean has told me everything and even if he might not see it- you have done so much for him too. And now with Sam-” she paused smiling at you and you looked down shyly.

“I only do it because I care for them.” you shrugged.

“Yes but you seriously have- _Oh_. Oh my.” she blinked her eyes widened and you didn’t have to follow her eyes to knowwhat she was looking at. You were just surprised she hadn’t noticed from the first minute, although that was what you were praying for actually. You looked down fidgeting with your ring, a blush creeping up on your cheeks.

“Is that- is that what I think?” she whispered and you bit your lower lip.

You looked up at her shyly nodding your head “Yeah Sam proposed to me about two weeks ago.”

“(Y/n) that’s- that’s-” a smile was slowly spreading on her face but she had to hold it back when she saw the look on your face.

“I-I didn’t give him an answer Mary, not- not yet. He- He said he could wait and I- I needed time.” you mumbled, not daring to look at her in the eyes.

“Time?” she whispered and you shut your eyes for a moment.

“Sweetheart-” she placed a hand on you shoulder “-I am not going to judge you because Sam is my son. I want to be your friend and I hope you already know that.”

“Yes Mary, yes I know” you whispered “It’s just- not something I can talk about as of now. I still- I am-”

“A mess?” she whispered and your head snapped to her direction “Sweetie, I- I understand. Trust me, more than you realize it.” she breathed out a laugh.

You frowned at her, tilting your head to the side “Mary it’s not that simple.”

“Again, I told you- I _understand_. It’s not just about the marriage, and the prospect of that scaring you. It’s something else.” she smiled knowingly, almost too knowingly that started to make you slightly panic. But before you could start stuttering she spoke up again.

“But it’s alright. I told you, you don’t have to say it out loud. And if you don’t feel comfortable with me then it’s absolutely fine. I just- you think about this, alright? Thoroughly. No rushing. And if you’re scared of making the wrong decision then I have only one advice-” she placed her hands on your shoulders.

“Mary.” you whispered, once more feeling guilty. She couldn’t be talking about the proposal, not just it at least. No,definitely not in this way.

“Follow your heart (Y/n). Only that, you hear me? Your heart. Will show you the way, trust me.” she gave you a small wink.

You opened your mouth to speak but once you found no words coming out of your lips you closed it again and nodded your head. She smiled again, kissing your forehead.

“That’s better. Don’t worry (Y/n), in the end you’ll know you’ve made the right decision.” she rubbed your shoulder “Now if you’ll excuse me, I will go make sure he doesn’t eat all the food meant for the kids.” she giggled, winking at you and soon was off to John and Bobby.

You sighed and let your eyes roam the place for a little while until they landed on Dean, making you hate yourself for how happy (in a way) you were to see him talking with Cas instead of Lisa. She was off playing with some kids as well as Charlie. It almost made a smile spread on your lips. You let a small sigh as you turned and got back inside, unaware of Dean’s eyes on your back watching every move as Castiel next to him sighed.

~*~

“You cannot be serious now Dean. Please tell me you are joking.” Castiel let out a heavy sigh giving his best friend a scowl.

Dean pursed his lips and looked down “No Cas, I’m not.”

“Dean!” Castiel could barely keep himself from raising his voice “She is your brother’s fiance!” he kept on the scolding tone but lowered his voice significantly so that nobody could hear.

“She hasn’t given him an answer, alright?” Dean found himself growling before he clenched his jaw “Besides- Cas you of all people know how much I-”

“Have always loved her, yeah.” a sigh left Castiel’s lips as he looked down.

“So what now? What are you going to do? You know you cannot keep it up. And you cannot keep doing this to your brother, I know how much you love him as well.”

“I don’t want to hurt him Cas. The reason to all of this was his happiness. His and (Y/n)’s. But I was so screwed up that I couldn’t take it anymore.” he let out a frustrated sigh.

Castiel sighed himself “I know for how long you’ve loved (Y/n), Dean. And she you. It is just sad that it had to happen this way for the two of you to realize it.”

“I was so fucking stupid for doing this to her. And I hurt her Cas. So bad.” he swallowed thickly.

“You were stupid for the right reasons Dean.” Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder “But you must do something now. Sam does not deserve this and you know how much it will hurt him to find out about this on his own. You need to be the one to tell him everything, before it’s too late.”

“I’m- I’m not going to wait any longer, no. And (Y/n)- she doesn’t want to do something real behind hs back. She cares about him just as much. Sam doesn’t deserve any of it. But we need to find the right moment, Cas.”

“Yes the right moment. But if you want my advice Dean you better not wait any longer for that. You must not wait any longer. Besides… you deserve to be happy just as much as everybody else. I know how much you’ve gone through your life, it’s best if you put an end to this soon.”

“Yeah, it’s for the best.”

~*~

You let a small sigh, chuckling as a little boy – Shepherd wasn’t it? - ran back inside with a piece of browny in his hands. And you didn’t have to guess who gave it to him.

“Gotcha” Sam said with a proud grin as his arms came to wrap around you and despite the guilt you put a smile on your face “You think you could keep avoiding me for all evening?” he asked with a smirk and you felt your eyes go wide.

“S-Sam n-no I- I- you know I-” you started stuttering, feeling your cheeks heat up.

He chuckled “Relax baby.” he whispered, turning you to face him “I was only kidding.” the smile slightly fluttered from his lips as a worried expression took over.

“Baby is everything alright?” he asked again and you let a small sigh.

“Yeah, Sam. Everything, I just- I am a little tired I guess. I’ve been overthinking about this, wanted it to be perfect and all so I-”

He cut you off by pressing a soft kiss on your lips and you had a hard time not sobbing “It’s ok.” he whispered once he pulled away “Maybe I shouldn’t have been gone so long either.” he mumbled, resting his forehead against yours.

“It’s not your fault Sam.” you whispered, looking down.

“No it is. I should have made sure to be fast and come here to help you. Instead my surprise only added to the pressure.” he muttered but you shook your head.

It was partly true, though. His surprise had been all but a shock to you. Just as you were getting everything ready and one guest after the other had started arriving Dean had tried talking to you. Not having exchanged lots of words for the past three days and having parted the way you did, left room for lots of discussion. But Sam had chosen just that moment, when Dean was so close to you ready to speak, to ring the bell. And of course to be all over you, with Dean watching everything of course.

His kisses hadn’t changed but you wished he wouldn’t notice the change in yours. Although he still made you melt into his arms you felt there were times as if you would break into tears any given moment. The guilt, every time he held you, or smiled at you that carefree smile of his, or pressed a soft kiss even on your forehead, killed you on the inside. You felt as if you were the wort person on this Earth for doing such a thing to him when all he did was give you his love.

And just the thought of what you’d done with Dean, who by the way was standing right there, made you feel sick with your own self. Sam was so happy to be back but you- you had no idea what was going on anymore.

“No, Sam.” you finally breathed out “No don’t say that. If anything, having you here is- is always something positive. Just a smile and you can help me relax any given moment.” you breathed out, for the first time actually honest.

He smiled and nuzzled his face into your palm “You know-” he whispered before opening his eyes to look at you “- I have always my ways of making you relax and later I plan on doing so.” he smiled and you felt shivers run down your spine.

“Sam.” you whined slightly and he chuckled.

He moved his arms to wrap them around your waist before hugging you and burying his face at the crook of your neck “I missed that you know.” he mumbled “You saying my name that way. Can’t wait to have you scream it too, and everything else in between.” his fingers played with your shirt and you let out a shaky sigh.

You buried your face at the crook of his neck as well, your hands slowly moving up to wrap around him as well, and you felt more than terrible for _actually_ contemplating this “We’ll see, Sam. We’ll see.” you said instead.

He stopped his movement, going still at your words before he pulled away to look at you “Baby are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah, why are you asking?”

“Because you honestly don’t seem like it. Did- did something happen? You know you can tell me everything.” he frowned, tilting his head to the side and you sighed looking down.

Why did he have to be so great? So perfect? Why did you have to feel things for his _brother_? Why did you have to _still_ feel things for him as well? Why did you have to fel so complicated? Why couldn’t he just make this a little easy to you? Why did he have to make you feel s damn guilty for all of the things you felt?

“It’s about the proposal isn’t it?” he whispered, a frown setting on his face and your eyes widened slightly.

“S-Sam.”

“No, no (Y/n) it’s fine. Look-” he cupped your face “I told you- the moment I proposed, I didn’t want you to rush to make this decision. Because hell it is early. I don’t want you to pressure yourself. And- and if you already have then baby I-” he breathed out, pressing his lips together.

“I don’t mind. I won’t mind. Yes or no I still love you (Y/n), and I am willing to wait as long as it takes for the moment to come. Even if it never does. As long as you will have me then- I don’t need anything else (Y/n).” he breathed out giving you a dimpled smile and you felt yourself almost choke on an oncoming sob.

“Gosh why do you have to be so perfect Sam Winchester?” you breathed out and he chuckled.

“I’m not.” he shook his head “Maybe you just see me this way.”

You shook your own head, feeling as bad as it could be for doing this to him- hell to _them_. Because at the moment you were doing to Dean what you’d done to Sam a few days ago when you kissed his brother. Because now you were leaning up, slowly and reluctantly but surely, and pressed your lips to his. It was as if this was the first kiss you were sharing, slow and hesitant, almost shy but Sam didn’t miss the chance to respond. Just as tenderly as you though. Damn him for making this harder for your heart. Damn your guilt for all of this.

“I love you (Y/n).” he whispered once he pulled away from the short kiss and you let a small sigh, giving him a smile that didn’t reach your eyes but that felt even a little bit real.

This was probably harder than any other time but this time everything was different. Because right now he wasn’t the only man you had said those words too, or were going to anyway.

“I love you too Sam.” your voice was barely above a whisper but he heard and smiled warmly at you.

You felt your heart both shutter and soar at the same time. How had you gotten into this mess? You only knew you needed to sort out everything and very soon.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak the doorbell was heard and with a grin he spoke up “I’m gonna get it.” he pecked your forehead and you nodded your head at him.

He let go off you and was fast to make his way to the door. The smile fell from your lips and a sigh escaped as you felt the pain like a stab in the chest. You simply loathed yourself.

You rubbed the back of your neck before turning around to take a look at the kids. You immediately regretted your decision as you saw Dean and Cas standing, well, not too far away in fact. A shaky breath left your lips as you held Dean’s gaze, almost for longer that suitable, before they floated to Castiel.

“Cas, hey.” you breathed out, trying to put on a smile “We didn’t talk much when you came.” you said softly and he nodded his head.

“Yes and I apologize for that. We’ve both been busy I suppose.” he said ever-so-calmly it almost managed to soothe you down a little bit.

“Yeah, busy.” you mumbled rubbing your arm nervously, sneaking glances at Dean.

“You and Sam seem to be quiet happy together.” he noted and you took in a sharp breath.

“Yeah well, lots of things have happened in the past months.” you let out a small sigh.

“I can see.” he said and you followed his eyes to your hand and what- oh. Oh!

You felt nervous and shifted from one leg to the other “Yeah about that- well it’s just a proposal I-” you paused, looking at Dean “I haven’t given him an answer.”

“Yet” Dean spoke up this time “But it’s bound to happen. With how much you two love each other it’s not hard to guess what it will be anyway.” he almost looked hurt by the words that left his lips.

“Hm” Cas hummed because you couldn’t utter a word “Well, I am really happy for you (Y/n). Sam is a great man.”

“Ye-yeah” your voice was hoarse as you looked down “He is.”

“Lots of things have changed in the past months, for sure.” he mumbled and you frowned for a second, although it wouldn’t surprise you if Dean had confided something like this to him. He’d be the only person anyway.

“Ye-Yeah.”

“I mean Mary has grown up a lot, it sometimes surprises me how much she changes over time.” he had an adorable smile on his lips that made you giggle.

“It happens with kids, Cas. They grow up very fast, and soon enough she’ll be a young lady.”

“If she takes after you then I believe everything will be great. You have done an amazing job in raising her so far, (Y/n).” he gave you a small nod.

“Thank you Cas.” you rubbed his arm, covered in his favorite trenchcoat “I know that if you, Sam and Dean decided to take care of her on your own we’d probably have tomboy nerd interested in bees.”

He frowned for a second “I’m not sure whether that is bad or not. Bees are quiet lovely creatures.” he blinked.

You giggled “I was sure you’d think so Cas.”

Unknown to you was the small smile that spread on Dean’s lips, despite his heartache, at hearing you laugh. You always were so carefree around Castiel and Dean just had the best chances to catch you smile for real whenever he was around.

“But just so you know- she already loves bees. And that squishy bee you got her on her second birthday is still by her head every night.” you winked at him with a grin and he smiled.

“I am glad she liked it. I was trying to show her how loved she is.”

“Trust me Cas, that she knows. And let me tell you she’s got a soft spot for you. Maybe even more than for her daddy.” you chuckled as he grinned.

“I am glad to know this.” he gave you a soft smile “Well you know I would always like to talk a little more, I have quiet missed our conversations you know.”

For the first time you felt yourself smiling widely at the awkward man “I have missed our talks too Cas. I’m sorry I didn’t come over, I got caught up with so many things I-” you let a small sigh “I promise, tomorrow first thing I do is visit you. We have breakfast alright?”

He smiled slightly, glancing at Dean for a second “That would be great. I believe we have a lot of things to catch up on.”

“Y-Yeah” your voice trembled “I’ll uh- well sorry for now guys, I have a bunch of kids to take care of. And man are they all hungry. And I am not talking about the adults too.” you gave Dean a playful look that made a small smile grace his lips.

Before he could realize it a chuckle left his lips “Well, excuse me if I’ve got an appetite and I happen to love your food.”

“Sweet talking me never got you anywhere Winchester, you’ll have to try harder.” you wanted to say playfully but it came out much softer and he almost nodded his head.

“I gotta go now, Cas I will see you tomorrow alright? I’ll be there by 10:30 for sure.” he nodded your head at his words and you pecked his cheeks before you were gone from their sight.

Just at the moment that Sam was coming back into view.

~The reveal~

“Lisa.” Dean said firmly, his jaw clenching at the look in her eyes. He hugged you protectively to himself.

“Care to explain?” she raised an eyebrow “And please, don’t tell me it’s not what it looks like because I know very well what I saw!”

“Li-Lisa.” your voice trembled but her eyes held so much fury as she looked at you.

“I didn’t talk to you!” she snapped making you take a sharp breath in.

“Watch your tone.” Dean all-but-growled the words, his grip on your tightening. You only looked down in shame.

“Oh excuse me, did I maybe offend your little slu-” she didn’t have time to complete her last word as Dean practically roared at her.

“I said watch your fucking tone!”

You gripped on his shirt the second he took a step forward. His eyes met yours and you gave him a look he fully understood and tried to keep his cool. He took in a deep breath and looked back at her.

“Right.” she said sharply, venom dripping from her voice as she sent daggers your way “I forgot how much you care about your _best friend_. So much that you don’t put anything in front of her.”

“Lisa.” he exhaled though he still had his jaw clenched.

“What? What Lisa? Were you even planning on telling me? Or were you going to keep screwing your brother’s fiancebehind our backs?” she growled, taking a step forward. You saw a flash of hurt through Dean’s eyes and you squeezed his hand.

“Lisa, please stay calm.” you spoke softly but immediately regretted it as she gave you a death glare.

“You have _no_ right to ask me to stay calm. You have no right to speak in the first place! Not at what you two have been doing! You better go check your fiance won’t find anything. I’m sure he wouldn’t be all that pleased to know you’re seeing his brother too.”

Her words felt like a stab to the heart and your eyes casted down in shame, tears welling up. Dean immediately looked at you and gave you a squeeze.

“Enough.” he growled “This is between me and you, not her. She didn’t do anything to you.” he puffed out his chest once more and you buried your face at the crook of his neck once more.

“Oh is that so? How come Dean that the woman that got between us has nothing to do with this?! How come the whore that couldn’t keep her hands to herself and went with both brother has no-”

“Stop it fucking now!” Dean roared, completely furious with her “She has nothing to do with this!”

“Then who does Dean huh? Who? Because don’t you dare tell me it is either my or Sam’s fault for-”

“I’m in love with her!” he shouted, cutting her off. To say that her eyes went wide would be an understatement. A gasp left her lips as a hurt expression then took over. Dean practically never said those words out loud, much less to women except his mother and daughter. So him saying that for you meant he was serious because well, he had never said them to her.

“I am in love with her.” he said in a lower voice, looking at you “I have always been. And always will be.”

“Then what the hell were you doing with me?!” she growled, disbelief lacing her features.

“I had- I had pushed her away, into Sam’s arms. I was- I was just trying to find a way to get over the pain and-” Dean was stuttering words but-

“So what?!” she cut him off “What was I? Just a distraction? You seriously just used me to get over her? As if I was a fucking toy?!”

“No.” he breathed out “No, no Lisa don’t say that. I never- and I mean it, _never_ wanted to play with you. You were no toy.” he clenched his jaw.

“Oh so wasn’t I? For months you laid next to me, made love to me, said all the things you did and now what? You take it all back? Because you never meant any of them? Tell me Dean did you mean any of it?! Ever?! Or was I- was I just a distraction from- from the love you felt for her? Did you use me to- to replace her, and Ben for the family you couldn’t have with her because she was with your brother?”

“I never meant to just use you. I- I felt things for you once, Lisa. I thought it could probably work, too. But that was before (Y/n).”

“So what? What were you going to do? What would you do if I didn’t walk in this moment Dean? Were you going to keep doing this? Were you going to keep kissing her and telling her you’re in love with her when I wasn’t there and then come and kiss me? Were you going to do that even when she was there? Would you really kiss me in front of her, act the way you do, and then go behind my back and kiss her and tell her you love her?!” her eyes filled with tears that made you hurt even more.

And she continued “That’s what it all was about huh? When you came to me and kissed me and held me the way you did and made love to me- you were thinking about her? Tell me Dean, were you thinking about her every time you had me in your arms? Were all those things you said to me- meant for her? All of it? And the wedding? You called me there for a reason didn’t you? You wanted her to see all of it to make sure she was only Sam’s after that?” she hissed.

Dean didn’t say anything he only pursed his lips and looked down at you just as you looked up at him, and locked eyes. A tear rolling down your cheek.

“But what am I even asking? Of course you were! Tha’s why things were different lately. You were trying to convey your feelings for her through me. You used me to-” she shook her head “But wait-” she raised her hands, Dean still keeping a gold glare on her “What would you do when your brother was the one that kissed her? Would you still go to her? Sam wasn’t here and you two-”

“Enough, alright. Enough.” Dean’s voice was rough “You and I need to have a talk. And this time you are going to listen to me.”

“Yeah right.” she scoffed “If you ever decide to be honest.”

“I will. I am. But-” he paused for a second before he looked down at you “Can you leave us alone for a second? I need to do this on my own.” he whispered.

You pursed your lips, squeezing your hands before giving him a reluctant nod “Please don’t do anything-”

“I will regret, yeah I know.” he whispered, managing to give you a soft smile. He hesitated for a second before pressing his lips to your forehead, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

You let a small sigh, brushing away your tears and smoothing down your hair you broke free from his arms and slowly made your way to the door. You stopped for a second once you were next to Lisa.

“I’m sorry it ha to happen this way.” you whispered to her but she just pursed her lips and shook her head.

You sighed again and walked towards the door, giving Dean a final look, him smiling at you, and you exited the kitchen; making sure the door was fully closed and nobody was nearby.

“I’m listening.” Lisa crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised her head to look at him.

Dean let out a sigh before opening his mouth to speak. It was time for one after the other to learn the whole truth and for this to come to an end, no matter how painful it was going to be.

~*~

“Hey cherries-” Charilie’s voice made you turn around to face her “Are you alright?” the smile faded from her lips once she took in your expression.

“Yeah, yeah Charlie don’t worry.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t look like that to me. We’re in a birthday party, not a funeral.” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Charlie I can’t really talk about it.” you mumbled.

“Do you want me to call Sam maybe?”

“No!” you said almost a little too quickly “I mean no, Charlie please I- I have lots of work to do yet.”

“I could always help you know that.” she shrugged.

You nodded your head “That would be very much appreciated.”

“Ditto” she winked at you before a softer expression took over “And know that whatever you want to talk about, I am here.”

“I know Charlie, I know.” you gave her a smile and after a little while followed her away from the kitchen door to the back garden.

Although your eyes locked with Sam’s for a moment, a frown was set on his face and you had never felt more guilty.

~*~

You laid in darkness with Sam’s arms wrapped around you. You felt as if you were suffocating but not because he was sleeping next to you, all cuddled up. It was because your own feelings made it hard to breath. The guilt above everything else was crawling up your chest and making you want to vomit.

Not only because Sam had been so sweet to you ever since he came back but also (and mainly) because of what happened with Lisa a few hours ago. You could still feel her glares piercing right through your skull but that hurt less that the look on her face the moment she saw you and Dean on the kitchen. You could only imagine how awful it would be if Sam was in her place.

You clasped a hand over your mouth feeling your insides crawl up for a second and you squeezed your watery eyes shut. You took in a few deep breathes to try and calm down yourself. At least Sam’s steady breathing next to you managed to put you to peace for a moment. He at least didn’t know anything, as much as you hated yourself for wanting that, because if the case was different he would have said something… right? He would have done something, or would even refuse to lay down next to you, not to mention try to get you to make love. But you just couldn’t find it in yourself.

You had betrayed him. That was very much real and as much as you loved him you couldn’t let him touch you when you had let Dean do so a few days ago. Sam was so sweet, so great with you all the time and you had done something like this to him? You felt like you were the worst person on the world.

You opened your eyes and resumed to staring at the wall right in front of you, which would probably be what you would do till the very morning. Or not.

You saw the screen of your phone lit up and a small buzz followed, then another and another. You slowly moved one hand to grab it. You squinted your eyes as you opened the phone, your breath immediately hitching on your throat. It was from Dean.

**R u awake?**

**I need u baby girl. Please.**

**Really bad. Come over, pls. I need 2 c u.**

And soon another message followed, before you could type anything.

**R u with Sam?**

You chewed on your lower lip, glancing at Sam before letting out a sigh. You still hesitated, feeling the guilt eat you on the inside, but you typed back.

_Yes he is asleep. What’s happened?_

**Is he holding u? Did u let him kiss u?**

_Dean, please. What’s happened? R u ok?_

**Did u let him make love to u? Or did u start it?**

_Dean, pls stop. That’s enough._

You shut your eyes for a moment to keep the tears from rolling. Until another message popped up.

**Answer me. Did u?**

_No, no nothing happened. I swear. Now tell me, what’s happened?_

**Good. Can u come over? I really need u, rn.**

_Dean u r worrying me. What has happened? Is it about Lisa?_

**No. Yes. Does it matter? I just need u. It’s u, always u.**

_Dean, r u drunk?_

**Not enough. Can u come over now?**

You chewed on your lower lip, trying to keep in a frustrated groan. Your entire body screamed for you to go to him your mind had doubts. But you didn’t have time to respond as another message popped up.

**I love u. I really really love u bby.**

Maybe that was all it took for you because you let out a defeated sigh and with a final glance you typed a short reply.

_B there in 10._

You sent it and setting your phone aside you tried to pry Sam’s arm from your waist. He gave a small groan and you paused mid-action. You started trying to slide away slowly again only to stop when another small groan left his lips. But to your luck he mumbled something in his sleep and pulled away his hand and turned on his side. You still had time to take it back and not go, to just lay down there with Sam and cuddle with him, but you didn’t.

You slowly got out of bed and grabbing your phone you walked towards the door. You didn’t know what you’d tell him if he woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t find you there but- you couldn’t stop yourself. After a final glance you closed the door behind you, letting him sleep as you padded softly down the stairs. Grabbing your shoes and keys you got out of the house and rushed to Dean’s house.

You knocked on his door, chewing on your lower lip as you waited for him to open. You glanced around you nervously, your eyes mostly at your house; scared Sam would come out any moment. What the heck were you doing here at this time? But still you felt the need to be close to Dean at this moment for a reason you could not understand.

You felt a gasp leave your lips when the door open before you could realize it and Dean grabbed your hand and pulled you inside roughly.

“Dean what the-” you stopped mid-sentence as you took in the sight of him. He looked horrible.

“What happened?” you whispered, your eyes filling with tears.

“Is screwing up everybody’s lives not enough?” he choked out a laugh but you shook your head.

You glanced at the bottle on the table, half empty “Are you drunk Dean?” you breathed out.

He shook his head “No, no I’m not. I’m sober as fuck and that’s the worst of all. I can still feel everything.” he swallowed thickly. You put your things aside and brought your hands up to cup his face.

“Dean will you tell me what happened?” you whispered and he rested his forehead against yours, letting out a trembling sigh.

“Is Lisa here?” you asked again but he shook his head.

“She left once everybody had gone. She wouldn’t stand even looking me in the eyes. But I- no matter how much I hurt her I feel- I feel relieved (Y/n). And that’s so fucking awful.” he mumbled pulling away from you and running a hand down his face.

“Dean it’s- it’s alright.” you whispered.

“Is it? Come on (Y/n) you don’t believe it yourself.” he shook his head “The things she said for you- I couldn’t take them.”

“It doesn’t matter Dean. I probably deserved all of it.” you shrugged but he pursed his lips and shook his head.

“No, no you didn’t deserve any of it. But I-” he sighed “I did. She called my a hypocrite, a liar and a cheat. She said that I-that what I did to her, to Sam… to you even, that I deserve the worst for all of it. That I just should rot in hell and I- I- she was right (Y/n).”

“No Dean.” you breathed out your eyes going wide “No, don’t say that please. You made mistakes it’s just- just human to. Please try to understand that. We all made mistakes in this story.” all you wanted was to reach out for him and hold him for as long as you could.

“But-” you sighed “Is that why you wanted to see me?” you whispered but he shook his head.

“No, no.” he breathed out turning to face you again “It’s because I want you. I _need_ you.” he emphasized, cradling your face in his hands.

“D-Dean, don’t do this to me now.” your voice was shaking.

“Why? Tell me why and I will stop.” he whispered, his hot breath fanning over your face.

“Be-because-” a lump formed on your throat that prevented you from speaking.

“I need to ask something of you and you- you need to promise me that you will say no.” he breathed out and you frowned.

“Wh-what?” you whispered.

“Say no, I need you to say no to him (Y/n). Say no to his proposal and we could- we could _**run away**_ , with Mary. She’d love the adventure.” he breathed out a laugh, a broken smile on his face.

“You know we can’t Dean.” you mumbled, not looking into his eyes.

“We can. If we want to. You know what you have to do.” he gave you a squeeze for emphasis and you pursed your lips.

“Say no.” he repeated “I feel terrible for asking something like this but- but think about us on the front seat and Mary on the backseat, driving to- to that cabin in the woods. We could be free from everything. And together. _Together_.” his eyes held hope and you felt terrible not only for wanting this but for what you were about to say.

“D-Dean… It will break him. I can’t do this-”

He cut you off “But you have to. Please I’m begging you.” he choked out as a sob left his lips “Say no to him. Don’t marry him (Y/n). Don’t- _I love you_.”

“D-Dean you know I love you too but- but-” a tear rolled down your cheek as more welled up in your eyes. You shut them tightly and turned your head away from him.

Part of you probably had forgotten it as Dean’s lips made your mind go blank. He was so intoxicating that he just made the feelings you had for him take over but that didn’t mean you had no feelings for Sam. Other than not wanting to hurt him you had another reason for hesitating to go on with Dean. A deeper reason that you could never get rid of, even if you had momentarily forgotten. But all it took was to stare back in Sam’s eyes and there it was, and it wasn’t just guilt.

“You love him too.” he breathed out, the look on his face made you feel as if a dagger was stabbed in your chest. He took a step back and away from you.

“Dean I- I don’t want to hurt you and you know this. But I cannot hurt Sam either. The way I feel for him… I love him, I'msorry- I’m really sorry if this hurts you but- after all this time, you pushed me away Dean and finding comfort in him made me really… feel things for him as well.”

He swallowed thickly, taking a shaky breath “Then let me have you just for tonight. No matter what you chose, no matter _who_ it is going to be let me- let me be yours for tonight and you mine. Just for tonight.”

“I- I don’t want to hurt him Dean.” you forced through your tears.

“He won’t know. I promise I won’t let him know. Just this one. A first and last time and then I- I can leave you alone. I will leave you alone, I will never bother you again or-”

“Shut up.” you growled “Shut up right now, don’t you say that ever again you hear me?” you brought your shaky hands up and cupped his face “I don’t want a life without you in it, friend or whatever else it is.”

His lips formed a smile that soon faded away “I know how much you love him, I promise to make up for all of my mistakes but just- just let me have this for tonight.” his green eyes were filled with tears, almost red “I just need you to be all mine for one night. Just for one night.”

You shook your head with pursed lips “I have not given him an answer yet, Dean. I- we- we have time.”

“But you cannot say no to him either.” it was a statement, a bittersweet smile on his lips as you looked down.

“I need time.” you whispered.

“And I understand that. But I just- I need you baby, really bad. I am begging you just- once.” he let out a broken laugh “Just let me believe this lie that you are only mine for tonight and then- then you can take whatever decision you want to.”

“Then- then do whatever you want. If you can’t find it in yourself to say no then- then don’t. But I just need this for once, just once. To know you were at least once mine. I regret wasting all this time with my stupid decisions but- but please don’t leave me like this.” he was desperate you could hear and see it in his face.

For some reason, a reason you didn’t know, he was talking as if this was the last time he was seeing you or talking to you. As if tomorrow morning he was just going to lose you.

“Dean-” you started speaking to find yourself pressed flush to him.

“I want you. I need you desperately. Please, I won’t ask anything else from you. Never again. Just this- this one. Be mine?” he tilted his head to the side and you closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath. Which of course you soon regretted because his scent invaded you and you felt yourself get dizzy.

“I know I lost you, long ago with the things I did. That what we had, even if we get together, it will not be there.”

“Dean please-” you choked on a sob “Don’t say this. I- I love you. I always have.”

“Then don’t deny me this. Please.” a tear rolled down your cheek and you felt yourself holding your breath “I need you (Y/n). I need all of you tonight. Not just a part of you while Sam- while Sam has the rest. Not while he has all of you, not while he can wrap his arms around your naked body after hours of- of- I can’t stand the thought of that (Y/n). I can’t stand the thought of him having you any time he wants to when I- when I have been dreaming for so long to just make love to you and show you much you meant to me.”

You felt your breath hitch on your throat at his words. Dean rarely used this words but then again he had told you he loved you many more times than you had heard him say all these years you knew him. But again those words made shivers run down your spine.

He let out a shaky sigh, his hands dropping to his side as he took a step backwards “That is if you want this. I need to beone with you, I need to have a part of you in me and you of mine but- that is only up to you.”

You hesitated for a moment, biting your lower lip as you knew you had the chance to turn and walk straight out of the door and back into Sam’s arms. But you didn’t.

“I do.” you breathed out, striding to him “I want to be yours. Only yours tonight.”

His eyes widened for a moment and a gasp left his lips but before you could comprehend it he was cupping your face and crashing his lips to yours in a kiss so desperate and full of need but above all love.

Because yes tonight you belonged only to Dean and he was the only one that existed for you, even if by tomorrow you didn’t know in whose arms you’d find yourself.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut

A small gasp left your lips but before you had the chance to do anything Dean was already dominating your mouth with his. Your hands shook but you managed to bring them around his shoulders, a small groan leaving your lips when his hands found your hips and squeezed tightly. The kiss was somewhat sloppy as you and Dean wanted to get as much as you could. His hot lips moved against yours, not so much roughly as needy. It was full of desperation as your hands fumbled with each other, trying to touch as much as you could. Your fingers tangled with his short hair, tucking and eliciting a groan from him. His own hands did the same and managed to make your hair more of a mess than they already were.

His one hand moved to your hip and lower to your thigh, giving you a firm squeeze. A small gasp left your lips and he found it as the right opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth. You heard yourself moan when his hot tongue met yours and you had no will to fight with his. But at it seemed he didn’t want that either. Instead your tongues moved in perfect sync, because that was what you both needed.

His lips fumbled with yours, feeling his teeth graze over them occasionally, his other hand grabbing on your other thigh so that you had your legs wrapped around his middle by now. You held onto his shoulders as you felt yourself fisting his shirt in your hands. You felt yourself grow impatient but at the same time enjoy every moment of it. Because for the first time in ever: this was real. Not a dream, not a fantasy nothing. Dean was all yours and you were his, all his. You could be one, at least for tonight, and with his lips kissing you feverly you didn’t have the mind to think about anything else, Sam above all.

“I love you so much.” it was muffled as his lips were still connected to yours, kissing you messily but you heard it “I love you so _so_ much baby girl.” he was panting as he tried to get out the words.

“I love you too. So… so much.” you said breathing heavily, as his lips moved from yours and kissed and licked their way down to your neck.

“D-Dean- wh-what a-about M-Mary?” you panted, arching your back to press yourself as close as you could to him, although you were practically sandwiched between him and the door.

“Asleep. Don’t worry.” he mumbled as his lips kissed all over your neck, making your skin wet as he licked every chance he got.

“We- we need to be quiet.” you let a moan by the end of your sentence, your head throwing back to give him more access.

“Not easy.” he mumbled into your skin and before you could realize it he was biting down slightly, nibbling and sucking on your soft spot.

“N-no marks. Pl-please.” you stuttered as his hands squeezed your thighs.

“Alright.” he only whispered but you doubted he heard you anyway, and quiet honestly you fund yourself not caring after a while.

Within seconds his lips found yours once more and his hands let you slide down as they moved up to cup your cheeks. He cradled your face in his callused hands as he planted wet kisses all over your face. Hisone hand ran down your neck to your shoulder were he pushed your shirt slightly to reveal your shoulder. His lips trailed down and he kissed the newly exposed skin.

“D” you whimpered slightly, clenching the fabric of his shirt in your hands.

“Yes baby, yes.” he breathed out and before you could realize it he was scooping you up bridal style.

His lips left your shoulder for a mere second before he pressed them again on yours and your arms tightened their hold on him. Your eyes were closed as you melted into the kiss, you felt yourself being pulled away from the door and slowly Dean started walking. You heard his footsteps and you didn’t need to guess to know where he was taking you. Just a few moments later you heard a door creaking open before Dean shut it with his foot. And just later you felt a soft mattressbeneath you.

Dean set you down slowly and despite your small sound of protest he pulled away and looked down at you, you opened your eyes to look up at him. You were breathing heavily, not having realized when you had started holding your breath. Dean brought a hand and let just the tips of his fingers run over your flushed cheeks, to your jawline and up to your kiss-swollen lips. He run his thumb over your lower lip as you took in a trembling breath, feeling the all too well-known feeling set at the pit of your stomach.

“I’ve dreamed about this so many times.” he breathed out, leaning in closer to you, his lips only inches away from yours “Wished about it.” his lips almost touched yours and your eyes were half closed, waiting impatiently “Fantasized about it.” and he pecked them.

“So so many times.” he breathed out again as he started peppering kisses all over your face.

You brought one hand up and cupped his cheek, rubbing your thumb over it “Me too.” you confessed in a whisper and his eyes almost widened for a second. His lips parted slightly and his green eyes seemed even bigger as he stared down at you stunned.

In the end he gave you a small smile and dipped down to kiss your lips tenderly, your eyes shut tightly. He kissed you some more there before his lips moved all over your face, kissing as much of you as he could. His hands moved from your face and you felt him ran them all over you body, as if he was exploring your body for the first time. It was partially true.

“You have no idea how much I want this.” he whispered, his tongue making goosebumps form all over your skin. His fingers fumbled with your clothes and yours did the same with the fabric of his shirt.

“Dean” you moan, trying not to be too loud.

“Yes baby, right away.” he whispered, bringing his lips up to yours to give you a full kiss before he finally grabbed your shirt and lifted it over your head. But he didn’t wait a second to crash them once more to yours. Your hands tangled with his as both of you tried to get rid of each other’s clothes.

You heard him let a small frustrated groan and giggled at his eagerness. He pulled slightly away and looked down at you with love, a smile of adoration on his lips. You leaned up and pecked his lips before moving them to kiss his cheek. You heard Dean let out a trembling sigh and you bit your lower lip as you pulled away from him.

“Baby” he whispered, his face inches away from you as you felt him tug at the waistband of your shorts. He had only managed to get rid of your shirt and you the same but it was by far not enough.

You grabbed his shoulders and wrapping a leg on his waist you managed to flip him so that you were on top of him. You stared down on him through your hair before brushing them aside. You leaned down and kissed him in the lips with as much love and passion as you could. Your hands found the waistband of his own sweatpants and you slowly started sliding them down, soon leaving him in nothing but his boxers. Dean’s hands found your hips once more and you helped him remove them.

Your lips left his and Dean threw his head back as you kissed the tattoo on his chest. You licked the pattern’s lines, noticing how it matched exactly the one Sam had. Dean let out a deep moan and you felt yourself smirk. After a small trail of kisses and some occasional licking, you went from his neck, to jawline to chick and then pressed your lips to his once more. Lips moving in sink, as he brought his arms around your back. Shivers run down your spine as his skin touched yours. He held you more tightly, not missing a beat to change the game in his favor and be on top of you. You now laid down on your bed with him on top of you, his hands holding your thighs firmly and around his waist. He looked down at you for a split second and then dived in to kiss you again. He trailed kisses down your neck quickly getting to your soft spot and kissing there. He licked and sucked and you closed your eyes, bringing your arms around him; feeling his muscles flex.

He slowly started pulling away and you were both panting as he stared down at you “Oh baby.” he whispered, brushing away from your face some strands of hair.

“Dean pl-please” you whispered, shifting uncomfortably in your place which only elicited a groan from him. You froze mid-movement as your breath hitched on your throat, realizing the exact reason that had made Dean growl. Your eyes shifted down to his boxers before you quickly looked up, practically wide-eyed. You tried to keep in a small gasp from leaving your lips at the feeling you got from him. He was hard and even if you knew you shouldn’t, you found yourself shifting and only making him growl once more.

“Tease” he gave you a small glare but you found yourself giggling.

“Am I?” you asked in a whisper before shifting your hips once more, feeling yourself grow all the more impatient. Hechuckled at your reaction, squeezing you slightly and making you bite your lip.

He smiled softly as you ran one of your hands from his back to his shoulders and chest. Your hand trailed down but just before it could reach its destination Dean took hold of it and with a small grin, he brought it to his lips and kissed the top of your palm. He locked fingers with yours and while so he nodded his head before diving down once more and pressing kisses all over your face. Hs voice was muffled as he licked and kissed but the words were crystal clear to you as he whispered all those sweet nothings close to your ear. You felt your heart rate pick up and your entire face heat up all the more.

“I want you so much. So so much.” he breathed out as he kissed your neck, his fingers ghosted over the skin of your sides before you felt them at your back.

“I want you too.” you whispered, arching your hips forward to meet his. You heard him moan and let a small gasp as he pushed your hips backwards with his as a reflex.

He found the perfect opportunity at that moment to unclasp your bra and you shivered when he fingers ran over your spine. A trembling breath left your lips when he slid the straps off your shoulders and threw it somewhere behind him. Without hesitating he ran his big hands over your sides, his fingers grazing over your breasts, and down to your stomach and hips. His fingers played with the hem of your panties. He toyed with you but didn’t remove them, running his hands under them but still keeping them on.

“D-Dean” you moaned, your fingers digging into the skin of his back.

“Yes baby yes.” he breathed out and without a further warning he grasped the small piece of clothing and shoved it down, making you gasp as the cold air hit your skin.

He pulled slightly away from you so that he could take them off completely and…stood there. Looking down at you as you stood completely bare before him. His eyes roamed your entire figure as he tried to take everything in. You felt your entire face burn at the intensity with which he mapped your body out. He was looking at you with such awe it made your heart beat weird inside your chest. Oh how you’d missed that. His eyes were wide as he stared at you, as if he was seeing some goddess or something, and you shifted in your place. You were ready to cross your arms over your chest before he took a gentle hold of your wrist.

“Don't” he whispered in a voice barely audible “Don’t baby. You’re… gosh you’re far more beautiful than I ever imagined.” his breathing was deep and swallow and despite your flustered state you found yourself smiling up at him.

“I’m- I’m not.” you mumbled, averting your eyes from his.

“What?” he breathed out, shock evident in his voice. He brought his hand to hold on your chin and turn your head to look at him.

“This? How is this not perfect in every possible way?” he whispered, running his fingers from your chin down to your neck, chest and stomach “You are gorgeous baby. Freaking gorgeous.”

“Dean” you sighed, your eyes casting down “How can you say that? Look at all these marks and flaws. And my weight… how is _that_ perfect? Everything is just- I mean look at me.” you breathed out.

“I am” he whispered with a simple shrug of his shoulders “And I am falling for you all over again just because of all this.” he softly run his fingers over a stretch mark on your hip.

You opened your mouth to speak but instead he shushed you with a kiss and you let out a content sigh. Your eyes shut but you found yourself frowning at how desperate it seemed to be. His hands were holding you as if he was scared that you would ran from his arms any given moment.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. This- You. I want to make love to you all night. All night, again and again.” his rough voice made you grow even more impatient.

His lips trailed down to your neck and your collarbone, his one hand on your shoulder and back and the other on your hip,squeezing softly. His lips moved agonizingly slow down to your chest where he kissed in between your breasts, his teeth grazing over the sensitive skin and making you moan at him.

“To make you moan my name, again and again.” he said in an equally husky voice and you threw your head back “Till your throat is soar and you can’t even speak. And I want to make you reach again and again.”

His tongue toyed with your sensitive skin and you gave him a deep moan, clenched the sheets of the bed in your fists. He seemed to get it because his lips moved from your chest down to your belly where his lips played with your belly button and then even lower to your hips.

“I want you to forget. I need to forget. It’s just the two of us… just for tonight.” he let out a deep rough moan.

“D-Dean I can’t-” you panted.

“I have dreamed about this so many times, I need to make it perfect princess. Perfect. Like you.” he panted slightly as well, his lips kissing over every inch of you.

He bit down slightly as he sucked the skin before his lips moved to your lower belly and closer to where you needed him at the moment. His lips and tongue left a hot trail and you a hot mess along with that. You wanted to squeeze yourthighes tightly to soothe some of the longing but he just had to be between them.

“Mine. For one last time.” he breathed out “All mine. One with me.”

“Y-yes.” you whispered “I-I love you Dean.”

“I love you so much baby, too. Every part. Every. Single. Part.” he said huskily and you let out a shaky sigh.

“Dean” you moaned, arching your hips forward to signal him to get going but he had to have it his way.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” he breathed out and he pulled away.

He looked down at you, his eyes not leaving your as he brought a sheet over the two of you before he in the end pulled his boxers down and threw them away, standing now in front of you completely naked. You swallowed thickly, your eyes almost widening and you looked up at him.

“This is for us. Just us.” he finished in a whisper.

He gave your thighs a small squeeze and you gave him a soft smile. However a small gasp left your lips when you felt him start to ease himself within you before you could realize it. You swallowed thickly, staring at him with almost wide eyes, your chest heaving uncontrollably. Maybe the shadows and the blankets hadn’t let you take in the full sight of him but now that he was inside you you got to realize in fast how big he was.

“You alright?” he whispered, his eyes catching your and you gave him a small nod.

“Yeah just-” you licked your lips “Reality far surpasses expectations.” you whispered and he gave you… a shy smile?

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours tenderly. He rolled his hips slightly making you gasp once more but heshushed you with another kiss “It’s alright” he whispered against your lips.

“I know” you gave him a soft smiled and wrapped your arms around his shoulders and tightened your grip when with a small final push he was completely inside you. You moaned, shutting your eyes and he kissed your neck.

“Are you ready?” he whispered and you gave him a nod, your throat having closed.

His hips stayed attached to yours for a moment longer as he pressed his lips tightly to yours, pouring all his love in it “I love you so much” he whispered so desperately you would have questioned it if it was any other case. But not now. And not when he moved.

He pulled slightly back almost out of you before pushing back inside. He moved his hips back and forth slowly in a soft pace because he was in absolutely no hurry. All he wanted was to enjoy it, the moment and feeling of being one with you. Bound to you and able to show you how much he loved you. He thrust inside you over and over again, his pace steady as he kissed your neck over and over again. Your moans filled his ears and he tried to keep his, but failed.

He let out a deep moan as he pushed inside you once more, a scream of his name came from your lips. His one hand grabbed the headboard and he clenched it tightly as he found himself methodically pushing in and out of you. With each thrust he found himself whispering sweet nothing in your ear, not even comprehending what left his lips. But he only spoke his heart. Those three little words being repeated over and over again, as you as well panting tried to say it back. _I love. I love you. I love you._

He was moving inside you pleasurably, making it feel so good that it was impossible to keep yourself from screaming his name. It felt as if your bodies were moving in sync, desperate and needy groans falling from your lips as he slammed into you over and over. At moments it felt hard but then it was so tender and caring, it was impossible to explain. Both of you were breathing hard as you moved together, pushing, pulling, thrusting.

“D-Dean, I’m- I’m close” she panted, shutting her eyes tightly.

“M-me too” he said in a rough voice, his mouth finding yours as his tongue darted inside your mouth matching the crazy pace of his hips as he couldn’t help but go faster. And faster. And faster. But maybe the both of you were moving fast he realized as he thought about it. You were already moving as one and he loved all of it.

“P-Please I- I need-” yet another loud moan prevented you from completing your sentence.

“Damn you feel so good” he groaned, mostly talking to himself as he pushed himself more into you.

“Dean-” you wanted to say more, but with a final hard thrust you felt yourself reach your climax and instead a scream, mix of moan as well, left your lips; Dean doing the exact same. He was patient with you, leading you and teaching you. He was more than gentle, even when his climax was close, he kept his thrusts careful and easy, burying himself deep inside you, gasping as he came inside you. He let out a deep moan at the pleasure of sweet release and you both started breathing in and out heavily. He didn’t stop though, he kept moving his hips still inside you some more.

“D” he heard you whispered and he smiled to himself, he leaned in and captured your mouth with him He pulled out of you and you let out a small breath at the feeling. You both panted as he slumped down next to you.

“Yes princess?” hw whispered, giving you a tired smile and you brought a hand up to his sweaty forehead.

You didn’t say anything, instead leaned down and kissed his lips. He sunk to the bed, lying sprawled out, half on you, half on it. He slid his hand down your arm, taking your hand in his. He put it to his mouth and kissed the back of it. You couldn’t help, and actually didn’t want to, a smile from spreading on your lips. His chest moved up and down as he breathed in deeply, trying to suck in as much air as possible. He ran his hand over your arm and up to your neck and cheek to cup your face. He rubbed his thumb over it, leaning in for just a little while to kiss your forehead; his lips lingering there as you both sucked in a deep breath, eyes closed

“I’ve wanted this so long. To be one with you and now I could have it. I could have you. All to me.” he whispered, nuzzling his face at the crook of your neck.

“I know. Trust me I know.” you whispered, your fingers playing with his.

He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment “I want you to know, that no matter what happens after tonight-” he opened his eyes to look at you “I am yours. I love you (Y/n).”

You gave him a somewhat sad smile that didn’t reach your eyes “I know Dean. I know.”

And he didn’t wait for an answer, he didn’t even ask you to say it back; nor pleaded with his eyes. Instead he leaned up again and captured your lips with his in a full kiss, his hands moving to wrap around your naked body and press you flush to him the curves of his body falling into the right places, filling that of yours. Like two puzzle pieces, fitting right perfectly in just the right places. And he didn’t wait a moment to bury himself deep inside you. Again and again.

Desperation to hold you, kiss you, love you and give all of his to you was too much to take. He need you to be his just for a night. Because at least for tonight you _were_ his and he didn’t want to think how much he was going to hurt the following day. Because he knew he would.

~*~

You woke up after a few hours your eyes meeting a wall. But not the wall of your own room, you weren’t in your shared bed with Sam. You were in your shared bed with Dean, who by the way was sleeping soundly behind you with an arm wrapped over your waist. His legs were tangled with yours and his bare chest pressed to your bare back.

You thought about what had happened, all the times it had happened- you had lost count of that actually. But remembered everything so vividly. The touches, the kisses, the thrusts as he moved inside you, the feelings, your toes curling even at the memory, and of course the words and all the things he whispered. And you hated yourself how you were _unable to respond_ to him the last time he whispered ‘I love you’ to you before he went to sleep. Totally exhausted after so many rounds.

Your eyes fell on the clock on his nightstand, indicating that in just a few hours it would be time to wake up and start a new day. You shut your eyes tightly, realizing you had spend most of your night here with Dean and fear started to creep up inside you at the thought of Sam waking and not finding you there. You clenched your jaw and taking in a shaky breath you slowly pried Dean’s hand from your waist.

You clutched the sheets to your chest, covering what you could most of yourself. You got up in a sitting position, pushing your hair out of your face. There was no word in the English dictionary that could describe your feelings at that moment. Were you full, complete after such a night with Dean or empty, hollow for doing this to Sam? Because in reality you had feelings for him as well, and that was something you couldn’t easily get rid of.

You glanced back at Dean and smiled sadly. He looked so peaceful, free of worries and all pain gone. He was completely calm as if he had no problems, the small smile of bliss was still on his lips after so many hours of the two of you moving under the sheets together in synce. You were so tempted to bring a hand over and run it through his messed hair. But you bit your lip and turned around.

With a small final sigh you carefully got up from your bed, gathering all your pieces of clothing and silently to yourself wearing them, being as quiet as possible to not wake him. When you were fully dressed you stood on the doorway for a little while, hesitating. You turned around once more to glance at Dean. A sad smile was on your lips as you let a tear slide down your cheek.

You quickly wiped it away and got out of the room, closing the door softly behind you and leaving him still sleeping. You walked down the stairs, got your things and left Dean’s house. You were partially scared to go to your own home, afraid you’d find Sam awake waiting on you ready to ask you what was going on and where you’d been. You only prayed he was still asleep.

And luckily when you went back home you found him still where you left him. You tried to fight off your guilt as you crawled back in bed next to him. You felt like throwing up with how disgusted you were at yourself for what you’d done but you willed yourself to stay strong. And to fight the tears above all, you knew your sobs were going to wake him up any given moment if ou started.

Instead you took in a shaky breath and let him wrap his arm around you as he snuggled close to you. And you allowed yourself to do what you hadn’t done before with Dean: you turned around and buried your face in his chest breathing in his scent snuggling close to him, finding some sort of comfort for all of your sins.

Because Sam was the redemption you needed.

~Next morning~

“You know you can tell me everything right?” Castiel placed a hand on top of yours and you chewed on the inside of your cheek.

“…Hasn’t Dean already told you?” you whispered and he let a small sigh fall off his lips.

“He has, yes. But I want to hear it from you as well.” he offered you a small smile that only made you purse your lips tighter.

“Hear what Cas, huh?” you put your mug on the coffee table “That I’m seeing my- boyfriend’s brother behind his back? Or that I had sex with him just last night when Sam was sleeping in the house right next to his? That I enjoyed the hell out of it when I should be feeling like the world’s biggest whore for doing this to such an amazing person? That after that the only thing I wanted was not- not to stay with Dean, like I had dreamed about so many times, but that I wanted to crawl into Sam’s arms instantly? That I needed to redeem myself of my sins? Or that I am so screwed up I can’t even decide what I want at this point?”

“(Y/n)” he gave you a sorry look and you let your head fall on the back of the couch.

“No, Cas no. Don’t even try. You- You saw how bad things were yesterday.” you buried your face in your hands.

“Something happened, didn’t it?” he frowned looking at you.

“Lisa” your breath was trembling “She caught me- me and Dean- us- kissing in the kitchen.” you dared confess and his eyes went wide.

“No” he breathed out.

“Yes.” you swallowed thickly “I think she’d probably want to leave but Dean must have told her to stay so that his parents wouldn’t suspect anything. But maybe- maybe I wish she wouldn’t have after all.”

“She was glaring at you all evening.” he breathed out in addition and you nodded your head.

“Dean told her everything after that and I wouldn’t have to guess to know. Whenever I looked at him he was- a wreck to say the least. And when he called me last night-” you bit your lip as you fidgeted with your hands, shaking your head.

“He feels guilty. He thinks he’s responsible for everything and at the prospect of hurting people he loves he just- You know how Dean is.” he shrugged softly and you nodded your head.

“That’s the bad thing. But Cas it is not only his fault, I- I am to blame too!”

“Perhaps (Y/n) but- Dean at the moment blames himself and you cannot change that.” he let out a sigh “And what about Lisa, did she tell anything to Sam maybe?”

Your eyes widened and your heart lept to your throat, that was something you hadn’t thought of even if you hadn’t slept at all all night. You were too guilt-riden to care about sleep anyway.

“I have no idea. I- I left very early this morning, kept walking and walking until it was time to come here. I couldn’t be home Cas, facing Sam after what had happened the night before was just-” you swallowed “-A stab to the heart. I can’t do this to him. He- He doesn’t deserve it.”

“So there is a chance she might have left right?” he raised an eyebrow and you nodded your head.

“She already had but- I have so many thoughts in my mind that I-” you shook your head taking a big sip of your coffee.

“Have you talked with Sam? Hinted something?” he drank some of his own coffee.

“I can barely look him in the eyes, let alone tell him what has happened. Whenever he kissed me or hugged me I just felt like crying. Last night he wanted to- to make love and I- I couldn’t even let him touch me. But I let his brother do so later-” you shook your head “What a hypocrite. But when I looked at him, the moment he kissed me, I- I saw Dean, Cas. I saw Dean. I- I pushed him away and told him I wasn’t feeling alright. He respected that but I-”

“Feel bad.” he completed your sentence as his eyes casted down.

“That’s why I left early this morning, especially after what happened with Dean. I couldn’t face him- hell I couldn’t face any of them anymore Cas. I just- I want to make the right decision but- but is it going to be? I don’t know anymore,Castiel.” you pursed your lips and he had no words to utter. His blue eyes casted down and you wiped a tear.

“Am I a horrible person Cas?” you whispered looking at him as your eyes filled with tears.

“What?” his eyes widened “No, (Y/n) no you are not a bad person. If anything you are the most loving and sweet woman I’ve met in my life. Ever since you met Dean and me you have not stopped caring neither about him nor about me and all of our friends. No matter your problems you always stood by our sides whenever we needed you. And Mary- you have been a mother for her. You loved her as if she was your own daughter and put up with all the stupid things Dean did just because you loved them too much to be selfish. It’s not… it’s not bad to put yourself first for once (Y/n), you deserve it for once.”

“I’m torn Cas. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no idea what I want anymore.” you looked down at your drink.

“You mean you have doubts of wanting to be with Dean?” he frowned.

“No, Cas not exactly but- but I can’t do this to Sam. He- he’s become a part of me and I cannot do this to him. It’s bad enough that Dean and I did this to him last night. I can’t fathom the idea of hurting him this bad.” your lower lip trembledand you bit it to keep yourself from crying any more.

“Are you sure it is only that?” he tilted his head to the side.

“Wh-what could it be more? All- all I am trying to do is find a way out of this and with-”

“Dean, yeah.” he breathed out “Because you love him but- are you completely sure (Y/n)? I mean you know my opinion on this, Dean has been through hell with this story. He’s talked to me so many times when we got out for a drink and he always ended up drunk and crying out your name in his sleep.”

“B-Bar?” you blinked and he let a soft smile rest on his lips.

“Ever since this started with Sam, well, he wasn’t always with another woman when he was out.” he shrugged “He’d usually come over for a drink and rarely would we go to a bar. Every time though he ended up passed out on this couch. Alone.”

Your mouth hang open for a moment as you tried to process the new information “He lied about it…. why?” you breathed out.

Castiel pursed his lips for a second “This was hurting him more than you know, (Y/n). And I know it better than anyone, even you, so yes of course I am going to support him. Sure, I won’t say I support what you did behind Sam’s back but if it has to be this way- alright. As long as everything comes to light in the end. But do you really want this to be the end?”

“I know I don’t want to hurt any of them.” you mumbled.

“But you know that is not possible. I told you my aspect of the story (Y/n) but at this point only what you want matters. You love Dean that is very much clear but you had to figure out yourself if it still is the way you did in the past. Before meeting Sam.”

“Yout think- you think I have probably loved him more than Dean?”

“It is not impossible. You know you love Sam too, right?” he asked and you gave him a subtle nod “We are not sure that that love is more or less than that for Dean. Maybe somewhere along the way you fell for Sam stronger than you did for Dean. Maybe even if it was out of pure love, Dean took away something from you with all the things he did… or maybe not.”

“So- how do I know?” it came out in almost a whimper and he tried to give you a reassuring smile.

He placed a hand on top of yours “You think about it, very well. Maybe you will need time to make that decision, (Y/n), maybe not. We are not sure. But you must think hard about it, and above all what you really want. What really makes you happy and who you really are in love with more.”

“And you think- you think this way I will make the right decision?”

“That we won’t know until you have chosen.” he said with a shrug which didn’t put you at ease at all.

However you nodded your head and gave him a smile “Thanks Cas.” you breathed out “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“It’s my pleasure, (Y/n). You know I am always here for you.” he gave you an adorable little smile and you chuckled.

“I know Cas, maybe I sometimes forget how amazing friends I have but- I always am thankful to have you in my life. I wouldn’t be able to go on without you.” you put your mug aside and placed a hand on top of his.

“Always, (Y/n). And-” he hesitated for a second “And if you agree you know my house is always open for you.”

“What do you mean?” you blinked.

“I mean that- maybe until you make the decision you could stay here? At least a day, take a day off. Stay here to clear your mind and then I think you will be able to make the right decision.” he shrugged.

“Seriously? Cas I- I don’t want to be a burden.” you chewed on your lower lip.

“You never are and you know it” he shook his head with a chuckle “Besides I have a day free from the office. We could stay in talk a little bit, I have quiet a lot to tell you. You can forget a little about your problems as well.”

A smile slowly appeared on your lips “Thank you so much Castiel, _so_ much.” and you took your phone, ready to send Sam (and Dean) a message of where you’d be all day, ready to make it clear that you wanted time with only Castiel.

~By the evening~

“Cas that’s not how it works and you know it! You know Gabe would be able to help you with this right?” you raised an eyebrow, snuggling even more with the blanket he had so kindly given you.

“I would but we remember very well what happened last time he and Dean were in the same room.”

“Yeah” you sighed “It’s a surprise how you and Dean go along so well when he practically wants to cut your brothers into half!”

“I’m surprised how Balthazar is still in one piece after last Christmas.” he mumbled and you chuckled at him as you grabbed some more popcorn and stuffed your mouth.

“So-” you spoke again “-have you found any good movies?” you asked as he searched through Netflix.

“Well there have been a couple.” he mumbled, eyes focused on the TV.

“Please as long as the main character is not forced to chose between the two biggest loves of her life.” you mumbled and he gave you a half smile.

“No, do not worry.” he mumbled, tightening his hold on your shoulders and you cuddled closer to him.

“You know Cas, I don’t think I have thanked you enough for what you’ve done for me today and so far.” you mumbled, resting your head on his shoulder and he shook his head.

“What are friends for?”

“I am just glad neither Sam nor Dean have questioned me staying here today at least.” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

“Well they-” he started speaking only to be cut off by your phone ringing.

You let a small groan once you noticed the ID “I should just shut up.” you grumbled.

“Hey, calm down alright? You got this, I know. It’s probably to tell you something, Sam wouldn’t try to persuade you into doing something you don’t want to.” he shrugged softly and you pursed your lips.

“Yeah he’s just so perfect.” you sighed throwing your head back for a moment.

“Are you going to answer?”

You nodded your head and swallowing thickly you answered “Yes?”

“(Y/n)? Oh hey I thought you weren’t going to pick up.” Sam’s shaky voice was heard on the other line and you felt yourself frowning.

“Sam what is it?” you whispered.

“It’s uh something that- that I don’t- I don’t like to say over phone I just-” his words made a lump form on your throat.

“Sam what are you trying to say?”

“Uh (Y/n) I- I am going to tell you something but baby please I- I need you to be calm.”

“Sam what is it?!” you couldn’t raise your voice much but the urgency to know was clear.

“There-” a shaky sigh left his lips at the other end of the line “There’s been an accident.”

You took in a sharp breath, your eyes going wide as you grabbed Castiel’s hand. His eyes were all the time glued on you, studying your expression.

“Sam- what- are you alright?” you felt your eyes burn with unshed tears.

“Yes I- I am fine. It wasn’t me. (Y/n) it was-” you heard a small sob leave his lips before he spoke once more.

“It was Dean, he was in a car accident. He’s at the hospital (Y/n).”


	34. Chapter 34

“ _It was Dean, he was in a car accident. He’s at the hospital (Y/n).”_

The words kept swimming in your mind, Sam’s voice echoing inside your head, as you took step after step. You looked like you would pass out any given moment and you honestly didn’t feel any much better. If you even felt anything after this. You were literally numb on the inside, feeling dull. Your head felt so light as if you had lost all of your abilities to think of anything in general. And then there was that pain at the back and front of your head that made you squint your eyes. You literally dragged your feet, your head bowed down all the time as you gripped onto Sam’s arm.

It didn’t take much for both you and him to each your destination. You took in a breath but it was shaky. You clenched your jaw and gripped onto Sam’s arm. His eyes casted down at you- his red eyes that matched yours. He tried to give you a smile but failed miserably. He moved his arms to wrap them around you, giving you a squeeze. Your hands gripped his jacket tightly in your fists as even more tears rolled down your cheeks, just when you thought you were dry there they were.

A small sob left your lips despite how you clenched your teeth. All you wanted to do was bury your face in Sam’s chest and cry for hours- wait you had already done that when you found out the truth. A trembling sigh left Sam’s lips as he pressed a kiss on your forehead, soon pursing his lips to keep his sobs at bay. He rested his forehead on the side of your head before his eyes casted down at… the tombstone.

The light breeze made goosebumps form all over your skin, making you feel something for the first time in days after that dreadful night. It still made you wonder how you could still walk, hell even stand. But for that maybe you had to thank Sam for his support. You had been clinging onto each other for dear life these days, the both of you acting like walking dead. After you had tried to keep him from drowning himself in alcohol you had tried to pull yourself from the abyss you were falling in after… _his_ death.

The pain could not compare to anything you’d ever felt before and at that moment you wished so bad he was alive and going out with whatever whore he wanted instead of… _this_. You brushed away the tears and clenched your teeth. You weren’t going to break, not now and not when Mary was standing right next to you. You glanced up at Sam to see his eyes were watery and slightly red but he was keeping himself from crying for probably the same reason.

You sniffled, letting your one hand move from Sam to the little girl’s head. She still couldn’t comprehend what was happening but at least after all the tears she’d shed she wasn’t crying anymore. She held some flowers in her tiny hands and slowly took a few steps forward to place them down next to the ones you had brought a few days ago. When she had asked you just yesterday she wanted to visit her father you and Sam had both stiffened. But just taking a look into her big green eyes that were identical to her father’s you found yourselves unable to say no to her.

“I miss you daddy.” she whispered and you bit your lower lip.

Sam slowly let you go as you walked closer to Mary and picked her up, her tiny arms wrapping around your neck. Your eyes casted down at the tombstone. You hugged Mary as close to yourself as you could and a few seconds later you felt a hand on your back and Sam pressing you to his side. You glanced at him to see his jaw slightly clenched , probably to keep himself from crying. He brought his hand to his lips and pressed a kiss before touching the stone.

“We all miss you.” he breathed out as all of you glanced at the words in the stone.

_Dean Winchester_

_In memory of a loving father,_

_best friend and brother._

You didn’t dare look anymore, instead hugged Mary close to you and buried your face in the crook of her neck, her doing the same as Sam wrapped his arm more tightly around you because this was all you both had left anymore.

No Dean. Never any Dean to be there for you, Sam or Mary, or anybody else for that matter. And still after everything seemed to be over you couldn’t stop thinking about it. **How had this happened?** Why had this happened? A part of you believed it had to do with you and what had happened in Mary’s birthday. That Dean had actually-

~*~

“(Y/n)?” it was… Castiel’s voice?

“(Y/n)!” a shake on your shoulder made your eyes snap open, only to find yourself right where you had in reality left yourself. The hospital.

“Wh-what?” you whispered, looking around a little frantically, the hallway was empty save for you and Cas.

“You were… crying, in your sleep.” he whispered and only then did you realize the tears on your cheeks.

You brushed them away hastily “Sorry.” you mumbled “I fell asleep on you.”

“It’s alright.” he gave you a soft smile “Only now did you start leaning over me. For most part it was Sam and then the wall.” he shrugged.

“Where-” you soothed down your hair “Where is Sam?”

Castiel didn’t say anything. He merely smiled and nodded with his head towards Dean’s room. Your eyes widened as you immediately caught what he was saying.

“We can see him?” you breathed out and he nodded his head.

“Cas! Why didn’t you wake me then!?” you could hardly keep yourself, especially after such a dream where the worst had happened and it had also felt so real.

“(Y/n) you didn’t sleep at all, all night ever since we came. You needed some rest and Sam insisted on letting me get you some shut eye.” he explained with a somewhat apologetic look.

You sighed, looking down at the trenchcoat in your hands. He had so kindly let you use it as a blanket obviously. It was true you hadn’t slept much, the moment Sam had called you both you and Castiel were on your feet and rushing to his car to drive to the hospital.

-Flashback-

“Where is he? Where do they have him? What happened to him? Is he alive?! Sam answer me!” you kept bombarding him with questions as you found yourself out of breath after having run to find him, luckily that didn’t take long as he was right in front of Dean’s room. You were in such panic and fear you could barely control yourself, tears had welled up in your eyes as you were scared to face your worst fear.

“(Y/n), no hey. (Y/n)! Please.” his voice cracked as he grabbed onto your shoulders, squeezing you tightly to make you calm down. Your eyes almost widened as you took him in.

Only then did you take his state. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. His cheeks were tear stained and his hair a mess as he’d been running his hands through them. He was breathing in and out heavily and to say he was a wreck would be an understatement.

“Sam” your voice trembled, sobs leaving your lips as a tear rolled down your cheek “Plase tell me he’s alive” you begged, your voice cracking as your hands began to shake. Your knees were on the verge of giving away as you held your breath. Your lungs were burning as you waited for an answer from Sam. But the state he was in didn’t give you much hope.

“(Y/n)” he started speaking, his voice trembling and you felt your heart leap to your throat.

“No, no no please God no.” you choked out, you heart feeling so tight inside your chest “Sam no.” sobs started to shake your body but Sam gave you a squeeze.

“No, no (Y/n) please calm down.” he let out shakily, his own hands shaking and his eyes filled with tears as he looked at you.

You clenched his jacket in your fists as your legs felt like they were about to give away. Your head felt so light you were almost on the verge of passing out. You squeezed your eyes shut, Sam holding you tightly from your arms as he rested your head on his shoulder.

“No, baby please- please calm down. (Y/n)-” he breathed out, cupping your face and making you look at him “(Y/n), baby please look at me.” he whispered in such a broken way you couldn’t help yourself but open your eyes.

You bit on your lower lip so hard you could almost draw blood. A small whimper left your lips as a tear rolled down, your vision all this time blurry. He wiped away the tear before resting his forehead against yours.

“It’s alright, baby. Everything is alright.” he whispered.

“Wh-what?” you stuttered “Dean is-”

He gave you a weak nod so slowly he almost scared you to death “Ye-yeah he is alive.” he gave you a small smile as a trembling sigh left your lips and yours formed into a broken smile “He is alive baby and just fine. Don’t worry.” he reassured you.

“Ho-how, what happened?” you breathed out, wiping the rest of the tears that had spilled.

Sam cleared his throat “He- he is fine yes but- but he lost lots of blood (Y/n) and the doctors are worried.” he breathed out the truth.

“No” you breathed out with a shake of your head, taking a deep breath in “No, he will be fine. I know it, he’s a Winchester.” you swallowed thickly, stilling yourself.

“Y-Yeah he will.” he nodded his head slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat “I- I am going to give some blood and everything will- it will hopefully be alright.”

“What- what happened to him? How did this happen?” you felt Sam stiffen at your words but you decided to ignore it.

“He- he was driving (Y/n), wasn’t careful and- you know how this things happen. He’d been drinking some too. He-” he let a small sigh, sniffling and running a hand through his hair “-He broke up with Lisa, she mostly broke up with him. She had just gathered her things after the party was over last night and uh- left completely. Seems like he- he couldn’t take it so yeah.”

“What about Mary?” you whispered, not being able to keep your eyes from casting on Dean’s window. You felt your heart tighten inside your chest as you took in the sight of him laying on that hospital bed with his eyes closed and all types of machinery around him. A doctor and a nurse were inside, checking on him and you had to painfully tear your eyes away from the sight to not cry at how broken and weak he looked.

“He- he dropped her at mom’s this morning, obviously not saying a thing to her though.” he sighed, his eyes too moving on Dean’s room.

“I- I can’t believe this is happening.” you wrapped your arms around yourself as Castiel came to stand next to you, giving Sam a small smile.

“Hello Sam.”

“Hey Cas.” he replied shortly, the both of them sharing a look you could not understand.

“I told him so many times to not drive while drunk.” you pursed your lips with a shake of his head.

“Yeah but he never listens.” Sam shrugged, stuffing his arms in his jeans pockets “Stubborn to the bone. Willing to have it his way because _**he thinks he knows everything**_.” he shook his head with a sigh “Even willing to hurt himself for the others’ sake.” he mumbled and you frowned for a second.

You bit your lower lip, hesitating for a second “How- how are you Sam?” you whispered.

He gave you a soft smile but there was some bitterness to it “Have no idea anymore.” he mumbled with a sigh “I just wish he is alright.” his eyes sneaked on the window of Dean’s room once more, sadness washing over his face.

“He’s going to be.” you nodded your head, trying to convince not only him but yourself as well “He is a Winchester.” you placed a hand on his shoulder and his head turned back to yours, his eyes locking with yours. You slid down your arm to hold his and he gave you a squeeze. You shared a look for quiet long, your eyes locked all the while as his gaze warmed your heart.

“Is he going to wake up soon?” Cas asked with a tilt of his head.

Sam shook his own, tearing his eyes from yours “The doctors said that they cannot be sure. We will only have to wait and see.”

“Does he- does he have any broken parts or- or something?”

“He was somewhat lucky. Only a few broken ribs, lots of bruises and some scars because of the broken glass. He’s got a broken leg too but that’s about it. However the doctors said that- Even after the blood transfusion they don’t know when he will wake up and if any parts of his brain have been damaged and that’s what’s scaring them. We will only have to wait to see.” he pressed his lips in a thin line and you nodded your head, feeling a shaky sigh leave your lips.

You let your eyes cast down on the white floor, feeling the tears threaten to spill. Up until the moment you had arrived to the hospital you were going crazy with all the possible scenarios running through your mind. Not being with Dean was one thing and so was the pain but losing him for good, never again able to hear his voice the pain with that was a whole different thing. You didn’t know how you’d be able to keep going after that. Castiel had luckily been good at easing your nerves but not completely. And the fact that he was driving so fast just made your nerves ten times worse.

You found yourself shaking slightly and Sam was quick to notice. He brought a hand up on your shoulder and squeezed it. You gave him a weak smile and reluctantly took a step closer to him and brought your arms around him to hug him. Sam hesitated for a second before he in the end squeezed you in his arms in a way that he’d never had done before. You buried your face in his chest, not daring to look at the window of Dean’s room. Sam buried his face in your hair, kissing your head softly but shutting his eyes tightly for a moment.

“Come on, let’s sit. It’s going to be a long night.” he whispered, his arms still around you as he guided you to sit next to him on the small row of chairs that were there. Castiel sitting on the one next to you.

For most night you and Sam stood there like that, save for about ten minutes when he doctor came out. But he told you you couldn’t see Dean so you were back to your previous positions. You only let yourself be put at ease from your worry as well as guilt by being in his arms as his fingers rubbed soothing circles over your skin. It was after a long while, and despite many coffees, that you found yourself drifting into sleep in Sam’s arms, his soothing heartbeat lulling you slowly but surely.

-End of Flashback-

“You’re right, I’m sorry Cas.” you whispered, your eyes shifting nervously between him and Dean’s room.

“When- when did he wake up?” you asked in a whisper and he gave you a soft smile.

“It has been about half an hour ago. But you do not have to worry, everything is fine. Nothing bad happened.” he rubbed your arm and you let a small sigh, resting your head against the wall.

“Did the doctor check up on him?” you whispered and he nodded his head.

“Everything is just fine, he said that with such a fast pace of healing he will be out in a few days too.”

A shaky sigh left your lips as you smiled “I was scared that he’d be worse and-” you pursed your lips shaking his head.

“I- I need to see him Cas.” you whispered but he held your hand before you could rush to Dean’s side.

“(Y/n) wait a second.” he gave you a look that made you frown “Sam is in there. They both are, you need to be careful.”

“You don’t have to remind me Cas” you sighed “I’ve been hiding things for years, this will not be something new.” you pursed your lips.

“I am not talking about that, I know you won’t let anything show of what has happened with Dean.” he gave you a soft smile that only made you frown more.

“What is it Cas?”

“You’ve made your decision.” he gave you a smile and this time you avoided eye-contact.

“Cas the situation is far too complicated for me to just make a decision.” you mumbled, fidgeting with your hands.

“Yes but you have nonetheless, and I think you know it too. And (Y/n) I know that you are in love with him. I can see it, crystal clear. Now you just have to tell the other the truth.”

“How can I just say such a thing Cas?” you choked out, burying your face in your hands; for the first time not denying anything.

“You will have to. I know you can, all you need to do is have a talk with him. Let him know the truth, he will understand in the end (Y/n). Because he cares about you. He will respect your decision. You don’t love him, not as much as you love… well, you know who.” he gave you a soft smirk that actually made you giggle.

“I would seriously be lost without you Cassie.” you gave his hand a squeeze and he kissed your forehead.

“We all would be lost without you too.” he shrugged “Now go, I am going to grab some coffee and hope to find pie for Dean. I don’t think he will be very pleased with the hospital food anyway.” he mumbled and you nodded your head.

“Sure Cas.” you both got up as you handed him his trenchcoat and he wore it.

“(Y/n)?” he asked before you could turn and walk away.

“Hm?” you raised an eyebrow.

“It is the right decision.” he gave you a smile and you nodded your head.

“I hope so.” you breathed out.

~*~

“No Dean, _you_ listen to me. What you did-” it was Sam’s voice but as soon as you opened the door he stopped and pursed his lips in a thin line. You saw Dean shift uncomfortably in his bed and you gave them an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, did I interrupt?” you mumbled but Sam was fast to shake his head.

“No, not at all.” he gave you a smile “Dean and I were just talking about how stupid he was to drive while drunk.” he gave his brother a glare but for some reason Dean avoided eye-contact. Maybe you knew what that reason all too well.

“Yeah which is why I am going to kick his ass the second he gets a little better.” you gave him a look, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Get in line.” he mumbled and you gave him a harder glare.

“You got us sick worried and that’s all you have to say?” you looked at him with disbelief “Are you crazy Winchester? What the hell’s gotten into you?!”

“(Y/n)” it was Sam that let out a sigh as he placed a hand on top of your shoulder “It was just an accident.”

“Accident or not he is responsible for it too. Do you even think what would happen to us if you didn’t make it out of there?” you hissed at the older man once more but he only pursed his lips and looked away from you.

“(Y/n) enough, it’s ok. He’s fine now, that’s- that’s all that matters.” Sam swallowed thickly before he took hold of your hand and pulled you a little bit away from Dean.

“Look I know you got worried but (Y/n)- it’s not his fault. None of it.” for a second you thought he wasn’t talking about the car accident “Calm down please. He and I have talked it out and I promise everything is… alright.” he gave you a reassuring smile that actually made you frown more.

“Sam what are you-”

But he cut you off “You and him need to talk it out too. I’ll leave you alone for now and go find Cas. I really need a coffeeright now anyway.” he ran a hand down his face and you pursed your lips, looking down.

“Sam” you whispered before looking up at him “What’s going on?” the look on your face was dead serious.

He gave you a small smile and shake of his head “Nothing, don’t sweat it. Dean is fine too, so we don’t have to worry. That’s all that matters right?”

“I- yeah.” you breathed out and he gave you a smile.

You wanted to question this, you need to but no words came out of your lips as he leaned down and pressed his lips on your forehead in a small kiss “I love you” he whispered.

You let a small breath “Love you too.” you mumbled.

He gave you one last smile before making his way to the door “I’m going to call mom and dad and tell them everything is alright, they don’t know about the accident but they got worried the way you dropped Mary off to them.” he told Dean who merely nodded his head.

“Yeah. Sure.” his voice was more hoarse han usual and it made you frown.

Sam let a small sigh glancing your way for a second “She’s going to ask, though, and I cannot lie to her about it. She’ll want to see you too.”

“Sure, Sam. Just do whatever you want, doesn’t matter.” he mumbled.

Sam shared a look with Dean before he was out of the room with a sigh and left the two of you alone. Your eyes followed him through the window and he stopped for a second, glancing your way only to have his eyes lock with yours. You gave him a smile which, as much as it surprised you, he returned before he was completely gone. And you turned to look at Dean, lips in a thin line.

“Mind explaining?” you said the words sharply, giving him a glare.

“It was an accident (Y/n), what do I have to say.” he still avoided eye-contact with you.

“I am not talking about that, Dean. I know it was an accident very well. What I am asking is why you went and got drunk off your ass and on top of that went to drive.” you crossed your arms over your chest and he sighed, finally looking into your eyes.

“Do I need any more reason than what has already happened?” he clenched his jaw and this time you were the one to let out a sigh.

Your hands dropped as you slowly walked towards his bed “Dean.” you whispered, sitting next to him. You hesitated but placed a hand on top of his.

“It’s all my fault.” he breathed out, his head falling back on the pillows.

“Hey” you said softly, cupping his cheek with your other hand “Stop saying that, alright? Stop it now.”

“He loves you. He _said_ he loves you.” he breathed out his eyes holding your gaze.

This time you averted yours “We are not going to talk about that now, or here.”

“Then when huh?” his voice was thick “When if not after I fucked my brother’s fiance?” the disgust in his voice was directed to himself, and only himself.

“Shut up.” you growled your voice laced with anger “Just shut the fuck up. One, I am not his fiance and you know it. And two, you know that what happened between us was much… much more than just- _that_.” you made a face “We made love and I am not regretting that.”

A small smile formed on his lips, a nostalgic feeling flashing through his eyes but it was covered by sadness “And where did that get us huh? Where did all this love get us (Y/n)?”

“What are you talking about? You mean you- you mean you regret it?” you pulled your hand away from him, your eyes going wide.

But he pursed his lips, shaking his head “I’m afraid not sweetheart. I love you too much to even think of that.” he placed his own hand on top of yours again.

“Then what?” your voice was hoarse “Is this because of Lisa?” somehow you knew it had to do with her and what she’d probably said to him had set everything off.

“You don’t want to know the things she said.” he pursed his lips.

Your own eyes casted down “Let me guess, she called me a slut more times than you can count huh?” you saidhumorlessly and he squeezed your hand.

“I would never let her but-”

“The fact stands.” you sighed “I slept with my boyfriend’s brother behind his back. That would be of the least she could call me.” you pursed your lips.

“I ain’t no saint either and you know it.” he said firmly “You have no idea- you have no freaking idea how much I hated myself and still do. What I did-”

“We did. We did it, Dean. You were not alone there and you didn’t force yourself on me, you hear me? It happened because we both wanted it. _I_ wanted it.” you squeezed his hand, trying to emphasize.

“Yes but- he is my brother, (Y/n).” he breathed out “I will never be able to forgive myself for what I- we did.” he rubbed his thumb over your palm.

“And the fact that I enjoyed the hell out of it.” he breathed out, his eyes meeting yours and you had to take in a sharp breath as how intense his gaze was.

“We both did.” you whispered “We couldn’t help it, we needed it more than we could realize.” you looked down at your hands.

“Yes but I- I am to blame (Y/n) and I hate myself so bad for- for still wanting this. You. All to me. Because I do, so so bad.” he breathed out, his hand slowly rising up to cup your cheek. You let a small sigh nuzzling your face into his palm as you let yourself enjoy the warmth it offered.

“I’m such a damn awful person.” he breathed out, rubbing his thumb over your cheek “Why do I have to love you so much? Why must you belong to my brother? Why couldn’t I have said something earlier?”

You held his palm with your own hand as he was about to pull away “Don’t say that. We’ve both made bad decisions.” you pursed your lips “Besides you were scared of ruining this, we both were.”

“I wish so bad I could change everything. I could take away everything and that you weren’t his. You shouldn’t be his.” he shook his head head before letting out a small groan “Damn it.” he growled, running a hand down his face “You should be mine and I hate myself so much for saying this.”

“Dean please don’t- don’t blame yourself. You’ve sacrificed everything for Sam, it’s not- it’s not selfish to want something for your own for once.”

“The hell it is.” he growled “You belong to him and all I could every moment I see you is how much I just want to grab you and kiss you.” he shook slightly his head “Makes me wish that damn car had done a fucking better job in killing me.” he mumbled under his breathed and you felt your body immediately stiffen,

“Don’t. Don’t you dare say this again, you hear me? Do you hear me Winchester? You are not dying!” you didn’t realize when you had screamed at him but seeing his wide eyes you realized it and calmed down, but still kept the glare “Don’t you dare even think about that.” you growled the words.

“Why?” he chocked out “What reason do I have to keep going?”

“Me” you breathed out in disbelief “Me, Mary, your friends, Cas, your parents… Sam.”

He scoffed “Do you think- do you think Sam would ever look me in the eyes again if he found out what I did?”

“In the beginning, probably, he’d be mad but he is your brother Dean! Do you think any of you would last for longer than a few months not talking to each other?” you shook your head “I highly doubt it. The relationship you two have is deeper than just blood, for a reason I cannot understand but don’t care. No matter how much I’ve ruined this you-”

“You didn’t ruin it (Y/n).” he cut you off “It is all my doing, I screwed up everything.”

“Damn it Dean, will you stop blaming yourself for all of this?! And stop all this stupid thoughts about ending your life or not deserving to live. It’s all bullshit you hear me?” you were starting to raise your voice but you had to get it through his thick skull “You have a young daughter for the love of! Her life depends on you, you are her world! You can’t be seriously thinking this way!”

“Yes you’ve done mistakes but we all have, Dean! We’re humans and mistakes are just so that we get better in the end! You need to keep going but not for me, no. You need to put yourself first for once Winchester, Mary and Sam following suit! Stop being so selfishly selfless and think about her for once! She needs you, Sam needs you and nothing would ever be able to replace the part you have in their hearts, not even anger or hatred!”

His lips formed a small smile of adoration “Why do you have to be so great huh?” he whispered and you let a small chuckle.

“I’m not. All I am saying is just to make you realize the truth Dean.”

He paused for a second as if in thought before he let it out “You were at Castiel’s place all day, weren’t you?” he asked and you nodded your head “Were you planning on- on staying longer there to avoid… something.”

“I was staying there to think more clearly, Dean. I needed to make some decisions and I needed peace for that. If I couldn’t decide then yes I was going to stay longer.” you avoided looking him in the eyes.

“And you came here because Sam called. But- would you do so if the roles were reversed?” he clenched slightly his jaw, preparing himself fo the answer.

“I came here because your life was in danger.” you whispered but he shook his head.

“ _Answer_ me (Y/n).” he insisted his eyes looking into yours firmly.

However you didn’t say anything. You only clenched your own jaw and looked at him. You brought one hand up and cupped his cheek. You slowly started leaning in and pressed your lips to his in a soft kiss. You felt him try to fight it, not moving for a second, but he couldn’t help himself and although he was wary he started kissing back. His hand moving to cup your own cheek and only tilted his head to deepen it. There was some hidden sadness behind all of this but the only thing you did was fist the fabric of his shirt and press him closer to yourself. You were both desperate there was no denying it, and the shock you got after finding out about the accident was still there. But you could taste the guilt in all of this so well that you knew it wasn’t your own, mostly at least.

Dean’s hand moved at the back of your neck to bring you closer, if possible but at that very moment you started pushing him away and pulling away yourself. Your lips lingered over his, touching ever so softly as your and his eyes were half closed. You swallowed thickly, looking up into his eyes.

You gave him a final weak smile but just as he opened his mouth to speak, just to whisper those three words, you were up from the bed and all-but-running towards and out of the door. Dean merely let out a trembling sigh, his head falling back as he brought an arm over his eyes and clenched his jaw to keep the tears in.

Well, this was it after all.

~*~

You dried your hair with a towel as you sat down on your shared bed with Sam. Thoughts kept running through your mind. You had time to take everything back, you knew you could if you decided to but- but no you didn’t need to. This was the right decision, it was all along. You had doubts you couldn’t help it. But what was done, was done and you weren’t going to take any of it back. You’d made your decision.

“Hey” Sam’s voice made you look up.

“Hey” you smiled back “Not at the hospital?”

“No.” he shook his head as you got up and approached him “Dean needed some rest and you- you weren’t there when we arrived.”

“Yeah.” you rested your hands on his chest “I needed a shower really bad. Sorry I didn’t wait for you we could always get back in there if you want to.” you gave him a small smirk at which he laughed.

“Nah but I will do quick and we can go back together at the-” you didn’t let him finish his sentence.

“Really?” you tilted your head “Because I was thinking about something else you know.” your voice got lower almost in a seductive tone and you stood on your tiptoes to get closer to him.

Your arms sneaked around his neck and his subconsciously found your waist “Something less quick.” you whispered as your face only got closer to his “And more…” you trailed off before you pressed your lips to his in a heated kiss.

He was frozen for a second, not sure what to do before his lips started moving against yours. You nibbled on his lower lip and elicited a gasp from him when you rubbed yourself on him. You slipped your tongue in his mouth and he let out a deep moan as your tongue played with his. His hands squeezed your hips firmly and you tangled your fingers, tucking at his hair. You started taking steps backwards towards the bed as Sam blindly followed when you practically dragged him. His body was pressed flush to yours and you could feel him practically struggling to keep his hands from touching every part of you.

He squeezed your waist once more and this time you slowly started pulling away, your face though very close to his, your lips barely touching, and your foreheads resting against each other’s as you still kept walking backwards. Until youstopped-

“So much for a goodbye kiss huh?” he whispered and your breath hitched on your throat. To say your eyes were wide would be an understatement.

“It’s fine.” he chuckled, leaning once more and kissing your lips “It’s fine.”

“Sam I-” you were struggling to breath “What are you talking about? This isn’t- it is-”

“You trying to make up for everything for one last time, I know.” he breathed out a pained chuckle, pulling away and turning his back to you. He cleared his throat and you could see him wipe a tear.

You felt your throat closing and tears well up in your eyes “Sam can we- can we talk, pl-please? I- I need to tell you something.” you choked out.

“No, (Y/n), no it’s alright. I guess there is not much to say.” he shrugged in pain and you felt a stab in your heart at the realization that downed on you and that you’d ben fighting off.

“You know.” you breathed out, a tear rolling down your cheek as your heart clenched inside your chest.

He brought a hand up and wiped it away “Yeah.” he whispered “But I told you, it’s fine.”

“H-how?” you choked out as a sob left your lips, you took a step back.

“Does it really matter at this point?” he chuckled though you could see how much he was hurting.

“S-Sam I- I’m so so sorry, I- I never wanted this- I-” you were struggling to breath “Pl-please” you whimpered “Let me explain.”

“(Y/n)” he offered you a weak smile as he walked towards you, placing his hands on your shoulders “I told, it’s alright.”

“N-no Sam, no no it’s not.” you sobbed shaking your head furiously and moving away from him “It’s not! How can you say it is?!” you screamed, tears rolling your eyes.

“(Y/n), hey- hey! Listen to me, it’s fine. Everything is fine.” he insisted, more tears welling up in his eyes.

“No, no nothing is fine. I- I Sam- I gosh, I did such a thing to you and I- Sam please I need you to let me explain everything, it is not- not how it looks like. It’s deeper, not- not-”

“(Y/n)!” he for the first time raised his voice in a way that made you both freeze and shut up “Sorry.” he sighed, licking hisllips “But please hear me out here, I mean it when I say it’s fine. I- I forgive you.”

“You- you forgive me?” you stuttered “H-how can you forgive me Sam? I- I- you know what I did! You know Sam! I- I slept with your brother while we were together! When you were waiting for an answer to your proposal! Ho-how can you just forgive me? After all I did?”

“(Y/n)” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

“You asked me to marry you! You waited for an answer for so long, hoped I’d say yes when all this time- hell even from the beginning of our relationship I’ve been lying to you because I- I had feelings for Dean as well. And when you left- gosh when you left.” you breathed out, your hands running though your wet hair “I kissed him when you were gone Sam, I cheated on you when you were gone- with your brother! Like some- some whore- some low life whore. When all you did was be great to me, I went and- Gosh.” you groaned burying your face in your hands before moving them to wrap them around yourself.

“I am so so awful. I am the biggest-”

“No!” he cut you off “No, don’t say that!” he walked closer to you and cupped your face “(Y/n) you are the most amazing woman I’ve met in my entire life. You have given so much to me, more than you can realize at this moment. You made me feel things I never had before, you gave me a whole new purpose, even if this is over-” he shook his head “With you I was able to experience things I never had before, I think that is more than worth it.”

“I cheated on you.” you choked out, sobs shaking your entire body.

He gave you a weak smile, tears rolling down his own cheeks as he wrapped his arms around you form “Don’t say that, baby. Don’t.” he shook his head, his lips finding your forehead as you clenched the fabric of his shirt in your fists.

“I never deserved you. Never.” your voice trembled “You were so good to me and I- I broke you.”

“Please don’t say this.” he choked out, rubbing your head.

“How can you say that?!” you pushed him away “I cheated on you with your brother Sam, how can you be so calm? How can you just hug me and kiss me still? How can you tell me everything is alright? How can you just forgive me? When all I feel is disgusted at myself for what I did to you.” you could only whisper at this point.

“Because I love you.” he breathed out ever so simply with a smile and a shrug that hurt you more than you could comprehend “That’s why. And because I love my brother and this- the two of you, that’s how you are happy. And you- you love him (Y/n). You love Dean.What point would there be in holding a grudge against you? In being angry?”

“You- you’re not?” you breathed out, staring at him.

“I guess- I am past that after Dean spilled everything. I’m more sad than anything.” he shrugged tiredly, leaning against the wall.

“Dean?” you breathed out.

“Who else? Dean came to me this evening and told me everything about the two of you.” he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Wh-when?”

“He came here when you were at Castiel’s place, a few hours before I called you.” he let out a shaky sigh “He- he couldn’t take it. He told me everything about the two of you and about what he had done, pushing you away and all that.” he ran a hand through his hair “I- I was angry, I am not going to tell you I wasn’t but- but I’ve always known my brother, (Y/n). It wasn’t a surprise to hear him say he is in love with you and… vice versa.”

“S-Sam.” your lower lip trembled.

He shook his head, wiping away his own tears “It’s alright, I’m- I’m not going to blame you, or Dean. Maybe in the end it’s all my fault.” he shrugged.

“Ho-how can you say this? Sam you never did anything wrong. Whereas Dean and I- we-”

“I know what you did (Y/n) but- but I am not a saint either. I could see it from the beginning that something was going on between he two of you yet- yet I still went on with you. I attributed it all to my imagination only because that’s what I wanted to believe, because I still wanted you. And the proposal- maybe it was a desperate move after all because I was too scared I was going to lose you in the end. Guess I couldn’t avoid that but- it’s alright now. There is no point in being angry anymore.”

You let the tears fall down on the ground as you lowered your head “Did you fight?”

He breathed out a chuckle “We’ve fought for less serious things (Y/n).” he said but once he saw how you didn’t take it as lightly as he did his smile fell. He could understand that you blamed yourself for all of it.

“He-” Sam paused again, thinking of what had happened the previous day “He was a mess. He told me everything and I- I couldn’t help myself and I punched him. But not because of what you two did, (Y/n)!” he rushed to add as he heard a whimper leave your lips “Not because of that!”

“It was because of how much he, and _I_ actually, messed up. You were only caught up in this, it is not your fault. It never was.” he let out a shaky sigh “And he-” he paused, Dean’s words echoing through his mind.

_**‘Good.’ he said 'Fight.’ he said and didn’t hesitate to punch him back.** _

“He kept saying he deserved it.” he breathed out “He kept saying that he deserved all of it. He kept punching me and as much as I hated I- I did the same. But he- he kept saying he was a shitty father, a shitty brother and a shitty friend. And he kept punching a-and everything and I- I told him that’s he’d never be anything but _good_.” he pursed his lips.

“H-he _wanted_ to fight?” you breathed out and he nodded his head.

“Yes, yes he did.” he looked down almost in shame “And I- I was too angry for the first few moments that- that the things I said and did- I meant none of it. I didn’t mean any of it (Y/n).” he gritted his teeth.

“I was just furious with you, with myself, with Dean with everything I don’t know. I just- I saw red. But I swear (Y/n) the things I said to him- I didn’t mean anything. Because deep down I- I know it is my fault too. It is all my fault.” he pursed his lips.

“Are you seriously blaming yourself? For what _**I**_ did?” you took a step closer to you and he gave you a weak smile.

“(Y/n) it’s never just one’s fault in a relationship, much less in this complicated mess of a relationship we are.” he gave you a weak smile “But what happened after that, it is all my fault. What he tried to-” his eyes widened and he cut himself off, realizing what he had started saying.

“Wh-what?” you tilted your head to the side.

“N-nothing.” he shook his head a little too furiously.

“No, no Sam that is something. Sam, what has happened? There is something you’re not telling me.”

He let out a sigh “I- I will tell you but I don’t want you to get angry.”

“Sam! Please.” your begged.

“It wasn’t an accident, (Y/n). This- Dean- Dean tried to-” he swallowed the lump in his throat “He tried to end his life.”

You took in a sharp breath and your eyes widened more than before “N-No.” you whispered but he nodded his head.

“Please though I- I don’t want you to talk with him about it.”

“Then why the hell did you tell me it was an accident Sam?!”

“It’s because he didn’t want you to know, (Y/n). And I- I respected that. I couldn’t tell you the truth after all.” his eyes casted down and you rested your back on the wall.

“How did we come to this?” you whispered, a tear rolling down your cheek.

He breathed out a humorless chuckle “I guess we couldn’t stop it, no matter how much we wanted to.”

“Sam.” you whispered walking towards him “Will you ever… let me explain?”

She shook his head, cupping your face and wiping your tears with his thumbs “There is nothing to explain. This- this was between Dean and I, I told you- you just got caught in the middle of that. We- we should have talked it out more, I shouldn’t have let Dean convince me back then but maybe- maybe I wanted to be convinced in the end.”

“You don’t need to feel bad about it, Sam. You are the least to blame.”

He shook his head with a bittersweet smile “I don’t think so. But it doesn’t matter anymore (Y/n). I am past that- past everything. And no, no I am not angry. Not anymore. I- had time to be angry and- and it didn’t lead me anywhere. Only a busted lip and a few bruises that faded away very soon luckily. And what you and Dean did- It doesn’t matter anymore. We were not going to happen, I just couldn’t see it. Maybe this- this finally made realization down on me. No matter how hard that was.”

“S-Sam I- I never wanted to hurt you. I- I love you.” you whimpered, tears rolling down your face as you looked up at him.

“I know that, and I am happy that I at least got part of your heart. But you’re in love with Dean, he has your entire heart… and that’s ok by me. As long as the two of you are happy.”

“How can you say this?” you sobbed “How? With what we did to you?”

“It’s not that bad (Y/n). It hurt me yes, I cannot lie to you and you know it, but- but I am a grown man, I will get over it. Ipromise- I will try. Just like I will try to be happy for you and Dean.”

“S-Sam” you whimpered, fisting the fabric of his shirt in your hands “I’m so so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I won’t stay mad, I promise. I just need some time to- to get used to this I guess. To realize everything. To think about it, to myself. Just some time, that’s all I need. But I promise you- I promise I won’t be mad. Just as long as you promise me you and Dean will be happy.”

“Sam” by now it was the only thing you could say as sobs shook your entire body and your hands and legs were shaking.

“It’s ok.” he rested his forehead against yours “It’s ok.” he tried to smile but failed miserably “What we had was beautiful but it had to come to and end. You and Dean, you were made for each other. I was foolish to think that I could give you what he did. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried replacing him in the first place. I just had to realize it the hard way I guess.”

“Not this way. Not this way.” you repeated, shaking your head “I hurt you Sam, I hurt you.”

“It’s alright. It’s alright I promise. I forgive you, I always will.” he pressed his lips to your forehead and letting out a shaky sigh you shut your eyes tightly.

“I love you, Sam.” you said with a whimper and he smiled sadly at you once he pulled away.

“I know (Y/n), it’s just not my kind of love. But I will learn to live with that.” he shrugged “I have gathered my things, just a few last ones left. Don’t worry, I will be out of here soon. I promise.”

You pursed your lips and shook your head “No, no Sam you-”

“It’s fine.” he breathed out a pained chuckle “It’s fine baby.” he whispered “I love you, never forget that.” he kissed your cheek and let go of you, disappearing out of the door.

And you? You only let the tears flow down your cheeks, your back resting on the wall as your knees slowly gave away and you slid down. You weakly brought your knees up and hugged them to yourself, letting the tears soak everything as sobs shook your body. Hours passed by like that and the only thing you found yourself doing was just that: crying your guilt and pain away because you had hurt Sam in this way. You were only glad Cas came and found you a couple hours later and helped you as you emptied your stomach on the toilet, Sam obviously gave him the keys. And as that he held you for hours, crying into his arms until finally exhaustion, mental and physical, took over and you fell into a peaceful sleep.

Castiel merely smiled down at you, kissed your forehead and whispered one thing “It’s over.”

~12 months later~

“Say daddy! Say daddy! Da-ddy!”

“Are you never going to give up?” you chuckled, leaning against the doorframe smirking at Dean who was leaning over the newborn giggly baby boy. He was laying on his back staring up at his father with a big toothless grin.

“No.” he grumbled, giving you a side look at which you chuckled.

“Mommy!” a grin spread on Mary’s face who was on her feet, leaving her brother and father to run towards you.

“Hey baby boo.” you chuckled, lifting her in your arms and kissing her cheek.

You soon proceeded to roll your eyes as you saw Dean still mouthing the word to the baby who was just giggling at the funny faces he was making.

“I told you it’s way too early.” you gave him a look but he only puffed his cheeks.

“And I told you it’s not. He’s my son, I know him. See? He is even understanding what I am saying.” he grinned down at the baby, tickling his tummy.

“No he’s not. He’s merely laughing at how much of an idiot you’re being.” you rolled your eyes and he gave you a playful glare.

You merely giggled, setting Mary down “Hey sweetheart. Wanna go downstairs check everything is ready for the dinner?”

“Yes mommy.” she smiled widely up at you and you ruffled her hair. She leaned down and kissed her brother’s forehead before running off.

You let a smile rest on your lips as you came and sat next to Dean, your eyes casting down at the little boy. You brought your hand to him and he fisted your one finger in his small hand.

You chuckled “For a little guy he’d already got a strong grip.”

“Of course. He got that from _daddy_!” Dean grinned widely down at the little boy who let another giggle.

“You seriously are not going to quit are you?” you gave him a smirk and he finally chuckled.

“Never!”

“You stubborn ass.” you said in his ear, kissing his cheek “Hope he didn’t get that from you.” you glanced down at your son.

“Look who’s talking!” he gave you a look that made you giggle. You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder, Dean bring one hand to hold yours; your fingers locking.

“He’s got your eyes.” he whispered, staring lovingly at the little boy.

“Hm but he’s got your nose.” you mumbled and he chuckled.

“He’s got your smile though. I think that’s the best of all.” he breathed out and you let out a sigh, nuzzling your face at the crook of his neck.

“You’re such a great father.” you breathed out, squeezing his hand and he smiled back at you.

“And you are the most amazing mother. He and Mary are so lucky.” he whispered and a shy smile spread on your lips.

You let a content sigh, resting your head on his shoulder “Sammy Winchester” you breathed out “Sam Robert Winchester. It sounds great.”

He hummed in agreement “But you know what else would sound great?” he whispered and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“(Y/n) Winchester.” he breathed out in addition and you laughed.

“After such an experience with weddings, don’t you think you should wait to ask for that?” you raised an eyebrow and he shrugged.

“Maybe but- I know that our wedding would be the best of all. _You_ would be the bride.” he said in a low voice, a soft smile on his lips.

You merely smiled for a little while, your eyes casting down shyly “So what… should I consider this a proposal?” you giggled and he shrugged.

“Whatever you want. I am going to make it more official soon, anyway. But, you know it’s gonna happen sooner or later. I can wait all you want but we already have a family going and I’m not giving up on that.” he shrugged as if it was nothing but you buried your face at the crook of his neck, grinning like an idiot.

“I know you won’t.” you mumbled “And neither am I.” your hand found his and your fingers played with his “I just- I can’t believe this is all happening. A year in, been through pregnancy and all and yet- it seems like a dream. And now you are proposing and I have no idea what to say.”

“It’s simple.” he gave you a boyish grin “A yes. And I will jump straight to the preparations.” he shrugged and you hit his shoulder.

“Dean! I am serious here.” you mumbled.

“Why? (Y/n)-” he cupped your face “I told you I love you, and you feel the same. And this little fella here, he is just the proof of that love. I waited because you didn’t want to have a wedding while you were pregnant. But now that Sammy isborn- We always could, you know…”

“Are you so sure about that?” you mumbled.

“Never been more sure but- If you want to wait longer for a wedding then that’s fine by me. We are already acting like a married couple.” he pecked your cheek.

“We’ll see about that.” you whispered “We’ve got to take care of our little family now. Gosh.” you breathed out a laugh “I never thought we’d come to this.” you whispered “A family. You, I, Mary and our little baby.” your hand moved to tickle Sammy’s belly.

“I am seriously the luckiest man alive.” he whispered, his eyes meeting yours and the intensity made a blush form on yourcheeks.

“Shut up.” you mumbled shyly and he chuckled, playfully bringing his lips closer to yours so that they were barely touching. He toyed with you as you tried to steal a kiss here and there but just as he was about to give in- the baby gave out a small whine that made you pull away and Dean to let out a frustrated groan.

“You and I gotta talk about timing buddy.” Dean gave him a look and you gasped at him, hitting his chest.

“Dean! It’s your son.” you glared at him a little playfully before looking down at your son “Aw aw what? What is it baby?” you gushed at him as he bubbled at you.

“He may be my son but I swear he’s got his uncle’s timing.” he shook his head with a laugh “Whenever I just wanted to do something he’d be there in the worst moment possible.” he shook his head and you chuckled.

“I think it runs in the family anyway. You know even if some genes don’t show on you and Sam has it then it’s your DNA as well, it’s just when you were conceived and then started growing up that the cells decided to-” he crashed his lips to yours and effectively cut you off.

“Gosh you’re such a nerd.” he breathed out and you giggled.

“Probably, but you never complained about it. On the contrary I remember you finding it pretty hot the other times when I-”

“Hell yeah.” he said in a low growl as his hand moved and squeezed your thigh giving you a look you knew all too well. Hebrought his lips closer to yours, ready to capture your mouth but- the doorbell rang.

He let out a frustrated groan “Damn it.” he grumbled and you chuckled.

“It’s ok. We can continue later when everybody’s left. And then I will let you do whatever you want with me.” you winked at him and his eyebrows shot up.

“Really?” he whispered in a husky voice and you nodded your head.

“Really.” you giggled.

“Damn I really love you.” he breathed out licking his lips and you chuckled more.

“Yeah yeah I know, I love you too. Now go open the door.” you rolled your eyes.

“Yes m'am!” he said with a sly grin, kissing your cheek before he was practically running out of the room and downstairs.

You just laughed and shook your head.

~*~

“But where is (Y/n)?” you heard Castiel’s voice as you walked down the stairs with the little boy in your arms.

“Here here, just bringing the star of the night.” you chuckled, bouncing the little boy in your arms.

“And he’s as stunning as ever, took after his mother.” Sam chuckled, giving you a hug after Castiel.

“Hey you.” you smiled warmly up at him “How are you?” you asked as Dean and Cas walked on the front.

“Oh you know, same old same. What about you? How is little Sammy?” he chuckled, tickling the little boy’s tummy.

“Oh you know, growing into being his father. Just a few months in the resemblance is striking. I don’t what I’m going to do when he gets older.” you chuckled and he did the same.

“Although that is worrying, don’t worry (Y/n). I’ve put up with my brother for years I know a trick or too. And mom is always available you know that.”

“I seriously couldn’t be more thankful to Mary for what she did during the last months of the pregnancy.” you let a sigh and he smiled.

“You’re family, (Y/n). Always been, there is no need to be thankful.”

“You know I still am, Sam.” you looked up at him “For everything.” you breathed out.

He gave you an awkward chuckle “No (Y/n), you don’t have to be thankful.” he shook his head, looking anywhere but you. And his hand rested on the small of your back subconsciously, not that you complained.

You let out a sigh dropping the subject altogether. You were glad that once you found out you were pregnant with Sammy that the older Sam started visiting more often and that he and Dean made up in the end, not that you doubted it. You knew that Sam had forgiven him way before he said it out loud. They were brothers, that was never going to change. There was only one thing you were hoping for, now that your life with Dean had settled and you were having a family of your own.

“Hey by the way Sammy-” Dean looked at his brother “-Why didn’t you bring Jess over?” he asked with a grin and a smile spread on your lips.

“Uh she- she was busy, had work you know. Besides this- this is kinda a family matter, she didn’t feel comfortable coming.It’s- it’s kinda early.” he shrugged with an awkward smile.

“Whatever suits you.” he shrugged, turning back to Cas.

“Jess?” you asked with a smirk and Sam rubbed a hand at the back of his neck nervously.

“Who is Jess? And how come I have not heard about her before?” you smirked at him, maybe a little more happy than you should be.

“It’s- it’s something new (Y/n). It’s pretty early too.” he shrugged awkwardly.

“Huh alright, but just letting you know that I will look forward to meeting her. Need to know a few things about her.” you gave him a soft smile and he nodded his head with a smile of his own.

“Just-” you spoke softly, fixing Sammy’s pacifier “-I hope you’re happy. That she’s worth it.”

“I am (Y/n), I swear. She- she makes me happy. She is really nice.”

“I’m glad then.” you gave him a warm smile as you walked towards Dean and he and Castiel got more comfortable in the couch.

“You are the first ones yet so just be a little patient.” you chuckled “I’ll bring something for you to drink in the meanwhile. What do you need?”

“Beer would be fine.” Sam gave you a smile and you nodded your head, looking at Cas who gave you an approving nod and you smiled.

“Beer it is. Baby, beer?” you asked Dean who nodded his head.

“Just- just let me take him.” he chuckled, his hand moving to hold the little boy “Are you sure you won’t need any help?” he asked and you shook your head.

“Nah I have Mary.” you winked, kissing his cheek before you left.

“Alright- Oh. Oh! (Y/n) wait- wa-wait a second! Sorry guys.” he gave Sam and Cas an awkward grin before following right after you.

Sam found himself letting out a chuckle as he watched you and Dean in the kitchen, Mary was there too. You were already a family and he caught himself letting out a happy sigh at the sight.

“Are you really Sam?” Castiel spoke after a little while, tilting his head and Sam frowned.

“What?”

“Happy. Are you really happy, even with Jessica… right?”

“Yeah Jess.” he sighed fidgeting with his hands before letting our a sigh “She is- she is great Cas. Caring, sweet, she- she loves me. She makes me happy, I guess.”

“You sure?” Castiel insisted and Sam let out a chuckle.

He sighed once more “I’m happy Cas, I am.”

“But not so much because of her?” he raised an eyebrow and Sam shrugged.

“As long as- as long as my brother and (Y/n) are happy then- then I don’t need anything else. I _am_ happy.”

“But… you love her.” it was a statement and not a question, and Sam knew very well who he was referring to.

“Yes, but so does Dean. And if he makes her happy then- then so am I, Cas. Because she deserves it Cas, she deserves him. And he deserved her.” he let a small sigh and his smile fell as he looked down at his hands.

“And you don’t?” Castiel’s eyebrows shot up.

“Her happiness is mine. It will always be.” he shrugged softly.

“Why? Why are you so willing to do this then?”

“Because we’re friends, and that’s how it should be. That’s how it is going to be, and that is the only fair thing.” the smile returned to his lips as soon as you and Dean with Mary and Sammy entered the room again, you holding three beers.

“Because **we** ’re-” he said in a low voice to Castiel and smiled at you as you handed him his beer with a warm smile.

“Friends after all”


End file.
